Forum: Funny Stuff
At a radiator shop (A-1 Radiator) "Best Place in Town to take a Leak"
Sign over a gynecologist's office "Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
On a Plumbers truck: "We repair what your husband tried to fix."
On the trucks of a local plumbing company in NE Pennsylvania: "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."
Pizza shop slogan: "7 days without pizza makes one weak."
At a tire shop in Milwaukee: "Invite us to your next blowout"
Door of a plastic surgeon's office: "Hello. Can we pick your nose or would you rather do it"
At a laundry shop: "How about we refund your money, send you a new one at no charge, close the store and have the manager shot. Would that be satisfactory?"
At a towing company: "We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."
On an electrician's truck "Let us remove your shorts."
In a non-smoking area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
On a maternity room door: "Push. Push. Push."
At an optometrist's office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
On a taxidermist's window: "We really know our stuff."
In a podiatrist's office: "Time wounds all heels."
On a fence: "Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive."
At a car dealership: "The best way to get back on your feet -- miss a car payment."
Outside a muffler shop: "No appointment necessary. We'll hear you coming."
In a veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
At the electric company: "We would be de-lighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't, you will be."
Twin Of Twins ... Funniest Video fi Di YEARR!!! lol lol lol
A few jokes about the king of pop -micheal jackson a.k.a neverland duppy
they both are white, plastic and dangerous to young children
.How did michael jackson father punish her shit him?
by let thing shit him watch lifetime
How did the cops tell when Michael Jackson had company?
There's was pure big wheel parked outside his house
How does Michael Jackson know its time for bed?
When the big hand is on the little hand.
How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?
. From a catalogue
Why did Michael Jackson place a phone call to Boyz-2-Men?
answer -He thought it was a delivery service
. What does McDonald's and Michael Jackson have in common?
. They both wear mask & played with boys under 13 year old
What has 18 balls and 3 pubic hairs?
A Michael Jackson slumber party
Why can't the government put Magic Johnson on a stamp ?
Everyone would be afraid to lick it
why did the monkey leave micheal ?
becuz he was sick of him & the lil kids
who u thing name micheal place neverland?
the kids that was f**k before & twins of twins
.
What does Wal-Mart, Zellers and Michael Jackson have in common?.
Boy's underwear half off.
-- Edited by Selecta Illmatic on Sunday 5th of July 2009 11:01:04 AM
-- Edited by Selecta Illmatic on Sunday 5th of July 2009 11:44:04 AM
beach invasion fail
fire pon a redneck
jeep recovery fail
activist fail
LOL this guy was trying to do the 'Usain Bolt' but FAILED
-- Edited by Major Krazy on Wednesday 24th of June 2009 01:47:36 AM
The first son said, "Mi bill a big house wid land an gi mama."
The second son said, "Mi sen har a cris Benz wid a driver"
The third smiled and said, "Mi beat di 2 a unnu. Yuh memba how Mama use to love fi read har Bible? An yuh know seh she cyaan see too good. Mi sen har a Church parrot dat recite di entire Bible. It tek di elders inna di church 15 years fi teach im. Im exclusive man. Mama jus ha-fi name di chapter an di verse, an di parrot wi recite it."
Soon thereafter, Mother sent out her letters of thanks:
"Milton," she wrote one son, "A weh duh yuh bwoy, a chupid yuh chupid suh. Di house yuh bill too big. A mi one live inna one room, but mi always ha fi a clean di whole house."
"Winston," she wrote to another, "Yuh a eediat, yuh dun know mi too old fi travel. Mi always inna di yard, suh mi nuh use di Mercedes an di driver im too dyam facey!"
"Dearest Delroy," she wrote to her third son, "you have the good sense fi know what your mother likes. The chicken was delicious."
"Last night I made love to my wife six times," the American replies, "and today she said she could never love another man."
The Jamaican man remains silent, and the Canadian smugly asks, "How many times did you make love to your wife last night?"
