mi glad CR7 in deh...Luuzer dat

 

husband & wife in bed relaxing, the husband was reading a book. he sudenly finger his wife vagina. Wife ask u want sex? no he reply just wetting my finger to turn the page!

WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF THIS WAS YOUR WEDDING?

Now Class

A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. "Human beings are the only animals that stutter", she says.

A little girl raises her hand. "I had a kitty-cat who stuttered", she volunteered.

The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.

"Well", she began, "I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!

"That must've been scary", said the teacher.

"It sure was", said the little girl.

"My kitty raised his back, went 'Fffff, Fffff, Fffff'...And before he could say "f**k", the Rottweiler ate him!"

A Rastaman goes to the bank with a 25 kg bag of marijuana and hands it over to the cashier ... shocked, the cashier asks ... "Whats this for?"

The Rastaman replies ... "I man is here to open a joint account."

 

NOONE BELOW WUZ HIS REAL FRIEND

A young wife, who was becoming frustrated with her young Jamaican
husbands constant demands for sex, decides to make a schedule for him,
to cut down on the amount of times that they will have to make love for
the rest of their marriage. While getting ready for work, she writes on
a piece of paper:

"Honey, you know I love you, but your never
ending requests for sex are leaving me drained and really tired. So I
propose that we only have sex on days that start with the letter 'T',
to minimize the frequency of our lovemaking sessions. Don't be mad at
me honey, just understand where I am coming from, and let me know if my
request is too demanding of you."

On her way out the door, she
used a refrigerator magnet and stuck the note to the fridge door,
hoping that her sex craved husband would be understanding and accepting
of her proposal when he read it.

Upon returning home, she
glances at the refrigerator and notices that her note has-been replaced
with a note from her husband that reads:

"Baby, I didn't realize
that I was putting you under so much pressure and I'm sorry. I accept
your proposal and have even taken the extra step of listing at the
bottom of this letter, those days starting with the letter 'T' to make
sure that we are on the same page.

1. TUESDAY
2. THURSDAY
3. TODAY
4. TONIGHT
5. TOMORROW
6. TATURDAY
7. TUNDAY
8. Every Tucking Day !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

P.S. I love you too, and it's still TODAY, I'm waiting for you upstairs."

 mek a did mi stuck inna cave wid har

Recently,
 
this Jamaican in  New York  won the 10
 million lottery for a one 
dollar bet.  As soon as the Lottery office opened on
 the following day, he 
was there to collect his winnings.    
 
Graciously,he presented his winning ticket to the clerk and in his best
English uttered his 
request,  'Mi cum fi callek di 10 millian
dallar weh mi win.  Si mi ticket yah'. 
After checking the 
ticket and reviewing it with his manager, the clerk
 returned and enquired 
how he would like his payments. 
The Jamaican replied  'Ow yuh mean?  Mi waan all a di money now'. 
    
'Unfortunately,Sir'   the clerk responded,  'the rules are
 that we can only give you 
one million dollars now and the balance paid out over the
next 20 years'.  
Furious and agitated, the Jamaican demanded to see the manager, who 
re-iterated,  'Sir, my assistan t is correct, it is the company's 
policy that we initially pay you one million dollars now, with the balance 
paid to you in equal installments over the next 20  years'. 
 
Outraged, the Jamaican slammed his hand on the desk and shouted in anger, 'Oonu look like oonu waan tek man fi heediat.   Mi seh mi waan all a di money now! or oonu betta gi me back me dalla!!' 

Recently, the Prime Minister was out seeking a female. He saw three fine ladies in a bar - an Indian woman, a Chinese woman and a Black woman.

To the Indian woman he said, "I am the Prime Minister of Jamaica, how much would it cost me to spend some time with you?"

She replied, "$1000 plus GCT". He then made the same proposition to the Chinese woman and her reply was "$900 plus GCT".

Finally, he made the proposition to the Black woman and her reply was "Mr. Prime Minister, if you can raise my skirt as high as the taxes, get my panty as low as my wages, get that thing of yours as hard as how times hard, keep it as hard and as high as the gas price, and screw me the way you've screwed the public with GCT and everything else, then believe me Mr. Prime Minister, it won't cost you a cent".

WHO STARTED THE SWINE FLU....WE'V FOUND THE CULPRIT...FREE THIS!!!!!!!!!!

-- Edited by sabx on Monday 4th of May 2009 02:03:05 PM

                                                            
 But Doctor Dave had slept with one of his patients and felt guilty all day     
 long.                                                                      

 No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't.               

 The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming.                          

 But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice in his   
 head that said:                                                            
 "Dave, don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner     
 to                                                                         
 sleep with one of their patients and you won't be the last.                
 And you're single. Just let it go."                                        


ably another voice in his head would bring him back to           
 reality,                                                                   
 whispering:                                                                


 Dave................                                                       


 Dave................                                                       


 Dave................                                                       
                                               





 You're a vet!                                                              

Maaaaaad will buy 1

WOW @ DIS SOBOLIOUS DJ.... LA LEWIS.....ur money a shot!

-- Edited by Bentley, British on Wednesday 20th of May 2009 12:35:12 PM

Naughty boy draws a p*nis on a black board.  Lady teacher rubs it off.  Next day he draws a bigger one and writes:
"REMEMBER THE MORE YOU RUB THE BIGGER IT GETS!!

