Forum: Funny Stuff
Share all jokes here, funny pics etc...(PS...warn members of uncensored/adult jokes)
A young woman took her troubles to a psychiatrist
May 19, 2010
Started By mz más quería veterano — 1 Comments
A young woman took her troubles to a psychiatrist. "Doctor, you must help me," she pleaded. "It's gotten so that every time I date a nice guy, I end up in bed with him. And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a week."
"I see," nodded the psychiatrist. "And you, no doubt, want me to strengthen your will power and resolve in this matter."
"For God's sake, NO!" exclaimed the woman. "I want you to fix it so I won't feel guilty and depressed afterward."
"I see," nodded the psychiatrist. "And you, no doubt, want me to strengthen your will power and resolve in this matter."
"For God's sake, NO!" exclaimed the woman. "I want you to fix it so I won't feel guilty and depressed afterward."
In the Garden of Eden __A few dirty joke .....write protected
May 19, 2010
Started By mz más quería veterano — 2 Comments
In the Garden of Eden,
as everyone knows,
Lives Adam and Eve,
without any clothes.
In this garden,
were two little leaves,
one covered Adam's,
one covered Eve's.
As the story goes on,
Never the less to say,
the wind came along,
and blew the leaves away.
At the sight,
Adam did stare,
There was Eve's treasure,
All covered with hair.
And wonder came,
Under Eve's eyes,
As Adam's thing,
started to rise.
They found a spot,
that suited them best,
a nice big tree,
where they began to rest.
Her legs spread wider,
and wider apart,
While thrill after thrill,
Came into her heart.
The head of Adam's thing,
Peeked into the hole,
and filled her with passion,
Beyond her control.
Backward and forward,
His thing did slide,
And Eve's treasure,
was all wet inside.
The joy was good,
She wouldn't let loose,
Until Adam's thing,
Was all out of juice.
Then down through the years,
People did screw,
and now it is time,
for me and you.
So pull down your pants,
and lay in the g****,
because I'm in the mood,
for a piece of that ASS!
-- Edited by Ill-matic on Wednesday 19th of May 2010 07:44:30 AM
as everyone knows,
Lives Adam and Eve,
without any clothes.
In this garden,
were two little leaves,
one covered Adam's,
one covered Eve's.
As the story goes on,
Never the less to say,
the wind came along,
and blew the leaves away.
At the sight,
Adam did stare,
There was Eve's treasure,
All covered with hair.
And wonder came,
Under Eve's eyes,
As Adam's thing,
started to rise.
They found a spot,
that suited them best,
a nice big tree,
where they began to rest.
Her legs spread wider,
and wider apart,
While thrill after thrill,
Came into her heart.
The head of Adam's thing,
Peeked into the hole,
and filled her with passion,
Beyond her control.
Backward and forward,
His thing did slide,
And Eve's treasure,
was all wet inside.
The joy was good,
She wouldn't let loose,
Until Adam's thing,
Was all out of juice.
Then down through the years,
People did screw,
and now it is time,
for me and you.
So pull down your pants,
and lay in the g****,
because I'm in the mood,
for a piece of that ASS!
-- Edited by Ill-matic on Wednesday 19th of May 2010 07:44:30 AM
CHINESE SICK LEAVE : 'I NO COME WORK TODAY!!!'
Hung Chow calls into work and says, 'Hey, I no come work
today, I really sick . Got headache, stomach ache and legs
hurt, I no come work.'
The boss says, 'You know something, Hung Chow, I really
need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my
wife and tell her to give me Sex. That Makes everything
better and I go to work.. You try that.'
Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. 'I do what You
say and I feel Great. I be at work soon.........You got
nice house'
BOUNTY A TELL ONEIL AND COBRA FI COME A CHURCH... HAHHAH....... LMFAOO
May 14, 2010
Started By Dagga16 — 23 Comments
Woman calls dear pastor.. and says her man left her for a goat.. lmaooo
May 19, 2010
Started By MistahGeeh — 0 Comments
dis mad funny
part 2..
http://www.zshare.net/audio/762785976122983c/
sometimes people smoke too much weed ino me nah lie..
http://www.zshare.net/audio/762781888ba2fbe1/
STAMMA CALL DEAR PASTOR ABOUT HIM WIFE ON PHONE DURING SEX
May 19, 2010
Started By najah — 4 Comments
JAHKNO DEM UTE YAH A LUUU PON A DIFFERENT LEVEL ENUH STAR
February 12, 2010
Started By Konvict — 16 Comments
The Archbishop lay dying. He sent a message for Prime Minister Golding and hisMinister of Finance to come to the hospital.
When they arrived, they were ushered up to his room. As they entered the room, the Archbishop held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed. The Archbishop grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled, and stared at the ceiling. For a time, no one said anything.
Both Prime Minister Golding and Minister Shaw were touched and flattered that the old man would ask them to be with him during his final moments. They were also puzzled because the Archbishop had never given any indication that he particularly liked either one of them.
Finally, Minister Shaw asked, Archbishop, why did you ask the two of us to come here?'
The Archbishop mustered all his strength, and then said weakly, 'Jesus died between two thieves, and that's how I'd like to go.'
JAMAICA OBSERVER EDITORIAL CARTOON (WED, MAY 19,2010) PREE!!!
May 19, 2010
Started By jubalson — 5 Comments
 | trinithicksauce wrote 18s ago: | |||
 | dane_hype wrote 18s ago: | |||
| trinithicksauce wrote 21s ago: | :hmmm: | ||
 | Applezzzz wrote 21s ago: | a wah di? | ||
 | Wyzco (Mod) wrote 22s ago: |  | ||
 | RAY_KING wrote 22s ago: | antz u did deh pan jamaica live last nite? | ||
 | Dj Stewie wrote 23s ago: | | ||
| trinithicksauce wrote 26s ago: | |||
 | Dj_Trix wrote 32s ago: | im gay | ||
| dane_hype wrote 33s ago: | :bles::wyzco: | |
FIGHT IN ENSOM CITY (RIVERSIDE PARK) JJ VS. FRA$$ - MADDD PREE!!!
May 17, 2010
Started By jubalson — 0 Comments
FIGHT IN ENSOM CITY
(RIVERSIDE PARK)
JJ
VS. FRA$$
-- Edited by jubalson on Monday 17th of May 2010 01:17:58 PM
FOR ALL DI MEDIAZONE GYALIST DEM.. POST YA SONG IF U A GYALIS... MADDDD...
May 17, 2010
Started By Dagga16 — 18 Comments
DID THIS BREDDA MAKE A MISTAKE???????? LUUUUUUUUUUUU
March 13, 2010
Started By Konvict — 31 Comments
| Wyzco (Mod) wrote 0s : | Dea4life | ||
 | fl..loopz wrote 7s ago: | |||
| Wyzco (Mod) wrote 10s ago: | |||
 | Dj Dre4life wrote 11s ago: | |||
| Wyzco (Mod) wrote 13s ago: | |||
cityafganne posted in: | ||||
| Wyzco (Mod) wrote 28s ago: | |||
 | littlemisslinkz wrote 30s ago: | |||
| fl..loopz wrote 41s ago: | |||
 | *~*~Sweet Applezz*~*~ wrote 45s ago: | ||
U didnt come into this world for anybody to abuse you... U came to bring and give happiness, so if anyone is mistreating you, Call animal control.. U have rights too... Lmao.........
deh man yah fava kawtel somewhat
clarks mek tooth brush sell more than tooth paaaaste ahoe true mi seh clarks everybody want 1... check this crazy guy, he's sooo funny
Many of us 'Old Folks' (over 50) are quite confused today about how we should present ourselves.
Feeling 'young' , we try to conform to current fashions and present a youthful image.
