Forum: Funny Stuff
Share all jokes here, funny pics etc...(PS...warn members of uncensored/adult jokes)
A mother and her son were flying Air Jamaica from Montego Bay to Miami. The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"
The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the stewardess. So the boy asked the stewardess, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"
The stewardess responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?" The boy said, "Yes she did".
Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Air Jamaica always pulls out on time. Have your mother explain that to you."
Three people were in a parent teacher meeting; a white woman, a chiney and a Jamaican woman
The white women tun to the chiney and sey See my daughter, she is straight A student, artistic and could be the
next Van Gogh
To this the chiney replied Oh, see my daughter, she is a straight As student and also very artistic; she could be the next Johann Sebastian Bach and a great scientist in the making. Who knows, She could find the cure for Aids".
The Jamaican said Well my daughter has di top ten average in this country. She is athletic, she can be the next Merlene Ottey, she is a great scientist, maybe she can find the cure fi canca, and she is also artistic, she can be the next Michael Angelo or Mozart."
The chiney and white woman tun to him ah sey wow!!! how does she do it
well she has great inspiration from me" said the Jamaican woman.
I should think so the white woman replied.
Thats great" the chiney replied, but how do you go about this?
Well its simple psychology really ... if she walk through mi door with a failing grade, as sure as di the canca inna Bob Marley likkle toe she know mi a go bus har ra**!
The white women tun to the chiney and sey See my daughter, she is straight A student, artistic and could be the
next Van Gogh
To this the chiney replied Oh, see my daughter, she is a straight As student and also very artistic; she could be the next Johann Sebastian Bach and a great scientist in the making. Who knows, She could find the cure for Aids".
The Jamaican said Well my daughter has di top ten average in this country. She is athletic, she can be the next Merlene Ottey, she is a great scientist, maybe she can find the cure fi canca, and she is also artistic, she can be the next Michael Angelo or Mozart."
The chiney and white woman tun to him ah sey wow!!! how does she do it
well she has great inspiration from me" said the Jamaican woman.
I should think so the white woman replied.
Thats great" the chiney replied, but how do you go about this?
Well its simple psychology really ... if she walk through mi door with a failing grade, as sure as di the canca inna Bob Marley likkle toe she know mi a go bus har ra**!
A newlywed couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies so he said to his new wife, 'Baby, ah coming back.'
'Where yuh going, honey bunny?' asked the wife.
'Ah going by de bar, dahlin. Ah going and drink a beer.'
'The wife said, 'Yuh want a beer, my love?'
She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer brands from 12 different countries: Trinidad & Tobago, Germany, Jamaica, Holland, Guyana, Japan, America, etc.
The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was,
'Yes, sweetness...but by de bar...yuh know...dey have frozen glasses...'
He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, 'Yuh want a frozen glass, puppy face?'
She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.
The husband, looking a bit pale, said, 'Yes, chunkulunks, but by de bar dey have dem cutters that does go down REAL good... Ah wouldn't be long, ah coming back now. Ah promise. OK?'
You want cutters, doo-doo?' She opened the oven and took out five dishes of different cutters: chicken wings, geera pork, fried wantons etc.
'But pumpkin... By de bar... Yuh know...the atmosphere nah.....it have cussin, dirty words and all that...'
'Yuh want cussin sugar plum? Drink yuh f**kin beer in yuh mudda c*nt frozen glass and eat yuh f***in cutters right dey. Yuh marrid now, and yuh ain't goin no f***in where without me! Not ah f**k at dat! Feel yuh f***in smart!
.......and, they lived happily ever after
'Where yuh going, honey bunny?' asked the wife.
'Ah going by de bar, dahlin. Ah going and drink a beer.'
'The wife said, 'Yuh want a beer, my love?'
She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer brands from 12 different countries: Trinidad & Tobago, Germany, Jamaica, Holland, Guyana, Japan, America, etc.
The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was,
'Yes, sweetness...but by de bar...yuh know...dey have frozen glasses...'
He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, 'Yuh want a frozen glass, puppy face?'
She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.
The husband, looking a bit pale, said, 'Yes, chunkulunks, but by de bar dey have dem cutters that does go down REAL good... Ah wouldn't be long, ah coming back now. Ah promise. OK?'
You want cutters, doo-doo?' She opened the oven and took out five dishes of different cutters: chicken wings, geera pork, fried wantons etc.