"Once," says the Jamaican man."Only once?" The American snorts arrogantly. "And what did she say to you this morning?"
"r**s man. Yuh nah stop!"
When they got back from their honeymoon, the bride immediately called her mother.
"Well," said her mother, "so-how was the honeymoon?"
"Oh, mama," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic... "Suddenly she burst out crying."But, mama, as soon as we returned Bob started using the most horrible language - things I'd never heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You've got to come get me and take me home...PLEASE MAMA!"
"Sarah, Sarah," her mother said, "calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? WHAT 4-letter words?"
"Please don't make me tell you, mama," wept the daughter, "I'm so embarra**ed-they're just too awful! COME GET ME, PLEASE !!!"
"Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset... Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!"
Still sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, mama...words like: Dust, Wash, Iron, Cook....
"I'll pick you up in ten minutes," said the mother!
I came across this in a blog and laughed so I thought I would share lol..............
13 People who Ruined it for Everyone Else
1. Pearl Jam
Eddie Vedder and Pearl Jam started a movement of self-serious, white guy rock that has been dismal and morose and needlessly melodramatic. Because of Pearl Jam, we've been forced to listen to the likes of Creed, Puddle of Mudd, Staind, Three Doors Down and a slew of other slacken-face maudlinites.
2. John Wayne
John Wayne's tough guy, all-American machismo set a "stoicism at all costs" tone for generations. Our fathers and grandfathers emulated him, starting a chain of emotionally constipated men who pride themselves in their ability to restrain, like good little cowboys.
3. Later Elton John
Later Elton John ruined it for ruined it for earlier Elton John. Later Robert Deniro ruined it for earlier Robert DeNiro and Later Al "Sir Screamsalot" Pacino ruined it for earlier Al Pacino.
4. People who say F#$k Too Much
f**k is a fine, fine word. But it needs to be used judiciously, sparingly, not all willy-nilly. Use it only in times of extreme anger or hair-pulling sex or if you're David Mamet.
5. Britney Spears and Christina Aguilara
Britney Spears and Christina Aguilara ruined it for sexiness worldwide. They taught a generation of women that being over-the-top tawdry was the only way to go. Their sell-out "sexiness" became amplified to a cartoonish, grotesque proportion, therefore negating its appeal. Madonna had way more going on.
6. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie
Speaking of cartoonish sexiness, when you're b****arded by images of these two, it's like eating too many cream-filled donuts. Enough already - they're preternaturally gorgeous. I find it kind of disturbing, frankly. I think they may be aliens.
7. Mickey Mouse
Evil corporate mouse ruined it for the rest of his cool cartoon counterparts (Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, The Peanuts gang, Pink Panther.)
8. The song "Stand by your Man"
While not a person, a person sang it and generations of women believed that undying loyalty in the face of blatant betrayal and massively unmet needs showcases their doormat-like stick-to-itiveness.
9. Oprah Winfrey
Her sanctimonious manner and mammoth-sized ego ruined it for the likes of talk show hosts everywhere. Oh for the simplicity and intelligence of Phil Donahue. She also ruined it for a lot of simple housewives who used to have minds of their own. And maybe somehow indirectly spawned the likes of Tyra Banks, who makes me want to light my hair on fire.
10. Sarah McLachlin, et. al.
Ruined it for chick rock in a big way. After her, we had to listen to years of wimpy, weepy, and neutered chick bands with no backbone and no balls. I'm not saying they're all bad per se...they just perpetuated a certain "too softness." Listen to Tori Amos (who is no Kate Bush) then listen to Heart (and yes, I know Heart hit their *u*ky phase later on.)
11. Geico Lizard, Spuds McKenzie, et. al.
These corporate creatures ruin it for animals worldwide. As do all the people who say, "Our dog thinks he's human." "Our dog is like our baby." No, your dog is an ANIMAL. Don't make them human. Don't dress them up, don't make them sell car insurance or cheap beer. Let them be animals and stop your needy projecting.
