1. They are always arguing with the flight attendant over seat position; even when the seat they are in was assigned to someone else; and insist on not moving so much so it becomes almost like an IMF round of negotiation between the flight attendant and the stubborn Jamaican; hence we are always delayed.

2. They always have their documents well put up even after they move off from Immigration to Customs; everything well hidden so much so it takes about 5 minutes to find them

3. Just before landing, the flight suddenly smells like you walked in a perfume or cologne store; cause Jamaicans have to freshen up before they meet immigration

4. They are the ones in deep conversation with the Immigration officer; smiling and greeting as if they are the Immigration Officer

5. They always have the loudest discussion on their cell phones even when the captain just instructed them to turn off all electrical instruments and wait for the flight attendant to tell them 2 times after that that they have to get off as though it's the first time they are hearing it

6. As the plane lands on the tarmac; even if they were in a deep sleep during the flight they jump up like they were tasered and take off the seatbelt faster than Usain in Berlin and try to take down their 50 lb luggage so they can get to the front of the plane before it gets to the gate; even if they were in seat 33D

7. No matter how well dressed they are a scandal or lada bag is a must; even if it contains expensive items or they have to walk with a Mega Mart, Price Mart or Bashco bag

8. The women always wear some impossible heels even though they know that all flights that originate from Jamaica and that land in the USA are always given the gate farthest from the Immigration Counter; the men always have on the latest sneakers or kick me come kill me boots that are squeezing the daylights out of their toes. Regular born in the USA Americans wear whatever.

9. Jamaicans are the only ones you will see bending under the cue belt instead of following the line to get to the immigration officer

10. They are the only ones to hold spaces in the check in line and the Immigration Line.

11. They consistently never have anything to declare even when they are visiting for one day to the USA and have 3 bags that look like they weigh a tone.

12. Jamaicans are always reading the Immigration and Customs forms over and over like it's the first time they are seeing one; checking and rechecking and even when they get to Immigration they have to step aside to fill out something that they missed; holding up the line in the process

13. Even if they are not hungry they will accept the food that is served on the airline; look carefully and you will see them stuffing it in their luggage which is already straining at the zips;

14. After they manage to trick the check in agent and get on board the aircraft pass the flight attendant with hand luggage that should be on a cargo plane or a barge; they look around in amazement at the storage bins wondering why they are so small and why their hand luggage can't fit; even upon realizing that it can't fit they will launch into a mini powerlifting competition raising the fluffy piece of luggage as many times off the floor or passenger seat to the bin as possible trying to force it in; HOW IN THE WORLD DID THEY GET PASS THE CHECK IN AGENT AND FLIGHT ATTENDANT IN THE FIRST PLACE? I think the key is to eye lock the check in agent and flight attendant so they never look down at the oversized hand luggage.

15. Even after they get the confirmation email which says you are allowed only 1 piece of check in luggage of a maximum weight of 50 lbs you will find them at the check in counter opening 3 - 5 very massive suitcases removing sneakers, sugar, toilet paper, radio and such the likes and hissing their teeth the entire time and cussing under their breaths that "afta it cyan weigh more dan 50 lbs" which always hold up the line;

16. You can always spot a Jamaican who is coming back a yard because when they are at the overseas airport they always want to take picture at the drop off point even when the signs STATE CLEARLY that NO PARKING, ONLY DROP OFF.

17. They always are the ones in the cars you see circling the pickup area about 50 times like they are in a rally; when it would have been cheaper to park.

18. When they land overseas if they don't have a roaming cellular or no coins to make a call; look carefully that person you see edging closer and closer to you and circling nearby who suddenly ends up by your side wanting to borrow your phone to make a call is more than likely a Jamaican

19. They are always the ones who are stripping off the most number of items when they have to go through the security check points cause Jamaicans have to floss; they have to be extra with everything down to platinum filling

20. They are always cussing the Security Agents who upon checking their hand luggage discard their perfume, make up, cologne, toothpaste, lotion and salon size shampoo because they are not in a zip lock bag. The Jamaican is always wondering out LOUD why a scandal bag not good enough.

We Say It How We See It
Posted by Dancehallreggaeweseh.com

.

SAKA wrote 18m, 46s ago:

Parki16 posted in:

Start Now| Deablo .ft. Trimble & Navino |J.O.P|

v.man301 wrote 31m, 42s ago:

who me

Ill-matic posted in:

Beres Hammond 13 Albums For the Lovers

Ill-matic wrote 35m, 18s ago:

a few yrs ago u was callin up my name inna ur %$^ ery & u act like u know mi suk ur madda

.