'But pumpkin... By de bar... Yuh know...the atmosphere nah.....it have cussin, dirty words and all that...'
'Yuh want cussin sugar plum? Drink yuh f**kin beer in yuh mudda c*nt frozen glass and eat yuh f***in cutters right dey. Yuh marrid now, and yuh ain't goin no f***in where without me! Not ah f**k at dat! Feel yuh f***in smart!
.......and, they lived happily ever after
OBAMA (LIL WAYNE-AMILLIE REMAKE) **VERY FUNNY**
November 25, 2008
Started By dj kaynine — 3 Comments
-- Edited by dj kaynine at 09:36, 2008-11-25
A condom tells a tampon u always take my job 4 awhole week! The tampon sys yea but when you f**k upi lose my job for 9 months
wtf IMPOSSIBLE JACKING A MUS C ((jAYDStBALIST))
November 19, 2008
Started By JaydsTbalist — 5 Comments
LOL!
-- Edited by RiddimRyder at 15:14, 2008-07-29
A LITTLE OLD LADY ANSWERD AKNOCK AT THE DOOR TO BE MET BY A VACUM CLEANER SALESMAN.
"F.UCK OFF" SHE SAID.
NEXT THING HE TIPS A BUCKET OF HORSE SH.IT ON HER HALLWAY CARPET AND SAYS " IF THIS VACUUM CLEANER DOES NOT REMOVE ALL TRACES OF THIS HORSE SHIT MADAM I WILL EAT THE REMAINDER"
"WELL" SHE SAYS " I HOPE YOUR f**kING HUNGRY BECAUSE THE ELECTRICITY WAS CUT OF THIS MORNING"
"F.UCK OFF" SHE SAID.
NEXT THING HE TIPS A BUCKET OF HORSE SH.IT ON HER HALLWAY CARPET AND SAYS " IF THIS VACUUM CLEANER DOES NOT REMOVE ALL TRACES OF THIS HORSE SHIT MADAM I WILL EAT THE REMAINDER"
"WELL" SHE SAYS " I HOPE YOUR f**kING HUNGRY BECAUSE THE ELECTRICITY WAS CUT OF THIS MORNING"
BLACK MAN IN AN ELEVATOR....THIS HAPPENED TO ME LAST NIGHT [KRAZILY INSANE]
October 29, 2008
Started By Krazily Insane — 30 Comments
EVEN THO UNU MAY SEE DIS ALREADY...MI TINK IT FUNNY BAD...IT HAPPEN TO ME LASTNITE...
MI SAY TWO NIGHTS AFTER DAT MI SEE ONE OLE WHITE WOMAN A HEAD TOWARDS D ELEVATOR...MI SAY TO MESELF "YES" AND START PRACTICE MI "BOO" WEN SHE SEE ME A HEAD TOWARDS D ELEVATOR SHE MEK A DETOUR N TEK D STAIRS MI BEX U FUCC....MI SAY D WOMAN RACIST U FUCC...CUZ SHE OLD BAD N MI SWEAR SHE DID AGO DROP DUNG...
BUT MI SURELY DID AGO BOO HAR CLAAT....
-- Edited by Krazily Insane at 17:35, 2008-11-01
MI SAY TWO NIGHTS AFTER DAT MI SEE ONE OLE WHITE WOMAN A HEAD TOWARDS D ELEVATOR...MI SAY TO MESELF "YES" AND START PRACTICE MI "BOO" WEN SHE SEE ME A HEAD TOWARDS D ELEVATOR SHE MEK A DETOUR N TEK D STAIRS MI BEX U FUCC....MI SAY D WOMAN RACIST U FUCC...CUZ SHE OLD BAD N MI SWEAR SHE DID AGO DROP DUNG...
BUT MI SURELY DID AGO BOO HAR CLAAT....
-- Edited by Krazily Insane at 17:35, 2008-11-01
A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is an American.
She asks her students to raise their hands if they were American too.
Not really knowing why but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like flashy fireworks.
There is, however, one exception. A girl named Kristen has not gone along with the crowd.
The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.
"Because I am not an American."
"Then", asks the teacher, "What are you?"
"I'm a proud Canadian," boasts the little girl.
The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Kristen why she is a Canadian.
"Well, my mom and dad are Canadians, so I'm a Canadian too."
