Being turned on is the best feeling in the world. Even better than orgasm because orgasm is an end while turn-on is a beginning. Makes me feel totally alive and awake."

- Man, 34

[from The New Male Sexuality]

A healthy relationship has fulfilling sex as one of its critical components. Sexual desire is important to men and women who want to engage in sexual intercourse. The desire for sex is the same as sexual arousal, with feelings of excitement, passion, romantic desires and the physical signs of an erection in men, and lubrication and aroused nipples in women.

Sexual arousal is the way one feels and senses; it's a body and mind connection resulting in *lo** rush, sweaty palms, racing heartbeats and having the feeling to engage in sex (horniness). At times, both men and women lack the desire for sex and have great difficulty in feeling aroused. In trying to find solutions to your low sex drive, it is important to examine what is happening in your life. Any of the following reasons could be the cause of your low desire for sex.

1. Medical conditions

The side effects of medication could sap your sex drive, as well as symptoms of disease like chronic pain. Depression is a common medical condition that could be affecting your sex drive, and medications for its treatment, such as antidepressants and psychotic medication, may aggravate the problem of low sex drive.

Visit your doctor and share your problems.

2. Environment

The state of your physical surroundings can make you feel uncomfortable about having sex. For example, if you have a leaking roof and your home is likely to get wet when it rains, the desire for sex would be further from your mind.

3. Psychosexual problems

Men may have problems with erections or premature ejaculation and women may have painful intercourse or failure to reach orgasm. Efforts should be made to resolve these to renew the interest in sex.

4. Stress

Examine the causes of your stress and take time to eliminate or reduce them. Acknowledge and manage life changes. The desire for sex comes when you have time to relax and worry is lessened. Take time out to be in tune with your body for it to suggest sex and get you in the mood.

5. Poor relationship

If you and your partner are not enjoying a harmonious relationship and have relationship issues, you will have great difficulty in 'feeling sexy'. Nagging, angry outbursts, fights, spite and malice cannot foster a desire for sex. If you are not feeling happy with your relationship, you should not feel obliged to engage in sexual intercourse with your partner just 'to keep the peace'. If this takes place regularly, it could become a permanent turn-off from sex.

6. Poor diets

Diet has a direct relationship on the body and its ability to be aroused for sex. Ensure that you are eating lavish amounts of life-enhancing foods like fruits and vegetables, and reduce the intake of processed foods. You may want to take a supplement of zinc to increase the testosterone hormone which regulates sexual drive in men and women.

Simmering exercise

In addition to correcting the causes identified above, Bernie Zilbergeld, PhD, clinical psychologist and author of The New Male Sexuality, recommends using the simmering exercise developed by sex therapist Carol Ellison and himself. The exercise requires a few minutes a day. The process is as follows:

The next time you are 'feeling sex' hold on to it and try to expand it into a fantasy, imagining what you would like to do with your partner. Fantasise as much as you can and keep playing with your thoughts to make your own x-rated movie and hold on to vivid images as long as you can.

An hour or two later, try to replay those x-rated images, making alterations if you wish. Repeat this action at various times of the day. You can intensify the sensations if you relax and let yourself become aware of your pelvis and genitals. Include some Kegal exercises, in which you squeeze and relax your pelvic muscles 15 times, twice per day. Gradually increase the number of squeezes to 75 times, two times per day. Strengthened pelvic muscles increases the intensity of orgasms.

Continue to do this for an hour or two every day in your spare time. The next time you bring back the images, be sure to include your partner in it, if you have not done so already. You can bring back old images to mind as they were, or fade in new images.

When you get together with your partner you should be ready for action. You may want to alert your partner that you are in the mood even before you get home. You can do this by a flirtatious or suggestive message by phone. However, you may want to leave it to the element of surprise, taking home the sexual images and playing them out.

Dr Zilbergeld advises that simmering should be done as a regular part of your preparation for sex. This helps you to feel sexy and improves sex performance. Simmering is easy to do and does not get in the way of your work. Sexual desire is achievable if you know what to do and make the effort to work at it.