Forum: Funny Stuff
A mourner whispers, "Why are you making such a tumult? She was a tramp even when Nick was alive. What's with this nonsense...at last they're together!"
The first mourner responds, "I'm talking about her LEGS! At last they're together!"
To make it stiff, she licks it. To put it in, she pushes it. It is a hell of a job threading a needle!!!
2) Girl in cinema turns sideways and whispers to her boyfriend. 'The man next to me is masturbating!'
Bf: 'Ignore him.' Gf: 'I can't.' Bf: 'Why not?' Gf: 'He is using my hand!'
3) The Bio teacher draws a huge PENIS on the board and asks 'Does anybody know what this is? Dirty Harry says 'Oh, it's a penis and you know dad's got 2 of them?'
The teacher says '2 of them?' Harry says 'ya. ' The little one he uses to pee and the big one to brush mum's teeth.'
4) 4 miracles of a woman
Getting wet without taking a shower
Bleeding without getting hurt
Giving milk without eating gra**
Making boneless meat hard
5) What is the smallest hotel in the world? The answer is 'Vagina Inn ' It accomodates only 1 standing occupant with his 2 baggages left outside.
6) Unborn twins saw a penis approaching
1st: Papa coming, papa coming
2nd: U fool, it's uncle lah. Papa never comes with raincoat
"You have one wish, what will the wish be?"
After thinking for a while, the man was ready to say his wish.
"I wish that I could pee vodka."
"How you wish,"the genie said, and was gone.
The man was so excited that he rushed home and took out a shot glass. He then peed into the glass, and looked at it. It was very clear, and did not look like pee. Then he took a small sip, and lo and behold, it was the best vodka he had ever tasted.
That night he called his wife over and took out two shot glasses, and did his business in them. The wife was very reluctant to drink it, but when she did, she was amazed, and they drunk far into the night. Eventually getting it on with each other.
The next night they did the same.
The third night, the man only took out one glass. The woman asked him why he only took out one, and his response was...
"Tonight, my dear lady, you drink straight from the bottle!"
To that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic basket and pulled out a magnum gun and pointed it at him and said, "No you're not! You're going to eat me, just like it says in the book!"
2. Ahh, it's cute.
3. Who circumcised you?
4. Why don't we just cuddle?
5. You know they have surgery to fix that.
6. It's more fun to look at.
7. Make it dance.
8. You know, there's a tower in Italy like that.
9. Can I paint a smiley face on that?
10. It looks like a night crawler.
11. Wow, and your feet are so big.
12. My last boyfriend was 4'' bigger.
13. It's ok, we'll work around it.
14. Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?
15. Eww, there's an inch worm on your thigh.
16. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
17. Oh no, a flash headache.
18. (giggle and point)
19. Can I be honest with you?
20. My 8-year-old brother has one like that.
21. Let me go get my tweezers.
22. How sweet, you brought incense.
23. This explains your car.
24. You must be a growing boy.
25. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
26. Thanks, I needed a toothpick.
27. Are you one of those pygmies?
28. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?
29. Every heard of clearasil?
30. All right, a treasure hunt!
31. I didn't know they came that small.
32. Why is God punishing you?
33. At least this won't take long.
34. I never saw one like that before.
35. What do you call this?
36. But it still works, right?
37. ####, I hate baby-sitting.
38. It looks so unused.
39. Do you take steroids?
40. I hear excessive masturbation shrinks it.
41. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
42. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
43. Oh, I didn't know you were in an accident.
44. Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?
45. Aww, it's hiding.
46. Are you cold?
47. If you get me real drunk first.
48. Is that an optical illusion?
49. What is that?
50. I'll go get the ketchup for your french fry.
51. Were you neutered?
52. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
53. Does it come with an air pump?
54. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
55. Where are the puppet strings?
56. Your big gun is more like a BB gun.
57. Look, it fits my Barbie clothes.
58. Never mind, why bother.
59. Is that a second belly button?
60. Where's the rest of it?
10. "The Church Ho" - Her hair and nails is always done. This ho is in church every Sunday and carries a Bible with her at all times, but spends Tuesday through Saturday night of every week in a different club. She is sometimes mistaken for the Undercover Ho.
