I am an 18-year-old young woman. My very first relationship just ended after three years and I can't seem to get over him. I think I love him too much, even though over the past few years he has given me hell. I don't understand why it's so hard for me to move on, he has. I used to hear rumors that he had another girl in the district, but of course he denied it. Things took a turn for the worse when last year I heard that he got the same girl pregnant. For months he denied it. My mother even confronted him and he said they were just lies. I was attending a prominent high school and had my CXC's to do and had to be dealing with all of this. When my mother was really convinced it was true she told me to stop talking to him. I was stubborn and thought he loved me. He finally confessed around June last year, but he said it was only once and the condom burst.

I was so naive and blinded by love that I convinced myself that it was the truth. After my exams and graduation, my mommy gave me an option. She said I should stop talking to him or leave. I made the worst mistake of my life when I left. It broke my mother's heart and it only got worse. We broke up for a while, but then we got back together. The girl was like a thorn in my side. She called 24/7. When I complained about it, he ignored me. I was so stressed out. I lost 20 pounds by September. In September though I got a job as a secretary so I was ok for that time. In October, she gave birth, but the baby died two days later. I felt so bad for him because he was so hurt, but I guess that just pushed them closer together because things got much worse. She even started to come by the house. I got fired in October a week before my birthday. I don't even know why.

The year zoomed by. In January this year, I made up my mind and went back to my mommy. But I still loved him and made contact even though it was prohibited. I went to Florida in January to start afresh and that didn't work out because my cousin who I was staying with made my life hell and sent me back in a couple of months. I was so dumb that I fell right back into his trap when I returned. I distanced myself from him. He noticed and complained, but it didn't matter. I told him it was really over, but he took it for a joke, but it was really clear to him a month later. After that he ignored me and I did the same even though it killed me.

One Saturday night I was walking home and he dragged me to an old building and held me against my will. He did this after he found out that I was going to meet up with a friend of mine whom he claims I had been involved with during the time we were together, which is not true. He said I violated him because all he wanted to do was spend a couple minutes with me.

Mind you, he has a girlfriend. He actually told me he was unfaithful and that he was having sex with the girl who he had impregnated numerous times before and that no condom burst. He even mentioned others. He even said that the child wasn't his, yet the same girl is his girlfriend even though she pawned off a child on him. I just don't understand why after all of this, it's still so hard for me to let go. I have put a wall around my heart and I don't think I will be able to tear it down. It hurts so much. I cry a lot over this.

What can I do to get over him? Is it because it's my first relationship? Should I continue to put all relationships on hold, or will another one help me heal? Please aid me with your wisdom.

L.R., St Mary, Jamaica

Dear L. R.,

There is no magic pill that I can recommend to you to take, so that you will be able to forget this man. But if you have any pride at all, you will not have anything to do with this man who has humiliated you and treated you worst than a doormat. The question is, do you have any pride at all? Pride for yourself and pride for your mother and father. They have suffered too. They saw what you went through. They felt the abuse as much as you.

This man has no respect at all for you and yet you claim that you love him. I tell you, my dear, nobody in the world is more important than you. Get that in your head and move on with your life. Love does not wilfully hurt another and that man has hurt you in so many ways. Stand on your feet and realise that this man wants to control you. He does not know anything that is called love. Pray and ask God to help you to come to yourself. You have not done so yet and until you do so, you will continue to suffer emotionally and psychologically.