A wife home alone and the doorbell rings.

She opens the door  to a guy who says, "Hi, is your husband home?"

The wife replies, "No, he went to the store, but you can wait here if you want."

So they sit down and after a while of silence the friend says "You know Sara, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred buck just to see one."

Sara thinks about it for a second and figures, what the hell - a hundred bucks! She opens her robe and shows one to him for a few seconds. He promptly thanks her and throws a hundred bucks on the table. They sit there a while longer and guy then says "That was so amazing I've got to see both of them. I'll give you another 100 dollars if I could just see the both of them together."

Sara amazed by the offer sits and thinks a bit about it and thinks, heck, why not? So she opens her robe and gives Chris a nice long chance to cop a look.

A while later the Husband arrives back home from the store. The wife goes up to him, "You know, your friend Chris came over. The Husband thinks about it for a second and says, "Well did he drop off the 200 bucks he owes me?"

Four surgeons were taking a coffee break and were
discussing their work. 

The first one said, 'I think accountants are the 
easiest to operate on. Everything inside is 
numbered.' 

'I think librarians are the easiest,' said the 
second surgeon. 'When you open them up all their
organs are alphabetically ordered.' 

The third surgeon said, 'I prefer to operate on
electricians. All their organs are color coded.' 

The fourth one said, 'I like to operate on 
lawyers. They're heartless, spineless, gutless,
and their head and ass are interchangeable.'

There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.

The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"

Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"

Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00

The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"

Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5

Cover your stump before you hump.

Before you attack her, put it in a wrapper.

Don't be silly, protect your willy.

Don't be a loner, cover your boner.

You can't go wrong if you shield your dong.

If you're not going to sack it, go home and whack it.

If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey.

If you slip between her thighs, be sure to condomize.

She won't get sick if you wrap your dick.

If you go into heat, package your meat.

Don't be a fool, cover your tool.

The right selection! Protect your erection.

If you really love her, wear a cover.

Don't make a mistake! Muzzle your snake.

Sex is cleaner with a packaged wiener.

If you can't shield your rocket, leave it in your pocket.

No glove, No love.

AIDS is no joke, be sure to wrap before you poke.

David Beckham will miss the World Cup and most if not all the Los Angeles Galaxy season after tearing his left Achilles' tendon Sunday (3/14/10) while playing for AC ...   
                   
WATCH

Spoiler

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cgOemKqIzEE

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews and testing were
done there were three finalists: An American man,an English man and a Jamaican man.

For the final test, the CIA agents took the American man to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow our instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. You have to kill her."
The American said "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife" The Agent replies," Then you're
not the right man for this job."

The English man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet
for about five minutes. Then the English man came out with tears in his eyes "I tried blokes, but I can't
kill my wife," The Agent replies, "You don't have what it takes, take your wife and go home."

Finally, it was the Jamaican's turn, he took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot
after another. Then they heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was
quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the Jamaican. He wiped the sweat from his brow and said

"Unnuh neva tell mi di *lo**c**t gun was loaded wid blanks!!", " A beat mi haffi beat har *lo**c**t to death
wid di **** chair!!"

The following psychological test was developed by top U.S. and European psychologists. The results are incredibly accurate in describing your personality with one simple question:

Which is your favourite Teletubbie...

A. Yellow
B. Purple
C. Green
D. Red

(DECIDE BEFORE SCROLLING DOWN)

Profile for women...

A. If you chose the Yellow Teletubbie. You are bubbly and cheerful. People come to you when troubled because you always make them feel better about themselves. You are apt to clash with Red Teletubbie people!

B. If you chose the Purple Teletubbie. You are active and erratic. You have many ideas and set high standards for yourselves and others. Stay away from Green Teletubbie people, they tend to bring you down.

C. If you chose the Green Teletubbie. You are calm and reliable. Family plays a major role in your life and you often sacrifice your needs to please others. Yellow Teletubbie people are a good match for you.

D. If you chose the Red Teletubbie. You are bold and emotional. You are fierce in your opinions and quick to anger, but stick by your friends through thick and thin. Purple and Red Teletubbie people are an explosive combination.

Profile for men...

A. If you chose the Yellow Teletubbie. You are gay.

B. If you chose the Purple Teletubbie. You are gay.

C. If you chose the Green Teletubbie. You are gay.

D. If you chose the Red Teletubbie. You are gay.

-- Edited by jubalson on Monday 15th of March 2010 10:00:43 AM

This Jamaican guy left for work on Sept. 11 at about 6:00AM to go to his office on the 97th floor in the World Trade Center, kissed his wife and told her he loved her.

When he got to Manhattan he went to his lover's apartment in the Village. He turned his cell phone off, and thought of spending some quality hours putting down some good wuck on her.

At about 11:00AM, while still at her place tired and overworked, he turned his cell phone on, and a second later it rang. He answered, and it was his wife who was screaming at him, "Where the hell are you? I've been trying to call you for an hour. I've been worried sick about you!!!"