The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?"
A pause, and a smile. "Then," says Kristen, "I'd be an American."
REMEMBER ITS JUS ONLYY A JK
She asks her students to raise their hands if they were American too.
Not really knowing why but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like flashy fireworks.
There is, however, one exception. A girl named Kristen has not gone along with the crowd.
The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.
"Because I am not an American."
"Then", asks the teacher, "What are you?"
"I'm a proud Canadian," boasts the little girl.
The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Kristen why she is a Canadian.
"Well, my mom and dad are Canadians, so I'm a Canadian too."
The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?"
A pause, and a smile. "Then," says Kristen, "I'd be an American."
REMEMBER ITS JUS ONLYY A JK
http://www.ef*kt.com/2038_She_Looks_Really_Bored.html
change de * to a u
-- Edited by Dj Method at 18:56, 2008-06-02
change de * to a u
-- Edited by Dj Method at 18:56, 2008-06-02
Kiss mi ra**sssssss CD lollololololololololololololololol***People uhnuh affi listen this****---DJ SpYda---
July 4, 2008
Started By blackspyda — 10 Comments
http://www.zshare.net/download/1469492383129310/
ok now mek mi see who ago teff this post tooo even this an this a longtime ting lord god me a tell yuh everyting mi post sum man just affi post it over looooooooooooool
but this cd funny mi nah lie maaaaad ting
but this cd funny mi nah lie maaaaad ting
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"
Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I Understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."
Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I Understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."
When sign makers go on strike is there anything written on their signs?
If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
Why do you have a hot water heater when you don't need to heat hot water?
Why do we drive on a parkway and park in a driveway?
If the cops arrest a mime do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't grow in it?
sumthing different @ tommy lol which 1 look d best
yow dem ppl really talented ma fav is d elephant really creative
-- Edited by BABY at 22:03, 2008-04-03
yow dem ppl really talented ma fav is d elephant really creative
-- Edited by BABY at 22:03, 2008-04-03
MR.BEAN GOES SWIMMING FUNNY AS HELLDWLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
April 22, 2008
Started By mrs kalongi — 20 Comments
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a4cmrMJul1g
OR TRY THIS LINK
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a4cmrMJul1g
-- Edited by BABY at 21:54, 2008-04-22
OR TRY THIS LINK
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a4cmrMJul1g
-- Edited by BABY at 21:54, 2008-04-22
One day a multi billionaire was board, so he asked his butler to get him 3 men.
A few hours later the butler comes back. The man says "OK I've a deal you can't refuse. Who can swim successfully across this pool filed with sharks, eels, and leaches. The winner may have whatever his heat desires."
No one replies so the man gives up.
All of a sudden the man hears a splash. One of the men is swimming as fast as he can, dodging all the sharks, eels, and leaches.
The billionaire was so impressed that someone had enough guts take up his challenge. He congratulates the man and asks him what he wants.
The man replies "I want the Sun of a Bitch who pushed me in"
A few hours later the butler comes back. The man says "OK I've a deal you can't refuse. Who can swim successfully across this pool filed with sharks, eels, and leaches. The winner may have whatever his heat desires."
No one replies so the man gives up.
All of a sudden the man hears a splash. One of the men is swimming as fast as he can, dodging all the sharks, eels, and leaches.
The billionaire was so impressed that someone had enough guts take up his challenge. He congratulates the man and asks him what he wants.
The man replies "I want the Sun of a Bitch who pushed me in"
Little Johnny was taking a shower with his grandma.
He casually asked,"Grandma whats that?" She quickly replied, "That's my beaver". Little Johnny didnt say another word.
Two days later he was taking a shower with his mom. Little Johnny asked,"Mommy whats that?" She replied, "Well Johnny thats my beaver."
Little Johnny thought for a bit and said,"Well grandmas beaver must be dying her tongues hanging out!!"
He casually asked,"Grandma whats that?" She quickly replied, "That's my beaver". Little Johnny didnt say another word.
Two days later he was taking a shower with his mom. Little Johnny asked,"Mommy whats that?" She replied, "Well Johnny thats my beaver."
Little Johnny thought for a bit and said,"Well grandmas beaver must be dying her tongues hanging out!!"
One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in tiny Smithville wakes up early and goes to their local church. Before the service starts, the townspeople sit in their pews and talk about their lives, their families, etc.