This  could happen to you !


I was barely sitting  down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying:
'Hi, how are you?'

I'm  not the type to start a conversation in the restroom. I  don't know what got into me, but I answered, somewhat embarra**ed,
'Doin' just fine!'

And  the other person says:
'So what are  you up to?'

What kind of question is that? At that  point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say:
'Uhhh, I'm like you, just sitting here.'  

At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I  can when I hear another question:
'Can I come over?'

Okay, this question is just too  weird for me.  I figured I could politely  end the conversation. I say:
'No.........I'm a little busy right  now!!!'

Then I hear the person  say, nervously:
'Listen, I'll have  to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering  all my questions!!'

the yams and potatoes now the ground has been dug up. That's the best I can do under these circumstances.

focus on the 4 dots in the middle for about 60 secs,  then look at a wall closest to you and blink and tell me wat you see

A little boy wakes up 3 nights in a row when he hears a thumping sound coming from his parents room.
Finally one morning he goes to his mom and says, "Mommy, every night I hear you and daddy making noises and when I look in your bedroom you're bouncing up and down on him."
His mom is taken by surprise and says, "Oh.. well.. ah.. well, I'm bouncing on his stomach because he's fat and that makes him thin again."
And the boy says, "Well, that won't work!"
His mom says, "Why?"
And the boy replies, "Because the lady next door comes by after you leave each day and blows him back up."

The Lord ah mi one boss, and mi nuh fi want nutt'n. Ah Him ah prevent mi from tell off people everyday. Ah Him ah gimme peace, when so-so madness a gwan roun' mi. Ah Him ah remine mi fi pray and fi do everyting widout complain, murmur or kiss mi teet. Ah Him ah remine mi dat ah Him, noh mi job, ah mi source, although lickle more pay woulda nice. Ah Him ah stap mi from mad a daytime, an' ah guide mi decision dem, so mi can honor Him inna hev'ryting. Ah Him ah prevent mi from shoot up di whole place, an' tun' all mi supervisor dem inna some duppy, so mi no haffi go ah prison, an' live mongst ah bag ah man or get heng. Even though mi get one whole heap of e-mail, fool fool deadline fi work wid, have some co-worker dem whey a chat mi behine mi back!, some big heediat fi supervisor, an' ah ol' body dat kyaan' mek it a morning time, mi nah give up because Him deh wid mi! Him presence, Him peace, an' Him power ah go si mi through. Ah Him ah raise mi up, even when di heediat dem nah promote mi hard working self, though mi have three set a degree an' diploma. Ah Him claim mi as fi Him own, even when di company ah threaten fi fiah mi,an' me ah threaten fi light wan fiah an' bun di whole place ah grung. Fi Him faithfulness an' love betta dan any bonus check (but yu si mi, a check woulda help out some time). Fi Him retirement plan betta dan every pension plan outta road, but mek anybady try rob this place yah an yuh see wha 'appen out yah tiday. When unnu done talk; Ah Him mi ah go wuk fah fi wan long time . So Tank Yuh Lord........

A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog. All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head. The manager runs up to the man and asks, "What are you doing?!!" The blind man replies, "Just looking around.

A woman three months pregnant falls into a coma. Six month later she awakes and ask the nearest doctor about the fate of her baby. "You had twins, a boy and a girl, and they are both fine,"  says the doctor. "Luckily, your brother named them for you"
 "Oh nuts," not my brother! he's an idiot! "What did he call the girl"  "De-nise," the doctor replies. Thinking that's isn't so bad, she ask.  "And what did he name the boy?"
 The doctor answer "De-nephew"

A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary. The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: 'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever'." "Yeah," she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'"

  A Jamaican driving in his brand new BMW Z8 pulls over to
>> take a leak. A
>>  truck speeding down the street crashes into his door just
>> as he`s about
>>  to come out of his car, sending it flying off the hinges.
>> Enraged, he
>>  uses his cell phone to call 911. When the police arrives
>> he explains
>>  what happened: "Star, di man jus come lick off de door a
>> mi bimm er!! Mi car
>>  write off to ra$$!!" The police, after surveying the
>> scene shakes his
>>  head in amazement and says, "You Jamaicans are so
>> materialistic.
>>
>>  You`re so into the damage of your car door, that you
>> didn`t even realize that
>>  your hand is still attached to it!!" The guy, finally
>> realizing this,
>>  looks at his amputated hand and screams out, Bl@@dclaat!!
>> Mi rolex!!!

Two old ladies were outside their nursing home, having a smoke, when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.

Lady 1: "What's that?"

Lady 2: "A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet."

Lady 1: "Where did you get it?"

Lady 2: "You can get them at any drugstore."

The next day, Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.

The guy looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of
age), but politely asks what brand she prefers.

Lady 1: "It doesn't matter as long as it fits a Camel."

The pharmacist fainted.

A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny on the plane when the stranger turned to the Little Johnny and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger." Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to the stranger, "What would you like to discuss?" "Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?" "OK," said Little Johnny. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. "A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat gra**. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried gra**. Why do you suppose that is?" "Jeez," said the stranger. "I have no idea." "Well, then," said Little Johnny, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"