9. "High Class Ho" - (also known as the "Glamour Ho") - This type of ho rocks Prada and Versace, and only dates players, ballers, and shot callers. She is most often the cause of some fight in a club (i.e. Source Awards). She tries to act like she's got class but confuses regular English with Ebonics. She also has trouble with simple arithmetic.
8. "Old Ho" - The OLE Ho used to be tight "in her day," and thinks she still looks good for her age." She tries to wear all of the Soul Train fashions, thinking that she will blend in with the rest of the hunnies. You can find her at any club on any given night, gringding on the dance floor during any song, with any man, of any age.
7. "Nasty Ho" - This ho has not exactly been blessed in the looks department, but is usually very popular with the men for her other talents. Most often, she has a "tight" body and be found working in a strip club.
6. "Sneaky Ho" - The sneaky ho cannot be trusted in anyone's home or with anyone's man. Money and other personal items "turn up missing" not long after she's gone. She is always "dipped" and can never remember where she's purchased the coveted item of clothing. The Sneaky Ho aspires to be Undercover Ho but has already made too many enemies by stealing.
5. "Bourgeios Ho" - This type of ho is educated and professional woman with many credits to her name, she dresses well and has a sophisticated circle of friends. To the outside, these women are perfect, however these Ho's have multiple partners and sleep with married men like "Undercover Ho," perpetrate on Sunday like "Church Ho," get played by men just like "Stupid Ho," obsessed with name brands and status like "High Class Ho," and best of all...Bourgeois Ho looks down on all the other Ho's.
4. "Project Ho" - This Ho is living ghetto faboulous, squeezing money and trinkets out of her drug dealing "babies daddies." She likes to fight, and you will most often hear her before you see her.
3. "Stupid Ho" - She is usually very cute. The Stupid Ho keeps a string of men who constantly come over after midnight for booty calls. They often return to eat her food, watch her cable, and borrow her car and/or money. She complain s about them to her friends (i.e., Sneaky Ho and Project Ho) but never does anything about it.
2. "Crazy Ho" - This is a popular ho. Although she is very smart, the Crazy Ho is virtually an upgrade from the Stupid Ho. She has the same terrible luck with men, but unlike the Stupid Ho, she seeks revenge. Her areas of expertise include slashing tires, keying cars, making prank calls from unlisted numbers, visiting the trifling man (or other Ho's) jobs, and appearing on Judge Mathis for any of the aforementioned activities.
And Finally!!
1. "The Stank Ho" - This is perhaps the most popular Ho of them all. the Stank Ho has appeared on shows such as Ricky Lake, Jerry Springer and Jenny Jones. She has eluded herself into believing that she is beautiful, ad she sleeps with everyone to justify it.Her choice of wardrobe most often includes spandex (of every color), bra tops, and stripper shoes. She has a permanent "unwashed" look about her that cannot be removed with any amount of water or soap.
Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there's no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day with the following exercises a week before the exam, you will be totally prepared for the test -- and best of all -- you can do these simple practice exercises right in your home.
EXERCISE ONE: Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast between the door and the main box. Have one of your strongest friends slam the door shut as hard as possible -- and then lean on the door for good measure. Hold that position for five seconds. Repeat again in case the first time wasn't effective enough.
EXERCISE TWO: Go into your garage at 3 a.m. when the temperature of the cement floor is just right. Take off all your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under the rear of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn over and repeat for the other breast.
EXERCISE THREE: Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger into the room. Press the bookends together as hard as you can. Set an appointment with the stranger to meet next year and do it again.
You are now properly prepared. Final thoughts for women readers:
MENtal illness MENstrual cramps MENtal breakdown MENopause
Ever notice how all of women's problems start with men? Send this to all of the women you know and brighten their day - and when we have real trouble - it's HISterectomy.
alrite this one was jus cuz pain a pressure me fi it LMAO to get a good laugh
well sum man find dis sexy still
alrite but me a go get back serious
-- Edited by DubWize at 16:18, 2008-08-13
One was a college student, one was a buisness man and the other was a biker.
