Check out the McGregor clan at Amazon Nightclub this weekend. - Ian Allen

Cherry Flawless in di buildiiiiiiiin! Massive sorry bout dat lass week; a pure tings, but mi apologise say mi luuu oonu out certain way.

Mi nah go lingah! Santa Cruz ah oonu wi say again tomorrow night wid wi Stars of the Month, Freddy and di entire McGregor family inna di Amazon Nightclub and it's gonna be hosted by Chuck Fenda! Oh ma gawd! Pure sexy Rasta man! Jungle Fever a dat wi say! Oh wait, pon a nexx note, Kaboom a tell mi say di competition launch, di liquor manager a hug Mucho Mucho like long-lost pilgrim; fren, a nevah meee! Hush! One day mi biggest fan! But yuh see it doh, when mi call yuh office and talk to yuh on behalf of Kaboom, yuh nevah know doh? Anyway mi cyan tek oonu stress, so suss time. Link mi pon hotgalcherry@hotmail.com.

DI DEEJAY NEED GLASSES?

Mi start get worried yah now! Di deejay need glasses or wha? Smaddy a mek mi know say wha day yah him a ride and drop offah him scooter

, juss so-so so. First di incident when dem a welcome Asafa and yuh nearly mek yuh Range run back inna di company vehicle and Mucho Mucho a blaze fog horn fi mek yuh know say yuh a run back while you still siddung like dead log; now dis?! Have mercy man! before yuh touch di road yuh need fi send out one warning! Mek one plane fly overhead wid a banner a say: "Danger Alert! Gangster on wheels!" Do summen man! Mek wi know fi clear di area or strap wi vehicle wid maximum cushioning, vest, helmet, 911 alert and air bag, cause yuh a get outta hand now! Lawd!

HAPPY, HAPPY, JOY, JOY

Mi nuh know if a true dem a talk, but bwoy things very serious! A man inna prison a get some senior battering so him decide fi talk di tings dem bout some artiste who him claim say a swiiiiiiing gooooone waaaaay ovah di nedderrr side! Lawd! Mi a tell yuh some a di name dem sound like some tings cuddah go so, but some a dem name deh wid people who always a war and fight, bwoy mi nuh know. But wha dis go fi show is dat yuh cyan look pon some a dem and KNOW wha dem a do inna dem closet, so hear ye, all ye GROUPIES oonu start use condom wid dem stragglaz yah! Juss cause dem a artiste nuh mean dem cyan ketch disease or love swiiiiing!

SPREADING WHICH GOSPEL?

Mi nuh know wha fi say bout dem 'gospel' artiste yah again! Mi a tell yuh say a dem have di moss dutty laundry outta di whole a wi! Why di artiste waan fi go cuss di producer? A dat mi waah know! If yuh ask fi a service and di man deliver, pay di man! Oonu disgust mi! Den a come call up God name and behind di scenes oonu a skirmish! Gweh!

MI WAAH FI KNOW:

A which artiste a mek him talk to him 'friend' dem bout a Range Rover him haffi buy dis year cause everybody a push one, so him naw buy no house, him nuh ready fi dat yet. When mi hear, mi say "Ooooh" A weee dung yah oonu waah pressure fi buy oonu artiste RR? Red eye a dat mi say!

Ah who a come talk bout him dads this and dads dat inna every song. When lass yuh 'dads' business wid yuh? Mek mi see. Mi tink a did di Sting wha yuh pop dung and yuh and di gangster did fi go pon stage, but yuh fraid say di-di-di nexx artiste when go flop yuh cause him a go on after. Di gangster deh pon stage an a call yuh, NO you! When di "dads" and him "son" come off, dem see yuh a hide behind column. Massive, oonu nuh see say everywhe di father deh, a juss one son?

Deh woman deh is a corporate groupie or wha? She juss deh undah EVERY artiste frock tail so! A wha? CORPORATE GROUPIE, a dat wi say! Video shoot, a you dat; artiste yard, a you dat; have mercy man, go handle yuh brand and portfolio nuh?

Anyway massive, mi gone, tek care! Barack and black power to di worl! Nexx week mi have a picture fi show oonu! Jamaicans deh everywhe. Mi a tell oonu say mi large from long time and mi fans dem deh all ovah and oonu nuh believe mi!

Chuck Fenda. - File