I am a young Caymanian who is married to a Jamaican who is about 8 years younger than I am. I have two kids from a previous relationship and the guy married me with them. We both grew up in Seventh-day Adventist homes. We have been married now almost 2 years and living peacefully, except for one problem, he smokes. When we got together I knew that he smoked but about 4 to 6 months after our marriage, his smoking has got worse. To me it has become an addiction. He has to get his spliff first thing in the morning or he can't eat breakfast, and the same goes for lunch and dinner. He also has to smoke in between those times and almost everytime we have sex he has to smoke and get a Dragon or Guinness to drink.

We don't have a child together and we are trying, but I told him he has to stop smoking for a while and that has become a problem to him. Some nights we don't sleep in the same bed, and we don't talk to each other for days and have even had a fight over his smoking. I love him very much, but to me his weed means more to him than I do. Anything he wants or need I try to make him happy, and I have changed a lot of my ways for him. I try to make him happy in more ways than one, but what about me? I am not happy anymore and the one little thing that I asked him not to do, he refuses. He has told me that if that is to make us split, then so be it.

Tell me, pastor, what can I do in this situation?

V.C., Grand Cayman

Dear V. C.,

There is no easy solution to your husband's problem which is affecting the relationship. You believe that your husband has a serious problem. You think he is an addict, but he doesn't think so. Therefore it will be very difficult for him to give up smoking. Someone (apart from you), needs to talk to your husband, not lecture to him. He needs to be told that the smoking of ganja lowers "serotonin levels and cause depression. "

Smoking is not good for one's health, but your husband may argue that he receives much comfort from smoking. He has already told you that "his weed means more to him" than you. So please don't try to control your husband. Unless he sees the need to change, he will not and it may take years before he comes to realise that his health is being affected.