Macka Diamond

Look yah Macka, your case seem fi be most seriousest one, so a it mi a start wid! Mi say one likkle battafoot nuh mek mi know say di reason yuh a hold off pon yuh wedding a true yuh have one matey wha comeen like one crosses termite! I are don't know if it are true but hear wha, dis week Addi, I are gonna be di teacha! Look yah

Macka first of all yuh need fi start from inna di day and send some sexy text like mi. Den yuh see when Mr. Man step tru di door wid di 'slide on, slide on' look inna him eye, mi know what clock a strike. Mi naw quint it pon no edge eider cause meee naaaw go no waaay; no matey naw run meee from my yaaaard!

Yuh see when him start say 'tek' and mi haffi send on di hot wuk and clap it een counteraction and him start stutter, like aid-di-donia? Mi say 'yes baby I'm on di roooock and my name is so excellent!'

Mi want when my man go wuk di next day him hook up like polo patient! Cause no gyal, no day nuh fi come talk bout infection inna mi back and mi cannot hooolahooop!"

Beenie Man and Bar-bee.

Now fi you Mr. Beenie. People, uno read Beenie grand statement dem bout him just realise say Bounty nuh like him? Den a say him and Bar-Bee a go build empire inna New York? Lawd! It are a joke?

People mi naw go deal wit di obvious tings and I bet uno never realise some tings until mi done talk. Lookyah Bounty, yuh eva realise how one particular smaddy always know whe yuh deh, wha kind of car yuh buy, when yuh and yuh woman lef?

So hear mi, yuh eva notice one particular 'tree' wid two big eye and two human foot wid one Rasta locks tie round one, always a follow yuh? No? Yuh ever inna traffic and notice one tree next to yuh? Yuh eva realise when yuh drive off how di tree start run top speed after yuh, den when yuh mek a sudden stop di tree stop too? No?

Yuh eva fi some strange reason just start sing di Michael Jackson song bout: "sometimes I feel like somebody's watching meee?" and yuh juss cyan figure out why?

Yuh did accidentally push over one tree inna St Thomas when yuh did run behind di bush? Mi juss a say yuh 'might' waah look into di matter.

Mi naw say is a 'must' cause we might actually have one tree wid two foot out deh wha sci fi nuh feature yet! So mi just a say, 'might'!

Mi say people uno read bout LA Lewis, say him buss long before Bounty? Not to mention say him do Ras Myrhdak song bout Blazer before di Ras? People, but dat are not di joke, di man say him a good friend wid nuff alien! Have mercy!

But look yah, massive, dat are still not di joke. Peaches from dung a di juice office nuh deh tell mi how LA come dung deh come carve out him name inna di people dem desk! Lawd have mercy! Dem haffi go as far as fi put glass over di desk fi protect it from him.

Lookyah Peaches and di Magnum massive, uno are cannot fight against dis sort of principalities, powers and paint brush wid glass top table! Uno nuh hear di man say him link wid alien?

Lookyah, miss secretary, when yuh see him a come yuh need fi transform like inna Carrie 2 and mek macka bush start full up di whole a yuh body and yuh desk! Uno need fi mek sure seh iron shutter start drop dung ova di wall dem and Osama bin Laden come do military formation in front of dem!

Den Big Man, yuh need fi buss open yuh office door like inna Revelation when di eastern sky dem a part! Hallelujah! Yuh need fi sling yuh big iron chain cross yuh shoulder and 'vroom' 'vroom' out like Nicholas Cage inna Ghost Rider and yuh head pon fiyaaah! Hashkalabish!

Yuh need fi show him what it are really mean when uno say 'energy when yuh need it!' My gaaawd!

How some gyal a roam so from one fren to a nex? Lawd people! Westchester Portmore nuh stop talk bout dah shorty yah. A four fren she done aready and is not like she nuh know. A talk bout she ah search fi love and husband. Yuh done four fren already and now yuh tek dem cousin and brother too?

Now di one weh have har, have her in one piece a limbo. Kill har dead she a wife! Di bat-up-an-ketch betta tek a cut, cause him say a him 'knife' fi wen him want a slice! Dem a ask who nex, and wossarah, she so *la*hming lie! Mi say di gyal all want fi get pregnant fi hol' di man. Babes mek a tell yuh dis, pickney nuh hol' man again! Dem a look wife material fi carry dem pickney!

Uno can imagine how fi har pickney dem go tink it normal fi 15 man come hol on pon dem like ah ackee from Linstead market? Lawd have mercy pon di man dem wha nuh know bout yuh yet!