Suddenly, at the altar, Satan appears!! Everyone starts screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in their determined efforts to get away from Evil Incarnate.
Soon, everyone is evacuated from the church except for one man, who sit calmly in his pew, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy is in his presence. This confuses Satan a bit.
Satan walks up to the man and says, "Hey, don't you know who I am?"
The man says, "Yep, sure do."
Satan says, "Well, aren't you afraid of me?"
The man says, "Nope, sure ain't."
Satan, perturbed, says, "And why aren't you afraid of me?"
"Well, I've been married to your sister for 25 years."
Suddenly, at the altar, Satan appears!! Everyone starts screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in their determined efforts to get away from Evil Incarnate.
Soon, everyone is evacuated from the church except for one man, who sit calmly in his pew, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy is in his presence. This confuses Satan a bit.
Satan walks up to the man and says, "Hey, don't you know who I am?"
The man says, "Yep, sure do."
Satan says, "Well, aren't you afraid of me?"
The man says, "Nope, sure ain't."
Satan, perturbed, says, "And why aren't you afraid of me?"
"Well, I've been married to your sister for 25 years."
This guy goes into a hore house and gives the lady at the front desk $500 and tells her that he wants a woman that can handle him.
She replies, go down the hall and its the second door on the right.
He does and just as they get started she starts screaming from the pain. He then marches back to the front desk and tell the woman that he said he wanted a woman that could handle him.
She says, ok ok this time go all the way down the hall and down the stairs, there won't be any lights so just feel around til you hit something wet and stick it in.
He does this and just as they get started nothing happens there isn't any screaming. Well he thinks, finally, this could work.
As he gets into it he shouts "Oh yea, talk to me baby".
She replies "MOOOOOO"!
She replies, go down the hall and its the second door on the right.
He does and just as they get started she starts screaming from the pain. He then marches back to the front desk and tell the woman that he said he wanted a woman that could handle him.
She says, ok ok this time go all the way down the hall and down the stairs, there won't be any lights so just feel around til you hit something wet and stick it in.
He does this and just as they get started nothing happens there isn't any screaming. Well he thinks, finally, this could work.
As he gets into it he shouts "Oh yea, talk to me baby".
She replies "MOOOOOO"!
In school Mrs. Rogers was playing a word game with the kids.
She would shout out a letter and then pick on a student, and the student would pick a word that starts with the letter.
Mrs. Rogers said the letter "B" and Johnny raised his hand.
Since Mrs. Rogers thought he'd say bitch She called on Sally instead. Sally said Ball
Mrs. Rogers said the letter "P", and Johnny raised his hand again.
Since Mrs. Rogers thought he'd say P**y, she called on Frank, who said paper.
Finally, Mrs. Rogers said the letter "R", and again Johnny raised his hand.
Mrs. Rogers couldn't think of a bad word that started with "R" so she picked Johnny.
Johnny hesitated and said "Rat" .... "A Big Mother Fuucking Rat"
She would shout out a letter and then pick on a student, and the student would pick a word that starts with the letter.
Mrs. Rogers said the letter "B" and Johnny raised his hand.
Since Mrs. Rogers thought he'd say bitch She called on Sally instead. Sally said Ball
Mrs. Rogers said the letter "P", and Johnny raised his hand again.
Since Mrs. Rogers thought he'd say P**y, she called on Frank, who said paper.
Finally, Mrs. Rogers said the letter "R", and again Johnny raised his hand.
Mrs. Rogers couldn't think of a bad word that started with "R" so she picked Johnny.
Johnny hesitated and said "Rat" .... "A Big Mother Fuucking Rat"
Two dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two prostitutes and take them to their separate hotel rooms.
The first dwarf, however, is unable to get a stiffy. His depression is enhanced by the fact that, from the next room, he hears cries of, "ONE, TWO, THREE...UUUUH!" all night long.
In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, "How did it go?"
The first whispered back, "It was so embarra**ing. I just couldn't get a hard on."
The second dwarf shook his head. "You think that's embarra**ing?!!" he asked. "I couldn't even get on the bed!!!"
The first dwarf, however, is unable to get a stiffy. His depression is enhanced by the fact that, from the next room, he hears cries of, "ONE, TWO, THREE...UUUUH!" all night long.
In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, "How did it go?"
