Simple Home Remedies

         1.. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a 
cup of boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage will be 
almost instantly removed.

         2.. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by 
getting someone else to hold them while you chop away...

         3!.. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by 
simply using the sink.

         4.. For high *lo** pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and 
bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember 
to use a timer.

         5.. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent 
you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze 
button.

         6.. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then 
you will be afraid to cough.

         7.. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you 
will forget all about the toothache.

         8.. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life 
really are: You only need two tools - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't 
move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct 
tape.

         9.. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

         10.. Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.

         11.. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another 
chance.

         12.. And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you 
never know when you might need them to empty your bedpan!
heh heh

Have a Irie Day!