NOTE: Anxiety about sex and your ability to satisfy a woman is incredibly common... but MOST men never deal with it. Be one of the few who is completely comfortable and confident about your performance: Read More...
I've got 4 great pieces advice that are really going to make a big difference the next time you feel any kind of anxiety about your sexuality or even about your sexual ability when you're with a woman.
The more I sit down and get really honest with guys, the more common I see this whole picture really is.
Most guys TALK so much about sex... In fact, most guys BRAG so much about sex... They are always talking about when they got it, who they got it with, what she looked like...
And you really get the sense, if you hang out with the boys, that everyone seems to be pretty cool about the whole thing...
Sometimes it can make you feel like, "what's going on here? Am I the only one who feels kind of weird or unsure about this stuff?"
I promise, you're not.
These same guys-- even guys that are really good looking and seem really confident... even guys that date a lot of beautiful women... even guys who have been with the same girl for years-- when you sit down and talk honestly, they'll admit to all kinds of insecurities.
Nobody wants to be "judged" when they talk about sex-- so most of the time, we just kind of joke around and act cool.
But EVERY guy is at least SOMETIMES nervous when it comes to sex.
Yes, even me.
And you and I both know that being "nervous" around your woman is NEVER a good thing.
So many things seem to go wrong once you get into that head space...
From "performance problems" to coming too fast, to just plain weirding her out. I can remember plenty of second dates that never happened because she could tell that I wasn't totally comfortable and confident when it came time to fool around.
Women have very powerful intuition when it comes to sensing this kind of thing-- much more powerful than men-- and it strongly shapes their opinion of a man...
Particularly when it comes to sex.
The truth is, men who actually are completely confident, comfortable, and at ease with their sexuality are so rare, that when a really beautiful woman DOES encounter a guy like that, she is usually just blow away. It's incredibly sexually attractive and it makes her much more sexually receptive.
And (this part is important, so listen up) yes, YOU CAN LEARN TO BECOME that kind of guy just like I did.
Here's another important reason for you to keep reading what I'm about to tell you...
Being nervous about sex feeds on itself-- if you are nervous with a girl on a date tonight, you are much more likely to be nervous on the next date you go on.
If something happens that makes you feel insecure in your relationship... even if you've been married for years... it can make you nervous when it comes time for sex... and that can make you even more nervous next time.
It can actually lead a long-term, solid relationship into a downward spiral.
That's why you've got to break the cycle.
Different guys have different points in the process where they get uncomfortable, and I'm going to give you some tips that should be helpful to all of them.
For example, for some guys it's before the first kiss... it's that moment when they feel things slowing down and they can feel that she is definitely ready for the kiss...
The time for that kiss is RIGHT NOW...
But somehow, something gets all blocked up in their head and they start getting really nervous, even though they know she is hoping that he is going to make his move.
Wait too long, and she starts to feel it.
She SENSES that you are nervous about your sexuality...
And then... like the flip of a switch...
She doesn't want you to kiss her anymore.
The moment has passed, and if you go for it now, you're going to get the cheek.
For other guys that point may be when you start getting naked...
For many guys their nervousness is triggered if she suddenly becomes sexually aggressive and she really lets him know she wants it...
Then suddenly he realizes, "whoa! This girl is expecting me to perform... what if I don't live up to her expectations?"
And one of the most common times for the nervousness to strike is that moment when things go from sexy to sex...
Which is to say-- when you have to stop for a moment to put on the condom.
And I know that every guy in the world has experienced at least once, problems maintaining their erection to get that condom on when the pressure was on.
Believe it or not... it really is possible to never feel that kind of nervousness again.
So let's roll up our sleeves and talk about some specific things you can do to fix this situation once and for all.
>>1. Be Authentic
Take a breath, calm down, and stop TRYING so hard.
The first step in becoming more confident about your sexuality is to accept it in yourself.
Stop trying to pretend.
Stop trying to be someone else or something you are not.
And look... I know that what I am talking about takes guts. It takes real balls to drop the act and be yourself...
Because once you are really being yourself you've got to face up the fact that if you get rejected, it's not just some act that got rejected... it's you.
But guess what...
When you are authentic like that you won't ever be rejected. Because women deeply admire the kind of confidence it takes to truly be yourself.
Here's the thing that is so counter-intuitive about this solution... just THINKING about being completely open and authentic makes most guys feel nervous.
Now if it makes you feel nervous, how can it make you LESS nervous?
Sounds like it would be just the opposite...
Well, because while it does take some courage to be authentic, and it can be kind of scary-- once you break through to the other side, you will feel FANTASTIC.
It's like bungee jumping. The hardest part is the jumping off. Once you've gotten up the nerve to do that, it's a rush, and after that part is over, you get the fun part of having done it.
You feel great because you beat your fear.
If you feel nervous around a woman, and you don't try to pretend that you're not nervous-- if you stop pretending that you're James Bond, and you just act like the authentic you...
The nervousness will go away. You'll feel great because you faced your fear, and she is still right there with you-- accepting you with all of your faults-- the real, normal, you.
Because for a woman, a man who's not afraid to be authentic is as rare as a flawless diamond.