The first whispered back, "It was so embarra**ing. I just couldn't get a hard on."
The second dwarf shook his head. "You think that's embarra**ing?!!" he asked. "I couldn't even get on the bed!!!"
One day there was this little boy named Johny he had to go to the bathroom so he raised his hand and asked the teacher "can I go to the bathroom." she said no.
Then 5 mins later he raised his hand and said "damit I have to piss can I go to the bathroom."She said "no not with that mouth."She said now go to the corner and say your a,b,c's.frontwords and backwords
He went to the corner and said "a,b,c,d,e,f,g,h,i,j,k,l,m,n,o,q,r,s,t,u,v,w,x,y,z"
Then he said "z,y,x,w,v,u,t,s,r,q,o,n,m,l,k,j,i,h,g,f,e,d,c,b,a"
Then she said "Where is the p."
Lil Johny said "Running down my leg."
Then 5 mins later he raised his hand and said "damit I have to piss can I go to the bathroom."She said "no not with that mouth."She said now go to the corner and say your a,b,c's.frontwords and backwords
He went to the corner and said "a,b,c,d,e,f,g,h,i,j,k,l,m,n,o,q,r,s,t,u,v,w,x,y,z"
Then he said "z,y,x,w,v,u,t,s,r,q,o,n,m,l,k,j,i,h,g,f,e,d,c,b,a"
Then she said "Where is the p."
Lil Johny said "Running down my leg."
When she moves her ass she has to make two trips.
Her high school graduation picture was an aerial photographThe back of her neck looks like a six-pack of hot dogs."Place Your Ad Hear" is printed on each of her buttcheeks.The local restaurant has a sign: "MAXIMUM OCCUPANCY: YO MAMA"When she ran away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton.When she gets in an elevator, it has to go down.She was born with a silver shovel in her mouth.I ran around her twice and got lost.Her driver's license says "Picture continued on the other side".Her sneakers need license plates.When she goes to a restaurant, she gets an estimate.She can't even jump to a conclusion.She went to the movies and sat next to everyone.
Her high school graduation picture was an aerial photographThe back of her neck looks like a six-pack of hot dogs."Place Your Ad Hear" is printed on each of her buttcheeks.The local restaurant has a sign: "MAXIMUM OCCUPANCY: YO MAMA"When she ran away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton.When she gets in an elevator, it has to go down.She was born with a silver shovel in her mouth.I ran around her twice and got lost.Her driver's license says "Picture continued on the other side".Her sneakers need license plates.When she goes to a restaurant, she gets an estimate.She can't even jump to a conclusion.She went to the movies and sat next to everyone.
Women as explained by engineers _ Hah! (ZONERS PREE) LOL
November 14, 2008
Started By AJ — 8 Comments
PART I
PART II
PART III
PART IV
PART V
:
My ex-wife try out Helium Gas lol wwwoieeeeeeeee
November 9, 2008
Started By Dj Stewie — 15 Comments
Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home.
The second guy wishes the same.
The third guy says Im lonely. I wish my friends were back here.
The second guy wishes the same.
The third guy says Im lonely. I wish my friends were back here.
A young couple on their wedding night were in their honeymoon suite. As they were undressing for bed, the husband, a big burly man, tossed his trousers to his new bride.
He said, Here, put these on. She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body. I cant wear your trousers. she said.
Thats right, said the husband, and dont you ever forget it. Im the man who wears the pants in this family. With that she flipped him her panties and said, Try these on.
He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps.
Hell, he said. I cant get into your panties! She replied, Thats rightand thats the way it is going to stay until your attitude changes.
An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple, and peach trees.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!'
The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.'
Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator.'
Some old men can still think fast.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!'
The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.'
Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator.'
Some old men can still think fast.
Once upon a time there was a women that was about to have triplets.
In her stomach the babies were talking to each other.
The first baby says "I want to be a plumber, because there is so much water in here".
The second baby says "I want to be an electrician because it is so dark in here".
And the last baby says "I want to be a hunter, because if that damn snake comes back in here i'm going to cut it off".
In her stomach the babies were talking to each other.
The first baby says "I want to be a plumber, because there is so much water in here".
The second baby says "I want to be an electrician because it is so dark in here".
And the last baby says "I want to be a hunter, because if that damn snake comes back in here i'm going to cut it off".
A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is an American.
