Dear Bella:
I have been with a man for over five years and we have a beautiful child together. While we have been together he has put me through hell and back. He has been cheating on me and I knew about it but I forgave him because I really loved him; then I got pregnant for him. While I was pregnant I found out that the girl that he was cheating on me with was pregnant too.

However it didnt dawn on me that it could be his due to the fact that she has her boyfriend, then when the baby came the baby looked nothing like her boyfriend so he decided to go and have a DNA test done.

It turned out not be his so she decided to give it to my boyfriend because as women we dont want to look stupid so if you find a donkey you will ride it. Anyways, my boyfriend took it and we were trying to work it out still. However, we are no longer together but I still have feelings for him and I really dont want to please advise me to what I should do.

Confused

Dear Confused:

There are various signs that you should take care to notice in a relationship that will tell you whether or not your other half is as committed as you are, and whether they are in it for the long haul. There are signs that should show love, respect and trust, and relationships that last often have testaments from those involved that their spouse not only proclaimed love, but showed it as well through their actions.

Love is more than a three word utterance; it involves caring and putting that person's feelings many times above yours. From your letter, you've obviously exhausted your share of 'love'. You not only SAY you love this man, but you have SHOWED how much you love him by forgiving him time and again, and even forgiving another child -- what may have been one of the hardest tests of your relationship. Your actions show that you are selfless and you deserve the utmost respect for being so strong.

The first advice of anyone rational looking on, would be to tell you to move on with your life because this man has breached your trust and has done a seemingly unforgivable thing. Anyone reading your letter would realise that you are a woman who deserves much more than what this man has offered you. But we both know that it's never that easy. So instead of going with the obvious, let me point to some things you should consider in the making of your decision. And ultimately, I can only offer advice; the decision should be yours and yours alone.

One positive thing on his part is that he has accepted this other child and will hopefully play a part in the child's life. This shows that he has some character and that's good. You must have obviously seen other good qualities in him to have stayed with him so long, and to want to continue to be with him.

Having said that, I would advise you to think hard before you make any decision. Make a list of the pros and cons of being with him. Take a notebook and outline his good qualities and his bad. Highlight all that he has done wrong and all that he has done right. At the end, make your decision based on which category outweighs the other.

Think too about what you can live with and what you can't and what you deserve and what you don't. Think about how you felt each time he has wronged you, and consider whether these are emotions you can cope with again, as it may happen again. You have not given any indication that he is repentant and that's somewhat worrying. I'm hoping that he has at least told you sorry, and that he wants to revive the relationship as mush as you do. If he hasn't showed remorse, you may have even more trials if you rekindle things with him.

Remember, you should never settle for someone who treats you badly just because you love them. Everyone deserves love. But no one deserves to be constantly hurt in the name of it