In a perfect world, dreams would always depict our lives at their very best. Wed be wildly rich and successful, have magic powers, and sleep with the hottest people anytime we wanted. Instead, we often dream of nudity in public, paralysis in the face of danger, and having sex with people we dont even look twice at in real life. The latter is especially disconcerting, since it makes us wonder if theres actual desire lurking somewhere in our unconscious minds. (Thanks a lot, Freud.) And then we feel flustered and slightly shamed when we encounter the subjects of our erotic dreams in real life, as if they know of their leading-role status in our nighttime fantasies. But if were so disgusted by the idea of having sex dreams about these people, to the extent that were uncomfortable in our waking hours, it begs the question: why do we have sex dreams about people wed never door want to dothe deed with?
Hidden desires just one possibility.
Theories abound as to why certain people, places, and things appear in our dreams. Freud believed that dreams are forms of wish fulfillmentin other words, indicative of our repressed desires. Jung focused more on the collective unconscious, maintaining that our dreams draw from shared archetypes and symbols. Psychologist and psychiatrist Fritz Perls saw dreams and everything within them as extensions of the self. Since dream analysis can vary significantly based on which school of thought you follow, sex dreams are often interpreted differently.
Some believe they really are about desire for that particular person. In The Sex of Your Dreams: Erotic Dreams and Their Hidden Meanings, author Carol L. Cummings states that erotic dreams tend to be, as Freud says, based on wish fulfillment. She believes that theyre healthy ways to release sexual energy that we cant act on in real life because doing so would be inappropriate for one reason or another (hence the need for repression). But others, like Gillian Holloway, PhD, think that there are a few factors besides unconscious desire that inspire sex dreams.
In The Complete Dream Book,she offers three potential reasons (other than repressed sexual feelings) why we have dreams about people we find unattractive. The first is that the person we dream about could represent characteristics were trying to develop in our own personalities. For example, say you have a sleep rendezvous with Jim from Accounting, a guy you find hilarious in real life but definitely not attractive. Its possible youre envious of his sharp sense of humor. A second possibilityand this is if the person you bed in dream life makes your skin crawl in real lifeis that youre making a choice thats not good for you. You may be getting into bed in the metaphorical sense with something else that is also not in your normal style or taste, Holloway writes. The last reason she offers is that youre entering into another kind of partnership with your dream subject, such as a business affiliation.