Ill-matic wrote 38m, 18s ago:

%$^ off yute stop call my name u know mi boss

Ill-matic wrote 38m, 52s ago:

ur big pu$$y madda

hyperactive09 posted in:

I CAN TRANSFORM YA (REMIX/REFIX) FT. LEE'TAL http://www.mediafire.com/?2nzkjzzj5w4

v.man301 wrote 44m, 20s ago:

matic who u want c dead at sting

BlackTswana posted in:

JAY-Z IS NOW SHAWN KNOWLES-CARTER...UM, SAY WHAT NOW??????

Ill-matic wrote 47m, 9s ago:

someone is goin 2:scf:& a next will get

$Boca$ wrote 49m, 0s ago:

sting aggu sick

Ill-matic wrote 49m, 51s ago:

sting sting

..................................

MAN VERSION Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile on the floor. Walk to bathroom wearing a towel. If you see your girlfriend/wife along the way, flash her. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs. (no) Turn on the water. Check for pecs again. (no) Get in the shower. Don't bother to look for a washcloth. (you don't use one). Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Wash your penis and surrounding area. Wash your ass. Shampoo your hair. (do not use conditioner) Make a shampoo Mohawk. Open the door and look at yourself in the mirror. Pee. Rinse off and get out of the shower. Return to the bedroom wearing a towel, if you pass your girlfriend/wife, flash her. Long version: Replace #10 with: Masturbate using soap. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- WOMAN VERSION Take off the fourteen layers of clothing you slept in because there was a distinct chill in the air at bedtime due to the temperature having dropped below 70 degrees. Walk to the bathroom wearing a long robe and a towel on your head. If you see your boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh immediately, ignore his juvenile turban jokes, and then rush to bathroom. Turn on the hot water only and let run. Look at your womanly figure in the mirror and stick out your gut so that you can complain and whine even more about how you're getting fat. Get in the shower, once you have found it through all that steam, and adjust the water to a temperature slightly below it's boiling point. Look for facecloth, armcloth, legcloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash your hair with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins. Rinse. Wash your hair again with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins. Rinse. Wash your hair once more with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins. Rinse. Condition your hair with Cucumber and Lamfrey conditioner enhanced with natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for fifteen minutes. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red raw. Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash. Complain bitterly when you realize that your boyfriend/husband has once again been eating your Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair (this takes at least fifteen minutes, as you must make sure that it has all come off). Debate shaving armpits and legs and decide that you can't be bothered, and anyway, the hair helps keep you warm. Slick hair back and pretend you're like Bo Derek in 10. Scream loudly when your boyfriend/husband flushes the toilet and you get a rush of cold water. Turn hot water on full and rinse off. Dry with a towel the size of a small African country. Check entire body for the remotest sign of a spot. Attack with nails/tweezers if found. Return to bedroom wearing long robe and towel on head. If you see your boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh immediately, ignore his juvenile turban jokes, and then rush to bedroom.

...look out for more funny stuffs

Dear Lord,

Over the past year,

You took my favourite artiste (Michael Jackson) away.

You took one of my favourite actors (Patrick Swayze) away.

You took my favourite sound system selector (Squingy from Bass Odyssey) away.

You took my favourite American comedian (Bernie Mac) away.

You took my favourite dancehall producer (Wycliffe 'Steely' Johnson)

Well, 2009 has been a tough year to say the least Dear Lord,
More new taxes, strife and hardship upon Jamaica.

So I'd just like to let you know Dear Lord,
That Bruce Golding is my favourite politician.

-- Edited by dark_law on Monday 18th of January 2010 06:18:43 PM

1  old lady went on a bus, but couldn get a seat As d bus drive off the conductor asked, grandma yuh ((HOLD TIGHT?)) She replied, betta than yuh muma own... NO granny u dam renk!!!

-- Edited by Dj Tweety on Wednesday 20th of January 2010 11:16:03 AM

-- Edited by Nickquane on Tuesday 19th of January 2010 09:05:53 PM

A man goes to Victoria Secret to buy his wife the most sheer lingerie he can find. The woman behind the counter goes and gets an outfit. 

"This is $200," she says.
"I want one that's more sheer," says he.
"This one is $350."
"I want it even more sheer than that."
"This one is the most sheer that we have. It's $500."
"I'll take it!"

The man goes home to his wife and shows it to her saying, "Go put this on and come down to model it for me." His wife goes upstairs, opens the box and thinks, "This thing is so see-through that the old coot won't even notice if I'm wearing it or not. I can take this back for a refund and he won't know the difference." 

So his wife comes out wearing nothing at all and strikes a pose at the top of the stairs. 

"So, how do you like it?" she asks. Her husband then complains, " Well Damn, you'd think for $500 they'd iron the damn thing!"    

