Dear Pastor,

I am a 19-year-old cosmetologist. I am currently living with my 40-year-old fiancé. We have been together for three years now. The problem is, one year ago I became pregnant and had a miscarriage. From then, I have been trying to get pregnant, but I have to be on medication to help me. My fiancé and I were to get married in January, but he postponed it until April 2007. Since then, he has not said anything to me.

I think it is because I have been taking medication to get pregnant why he has changed his mind. A few days ago, he mentioned that the day I say that I am pregnant we are going to be married. I thought he was joking, but he is not. I'm worried. As a result, I have become depressed.

Please, help me. I need your fatherly advice.

S., Kingston, Jamaica

Dear S.,

I cannot encourage you to get pregnant. What I can encourage you to do is to go to school and get an education. Always remember that some men are liars and although this man has promised that when you become pregnant he will marry you, he may never keep his promise. Having a child by a man does not guarantee that he will marry you. So please, instead of yearning to become a mother, aim high, learn a skill or try to go to school. Sometimes men promise women silver and gold if the woman becomes pregnant but when this happens they don't want to support their children. Don't let this happen to you.

If this man is a real man and he truly loves you he will marry you because you don't have to prove that you are a woman by becoming pregnant.