The student tells the two other men that it was his aniversary and he got his wife a pearl necklace and a trip to the Bahamas "Shit if she doesnt like the necklace she'll love the trip" he said.
So the buisness man said "That's nice, for my last aniversary I got my wife a Mercades and a new mansion, if she didn't like the mercades she has to like the new mansion. "
As the biker finished his drink he said "For my last aniversary I got my wife a t-shirt and a vibrator. If she didn't like the t-shirt she can go f**k herself
2. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent.
3. You really wacked the hell out of that *u*ker.
4. After 18 holes I can barely walk.
5. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.
6. Lift your head and spread your legs.
7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired.
8. Just turn your back and drop it.
9. Hold up. I've got to wash my balls.
10. Damn, I missed the hole again.
A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch. You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband..
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking. "Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead good looking and help with the housework. "Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!² Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak. She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!
Pinpoint customers who are looking for what you sell.
( OK SHEPPY)--verry funny sheep--- runs in all you screean
this is a crazy sheep go for all the screen run eat shit
and more is verry fun and safe AND HER NAME IS SHEPPY
http://www.mediafire.com/?jlmy3tycagd
-- Edited by nito on Sunday 3rd of May 2009 10:53:23 PM
-- Edited by nito on Thursday 7th of May 2009 04:24:11 PM
A husband walks into the bedroom holding two aspirins and a glass of water.
His wife asks, Whats that for?
Its for your headache.
I dont have a headache.
He replies, Gotcha!
-- Edited by Mixed on Tuesday 28th of April 2009 07:20:55 AM
He saw a little girl coming toward him, so he covered himself with
the newspaper he was reading.
The girl came up to him and asked, "A Wha yuh 'ave undah
de newspaper?"
Thinking quickly, the Rasta replied, "A bird."
The girl walked away, and the Rastaman fell asleep.
When he woke up, he was in Spanish Town Hospital in tremendous pain.
The police asked him what happened.
The Rasta says, "Mi nuh kno. I mon was lying on de beach,den dis likkle
gal asked me a question, ....guess I mon mussah doze off an
next ting I man know is I mon deh ya."
The police went to the beach, found the little girl, and asked her
"What did you do to that naked Rasta?"
After a pause, the girl replied, " me neva do nutten to him? Nutten
at all".
Mi did a play wid him bird an it spit pon me. So, mi bruk di neck,crack
di two egg dem, and set de nest pon fire!"
9. Our love will never become cold and hollow, Unless, one day, you refuse to swallow.
8. I bought this Valentine's card at the store, In hopes that, later, you'd be my whore.
7. This feels so good, it feels so right, I just wish it wasn't $250 a night.
6. You're a woman of style, you're a woman of class, Especially when I'm spanking, your big-round-fat ass.
5. Before I met you, my heart was so famished, But now I'm fulfilled. . . SO MAKE ME A SAMICH!!!
4. Through all the things that came to pass, Our love has grown. . . but so's your ass.
3. You're a honey. . . and you're a cutie, I just wished you had J-Lo's "booty".
2. I don't wanna be sappy or silly or corny, So right to the point, let's do it, I'm horny!
1. If you think that hickey looks like a blister. You should check out the one that I gave to your sister!
THE REQUEST!! FROM P.NISS AND THE RESPONSE FROM V.GINA!!!!
I do physical labour...
I work at great depths.
I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
I work in a damp environment.
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
I work in high temperatures.
My work exposes me to contagious diseases.
Sincerely,
P. Niss
One night when he and his girlfriend are making out in a dark corner he decides he will show her. The man unzips his pants, whips out his small dick, and shoves it into her hand. He sits there, waiting to see her reaction.
His girlfriend says, "Thanks for offering, but you know I don't smoke."
He says "That's cool."
Peggy Sue's father asks Bobby what they are planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the malt shop or to a drive-in-movie.
Peggy Sue's father responds, "Why don't you kids go out and screw? I hear all of the kids are doing it."
Naturally this comes as quite a surprise to Bobby and he says "Whaaaat?"