He screamed back. What the hell is wrong with you woman, "Where do you think I am? I'm in my office.

There was an elderly man who wanted to make his younger wife pregnant. So, he went to the doctor to have a sperm count done. The doctor told him to take a specimen cup home, fill it, and bring it back the next day.

The elderly man came back the next day and the specimen cup was empty and the lid was on it.

Doctor: What was the problem?

Elderly man: Well, you I tried with my right hand...nothing. So, I tried with my left hand...nothing. My wife tried with her right hand...nothing. Her left hand...nothing. Her mouth...nothing. Then my wife's friend tried. Right hand, left hand, mouth....still nothing.

Doctor: Wait a minute. You mean your wife's friend too?!

Elderly man: Yeah, and we still couldn't get the lid off of the specimen cup.

A boy and his father from rural Jamaica were visting America for the first time.

The first time they went to a mall, they were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, "Ah whaddat, daddy?"

The father (having never seen an elevator) responded, "Son, mi nevah see nuting so inna my life! Mi nuh know what it is!"

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous, sexy 19-year-old woman stepped out.

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, says quietly to his son, "Bwoy... Go get yuh Madda!"

---

One day a young Jamaican body builder who loved to tan himself looked down on his dick and saw that it was the only area of his body that wasnt chocolate brown, so he decided that the next day he would go to the beach and get a tan on his dick.

The next day he put on his trunks and lay down on his towel on the sand, put some suntan lotion on his penis and left it out to tan.

Two old ladies were walking by and the one called Mary said,"But kiss mi **** Martha, yuh nuh si mi dying trial?"

So naturally martha waan know a wah.

Mary seh,"When mi a twenty mi fraid fi it, when mi a thirty mi curious bout it, when mi a forty mi caan get enuff a it, when mi a fifty mi beg fi it, when mi a sixty mi pay fi it. And now mi a seventy, di ****ing sinting dem a grow wild an mi cyant ben dung.

Good Reason

A man bought a new Mercedes to celebrate his wife leaving
him and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive.

The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was
left of his hair, and he decided to open her up. As the
needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and
blue lights behind him.

"There's no way they can catch a Mercedes," he thought to
himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100 --
but then the reality of the situation hit him. "What am I
doing?" he thought and pulled over.

The cop came up to him, took his license without a word, and
examined it and the car. The officer said, "It's been a long
hard day, this is the end of my shift, and it's Friday the
13th. I don't feel like more paperwork, I don't need the
frustration or the overtime, so if you can give me a really
good excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before,
you can go."

The guy thinks about it for a second and says, "Last week my
nagging wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were
trying to give her back!"

"Have a nice weekend," said the officer.

A guy and his blonde girlfriend are driving to the movies one night for a date. As the guy was making a right turn, he noticed his turn signal light inside the car didn't light up at all.

So as he approached the next right turn, he asked his girlfriend to please stick her head out the window and tell him if his turn signal is working. She happily obliges and at the turn she sticks her head out the window and replies, "It is... It isn't... It is... It isn't... It is... It isn't."

--------------------

A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun.

The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head.

The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, "shut up...you're next

A frustrated housewife decided her sex life needed spicing up after 20 years of marriage.

After her husband went to work she slipped out and went into a lingerie shop and picked up a pair of crotchless knickers. She went home, tarted herself up and donned the new garment and selected a short skirt to go with it. She greeted her husband when he came home from work and sat across from him after she prepares him a drink.

She slowly spread her legs,and in a husky come f**k me voice says "Honey, would you like some of this?"

The husband looks between his ageing wife's legs and lets out his breath, looking up at his doting wife replies, "HELL, NO! Look what it's done to your underwear

-- Edited by jubalson on Wednesday 10th of March 2010 01:50:51 PM

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

AFTA I INNA MY SUITECASE A LOOK NEW CLOTHES FI PUT ON N GO CHECK ME SPOOGY I R LISTENING TO ZONE RADIO AN ONGLE FI HEAR A MAN WANT HIN GAL MAN TELL ME NOW...I REACH THE THE NEXT BUTTON FAST FI POST DIS NEX TING ME C D MAN SEH A MIXTAKE >>>>HOW COMES???

i dont kno why would some1 put on paint like these

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem . While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land , for $150."The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home. The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would only be $150 here?" The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."

Deodorant

IT MADDDDDDDDDDD

A man and a woman were having drinks when they got into an argument   about who enjoyed sex more. The man said, "Men obviously enjoy sex more than women. Why do you think we're so obsessed with getting laid?" "That doesn't prove anything," the woman countered. "Think about this...when your ear itches and you put your finger in it and wiggle it around, then pull it out, which feels better-your ear or your finger?"

Mafo wrote 0s :

LOAD UP SOME DAGGER PON PUM PUM MAKE GYAL TEAR DONG D BEAD

dj tray wrote 1s ago:

suh wah yuh seh ray?