Contrary to what you may have seen on the streets, the following combinations DO NOT go together and should be avoided:
1. A nose ring and bifocals
2. Spiked hair and bald spots
3. A pierced tongue and dentures
4. Miniskirts and support hose
5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads
6. Speedo's and cellulite
7. A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar
8. Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor
9. Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge
10. Bikinis and liver spots
11. Mini skirts and varicose veins
And, Most
importantly
At some point you have to give up
the 'DAISY DUKE' shorts
Feeling 'young' , we try to conform to current fashions and present a youthful image.
Contrary to what you may have seen on the streets, the following combinations DO NOT go together and should be avoided:
1. A nose ring and bifocals
2. Spiked hair and bald spots
3. A pierced tongue and dentures
4. Miniskirts and support hose
5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads
6. Speedo's and cellulite
7. A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar
8. Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor
9. Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge
10. Bikinis and liver spots
11. Mini skirts and varicose veins
And, Most
importantly
At some point you have to give up
the 'DAISY DUKE' shorts
A blond calls her boyfriend and says, 'Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started.'
Her boyfriend asks, 'What is it supposed to be when it's finished?'
The blond says, 'According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster.'
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle...
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,
'First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.'
He takes her hand and says, 'Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then ..' he said with a deep sigh, . .. . .. . .. .
(scroll down)
'Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box.'
Her boyfriend asks, 'What is it supposed to be when it's finished?'
The blond says, 'According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster.'
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle...
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,
'First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.'
He takes her hand and says, 'Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then ..' he said with a deep sigh, . .. . .. . .. .
(scroll down)
'Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box.'
A DAMN GOOD ONE ---DJ NAZ MSN JOKE LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL.....
February 24, 2010
Started By dj naz — 40 Comments
An Old Jamaican man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig his Yellow Yam and Sweet Potato Garden , but it was very hard work as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:
Dear Vincent, I am feeling pretty badly because it looks like I won't be able to plant my Yellow Yam and Sweet Potato Garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me....Love, Dad
A few days later he received a letter from his son:
Dear Dad,
Don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the bodies..
Love, Vinnie
At 4 a.m. The next morning, CID agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son:
Dear Dad,
Go ahead and plant the yams and potatoes now the ground has been dug up. That's the best I can do under these circumstances.
One night a father put his three-year-old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers, which she ended by saying: "God bless mommy, God bless daddy, God bless grandma, and goodbye Grandpa." "A why yuh say good-bye Grandpa fa?" the father asked. "Mi noh know, " the little girl said. The next day, Grandpa died. The man thought it was a strange coincidence. A few months later, he put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers, which went like this: "God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy and good-bye Grandma." The next day, the grandmother died! Rahtid, thought the man, dis yah pickney can see inna de future. Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed, the man heard her say "God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy." The man practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous all day.He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be OK He felt safe in the office, so he stayed until the end of the day, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound.Finally, when midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home. When he got home his wife said "Yuh neva come 'ome dis late before, wha happen?" "Mi no waan talk 'bout it," he said. "Mi jus 'ave de worst day a mi life." "Yuh tink yuh had a bad day?" the wife exclaimed. "You'll neva believe wha happen. Dis mahnin, Desmond next door, drap dead pan de varandah."
(BBLUNT) LUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU of Da WEEK or Account HACK??
May 13, 2010
Started By Mafo — 24 Comments
-- Edited by +0p$h0++@ (Mod) on Friday 14th of May 2010 09:21:57 AM
The other night I was invited out for a night with the girls.
I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, I promise!
Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible
conflict with him.
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him MIDNIGHT... he didnt seem pissed off in the least.
Whew, I got away with that one! Then he said We need a new cuckoo clock.
When I asked him why, he said, Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said oh %&%*. Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.
I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, I promise!
Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible
conflict with him.
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him MIDNIGHT... he didnt seem pissed off in the least.
Whew, I got away with that one! Then he said We need a new cuckoo clock.
When I asked him why, he said, Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said oh %&%*. Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.
A man and woman are at a bar having a few beers. They start talking and soon realize theyre both doctors. After an hour, the man says, "Hey, how about if we sleep together tonight? No strings attached." The woman doctor agrees to it.
