I was in a one-year relationship. Like every couple, we had our differences, but we got along very well. Apart from his being jealous and controlling, I must say I felt loved.

It was a relationship where we spent most of our time around each other, rain, snow or shine. We didn't live together, but all that and more was in the making. Anyway, he left for Jamaica in the summer for a month and it turned into two months. He claimed that his reason for staying so long was that he didn't get to finish up what he went to do. I noticed that he didn't call. And when I tried calling him, sometimes he answered and sometimes he didn't. He told me not to waste my money buying cards to call him.

Being the detective that I am, I investigated and found out some disturbing things about him. He cheated on me with a 16-year-old and contracted an STD which he found out he had after going to Jamaica. He did an STD test before going and I got the results while he was in Jamaica. I thank God that I did not contract it. He still doesn't know that I found out about the girl because I didn't want to give away my source, one of his websites.

He came back after two months acting like I had done him wrong and he wouldn't even touch me. Things were so different. He told me that he had got back together with his ex-girlfriend in Jamaica. I cried myself to sleep that and many nights after because I love this man so much. I was there for him financially, mentally and physically for a whole year.

After telling me he had gone back to her, he still wanted to come around, sleep at my house, eat my food and have the nerve to still want sex from me. Being the person that I am and the feelings that I still had for him, I had sex with him.

He said that we can still be friends and when I started to get comfortable with him again, I asked him what it was that he wanted from me. He told me a relationship. So I asked what happened to the girl in Jamaica and he replied that things had not changed on that front. I asked him if he was using me and he couldn't answer. So I told him not to come around as often and not to call as often, but I can't control myself when it comes to him. I can't believe it. We were to get married this year and now I'm heartbroken.

Please, pastor, tell me what to do.

L.C., New York, USA

Dear L.C.,

This guy knows that you are not serious. When you say no, you don't mean no. He can do anything and get away with it. He is a user. You know it, but you are behaving as if you like being used. When you get to a place where you love yourself, you will drop this man. Right now, you love him more than yourself.