I frequently read your column not knowing that one day I would be writing to you. Frankly, you are doing a great job. My problem is most of my life I have been unhappy. At age 18, I met and fell in love with a guy who promised me forever. At age 20 we had a child. For seven years we stayed together and I never looked at another man. At a point in the relationship I went and further my education in the medical field and that's when things got ugly. He was jealous of me and started cheating among other things. He left me and started life with another girl. Now I am having problem trusting men and I am comparing things we used to do. I tried to move on lately, but can't seem to do just that.

Pastor, please advice me and pray for me so that I can find a real man. I am near 30 now and hope to have 1 or 2 more kids.

C. A., Ontario, Canada

Dear C. A.,

It is wrong to use the bad experiences you have had with your child's father to judge every man you meet. Some men, whose women have cheated on them, condemn all women as bad and say that no women should be trusted. That is a wrong position to take too. Your child's father and you had a good relationship, but you claim that he became jealous when you went back to school. Evidently he wanted a woman who is on his level and was threatened by you. Some men do not like their spouses to be more educated than they are. Others are happy and proud and encourage their women to excel.

You are bitter because of what this man has done, but it is time for you to put him behind you and to move on with your life. You think that you have loss a good man, but the time will come when you would realise that he wasn't such a good man at all. Don't be anxious to establish another relationship; however, go on dates and when you are convinced that you have met a good man, try and learn everything about him and both of you go for counselling before you make a commitment to him.

Pastor