They go back to her place and he goes in the bedroom. She goes into the bathroom and starts scrubbing up like shes about to go into the operating room. She scrubs for a good 10 minutes. At last, she goes into the bedroom and they have sex.
Afterward, the man says, "Youre a surgeon, arent you?"
"Yes," says the woman, "how did you know?"
"I could tell by the way you scrubbed up before we started," he says.
"That makes sense," says the woman. "Youre an anaesthesiologist, arent you?"
"Yeah, how did you know?" asks the man.
The woman replies, "Because I didnt feel a thing."
They go back to her place and he goes in the bedroom. She goes into the bathroom and starts scrubbing up like shes about to go into the operating room. She scrubs for a good 10 minutes. At last, she goes into the bedroom and they have sex.
Afterward, the man says, "Youre a surgeon, arent you?"
"Yes," says the woman, "how did you know?"
"I could tell by the way you scrubbed up before we started," he says.
"That makes sense," says the woman. "Youre an anaesthesiologist, arent you?"
"Yeah, how did you know?" asks the man.
The woman replies, "Because I didnt feel a thing."
n old Italian woman is riding the elevator in a very lavish New York City Office Building.
A young and beautiful woman gets into the elevator and smelling like expensive perfume turns to the old Italian woman and says arrogantly, "Giorgio Beverly Hills, $100 an ounce!"
The next young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator and also very arrogantly turns to the old Italian woman and says, "Chanel
No. 5, $150 an ounce!"
About three floors later, the old Italian woman has reached her destiny and is about to get off the elevator. Before she leaves, she looks both beautiful women in the eye, she bends over, and farts.......
"Broccoli - 49 cents a pound!"
A young and beautiful woman gets into the elevator and smelling like expensive perfume turns to the old Italian woman and says arrogantly, "Giorgio Beverly Hills, $100 an ounce!"
The next young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator and also very arrogantly turns to the old Italian woman and says, "Chanel
No. 5, $150 an ounce!"
About three floors later, the old Italian woman has reached her destiny and is about to get off the elevator. Before she leaves, she looks both beautiful women in the eye, she bends over, and farts.......
"Broccoli - 49 cents a pound!"
She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.
On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.
On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of Chardonnay.
When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the curtain rods.
She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.
When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days.
Then slowly, the house began to smell.
They tried everything, cleaning, mopping, and airing the place out.
Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned.
Air fresheners were hung everywhere.
Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.
Nothing worked.
People stopped coming over to visit.
Repairmen refused to work in the house.
The maid quit.
Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.
A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house.
Word got out, and eventually, even the local realtors refused to return their calls.
Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a
new place.
The ex-wife called her ex-husband, and asked how things were going.
He told her the saga of the rotting house.
She listened politely, and said that she missed her old home terribly, and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.
Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day.
She agreed, and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.
A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home, including the curtain rods
-- Edited by rayonxelnt on Thursday 13th of May 2010 10:35:45 PM
On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.
On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of Chardonnay.
When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the curtain rods.
She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.
When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days.
Then slowly, the house began to smell.
They tried everything, cleaning, mopping, and airing the place out.
Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned.
Air fresheners were hung everywhere.
Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.
Nothing worked.
People stopped coming over to visit.
Repairmen refused to work in the house.
The maid quit.
Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.
A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house.
Word got out, and eventually, even the local realtors refused to return their calls.
Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a
new place.
The ex-wife called her ex-husband, and asked how things were going.
He told her the saga of the rotting house.
She listened politely, and said that she missed her old home terribly, and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.
Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day.
She agreed, and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.
A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home, including the curtain rods
-- Edited by rayonxelnt on Thursday 13th of May 2010 10:35:45 PM
1-
2-
3-
4-
5-
2-
3-
4-
5-
It's ALWAYS the kids that suffer.
His name is Zonkey!
|
No New Posts | 
|
New Posts |
|
Topic is Closed | 
|
Sticky |