In short, it's not cute when animals talk it's weird and unnatural. (Except for Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck. That's different...somehow. And Snoopy. Wait. Snoopy didn't talk. Neither did the Pink Panther. See?)
12. Radio Morning Shows
Radio morning shows have ruined radio. (So has Clear Channel but that's a whole other entry.) All radio morning shows *u*k, across the board. All of them except for Howard Stern in his heyday (think what you want about the man but he was ground breaker.) Morning shows have contributed to the destruction of the radio, which is a tragic thing. The spirit of the radio has been dying for a long, long time.
13. The Sopranos
The Sopranos have ruined it for New Jersey. Now a bunch of wannabes go around, smoking their cigars in their big, fat cars, thinking their sexist, indulgent and tasteless lifestyle is actually cooland its not.
Dear God,
This year please send clothes for all those poor ladies in Daddy's computer, Amen."
Happy Father's Day 6/21/09 guys.
FOR FRIENDS ONLY(DJ NAZ POST).........u deff!!!!! for frens only.....pssh
[youtube=http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=2EW0CzHHK18]
sum funny photoshoped pics
Ban people for what so ever reason, stupid or not.
Let the fun begin!!
MI A LOOK FORWARD FOR THIS ONE
One day, Rambo was walking down King Street when he saw his friend Shabba driving a brand new pickup. Shabba pulled up to him with a wide grin.'Shabba, where'd you get that truck?!?''Wendy gave it to me' Shabba replied.
'She gave it to you? I knew she was kinda sweet on ya, but a new truck?'
'Well, Rambo, let me tell you what happened. We were driving up Hope Road, late last night. Wendy pulled off the road, put the truck in 4-wheel drive and headed to Hope Garden. She parked the truck, got out, threw off all her clothes and said, 'Shabba, take whatever you want'.
So I took the truck!'
'Shabba, you're a smart man!'
'Them clothes woulda never fit you!'
CERTAINLY NOT A JAMAICAN
Nurse Tracy asked him if there was anything wrong,
'Yes, Nurse Tracy ,' said Mr. Elliot. 'My Private Part died today, and I am very sad.'
Knowing her patients were a little forgetful and sometimes a little crazy,
The following day, Mr. Elliot was walking down the hall with his Private Part hanging out of his pajamas.
He met Nurse Tracy. 'Mr. Wallace,' she said, 'You shouldn't be walking down the hall like that. Please put your Private Part back inside your pajamas.'
'But, Nurse Tracy I can't,' replied Mr. Elliot. 'I told you yesterday that my Private Part died.
'Yes,' said Nurse Tracy, 'you did tell me that, but why is it hanging out of your pajamas?'
(You've gotta love this .)
'Well,' he replied, 'Today is the viewing.'
IF YOU ARE NOT LAUGHING SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH YOU
-- Edited by jamwomen on Wednesday 17th of June 2009 12:20:12 PM
A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and torn from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery since it was considered cosmetic. The doctor said the cost would be $3,500 for "small, $6,500 for "medium, $14,000 for "large." The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision. The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options. The doctor came back into the room, and found the man looking dejected. "Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the doctor. The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen".
A Jamaican guy walks into a whorehouse in New York and asks, "You have a girl work here from Jamaica name Arlene?"
"Yes," answers the madam. "Go on up to Room 6." So the fellow went up to Room 6 and knocked on the door. When the woman answered, he asked "Yu name Arlene, don't it?"
"Yeah man, a me dat," replied the woman.
"Well, a have a couple Hundred dollas...." he proudly announced.
With that, the hooker interrupted him, grabbed the money, opened the door wide and hauled him by the shirt into the room. After a little rest from the vigorous sex, the fellow got up to leave. "Will you be here tomorrow?" he asked.
"Yeah Man," Arlene said, "Me will deh yah."
The next night, the fellow comes back and gives up $200. When they were done, he's sitting on the side of the bed, and asks. "Will you be here tomorrow night?"