She asks her students to raise their hands if they were American too.
Not really knowing why but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like flashy fireworks.
There is, however, one exception. A girl named Kristen has not gone along with the crowd.
The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.
"Because I am not an American."
"Then", asks the teacher, "What are you?"
"I'm a proud Canadian," boasts the little girl.
The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Kristen why she is a Canadian.
"Well, my mom and dad are Canadians, so I'm a Canadian too."
The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?"
A pause, and a smile. "Then," says Kristen, "I'd be an American."
REMEMBER ITS JUS ONLYY A JK
She asks her students to raise their hands if they were American too.
Not really knowing why but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like flashy fireworks.
There is, however, one exception. A girl named Kristen has not gone along with the crowd.
The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.
"Because I am not an American."
"Then", asks the teacher, "What are you?"
"I'm a proud Canadian," boasts the little girl.
The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Kristen why she is a Canadian.
"Well, my mom and dad are Canadians, so I'm a Canadian too."
The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?"
A pause, and a smile. "Then," says Kristen, "I'd be an American."
REMEMBER ITS JUS ONLYY A JK
Your Momma Jokes....Dont tek it Personal jus for fun ok
November 11, 2008
Started By jepomaxxx — 8 Comments
Yo mama's arms are so short, she has to tilt her head to scratch her ear!
Yo mama's mouth so big, she speaks in surround sound!
Yo mama's so skinny she turned sideways and disappeared!
Yo mama's so short she does backflips under the bed!
Yo mama's so short you can see her feet on her drivers licence!
Yo mama's so poor she can't afford to pay attention!
Yo mama's so bald that she took a shower and got brain-washed!
Yo mama's so fat people jog around her for exercise! Yo mama's so ugly we have to tie a steak around your neck so the dog will play with her!
Yo mama's so ugly that yo daddy first met her at the pound!
Yo mama's so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals."
Yo mama's so ugly they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Planet of the Apes!
Yo mama's so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillence cameras!
Yo mama's mouth so big, she speaks in surround sound!
Yo mama's so skinny she turned sideways and disappeared!
Yo mama's so short she does backflips under the bed!
Yo mama's so short you can see her feet on her drivers licence!
Yo mama's so poor she can't afford to pay attention!
Yo mama's so bald that she took a shower and got brain-washed!
Yo mama's so fat people jog around her for exercise! Yo mama's so ugly we have to tie a steak around your neck so the dog will play with her!
Yo mama's so ugly that yo daddy first met her at the pound!
Yo mama's so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals."
Yo mama's so ugly they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Planet of the Apes!
Yo mama's so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillence cameras!
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night
And have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a
Big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that
After dinner, she would like to go out and make love
For the first time.
Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex
Before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get
Some condoms.
He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour.
He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and Sex.
At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many
Condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family
Pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he
Thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents
House and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm
So excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table
Where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly
Offers to say grace and bows his head.
A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer,
With his head down.
10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.
Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the
Girlfriend leans over and whispers to the
Boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."
The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your
Father was a pharmacist."
And have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a
Big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that
After dinner, she would like to go out and make love
For the first time.
Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex
Before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get
Some condoms.
He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour.
He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and Sex.
At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many
Condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family
Pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he
Thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents
House and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm
So excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table
Where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly
Offers to say grace and bows his head.
A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer,
With his head down.
10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.
Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the
Girlfriend leans over and whispers to the
Boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."
The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your
Father was a pharmacist."
A little boy walked into his mom and dads room while they were fighting. The dad yelled, "You b*****!" And the mom screamed, "You bas***!" And the little boy said, "Mommy, Daddy what does that mean???" And the parents replied "Um...ladies and gentlemen." And with that answer the little boy ran off to bed.
The next night the parents were really horny, the dad said "Nice tits!" And the mom, "Nice dick!" And the little boy ran into the room and asked, "Mommy, Daddy what does that mean???" "Um...hats and coats." And with that answer the little boy ran back to bed.
The next day was Thanksgiving and all of the relatives were going to be eating and celebrating at the little boys house. The little boy was on his way up the stairs and ran into the bathroom. When he swung the door open it hit his dad's elbow, (the dad was shaving and he cut himself) "Sh**!" He bellowed. "Daddy what does that mean???" "Um, it is the name of the shaving cream that I'm using, now run downstairs and see what your mom is doing." And with that the little boy did as he was told. Meanwhile his mom was slicing the turkey, and she accidentally put her finger in the wrong place. "F***!" She hollered and the little boy said , "Mommy, what does that mean???" "Um, it means I'm cutting the turkey."