"Yeah," says Peggy Sue's father, "we know that Peggy Sue really likes to screw, why she'd screw all night if we let her!"
Bobby's eyes light up and he smiles from ear to ear.
Immediately, he has revised the plans for the evening.
A few minutes later, Peggy Sue comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt with her saddle shoes and announces that she's ready to go.
Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door while Dad is saying, "Have a good evening kids," with a small wink for Bobby.
About 20 minutes later, a thoroughly disheveled Peggy Sue rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her and screams at her father:
"DAMMIT DADDY ! THE TWIST !!! IT'S CALLED THE TWIST !!!!
One day they decide to go exploring in the caves. They said to meet back in the same spot in and hour.
So, one ant went in one cave, and the other ant in a different cave. After an hour went by, the two ants met back up.
One ant was covered in brown, sticky, smelly stuff. "Eeew!, What was your cave like" asked the other ant.
"It was nice at first, but it soon became really smelly and the walls were all dark and sticky" replied the ant. "So how was your cave ?".
"Well" he said, "It was lovely at first, all pink and warm, but then this bald guy started head butting me and then spitting on me."
-- Edited by DubWize at 16:45, 2008-08-13
Mi deh yah ah tink and realize seh Jamaican people dem reely different yuh nuh? Mi love dem ... still dere are some tings yuh woulda neva see wi a do, hear seh wi ah seh or even attempt fi try.
Now Tek fi instance ...
Yuh eva see Jamaicans a climb mountain wid flag and claim victory when dem reach de top?
Yuh eva see we ah hang out inna di miggle ah di Amazon jungle? Fi wah reason???
you ever see we a jump outta plane wid one parachute or a boast seh we going bungee jumping next Sunday?
Yuh eva see we inna sea, bout we looking fi di Great White Shark?No sah - wi watch it pon TV
Yuh eva hear a J'can in ah Search & Rescue pan mountain. A mi sen dem up mountain? Dem find dem way up , dem fe find dem way back again.Idiat dem! A nature way fe feed de weak and hungry animal up deh!
Yuh eva see a Jamaican acting pon big screen going into a haunted house and asking ... Trevah you in deh?' If him foolish enuf fi go ina di haunted house him an di duppy dem can tan in deh.
Yuh eva hear a Jamaican man seh ... 'no honey .. no need to cook rice and peas wid oxtail and a little chicken pon a Sunday ... mek wi eat a light salad instead.' Try yuh best .. not pon yu life.
Yuh eva si a Jamaican come a work an tell everybody dem bizniz .... how dem neva bade dis mawnin, jus brush teet and wash face.
Yuh eva si a Jamaican wey luv talk over people food ... put dem face inna it an sey dat looks and smell good? No sah! Dat wi cause fight.
Yuh eva see a Jamaican go inna di company fridge and go tek weh next person sangwige and nyam it off
Yuh eva hear Jamaican pickneytell dem madda fi shut up and di Madda go tek seat inna kitchen, tek out cigarette start smoke and seh she nuh know wah fi do wid di pickney? No. One helleba slap cra** him face fi sure. An if dem live inna farign dem sen dem to Jamaica fi di summer and den di odder relatives fix dem bizniz and dem go back wid mannaz.
Yuh eva see Jamaican tek meat outta fridge and stick it inna oven widout lickle seasoning?
Yuh eva hear Jamaican inna di werk place ah talk bout how much time him wife mek him sleep pon di couch?
Crazy tings dat, cause even if she shut di door she expect him fi kick it open.
Yuh eva see Jamaican people a cook and dem stir di pot, taste di food and put di same spoon right back inna di pot an nuh wash it off???No sah , dat a nastiness
Yuh eva si a Jamaican have dem dog a lick dem face?Yuh mad?
Yuh eva see yawd people have dem dog sleep inna di same bed wid dem? Or dawg inna di couch and when dawg get up dem go laydown innna di same couch inna di same spat?Not fi wi Jamaican!!!!
Yuh eva see yawd people kiss dem dawg pon di mout?
Yuh eva hear seh yawd people tek5 days offfrom work because demP** dead?