"Honey," replied the hooker, "Mi deh yah every night fi you".
Night comes and the fellow was back in action. When they were done, they are both sitting on the edge of the bed.
"Tell me sumthin'," Arlene said, "what part of Jamaica yu from?"
"Portmore," replied the fellow with a satisfied grin.
"True ? Me have one sister live inna Portmore yuh know!" the hooker exclaimed.
"I know dat," the fellow replied, "She gimme six hundred dollas fi gi yu!"
-- Edited by Sean Mobay on Friday 29th of May 2009 11:45:35 PM
-- Edited by Sean Mobay on Friday 29th of May 2009 11:46:16 PM
-- Edited by Sean Mobay on Saturday 30th of May 2009 07:48:01 AM
A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, Where a woman may go to choose a husband.
Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates.
You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!
There are six floors and the attributes of the men
increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch. . .. You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. .
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.
Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.
'Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.
'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!' Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor.
There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your s tep as you exit the building, and have a nice day!
Remember Greed is one of the seven deadly sins.
You have to learn to be grateful for what you have to get more.
and "passed out" on the floor.
People gathered around to help him by fanning and doing everything they
could to help him regain consciousness.
Someone peeled an orange and started squeezing the juice into his
mouth, whereupon the man suddenly came back to life, pushed the person
away and yelled, "Look yah man! If mi did want orange, me woulda faint in
de market."
The bartender asks, "What's the matter?"
The man says, "I found out my brother is gay and marrying my best friend."
The next day the same man comes in and orders 12 shots of whiskey.
The bartenders asks, "What's wrong this time?"
The man says, "I found out that my son is gay."
The next day the same man comes in the bar and orders 15 shots of whiskey.
Then the bartender asks, "Doesn't anyone in your family like women?"
The man looks up and says, "Apprently my wife does."
They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, "Just think, honey, we've been married for 50 years."
"Yeah," she replied, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together."
"I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago."
"Well," Granny snickered, "What do you say...should we get naked?"
Where upon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.
"You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My breasts are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago."
"I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal!
A fellow passed a house with a little red light burning in front, so he stepped inside. There was nothing in sight and nothing there but an empty bare hallway, with two doors reading, "Over 35" and "Under 35." He decided to be truthful and entered the door that said, "Over 35." He found himself in another empty hallway, this one with two doors that read, "Over 8 inches" and "Under 8 inches." Truthful again, he went through the "Under 8 inches" door and found himself in another empty hall, with two more doors reading, "Once a night" and "Over 4 times a night." Still wanting to be truthful, he entered the door marked "Once a night" and found himself back out on the street. The moral of this story is: "Always tell the truth and you'll never get screwed."
Sexy Spec from Pretty Ricky gets tipsy with Trey Songz! WHAT!!! lmaoooooo
The Yardie ignores the Trini who, nevertheless, starts a conversation
Trini: "You Jamaican folk eat the whole bread?" (
Yardie (in a bad mood): "Of course"
Trini (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In Trinidad we does only eat what's inside. The crust, we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to the Jamaicans".
The Trini has a smirk on his face.
The Yardie listens in silence The Trini persits: "Do you eat jam with the bread?"
Yardie: "Of course"
Trini: (Cracking he gum wid he teet and chucklin')"We don't. In
Trinidad we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we does put all the peels, seeds and leftovers in containers, recycle them into jam and sell the jam to the Jamaicans".
The Yardie then asks: "Do you have sex in Trinidad?"
Trini: "Why of course we do", the Trini says smirking
Yardie: "And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"
Trini: "We throw them away, of course"
Yardie: "We don't. In Jamaica we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell dem to di ra** hole dem ah Trinidad
Aliens In Jamaica
Wife: "A wha dat?"
Husband: "A mus' one space ship."
Wife: "Spaceship???? You damn Eeediat!!"
A little while later the couple went back into the house. Suddenly there was a knock on the door and the husband opened it. There was an alien couple on the doorstep.