DING-DONG the door bell rang and the little boy scampered off to answer it saying: "Hello all of you b***** and b******, hang up your titties and dicks. Dad's up stairs whipping the sh** off of his face and mom's in the kitchen fu**** the turkey!"
The next night the parents were really horny, the dad said "Nice tits!" And the mom, "Nice dick!" And the little boy ran into the room and asked, "Mommy, Daddy what does that mean???" "Um...hats and coats." And with that answer the little boy ran back to bed.
The next day was Thanksgiving and all of the relatives were going to be eating and celebrating at the little boys house. The little boy was on his way up the stairs and ran into the bathroom. When he swung the door open it hit his dad's elbow, (the dad was shaving and he cut himself) "Sh**!" He bellowed. "Daddy what does that mean???" "Um, it is the name of the shaving cream that I'm using, now run downstairs and see what your mom is doing." And with that the little boy did as he was told. Meanwhile his mom was slicing the turkey, and she accidentally put her finger in the wrong place. "F***!" She hollered and the little boy said , "Mommy, what does that mean???" "Um, it means I'm cutting the turkey."
DING-DONG the door bell rang and the little boy scampered off to answer it saying: "Hello all of you b***** and b******, hang up your titties and dicks. Dad's up stairs whipping the sh** off of his face and mom's in the kitchen fu**** the turkey!"
-- Edited by Delly, British at 19:29, 2008-11-11
Two cannibals, a father and son, were elected by the tribe to go out and get something to eat. They walked deep into the jungle and waited by a path.
Before long, along came this little old man. The son said, Ooh dad, theres one. No, said the father. Theres not enough meat on that one to even feed the dogs. Well just wait.
Well, a little while later, along came this really fat man. The son said, Hey dad, hes plenty big enough. No, the father said. Wed all die of a heart attack from the fat in that one. Well just wait.
About an hour later, here comes this absolutely gorgeous woman.
The son said, Now theres nothing wrong with that one dad. Lets eat her.
No, said the father. Well not eat her either.
Why not? asked the son.
Because, were going to take her back alive and eat your mother.
A new client had just come in to see a famous lawyer.
Can you tell me how much you charge?, said the client.
Of course, the lawyer replied, I charge $200 to answer three questions!
Well thats a bit steep, isnt it?
Yes it is, said the lawyer, And whats your third question?
Can you tell me how much you charge?, said the client.
Of course, the lawyer replied, I charge $200 to answer three questions!
Well thats a bit steep, isnt it?
Yes it is, said the lawyer, And whats your third question?
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana,
Jack got high,
unzipped his fly and said Jill,
do ya wanna?
Jill said yes,
took off her dress and they did the hankeypankey,
but Jill forgot to pop the pill and out popped little Frankie!
Jack got high,
unzipped his fly and said Jill,
do ya wanna?
Jill said yes,
took off her dress and they did the hankeypankey,
but Jill forgot to pop the pill and out popped little Frankie!
One night, he decides to bring his
girlfriend home
for a little fun.
They
have bunk beds and the guy notices that
his little
brother is already
asleep
on the lower bunk, so he and his
girlfriend climb
up
to the top bunk.
As you
might expect things start to heat up.
The guy remembers that his little brother is
sleeping below so he tells his
girlfriend to whisper "lettuce" if she wants it
harder and "tomato" if she
wants a new position.
Lettuce!!!
Tomato!!!
Lettuce!!!
Tomato!!!
Lettuce!!!
Tomato!!!
She screams
Lettuce!!!
Tomato!!!
Whoa!!!
PULL IT OUT!!!
PULL IT OUT NOW!!!
I can't get pregnant!
Then the little brother shouts up, "Hey,
would you
guys stop making
sandwiches up there! You're getting
mayonnaise
all over my
face!*!*!*!*!
girlfriend home
for a little fun.
They
have bunk beds and the guy notices that
his little
brother is already
asleep
on the lower bunk, so he and his
girlfriend climb
up
to the top bunk.
As you
might expect things start to heat up.
