Dear Pastor,

I have a problem that I have been struggling with for too long.

I am a 27-year-old virgin who has been a Christian for 12 years. I have these sexual desires that I really cannot take. Trust me, I have tried in more ways than one. I have fasted and prayed, I try not to think about it by keeping myself busy with work and friends but, pastor, it does not work. The sexual desires are even stronger when my period is near and that is when I do the things that I know I am not supposed to.

Twice I went online and had Web sex with guys I do not even know. Well, actually, they were the ones having the sex. I just let them think that I was doing what they said I should be doing. I know that it was wrong but I still indulged in it, just to quench the desires that I had.

There are even times when the desires are so strong that I would imagine that I am having sex. I tell myself that I am not going to have sex until I am married and that I am not going to masturbate because I would prefer the real thing, but these last few days have been very hard to cope with. It is not as if I do not have friends and family members to talk to, to let them know what I am going through, but I am afraid that if they really know what I have been doing, they would be very disappointed in me. I am afraid to tell anyone, not even my mom, whom I am very close to, knows what I have been struggling with.

Pastor, I really wish that I had someone to talk to because there is so much inside of me that I want to let out, "to just spill my guts", so to speak, to someone who would just listen and try to help me and not judge me. I want to talk to someone without worrying if the individual is going to talk, but in a world like this one I am living in, I know that this is not going to happen.

So, please, pastor, help me. Tell me what to do before I end up doing something that I might regret for the rest of my life.

ST, St Catherine, Jamaica.

Dear ST,

Temptation is not a sin, but yielding to temptation is sin. All normal men and women have sexual urges. Whether they are Christian or non-Christian does not change that fact. Prayer and fasting would not prevent you from having sexual desires. Sexual desires are in everyone. It is not unusual for some girls to have strong sexual urges before and immediately their monthly period. Some girls even claim that it is like their bodies are on fire. So I don't want you to think that you are bad why you are experiencing these feelings. You are a sexual being created by God Almighty. And although you do not want to discuss these urges with anyone because that person may misunderstand or ridicule you, I repeat that this normal.

I want to tell you that not having sex will not kill you. No, you are not going to die. The time may come when you are married and the desire for sex will be fulfilled in marriage. What you are doing on the internet is wrong and I want you to know that I don't believe that you have not participated in the activity. You have already given away yourself in your letter. These guys with whom you are engaging in cyber sex may use what you have written to blackmail you. So desist immediately.