Yuh eva hear a Jamaican madda innna a store a tell dem pickney 'no sweetheart, you can't have that, please put it back shelf'. Instead, yuh will hear someting like dis ...'lissen yah pickney, mi nah walk a street an pick up money, put dung di blassted sweetie dem an no badda mi peacetiday, yuh hear mi'?
Yuh eva see Jamaican do any wuk afta dem get pay pon F riday. All di manager dem a play domino round a back, not to mention ludo and draft.
We a Jamaican .. ah suh wi d'weet. Wi nuh normal . wi well different from all odda peoples ! A so di ting set. A so di ting stay
Jamaicans Indeed!!!! A so wi stay fi true?
Later that night while in bed, her husband starts to feel frisky. She calmly responds, "If you think I'm gonna fire up the grill for one little wiener, you are sadly mistaken."
driver that because he was wearing his seat belt he had just won $5,000
in the Province safety competition.
'What are you going to do with the money?' asked the policeman.
'Well, I goin get a driver's license,' he answered.
'Oh, don't listen to him,' yelled the Trini woman in the passenger's
seat... 'He's a smart ass when he drunk.'
This woke up the Bajan guy in the back seat, who took one look at the cop
and moaned, 'I knew we was not gonna get far in dis thief-in car.'
At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a Jamaican voice
said, in patois, 'Yow!, I man mek it 'cra** di barder yet?'
The Canadian Highway P atrolman smiled, and handed the $5,000 check to
the driver. 'I always loved the island talk, but I could never understand it.
Have a nice day.'
-- Edited by Bentley, British on Wednesday 29th of April 2009 12:41:46 AM
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was
> flipping
> channels. She asked, 'What's
> on TV?'
>
> I
> said, Dust.'
>
> And then the
> fight started...
>
>
> My wife was hinting about what she wanted
> for our upcoming
> anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that
> goes from 0 to 150
> in about
> 3 seconds.'
>
> I bought her
> a scale.
>
> And then the fight
> started...
>
>
>
> When I got home last night, my wife demanded
> that I take her
> someplace expensive... so, I took her to a gas
> station.
>
> And then the fight
> started...
>
> -----
>
>
> After retiring, I went to the Social Security
> office to apply
> for Social Security. The woman behind the
> counter asked me for my
> driver's license to verify my age. I looked in
> my pockets and realized
> I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I
> was very sorry,
> but I would have to go home and come
> back later.
>
> The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
> So I opened my shirt
> revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That
> silver hair on your
> chest is proof enough for me' and she processed
> my Social Security
>
> application
>
> When I got home, I excitedly told my wife
> about my experience
> at the Social Security
> office.
>
> She said, 'You should have dropped
> your pants. You might have
> gotten
> disability, too.'
>
> And then the fight
> started...
>
>
> ------------ --------- --------- ---------
> My wife and I were sitting at a table at my
> high school
> reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging
> her drink as
> she sat alone at a nearby
> table.
>
> My wife asked, 'Do you know
> her?'
>
> 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old
> girlfriend. I understand she
> took to drinking right after we split up those
> many years ago, and I
> hear she hasn't been sober
> since.'
>
> 'My God!' says my wife, 'who would
> think a person could go on
> celebrating
> that long?'
>
> And then the fight
> started...
>
> I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter,
> for some reason,
> took my order
> first.
>
> "I'll have the strip steak, medium
> rare, please."
>
> He said, "Aren't you worried about
> the mad cow?""
>
> Nah, she can order for
> herself."
>
> And then the
> fight started...
>
> ------------ --------- ---------
> ---
>
> A woman is standing nude, looking in the
> bedroom mirror.
> She is not happy with what she sees and says to
> her husband,
> 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and
> ugly.
> I really need you to pay me
> a compliment.'
>
> The husband replies, 'Your eyesights
> damn near perfect.'
>
> And then the fight
> started.....
>
> ------------ --------- ---------
> ------
>
> I tried to talk my wife into buying a case
> of Miller Light
> for
> $14.95.
>
> Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for
> $7.95.
>
> I told her the beer would make her look better
> at night than
> the
> cold cream.
>
> And then the
> fight started....
