* Yknow, looking at her, youd never guess that Demi Moore had a baby!

* Gosh, youre lucky. I sure wish men could experience the miracle of childbirth.

* Do you think the baby will come before Monday Night Football starts?

* I hope your ready. The Glamour Shot photographer will be here in fifteen minutes.

* If you think this hurts, I should tell you about the time I twisted my ankle playing basketball.

* That was the kids on the phone. Did you have anything planned for dinner?

* When you lay on your back, you look like a python that swallowed a wild boar.

* You dont need an epidural. Just relax and enjoy the moment.

* This whole experience kind of reminds me of an episode from I Love Lucy.

* Oops! Which cord was I supposed to cut?

* Stop your swearing and just breathe.

* Remember what we learned in Lamaze class! HEE HEE HOO HOO. Youre not using the right words.

* Your stomach still looks like theres another one in there.

* You dont have the guts to pull that trigger.