VICE-KARTEL wrote 2s ago:

KAA SHE A GO MISS HEAVEN

Konvict wrote 6s ago:

man seh mafo fi try it

VICE-KARTEL wrote 10s ago:

MAFO IF YO EAT A GAL SHE CAN,T LEFF YO

Dj Quiva (Admin) wrote 11s ago:

AUTO- blazing http://radio.mediazoneja.com/index.php/radio/

divine_chaos_x wrote 13s ago:

DI MAN DEM A TRY STYLE ME

RAY_KING wrote 13s ago:

NEVER

THE TRICK  IS TO FIND THE MAN IN THE COFFEE BEANS:
This is bizarre - after  you find the guy - it's so  obvious.

By rockingir at 2010-02-21

Once you find him -  you think, why didn't I see  him  immediately? Doctors have concluded:
If you find the  man in the coffee beans in 3 seconds, the right half of your brain is better  developed than most people.
If you find the man between 3  seconds and 1 minute, the right half of the brain is developed  normally.

If you find the man between 1 minute and 3 minutes, then the right half of your brain is functioning slowly and  you need to eat more protein.

If you  have not found the man after 3 minutes, the advice is to look for more of  this type of exercise to Sharpen your mind.
Make that part  of the brain stronger!!!

And, yes, the man is really  there!


-- Edited by LaDy J on Sunday 21st of February 2010 08:24:34 AM

CLICK HERE TO READ ARTICLE





-- Edited by KrYsIs on Wednesday 3rd of March 2010 10:45:59 AM

GIRLS:



By rockingir at 2010-02-21


BOYS:



By rockingir at 2010-02-21

Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. 
The passion is heating up.  But then the wife 
stops and says, "I don't feel like it, I just 
want you to hold me."  

The husband says, "WHAT?"  The wife explains 
that he must not be in tune with her emotional
needs as a Woman.  The husband realizes that
nothing is going to happen tonight and he might
as well deal with it.  

So the next day the husband takes her shopping at
a big department store. He walks around and has 
her try on three very expensive outfits. She 
can't decide. He tells his wife to take all three
of them.  

Then they go over and get matching shoes worth 
$200 each. And then they go to the Jewelry 
Department where she gets a set of diamond 
earrings.  The wife is so excited. She thinks her
husband has flipped out -- but she does not care.
She goes for the tennis bracelet. The husband 
says "but you don't even play tennis, but OK if
you like it then let's get it."  

The wife is jumping up and down so excited she 
cannot even believe what is going on. She says,
"I am ready to go, let's go to the cash 
register."  

The husband says, "No, no, no, honey we're not 
going to buy all this stuff."  The wife's face 
goes blank. "No honey - I just want you to HOLD
this stuff for a while."  Her face gets really
mad and she is about to explode and the Husband
says, "You must not be in tune with my financial
needs as a Man!" 

An American businessman was in Japan. He hired a local hooker and was going at it all night with her.

She kept screaming "Fujifoo, Fujifoo!!!", which the guy took to be pleasurable.

The next day, he was golfing with his Japanese counterparts and he got a hole-in-one. Wanting to impress the clients, he said "Fujifoo".

The Japanese clients looked confused and said "No, you got the right hole."

-- Edited by KrYsIs on Thursday 11th of March 2010 03:02:18 PM

A Jamaican ginnal named Countafeit is out playing football, and gets hit when an opponent powerfully kicks the ball straight into his crotch.

Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. As soon as he could manage, he took himself to a Doctor and asked, "How bad is it Doc? Mi goin' on mi honeymoon nex week and mi fiancée is still a virgin in every way." The Doctor told him, "I'll have to put your "thing" in a splint to let it get better and keep it stable. It should be alright by next week."

So he took four wooden tongue depressors, made a neat four-sided splint, wired it all together and Countafeit was all set now.

Countafeit mentions none of this to his fiancée Puncie. They get married and head off on their honeymoon, with Countafeit having professed to Puncie that he is also a virgin

That night in the hotel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal a gorgeous pair of breasts. This was the first time he was actually seeing them.

She said, "You are the first, no man has ever touched these breasts." She then removes her panties to reveal her "treasure", and again declares, "You are the first, no man has ever been there".

Countafeit then whips off his pants and says, "Yuh t'ink dat a nutten? look yah, my own still inna di CRATE!"

-- Edited by jubalson on Wednesday 10th of March 2010 01:38:59 PM

A farmer is lying in bed with his wife when he turns to her grabs her tits and says "Honey if you could get milk out of these we could sell the cow".

Then he grabs her p**sy and says "Honey if you could get eggs out of here we could sell the chickens".

She turns to him smiles,grabs his dick and says "Honey if you could get this up I could get rid of your brother"

-- Edited by nexx on Thursday 30th of July 2009 11:57:32 PM

-- Edited by bLaCkBeatZ on Friday 31st of July 2009 08:42:30 AM

Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights because they can't see each other using sign language.

After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution. "Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time."

The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, "Great idea, Now if you want to have sex with me, reach over and pull on my penis one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis ... fifty times!"