Q: How are men and parking spots alike?
A: The good ones are always taken. Free ones are mostly handicapped or extremely small. 

Q: What do you call an intelligent man in America?
A: A tourist. 

Q: What do you call a man with 99% of his brain missing?
A: Castrated. 

Q: What is the difference between a husband and a boy friend? 
A: Forty-five minutes.

Q: What do men and pantyhose have in common?
A: They either cling, run, or don't fit right in the crotch!

Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes

Q: How was Colonel Sanders a typical male?
A: All he cared about were legs, breasts, and thighs. 

Q: What do you get when you cross a rooster and a male insomniac?
A: A c*#k that stays up all night. 

Q: What do you have when you have two little balls in your hand?
A: A man's undivided attention. 

Q: How can you tell if a man is aroused?
A: He's breathing. 

Q: What is the one thing that all men at single bars have in common?
A: They are all married.

Q: What is a man's view of safe sex?
A: A padded headboard. 

Q: Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
A: They're hard to get started and don't work half the time. 

Q: How does a man show he's planning for the Future?
A: He buys two cases of beer instead of one. 

Q: What is the difference between a man and E.T.?
A: E.T. phoned home.

Q: Why do men want to marry virgins?
A: They can't stand criticism. 

Q: What do ceramic tile and men have in common?
A: If you lay them right the first time, you can walk on them for life! 

Q: Why does a penis have a hole in the end?
A: So men can be open minded.

Q: When do you care for a man's company?
A: When he owns it.

Q: Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?
A: Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

Q: How is a man like a used car?
A: Both are easy to get, cheap and unreliable.

Q: What's a man's ultimate embarrassment? 
A: Running into a wall with an erection and breaking his nose 

Q: What is a man's idea of foreplay?
A: A half hour of begging. 

Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor. 

Q: Why are men like laxatives?
A: They irritate the sh%t out of you