Dear Pastor,

I am 31 years of age. I am having a problem. I love a man, but my problem is he does not give me money. I know love is not all about money, but love cannot go to the supermarket. I love him, but I understand he is a gambler. He works and he loves me, but I cannot understand why he does not want to give me money. He helped me to build my little room which I am grateful for, but I have knowledge because I have a little shop. Love is blind and now I know he does not mean me any good. Before he and I were friends, he was nice, but then he changed. He never used to give me money to tell the truth. I did not love him for his money, but I need help for myself. He sees it with his own eyes.

My two children have to go to school every day and their father died at sea and I am alone. He helped and comforted me during my times of sorrow. Every time I ask him for money, he finds excuses and there are times I know for sure that he has money in his pocket but he prefers to buy things and gives it to me to eat, which I do not need.

I am a very important woman and he does not seem to know. I told him my son passed his examination to go to a high school and I needed help and he only made a promise that I do not need. He is worthless. He has two children going to school also. But it does not matter how small it is, he is to stretch out his hands to me, his children and himself. I need to stop seeing him just as I say I love him, but I have to start looking into myself for my mother always say "if duck want to leave pond, pond will leave duck".

Move on

So, help me. I need to move on with my life. I know God is good for He has helped me after my children father died and I buried him. I know God will help me to get out of this. This man does not mean my children or me any good. I need to leave him and another thing is that I am afraid to take anyone who is abusive or ignorant. To have a good life is something I pray for. I now cover my heart for this man when I say I love him. I love him for sure, but at times I just need to wake up.

P. C., Clarendon, Jamaica.

Dear P. C.,

I understand why you want to leave this man. You have explained yourself well. However, I must tell you that this man is going to try to hang on to you because he did you a big favour by making an addition to your house. Yes, madam, he built you a room and if you leave him, he is going to use it against you.

Of course, he knew what he was doing. He did not add on the room only to help you. He wanted to make the home convenient for himself too. Whenever he comes to see you, he wants privacy. I know you are having financial difficulties, but, my darling, find out from him how much it cost him to make the addition to your house. And even if you have to borrow the money to pay him back, do so and let him go his way so that you can be free. He is a mean man and mean men do not change easily.