FROM:CrazyPickney,MediaZoneJA Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 01,2007
RE: Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be an open bar & plenty of food We'll have a small band playing traditional carols ...feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! AChristmas tree will be lit at 1:00PM. Exchange of gifts among employees can bedone at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pocket. This gathering is only forouremployees! Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!
Merry Christmas to youandyour family.


FROM:CrazyPickney,MediaZoneJA Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December O2, 2007
RE: Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to excludeour Jewishemployees. We recognizethatHanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides w 'Christmas,though unfortunately notthis year. However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians or those stillcelebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be noChristmas tree.No Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of musicfor yourenjoyment. Happy now? Happy Holidays to you and your family.


FROM:CrazyPickney,MediaZoneJA Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December O3, 2007
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member ofAlcoholicsAnonymous requesting a
non-drinking table ...you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this
request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AAOnly"; youwouldnt be
anonymous anymore. Howam I supposed to handle this?
Somebody?
Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange isallowed since the union members
feel that $10.00 is too much money & executives believe$10.00 is alittlebit chintzy.
NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

 
FROM:CrazyPickney,MediaZoneJA Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December O4, 2007
RE: Holiday Party
What a diverse groupwe are!
I had no idea that December 20 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating & drinking during daylight hours.There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how aluncheon at this time of year does notaccommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. PerhapsThe Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party -or else package every thing for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?
Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet & pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays areallowed to sit witheach other. Lesbians do not have to sit w/Gay men, each will havetheirown table. Yes, there will beflower arrangement for the Gay men'stable. To the person asking permission to cross dress, no cross-dressing allowedthough we will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest for those people w/high *lo** pressure to taste 1st. There will be freshfruits as dessert for Diabetics, therestaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?


FROM:CrazyPickney,MediaZoneJA Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December O5, 2007
RE: Holiday Party
Vegetarian pricks I've had itwithyou people!  We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, &you'll get your f**ingSalad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too.They scream when you slice them I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!
I hope you allhave arotten holiday! Drive drunk &die,
The b*t*h from HELL!!!


FROM:STAINLESS.,ActingMediaZoneJA Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December O6, 2007
RE:CrazyPickney andHoliday Party
I 'm sure I speak for all ofus in wishing CrazyPickney a speedy recoveryand I'll continue
to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our
Holiday Party &give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off withfull pay.
Happy Holidays!