>>2. Stop Thinking About YOU So Much
Sure you're nervous... because you keep thinking about all the things you might be doing right or doing wrong.
Instead pay attention to HER.
And no, it is not thinking about HER when you think something like, "I wonder what SHE is thinking about me..."
Stop worrying about the size of your penis, and stop worrying if it will get hard enough...
Stop wondering if she thinks you're cool or sexy.
Stop thinking about what you should do next.
Stop all of those thoughts. Just push them out of your head.
Now, obviously, it's very hard to just shove thoughts out of your head... the more you try not to think about X, the more you're gonna think about X.
Unless...
Unless you replace those thoughts with something else to occupy you brain...
Something MORE INTERESTING.
What's more interesting than your insecurities?
How about HER BODY.
It sounds obvious-- and many guys will tell me, "but of course I am paying attention to her."
But they are not really.
Absorb yourself in the sight of her body, the feeling of her skin, the sound of her breath or soft moans, the smell of her hair.
I mean really get lost in her.
Not only will it keep you from thinking about your insecurities, but also, she will really get into it too.
Just as a woman can sense if you are nervous, also she can sense when you are really absorbed in enjoying her body-- and she will LOVE it.
>>3. Live In The Moment
This one is very much related to number 2 above. I could have really called this 3 1/2 ways of getting rid of your nervousness, but that didn't sound as good.
Besides, this idea, even though it's related, is so powerful that it deserves its own number.
Like thinking too much about YOU... thinking itself can become a problem that creates anxiety.
Many men have a problem shutting off the chatter in their brain. They are not just anxious thinking about themselves, but they are anxious thinking about the last date that went wrong, or about what they should tomorrow morning if they sleep with this girl tonight, or if they don't, etc.
All of these thoughts become distracting. They are the reflection of a nervous mind.
One way to take care of this is with #2 above-- focus on HER.
Another way to look at this, a more advanced way, is to focus on being "in the moment."
In Eastern philosophy they talk about this a lot, and they usually refer to it as "becoming PRESENT."
It means that you limit your awareness and thoughts to the exact, present moment that you are experiencing.
Don't think about the past-- not the failures or the victories...
Don't think about the future-- forget ALL of those "what ifs"
And just focus on the RIGHT NOW.
This is a very powerful way to experience life. You can't do it all the time-- obviously there are times that call for planning (thinking about the future) or learning (reflecting on the past)...
But some moments in life really call for being totally and completely PRESENT.
Making love to a woman is one of those moments.
Becoming fully present, really focusing yourself to live in the moment, is one of the most powerful ways to destroy your anxiety...
And also one of the most powerful ways to live your life.
>>4. Be Sexually Assertive
This one is a bit more complex than I'm going to be able to do justice to in a short Newsletter like this, but I want to introduce you to the idea because it can be very, very effective.
Basically the problem I'm going to solve for you here is one that many guys find extremely troubling-- and one that makes a lot of guys very nervous.
The problem is: "how sexually assertive should I be."
Does she want me to be a gentleman, or does she want me to be bold and "go for it?"
Not knowing the answer to this question can put you into a world of anxiety because first of all, you don't want to screw things up...
But also, having to think about this does all of the things that 1, 2, and 3 above are telling you NOT to do.
You're not being authentic... because you are trying to figure out how you SHOULD be, instead of just being yourself.
You're not focusing on her... you're trying to figure out how YOU should act to best be attractive to her.
You're not being in the moment... you're working out how the moment might be in your future if you do one thing or another.
Here's the solution:
Be assertive.
Don't sit there wondering about it. Just do it.
Look, I'll be straight with you. This might go wrong for you once in a while... but it will be rare.
The vast majority of women prefer a man who is sexually assertive...
Provided OF COURSE, that he is NOT PUSHY.
You've got to hear her and respect her if she says "no."
BUT...
This is very important... Tattoo this onto your hand if necessary...
Just because she says "no" does NOT mean that she's not glad you tried!
Are you hearing me here?
I'm NOT saying that "no" means "yes." What I'm saying is that "no" doesn't mean she doesn't like it, or that she doesn't like you.
Women like it when a man is sexually assertive, even if they don't want to go all the way tonight, or they are not in the mood. Even if they don't want to do what he is being assertive about... they still like that he's man enough to tell her or go for EXACTLY what he wants, when he wants it.
If it goes wrong, and she doesn't just say, "no" but is actually offended...
Like I said, this is rare, but usually it is a case where being assertive went against rule #1...
Which is to say, being assertive in a non- authentic way.
It is still more important to be authentic.
The real magic happens when being assertive IS AUTHENTIC for you.
And that happens only when you have true sexual confidence.
When you really know what you are doing, and you really know what you want, and you are really certain of how much she is going to like it...
That is when all that nervous energy finally just disappears. That is when you can have perfect sexual chemistry with a girl without any anxiety.
That kind of confidence and assertiveness is the sort of thing that fills women not just with sexual desire... but maybe more importantly...
With RESPECT for you.
And the really amazing truth is that most guys don't know is how EASY it is to learn how to make this confidence an authentic part of your self.