Welcome to the newest installment of Weekly Weird News! This week we have angry sex nurses, Monopoly drug busts and church pornography! Its a debauchery triple threat!

A Kansas man attempted to purchase drugs with Monopoly money. Drug dealers, however, generally have no sense of humor and the man was beaten for his little joke. At the very least, this guy proved once and for all that everyone hates Monopoly.

from UPI.com

Anna Ayala, the woman who tried to scam the Wendys restaurant chain by putting a severed finger in her chili, has been released from prison and was promptly banned from eating at Wendys. She seems kind of sad about it, but then again if she didnt want to be banned then she probably shouldnt have put a severed finger in her damn chili.

from MercuryNew.com

California sushi chef Kiyoshiro Yamamoto was arrested after a sting operation uncovered he was serving endangered whale. Protip for would be sushi chefs and criminals alike: if youre doing something you know to be illegal and someone asks you to do it for them after assuring you they arent FBI agents, theres a pretty good chance youre going to wake up the next morning in a federal prison.

from Reuters

A union for nurses in Amsterdam would like you to know that sex isnt part of basic health care. This implies two things: people tend to hurt themselves while theyre stoned, and that the adult film industry has a very poor grasp of what a nurses job entails.

from MSNBC.com

The Internet has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize. Yeah, I know, part of me died, too.

from AOL News

A Korean man has taken the plunge by marrying his pillow. But dont worry, its not creepy. You see, the pillow has a picture of an anime girl on it, so in all actuality hes really vowing to spend the rest of his life with a cartoon image printed on the pillow. Im glad I could clear that up for you.

from Metro.co.uk

Purple snow strikes southern Russia. Its sort of like a Jimi Hendrix song if his music was a terrifying reality and he wasnt a corpse.

from rt.com

An Iowa man breaks into a church so he can use its equipment to watch porn. I hope it gave him the best orgasm of his life because it Im pretty sure masturbating in church is one of the things God still smites people for.