In a recent trial, a Falmouth small town prosecuting attorney called to the witness stand his first witness, a grand motherly, elderly woman named Miss Ivy.
The attorney approached her and asked, 'Miss Ivy, do you know me? She responded, 'Why, yes of course me know you, Mr. Williams. Me know you since you was a likkle pissing tail pickney, and wata big disappointment you is to you family. You is a ole liard, you cheat pan yuh wife, yuh chat people bizniz, and yuh red-eye, grudgeful and licky-licky. You tink you is a big shot now but you no realize seh you will never amoun to nuttin more Dan a
Two-bit paper pusher! Yes, me know yuh very well alright!!'
The Lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Miss Ivy, do you know the defense attorney?' She looked over at the defense attor ney and replied, 'Of course, me know Mr. Bradley since him was a likkle bwoy too. Him lazy, and good-fe-nothing, him boasy, and him always a gwaan like him white. Him caan build nuh normal
Relationship with any woman 'cause him a man unda covah. Fe him law practice a di worse eena Jamaica Him chat nuff, him a ole teef, him dutty and nasty. A three different woman an four man me hear seh him a grind undah covah, an one a di woman dem a you missis (points at juror member)!!
Yes sah, me know him well.' The defense attorney almost died of
embarra**ment.The judge ordered both counselors to approach the bench, and in a very quiet voice, said, 'If either of you ra**clawt bastards ask her if she knows me, a gwine lock up oonu b*m*o-clatt eena jail fe contempt!.'