Dear Pastor,

I am seeking your fatherly advice. When I was 14, my mother sent me to live with a wealthy, older man. He paid the bills for her and my other siblings. We were dirt poor at the time and frankly, I think I saved the family from a really bad situation. It has been ten years now since that time when I went to live with my boyfriend. He sent me to high school and then, university. I am now finishing up my master's degree. I will graduate later this year. He is really wealthy, so I am not pressed to work after I am finished. I have every material thing I can think of, but I do not have as much respect for him as I should because I have been sleeping with him from a young age. He wants to marry me, but for a while now, I have been taking it for a joke to delay the inevitable discussion as to why I am not interested.

Probably if we had just met or if we didn't have the history of his taking me from age 14, things would have been different. Now that I am older and wiser and more exposed to the world, I know that society would think that he was wrong in taking someone my age for a partner. He is loving and kind and faithful, but I am afraid that people will find out how we began together. Sometimes, I feel guilty, as if I am betraying him with my thoughts.

Pastor, what should I do?

K.H., Kingston, Jamaica

Dear K.H.,

I regret you have not mentioned this man's age, but I do understand the dilemma you face. People may look at you as this man's daughter and you would find it very difficult to explain the situation to your friends, neighbours, etc.

Yes, he took advantage of the situation because you were 14 and under the law, you could not have given consent. Your mother, on the other hand, should not have sent you to be this man's lover. I understand that you were poor and this man rescued your entire family. But looking back, you regret the life that you were forced to live at a tender age.

I observe that you did not say that you do not love him. Your concern is that you were going to bed with him since you were very young and you believe that he should have known better.

I believe that you should meet with a psychologist, but I would suggest that for the first few sessions, you go alone, then both of you go together. You cannot continue to ignore this man's proposal to marry you. So, pray much about your situation. Give God thanks for allowing you to get a good education and make that appointment to see a psychologist.

Pastor