'STITTING' DI PAST TOGEDDA

Now lass week mi mention say mi did hear one ting wha did mek mi vex like 'twiss up face Stit' and mi get a email a ask mi who name so. Is a joke or wha? Oonu nuh know ugly Mumraw from Thunder Cats? Well, a him uglier brodda! Lawd gawd! A joke. But oonu really nuh know bout King Stit, di veteran DJ who look like Ninja Man, Shabba Ranks and Predator c****ine? Well if oonu nuh know, oonu check google. But wha really a happen wid Stit?

Di lass time mi talk to him a bout two year ago aftah mi hunt him dung like Sherlockeena Holmes, di way how mi vex mi cudden even deal wid no interview. If ah one ting mi hate is smaddy wid more problem dan me and problem-machine, Norris Man, c****ine! When mi call smaddy fi bung bang out one interview, mi nuh waah hear bout 'wha me can do fi you'. If mi cudda do summen fi nobaddy but miself, mi wudden a wuk! But it juss raise di point wha mi did mention one time bout di ole time artiste dem who nevah have nobaddy back den fi help dem set up dem finances proppa and deal wid royalties so dem can alright now. Smaddy caan start some series of oldies shows (but nuh kill wi wid dem tho) fi help out dem people deh?

COLLO WHE YUH CLOTHES DEH?

Dancer Collo Collo - file

Collo Collo mi laugh so till mi nearly bawl when me an Kaboom an Pinky British see yuh outta Half Way Tree lass week Friday! Mi say when Kaboom touch mi an say 'look pon Collo Collo', mi stan up fi bout 3 minute a try find yuh! Mi did really see di big nose smaddy inna merino an 3/4 pants tan up an a cuss one invisible smaddy, but mi did tink a one of di usual HWT psycho dem.

Whe yuh 'men in black leather tights and matching leather vest outfit did deh'? Whe yuh usual weird follower dem deh; all di brown yute who eva a wear di ole slavery time hat dem wha yuh flip one side, but him go put a twist pon it an add loop earring? How yuh mean wha wi stop an a look pon yuh fah? A true yuh flop as dancer now, yuh start charge tax fi people a look?

Nuh blame we when yuh cyaan wear yuh usual leather clothes an Grim Reaper boot! Ah nuh fi wi fault di money yuh when deh save fi di matching leather whip, yuh haffi use pon taxi fare! Oh yeah, Candy British say fi tell yuh fi 'Gweh!'

DON'T OPEN YUH MOUTH AND LAUGH

My girl! Whaapen to yuh face?!! One a di INK memba dem go a pharmacy and see yuh wid yuh face batta bruise up! Yuh cyaan come pon TV an look so. Mi hope di make-up can covah it up, cause it nuh look good fi a try laugh and 'kikikikikikiki' wid celebrity and di whole a face a shatter like gravel! A who do yuh so? A nuh di DJ?! Could nevah!

TUESDAY NIGHT WAS A PRANK OR WHA?

Look here ladies a whe oonu get dem stylist deh from? Mi say Tuesday night when mi see oonu pon TV all mi cudda say was 'di horror, di horror, such wretched horror!' Now mi need fi point out dat two a oonu a people who mi rate not just as broadcasters but as strong black women, but wha mi see Tuesday, mi caan hold it een.

Wha deh guzzum necklace of bones wha dem put round yuh neck? Yuh nuh see smaddy a try damage yuh? One wrong move an di bone/teeth dem puncture a vital vein right deh so pon TV! Nex ting, mi cudden even see yuh face wid di big pink rose pon yuh jacket, not to mention di uncalled for black lace/ruffle shirt underneath it! No man! Stop it!

Massive mi gone and memba don't mek diss week pass an nuh tell smaddy yuh love how yuh feel! Life short. Mi INK family; Nikki Z; Princess; T. Robinson (Ohio); Hot 97, Rhona Foxx; Dizzle; Chervette (and ress mi name nexx week) big up oonu self.