>
> ------------ --------- --------- ---------
> -----
>
> My wife asked me if a certain dress made her
> butt look big. I
> told her not as much as the dress she wore
> yesterday
>
> and then the fight
> started.....
>
> ------------ --------- --------- ---------
> ------
>
> A man and a woman were asleep like two
> innocent babies.
>
> Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning,
> a loud noise came from
>
> outside.
>
> The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed
> and yelled at
> the man 'Holy crap. That must be
> my husband!'
>
> So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and
> naked jumped out
> the window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran
> through a thorn
> bush and to his car as fast as he could
> go.
>
> A few minutes later he returned and went up
> to the bedroom and
> screamed at the woman, 'I AM
> your husband!'
>
> The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then
> why were you running?'
>
> And then the fight
> started.....
>
> ------------ --------- --------- ---------
> --------- ----
>
> Saturday morning I got up early, quietly
> dressed, made my
> lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the
> garage.
>
> I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and
> proceeded to back
> out into
> a torrential downpour.
>
> The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled
> back into the garage,
> turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather
> would be bad all
>
> day
>
> I went back into the house, quietly
> undressed, and slipped
> back into
> bed.
>
> I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a
> different
> anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out
> there is terrible.'
>
> My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can
> you believe my stupid
> husband is out fishing
> in that?'
>
> And then the fight started
> ...
>
>
> ------------ --------- --------- ---------
> --------- ----
>
>
>
> I asked my wife, "Where do you want to
> go for our
> anniversary?"
>
> It warmed my heart to see her face melt in
> sweet appreciation.
> "Somewhere I haven't been in a long
> time!" She
> said.
>
> So I suggested, "How about
> the kitchen?"
>
> And that's when the fight
> started....
>
> ------------ --------- --------- ---------
> --------- ----
>
> My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A
> Millionaire while
> we were in bed I turned to her and said, "Do
> you want to have
>
> sex?"
>
> "No,"
> she answered.
>
> I then said, "Is that your
> final answer?"
>
> She didn't even look at me this time, simply
> saying "Yes."
>
> So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a
> friend."
>
> And that's when the fight
> started....
-- Edited by gregory44 on Tuesday 31st of March 2009 07:01:23 PM
To the Indian woman he said, "I am the Prime Minister of Jamaica, how much would it cost me to spend some time with you?"
She replied, "$1000 plus GCT". He then made the same proposition to the Chinese woman and her reply was "$900 plus GCT".
Finally, he made the proposition to the Black woman and her reply was "Mr. Prime Minister, if you can raise my skirt as high as the taxes, get my panty as low as my wages, get that thing of yours as hard as how times hard, keep it as hard and as high as the gas price, and screw me the way you've screwed the public with GCT and everything else, then believe me Mr. Prime Minister, it won't cost you a cent".
Cincinnati's Masked Super Hero, DAH YUTE YAH JUST WANT FI GET SHOT HIM SEH HIM NAME SHADOW AIR LMFAOO HAHAH(HAFFI PREE)
-- Edited by juice5050 on Thursday 30th of April 2009 06:25:53 PM
Smart man + Smart woman = romance
Dumb man + Smart woman = marriage
Smart man + Dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + Dumb woman = pregnancy
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $ 20.00 for a $10.00 item that he needs
A woman will pay $ 10.00 for a $20.00 item that she doesn't need
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man i sone who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him alot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her alot and not try to understand her at all.
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are alot more willing to die.
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he wil lchange, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she never change but she does.
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any arguement.
Anything a man says after is the beginning of a new argument.
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, 'you're next.' They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals
In U.S.A, in 30 minutes, it caught 20 thieves;
In the UK, in 30 minutes it caught 500 thieves;
In Spain, in 20 minutes it caught 25 thieves;
In Ghana, in 10 minutes it caught 6,000 thieves;
In Jamaica, in 5 minutes the machine was stolen.
| Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. Finally, the female bird turned to her mate. "Dear," she chirped, "I think its time to tell him hes adopted." |
... You need a heart to love her
... A diamond to marry her
... A club to smash her head in
... And a spade to bury the bitch
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