-- Edited by Dj Quiva at 23:35, 2009-02-28

-- Edited by Dj Quiva at 12:38, 2009-03-10

-- Edited by SHANNIE FAMOUS on Saturday 17th of October 2009 09:53:05 PM

-- Edited by SHANNIE FAMOUS on Saturday 17th of October 2009 09:55:08 PM

There was a day that a ship got its bottom ripped at sea and was taking in a lot of water. So the Captain evacuated the entire ship  until all that was left was three crew men, himself and a lifeboat. One of the crew was a Trini, one a Bajan, and the third a Guyanese. 

The captain said the life boat could only take three people, himself being one;  two would go and one would have to stay.
So he decided to asked some questions and the one who was wrong would stay.
1.Trini - what was the greatest disaster at sea?....the sinking of the titanic.....correct....
2. Bajan - how many people were on board?......2800 people.... correct.
3. Guyanese - name them    .... 
 

Yo check dis out... it mad.. ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rJbtFAmXPkY

-- Edited by Dj Tweety on Thursday 15th of October 2009 10:26:03 AM

REAL PATRIOT says

why would she do a song about this?
does kartel even kno she did dis?
she jus @#$%ed up her little itty bitty career wit dis
i mean doin it is one but den goin out to the public
and signin about it is like...

SUPRIZE says

I don't really diss females in this manner
BUT
bleaching or not
Lisa Hype is an ugly crawny looking b!$%h
Any man wha sleep wid har has no c**ky principles
Their c**ky has no ambition and waan dash weh

JBUZY5707 SAYS

u really think kartel sen har fi do dis?
but why?
lisa hype has no career
nd dis jus mek it worst...

REALLY AND TRULY SAYS

Lmao Oh well Queen Ifrica will have a field day with this one.
This chick counteract her own self in the same song.. first she says "i am beautiful in everyway words can't get me down" then goes on to say that she is proud of her bleaching.. can you say OXYMORON.. well i guess dancehall has officially lost my ratings.. it was nice while it lasted.. RIP dancehall.. yes slave master you have finally won.. our generation has lost i wonder what Soul music is up to?

BRUTUS SAYS

lisa hype did uggggggggggggggly !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



from day one suh i nuh see wah the uproar from.....

kartel fi kick har **** out .....a dooor........****a talk bout bleaching.....that caw save yuh

GHOSTFACE MURDERA SAYS

terrible
self-hatred and processed vocals
worst.
song.
ever.
i don't say gaza or gully, but if this is a gaza rep.....loose offa dem
is this even real? i don't want to believe the heights of this ****

NATTY REBEL

Kartel probably wrote it. Unu that blind to see wah a gwaan. These corny songs are just here to start controversy and promote hype. No such thing as bad publicity, these people have no shame. U soon hear di argument "a fi mi body mi can do whatever mi want."

Sad part is in the end little girls will be aspiring bleachers.

One more nail in the Dancehall coffin.

GAZAWORLD SAYS


Mi rate Gaza and the Empire but complete **** dis....Kartel should drop Lisa Hype for a song like dis....wha she a teach the yutes...black skin is beautiful... White people look at this song and laugh....**** Lisa Hype im never listening to another song from this alien looking b!$%h again.. Kartel drop this b!$%h now before she bring the whole Empire down with this ****..Who let her release this garbage and infect the ears of the yutes dem.**** LISA HYPE AND HER BLEACHING...BE PROUD OF YOUR REAL SKIN COLOR LADIES...DON'T BLEACH...GAZA MI SEH BUT KARTEL U MUST DROP THIS b!$%h OFF AT AREA 51

source: http://forum.dancehallreggae.com/showthread.php?t=187210

-- Edited by gamepun on Friday 16th of October 2009 07:46:26 AM

A lawyer runs a stop sign in Portland and gets pulled over by the
Police. He thinks that he is smarter than the police because he is a
lawyer from Kingston and is certain that he has a better education than
any Jamaican Police. He decides to prove this to himself and have some
fun at the Police expense.

The Police says," Yuh License an yuh registration, please."
"What for?" says the lawyer.
The Police says, "Yuh didn't come to a complete stop at de stop sign."

Then the lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."
"Yuh neva did come to a complete stop, Says the Police. License an
registration, please."
The lawyer says, "What's the difference?"
"De difference is dat yuh hav fe come to ah complete stop - dat's de
law. License an registration, please!" the Police says.
Lawyer says,"If you can show me the legal difference between slow down
and stop, I'll give you my license and registration; and you give me the
ticket.
If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket." That sounds fair.

Get yuh self outa de vehicle, sar, the Police says.

At this point , the Police drape up de man, pull out his batton and
starts beating the ever-loving hell out of the lawyer and says, "Yuh
waan me fe stop, ar just slow down?"

-- Edited by cgh567 on Sunday 25th of October 2009 06:06:35 PM

-- Edited by bLaCkBeatZ (Mod) on Tuesday 27th of October 2009 10:35:31 PM

WAT U THINK

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