Dear Pastor,

I'm a Jamaican residing in the USA, but I have a troubling matter that is causing me sleepless nights.

Six years ago, at the age of 15, I met and fell in love

with a guy from my community. He is four years older than me. I was in Grade 10 at the time; however, it didn't hinder my school work. I left high school the following year with eight CXC subjects.

As my journey to adulthood continued, so did our relationship

. We were happy and in love, until he started to beat me without reason. I would always forgive him, because deep down, I loved him a lot. As that continued, people in our community would tell me that he was with other girls. When I asked him about it, he denied it and so I kind of blew it off.

Pregnant

In August 2006, I found out that I was pregnant. The news came right after I got accepted by two universities, locally and abroad. I didn't go to either of them because of the situation at the time. However, I had a miscarriage in the third month of the pregnancy.

The guy and everyone in my community accused me of aborting the pregnancy. He and I had an argument on a bus and he said, out loud, "you a dash wey belly gal because you dash wey mi pickney." Pastor, I forgave him and stayed with him.

Christmas 2007, we had an argument about him being with another girl. While we were at the girl's house, he gave me a smack in my face. I fell to the ground. I went to the police station the next day. My face was swollen so badly that I couldn't eat or go to work for a week.

I pressed charges against him, but after he 'sweet-mouthed' me, I decided to drop the charges. Early 2008, we broke off the relationship again and he came to my house and broke my window. So I decided to charge him this time.

Met a nice man

While we were apart I met a nice man, but he was twice my age and I didn't want to be with someone that old. Anyway, I kind of flirted with him. At the same time, I got back with my ex. I got pregnant, but am not sure which one of them is the father.

I love my long-time guy so much that I decided to be with him only. However, I found out that he is seeing an older woman and he is talking behind my back about not wanting me and how I've sold my body by having sex with an older man, because he is rich and I need his money. Pastor, I never wanted a man to support me.

I miss him

So he denied being with the other lady until I got her number and called her. She told me everything. He said bad things about me and the unborn child. So, I decided to go overseas with the older man and leave him alone for good. But I just can't stop thinking about him and how much I miss him. Sometimes I even think of coming back to Jamaica to work things out between us.

Am I stupid and deranged?

M. B., USA.

Dear M. B.,

The answer to the question that you have asked me in the last paragraph is 'yes'. Not only are you silly, you are not honest with yourself and you are fooling yourself by believing that because you have eight subjects in the CXC, you are smart. Your passes will help to open doors of opportunity for you and that is it. These passes don't help you to know how to behave with a man.

If you were smart, you would not have allowed a young man to beat you and you wouldn't have accepted his verbal abuse either. You are still thinking like a little kid. You have had two men in your life and having unprotected sex with both of them, surely, was not smart.

ragamuffin

This abusive young man has a dirty mouth and he is disrespectful. He doesn't know when not to speak, but the way you are behaving gives the impression that you enjoy being in the company of a "ragamuffin".

The man who is much older has treated you like a lady, but you are out to deceive him. Right now you are not even sure whose baby you are carrying and your thoughts are not with the older gentleman. You are a user. You may not want to accept that, but that is what you are.

If you want to be beaten, you may return to Jamaica and go back to your old boyfriend. If you want to live a happy life, you should consider staying with the older gentleman. I get it. You don't like good. You are not smart enough to appreciate a good man.

Pastor