Alien Male: "Good evening, we come in peace. May we rest in your dwelling while our space ship is fixed?" The husband's eyes almost popped out of his head because the female alien had a WICKED body.
Husband: "Come een, come een. Of course you can come an' res' yuhself." So the husband and wife fed and watered their guests and showed them to their room for the night.
Male Alien: "Where we come from it is our tradition to swop partners when we have guests." Well, the husband was up to it, because the female alien was seriously turning him on with her looks.
Husband: "Well, dats alright with me."
Wife: "Oh, I don't know, because I don't really believe in dat kind of t'ing."
Husband: "Come on honey, is only a lickle bit of fun, an nobody nuh gwine know."
Wife: "Well, OK then."
The male alien takes the wife into his room, and, knowing that she wasn't 100% comfortable with the idea, he was very gentle and gave her plenty foreplay. When they got into the swing of things the male alien asked, "would you like a bit more length?"
Wife: "Likkle more length,? hee! hee!, a wha yuh mean? How you gwine do dat?"
So the alien twists his right ear, and presto!, his willy gets longer. Well the wife was having a whale of a time when the Alien asked, "would you like a bit more width?"
Wife: "Width! Well, OK then."
So the alien twists his left ear, and presto!, his willy gets fatter.
The following morning the wife wakes up with the biggest smile you can imagine on her face and walks into the living room to find her husband looking vex sitting on the sofa.
Wife: "Hello darling, did you have a good night last night?"
Husband: "Stuups ..... No! All night long di damn woman just deh deh a twis up, twis up mi ra** ears dem".
A desperate woman writes to the Technical support Guy:
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0, MONEY 3.0 and CRICKET 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.
Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate Woman
DEAR DESPERATE Madam,
First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.
Please enter command: i thought you loved me.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.
However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.
Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)
In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.
You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.
We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Hot Looks 7.7.
Good Luck Madam!
Tech Support
White Bwoy Dance - white youth mad a hit tune.. check it madd views..lol
seeit them a practice patwah.. soh teck whey the music cause the artiste them out yah nuh creative soh.
JOKE...
One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands for who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.
"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said. "Excellent, Michael!"
Then, the teacher called on little Johnny.
"Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, f...ing beautiful!'"
EVERYBODY HAVE $1000 AND SHE COME SPOIL UP THE PIC WITH $100
-- Edited by Nickquane on Tuesday 16th of June 2009 02:45:34 PM
If you saw ME in a police car what would you think I got arrested for?
Reply to the person above you alone, then forward this in 1 hour and see how many crimes you get accused of.
| ||
Toll Booth Collector: Morning sir, the toll will be $55.
Skinny the Taximan: $55 unda yuh Mumma! Yuh know how long mi a drive pon dis yah road yah and now oonu want come charge man fi drive pon we owna road. Is kill oonu want kill off poor people! Mi naw pay dat!
TB Collector: Sir, you don't have a choice, please pay the toll or I'll be forced to call the officer standing right over there.
Skinny: Which officer yuh a talk bout? Weh part him deh?
TB Collector: Yuh see the officer standing over there with the gold-teeth, the dark glasses, the bend-up face, and the M-16? Yes dat same one?
Skinny: Awhoah. A just choo mi car overload and mi nuh want di ugly police bwoy come say nuttn to mi ennuh. Otherwise mi >wouldn't pay yuh a cent. Oonu is ole tief and ole vampire come fi suck out poor people *lo**.
TB Collector: Next!
Rambo the Minivan Driver: Excuse mi Mam, but mi nuh really understand this whole toll ting yah ennuh. Is why we haffi a pay toll when wi done arready pay motor vehicles taxes and all kinda other taxes?
TB Collector: I cant really answer that question for you sir. Please send a letter to your MP or Councillor and let them deal with that...in the meantime yuh need to pay the toll of $165.
