Dear Dr. Flex,
I am a 40-year-old woman who has been in a relationship for the past 5 years and has never, until recently, even thought about another man. I am a naturally quiet, shy person. I started a new job about 12 months ago and made friends with a male co-worker and although he isnt even my type physically, we have become quite close and flirt with each other. In fact, our relationship has turned into very little other than flirting.
 He is very sweet and tells me all the things I need to hear that my partner never tells me or makes me feel. I know that my problem is that my physical and emotional needs are not being met at home, but I cant see that ever changing. He sends me sexy messages, and a big part of me thinks well, why not? For me it would be purely physical, for him Im not so sure. I love my partner very much but I have needs that he just cannot fulfill. I dont know if I can really betray his trust in me, and we have always had a mutually trusting relationship, but I also want what this other man is promising. What should I do?
K.S., St. Elizabeth

Dear K.S.,
The keyword in your letter is promising. This other man is untried and untested so you need to think very carefully before burning your bridges with your current relationship. I also prefer to see people try to sort out their present arrangements before seeking something better up the road. Attractions can spring up anywhere - you obviously werent out looking but now that youve met this other chap, temptation is understandable.
 You say flirting is all there is right now. Maybe thats all its meant to be. Why not just enjoy the romance and illicit quality of what you have going with this new man without taking it too seriously? Its harmless enough as it stands but if you give up what you already have, you might find the love affair turns into a staid relationship after a few years as they all do. Sorry to throw cold water on your dreams but my job is to be honest with you and urge caution. Try to get your current partner to be a bit more forthcoming. Lead by example, e.g. send him some sexy messages and see if you can improve things where you already are.