Voodoo Penis: A CLASSIC

A businessman was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew
his wife was a flirtatious sort with an extremely healthy sex drive, so
he thought he'd better buy her a little something to keep her occupied
while he was gone. He went to a store that sold sex toys and started
looking around for something special to please his wife, and started
talking to the old man behind the counter.

He explained his situation. The old man said, "Well, We have vibrating
dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything
that will keep her occupied for weeks, except---" and he stopped.

"Except what?" the man asked.

"Nothing, nothing."

"C'mon, tell me! I need something!"

"Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is The Voodoo
Penis."

"So what's up with this Voodoo Penis?" he asked.

The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out a very old wooden
box, carved with strange symbols and erotic images. He opened it, and
there lay an ordinary-looking dildo.

The businessman laughed, and said, "Big damn deal. It looks like every
other dildo in this shop!"

The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet." He
pointed to a door and said, "Voodoo Penis, the door."

The Voodoo Penis miraculously rose out of its box, darted over to the
door, and started pounding the keyhole. The whole door shook wildly with
the vibrations, so much so that a crack began to form down the middle.

Before the door split, the old man said "Voodoo Penis, return to box!"

The Voodoo Penis stopped, levitated back to the box and lay there quiet
once more.

"I'll take it!" said the businessman.

The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dil do and
that to use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo Penis, my crotch."

After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny and
remembered the Voodoo Penis. She undressed, opened the box and said
"Voodoo Penis, my crotch!"

The Voodoo Penis shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was
absolutely incredible, like nothing she'd ever experienced before. After
three mind- shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided
she'd had enough. She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her,
still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked.
Her husband had forgotten to tell her how to shut it off.


Worried, she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help.
She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive, quivering
with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another incredibly intense
orgasm made her swerve all over the road.

A police officer saw this and immediately pulled her over. He asked for
her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink.

Gasping and twitching, she explained, "I haven't had anything to drink,
officer. You see, I've got this Voodoo Penis thing stuck in my crotch
and it won?t stop screwing me!"

The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and in an
arrogant voice replied, "Yeah, right... Voodoo Penis, my ass."

The rest is history...