Rambo: But what a gal facety doah eeh? Old country tuff face >gal, mi was just asking yuh a simple question. Yuh Mumma never teach yuh how fi chat to people? But a wonder a who dis likkle dry up gal a come tek fi likkle bwoy doah sah? If a wasn't in a good mood dis mawning yuh see...
TB Collector: Sir are you going to pay the toll or should I call Office Trigger Happy to come talk to you?
Rambo: (Throws the money at her) See di money deh!! Nyam it! Yuh face bend up like backa hog!
Passengers in the Minivan: (Gal go s**k yuh Mumma!)(Go jooce yuh Puppa)(Batti gal doan come a Spanish Town mek mi see yuh!)(Old lesbian!)
TB Collector: Next!
Kenny Smooth, the Escalade Driver: Hey baby...yuh like my car?
TB Collector: That's a large SUV, okay sir the toll on that will be $110.
Kenny: Is how yuh a mek it look a way so baby? Talk to mi Sweetie. What time yuh get off, I could wait for yuh and take you for a spin in the Escalade here. Yeah, mi see di likkle smile a creep up pon yuh face. Smile man, mi know yuh want smile! Talk di truth, you've been dying to ride in one of these nuh true? It have nuff leg room for your nice long sexy legs. Comfortable leather seats and a banging 5-CD stereo system!
TB Collector: (Smiling) Listen to me, your mouth is too sweet. Is so yuh lyrics off every woman yuh meet, nuh true? Anway, mi coulda never talk to yuh sound too girly, girly. Plus is 8:00 o'clock ina di morning and I don't get off 'til 4:00 this evening.
Kenny: (flashing his smile, gold teeth everywhere) Arright, then I'll come back round about 4:00 come pick yuh up, seen!
TB Collector: I don't know...I'll see, why don't yuh give me your cell number and I'll call.
Kenny: Listen, my cell is in the cellshop and them nuh get di parts from farin yet, you gimme your number. (She writes the number on a piece of paper)
TB Collector: Look di people dem blowing dem horn, so yuh have to pay di toll and gwan through.
Kenny: Do mi a favor nuh...yuh can pay di toll fi mi and when mi come back fi pick yuh up later mi pay yuh back. Mi have one Nanny and mi nuh want bruk it.
TB Collector: But see yah...then is how yuh a drive big Jeep and nuh have no money. (Grabs her phone number back from his hand.) Look here likkle bruk pocket bwoy, try go carry back people vehicle go gi dem and pay di da-mn toll and galong bout yuh business. Pauperizing no r**s!
TB Collector: Next!
Uncle Hector the Tractor Trailer Driver: (Blowing his truck horns at Kenny in front of him) CRATCHES! Pis-sn tail cratches! Stop look front from di money collector woman and hurry up and galong through di blasted toll booth. Man deh pon borrow time right yah now. Move man! Move!
TB Collector: Thank you sir. That will be $165 for the big rig.
Uncle Hector: (Managing to pull his eyes away from the womans breast) Yuh is a nice looking lady yuh know. Back ina my prime I would love to runkus a woman like you. (Grins, showing his 4 remaining brown tobacco-stained teeth.)
TB Collector: Thanks for the compliment, but I only date men who were born in this century and have all a dem teeth!
TB Collector: Next!
Prudence the Business Executive: (pulling up in her Benz) Excuse me! Am I to understand that there is a different weight class and corresponding toll for each vehicle, and if so are there any exceptions been made for luxury cars such as mine? 'Cause you know I have traveled the world, and the toll system in other countries...
TB Collector: Look here Ms. Word Traveler, di da-mn toll is $55 fi yuh cyar. If yuh too bruk fi pay it mi undastan. Cause some a oonu when oonu start get old and oonu cratches start dryup, and man stop mind oonu, oonu still a gwaan like oonu all dat
Prudence: Well, I never! How rude! Do you know who my husband is?
TB Collector: Probably one a di man dem who a pick up wh-ore a town and carry dem a motel a Portmore go ketch gonorrhea...when yuh feeling yuh strange itching and scratching and yuh get stressed out doan come tek it out pon people out a road! Go tek it put pon yuh husband! Fifty-five dollars please, yuh holding up di line! Thanks!
