Dear Pastor,

One and a half years ago I was married with a four-month-old child. Sounds normal, right? People meet and fall 'in love'. Wrong. Although this man is still my friend I only married him for immigration purposes. Then I had sex with him because I felt sorry for him. I got pregnant and was planning on having an abortion, but he and the immigration lawyer begged me to keep the baby. I kept the baby because he was my friend. That was a big mistake. Now, I am totally unhappy, and I feel like a total idiot. I married a man I only cared for as a friend. I had sex recklessly and became pregnant, and now I have a baby whom I totally resent. No, I hate my child.

I wasn't prepared for any of this. I don't want to be a wife and I am not mature enough to be a mother. I'm 22 and prior to having my child, I had never held a baby. This entire problem is coupled with the fact that we are completely broke. Pastor, I write to you because I need prayer. I am a college graduate, but I'm unable to find work. My husband is a nice man, but he is a loser and if I stay married to him, I'll be forever in poverty. But most importantly, I need prayer because I am afraid of what I might do to my baby. I feel so sorry for her. I regret that she had to be born to such an awful world and to such a failure as a mother. I fear for her life.

Lately, I have been hoping that she would disappear and most frightening is that I'm starting to believe that her dying would be the best thing for her. I have never wanted children because I believe the world to be an awful place for any human and I want my daughter to have peace. I don't believe there is peace in this world.

Please, pray for my daughter's father. Thanks.

K., Maryland, USA

Dear K.,

I suggest that you give this child to someone who cares. There are many families who would take this child and love her and care for her. You are not prepared to do that. You do not have any love in your heart for a child. Oh, how sad. Talk to her father and tell him that you would like to give the baby to someone who would like to take care of her. Perhaps he might have a relative who would gladly accept the child.

I don't want to comment on some of the things you have said. I know that emotionally and psychologically, you need professional help. It is not just prayer you need. So, the first person to talk to about the situation is the child's father and if he cannot find anybody who will accept the child, then you need to go public. The State will accept this child from you. But, please, do not keep this child and illtreat her. God will judge you severely if you were to do so.

Pastor