The guy remembers that his little brother is
sleeping below so he tells his
girlfriend to whisper "lettuce" if she wants it
harder and "tomato" if she
wants a new position.
Lettuce!!!
Tomato!!!
Lettuce!!!
Tomato!!!
Lettuce!!!
Tomato!!!
She screams
Lettuce!!!
Tomato!!!
Whoa!!!
PULL IT OUT!!!
PULL IT OUT NOW!!!
I can't get pregnant!
Then the little brother shouts up, "Hey,
would you
guys stop making
sandwiches up there! You're getting
mayonnaise
all over my
face!*!*!*!*!
One sunny day in 2009 an old man approached the White House.
>
> He walked up to the Marine standing guard and said, "I'd like to go in
> and meet with President Bush."
>
> "Sir, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here."
>
> The old man said "Okay," then walked away.
>
> The following day the same man approached the White House and said to
> the same Marine, 'I'd like to go in and meet with President Bush.'
>
> "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer
> resides here."
>
> The man thanked him and walked away.
>
> The third day, the old man approached the same Marine and said, "I'd
> like to go in and meet with President Bush."
>
> "Sir, this is the third day in a row that you've been here asking to
> speak to Mr. Bush. I've told you every time that Mr. Bush is no longer
> the president and that he no longer resides here. Don't you understand?"
>
> "Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it."
>
> The Marine snapped to attention, saluted the old man and said, "See you
> tomorrow, sir."
>
>
>
> He walked up to the Marine standing guard and said, "I'd like to go in
> and meet with President Bush."
>
> "Sir, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here."
>
> The old man said "Okay," then walked away.
>
> The following day the same man approached the White House and said to
> the same Marine, 'I'd like to go in and meet with President Bush.'
>
> "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer
> resides here."
>
> The man thanked him and walked away.
>
> The third day, the old man approached the same Marine and said, "I'd
> like to go in and meet with President Bush."
>
> "Sir, this is the third day in a row that you've been here asking to
> speak to Mr. Bush. I've told you every time that Mr. Bush is no longer
> the president and that he no longer resides here. Don't you understand?"
>
> "Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it."
>
> The Marine snapped to attention, saluted the old man and said, "See you
> tomorrow, sir."
>
>
Loudest car in Anguilla Bass Heads Rule LoL yall gotta see this
October 29, 2008
Started By ta — 16 Comments
....scilly
loolll..checc this on ya...it's funny trust me
[youtube=ttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-yJBsjatW0]
In a Chicago hospital, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom, but it had always been occupied. |
Tonight every woman is shaving their crotchieee in support of obama's campaign of no more "bush"...........lol.....ladies will u support........hahahahaha hilarious
-- Edited by -M- at 00:31, 2008-10-31
Jamaican man is sitting watching TV and his wife comes up behind him and claats him with a frying pan. 'Aaahh! Wat dat fa ?' he shouts 'Me find one paper inna yuh pocket wid a gyal name pon it, 
'Miss Melba' says his wife. 'Wa yuh mean? Me an' me frien' Leroy go a race track last week and Miss Melba is de name a de horse dat run inna de first race,' he protests.
Two days later he is sitting watching TV again and 'whack!'- one brute lick inna 'im headback - with the back of the dutch-pot.
'Ooowww,' he shouts. 'Wa' dat for now?'
'Yu horse deh pan di phone'!
Two days later he is sitting watching TV again and 'whack!'- one brute lick inna 'im headback - with the back of the dutch-pot.
'Ooowww,' he shouts. 'Wa' dat for now?'
'Yu horse deh pan di phone'!
Don't Disgrace the Family> >Date: Sat, 1 Sep 2007 18:34:54 -0400> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >Don't Disgrace the Family> >A young girl was going on a date.> >Her grandmother said, 'Sit here and let me tell you about young boys.> >He is going to try and kiss you, you are going to like that, but don't let > >him do that.> >He is going to try and feel your breast, you are going to like that, but > >don't let him do that.> >But most important, he is going to try and get on top of you to have his > >way with you.> >You are going to like that, but don't let him do that. It will disgrace the > >family.'> >With that bit of advice, the granddaughter went on her date.> >The next day she told grandma that her date went just like she had > >predicted.> >'Grandma, I didn't let him disgrace our family.> >When he tried, I just turned over, got on top of him, and disgraced HIS > >family..'> >Granny fainted!>
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