TB Collector: Next!
Oliver, the Village Idiot: (Walking up to the toll booth). Is oomuch fi pay fi walk through di gate Mam?
TB Collector: Oliver, you don't have to pay to walk through, but be careful walking on the highway and nuh mek none a dem mad driver yah lick yuh wid dem vehicle. Okay!
Info for newbies on how to be MZJA's most appreciated member------Gamepun
i will take you tru the steps of bieng MZJA most appreciated member
its all about consistency and respect(at all cost)
FIRST AND MOST IMPORTANT RULE---NO LEECHING--GIVE EVERYBODY PROPS, for what u take from their post, leave a comment, make sure its a good comment
Next--they say in this world u have to can kiss-ass before you can kick it, you will have to do alot of ass-kissing to mods if you wsh to make it here...tell them how yu rate them, give them props fi stuff, even if they didnt do anything
3- dont diss women even if they spit in your face, women are the most important thing to the Gyal clowns of MZJA, they will kill you for the divas, DONT DISS WOMAN
4-You have to be a supporter of VYBZ KARTEL, portmore Empire-you have to be a supporter of GAZA, u will get a lot of respect, just put "GAZA MI SEH" at the signature of ur profile and avatar of vybz kartel--i can be as big as a wallpaper(it wont be deleted)---WARNING, NO MOVADO SUPPORTERS!!!
5-try not to be too argumentive, if you type more thwn two lines...ppl will give you comments
SKEETA SAID "GAYpun yo chat wayyyy 2 phuckin much , 2 argumentative like a 2 tongue yo have. Yute somtimes yo jus need fi humble an mek tings slide"
u dont want anyone talking to you like that
6- LAST BUT NOT LEAST, no matter what, be what other mediazone members want u 2 be, yopu have no opinion keep ur opinions to yourself and post the same crap they post
if you post something and they dont like it...
u will get this
"changed your indecent words in that post and you went ahead and put it back"
i hope u can follow these guidelines, i cudnt and thats why i will never be VIP
if you can keep this up, u will be moving up the ladderfor sure
thank you very much....
gamepun
Why bicycles are better than Women...
Bicycles don't get pregnant.
You can ride your Bicycle any time of the month.
Bicycles don't have parents.
Bicycles don't whine unless something is really wrong.
You can share your Bicycle with your friends.
Bicycles don't care how many other Bicycles you've ridden.
When riding, you and your Bicycle can arrive at the same time.
Bicycles don't care how many other Bicycles you have.
Bicycles don't care if you look at other Bicycles.
Bicycles don't care if you buy Bicycle magazines.
You'll never hear, "Surprise, you are going to own a new Bicycle" unless you go out to buy one yourself.
If your Bicycle goes flat you can fix it.
If your Bicycle is too loose you can tighten it.
If your Bicycle is misaligned, you don't have to discuss politics with it.
You don't have to be jealous of the guy who works on your Bicycle.
If you say bad things to your Bicycle, you don't have to apologize before you ride it again.
You can ride your Bicycle as long as you want and it won't get sore.
You can stop riding your Bicycle as soon as you want and it won't get frustrated.
Your parents won't remain in touch with your old bicycle after you dump it.
Bicycles don't get headaches.
Bicycles don't insult you if you're a bad rider.
Your Bicycle never wants a night out with the other Bicycles.
Bicycles don't care if you're late.
You don't have to take a shower before you ride your bicycle.
If your Bicycle doesn't look good you can paint it or get better parts.
You can ride your Bicycle the first time you meet it, without having to take it to dinner, see a movie, or meet its mother.
The only protection you have to wear when riding your Bicycle is a decent helmet.
When in mixed company, you can talk about what a great ride you had the last time you were on your Bicycle.
|
No New Posts | 
|
New Posts |
|
Topic is Closed | 
|
Sticky |