-- Edited by RickyDZines on Saturday 12th of June 2010 12:27:46 AM

-- Edited by +0p$h0++@ (Mod) on Wednesday 26th of May 2010 11:32:29 AM

-- Edited by pretty gaza girl on Wednesday 26th of May 2010 11:46:24 AM

-- Edited by KrYsIs on Thursday 10th of June 2010 08:58:08 PM

By rockingir at 2010-05-27

SISTAS, you dont need a man that drives

an X6, M3 or Hummer to feel special!!

-- Edited by pretty gaza girl on Saturday 5th of June 2010 05:29:54 PM

[youtube=http://youtube.com/watch?v=1uwOL4rB-go]

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http://www.mediafire.com/?20ijtgmg2jw

 

 

-- Edited by magician_jc on Wednesday 9th of June 2010 05:26:03 PM

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest
beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favor?'

'Of course, child. What may I do for you?'

'Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my
mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and
I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it
through customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?'

'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.'

'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.'

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her.

The official asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?'

'From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.'

The official thought this answer strange, so asked, 'And what do you
have to declare from your waist to the floor?'

'I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which
is, to date, unused.'

Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father. Next!'



-- Edited by LaDy J on Thursday 27th of May 2010 09:59:22 PM

How Jamaican Government Contracts are issued! Three contractors are bidding to fix the fence at Jamaica House. One is from Montego Bay, another from Kingston and the third, from Mandeville. They go with an official from Jamaica House, to examine the fence. The Mo-Bay contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well,"he says. "De job gwine run yuh 'bout $900: $400 fi material, $400 fi my crew an' $100 profit fi me." The Mandeville contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do dis job fi $700; $300 fi material, $300 fi my crew and $100 profit fi Mass Me." The Kingston contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the Jamaica House official and whispers: "$2,700." The official, incredulous, observes: "Yuh didn't even tek measurement like de addah contractah dem! Weh yuh get such a high figgah?" "Easy man," the Kingstonian explains, "Look yah! $1,000 fi you, $1,000 fi me an' we hire de breddah from Mandeville".

Breed Har Again A 17 year-old Jamaican girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for the last two months. Very worried, the mother goes to the pharmacy and buys a pregnancy test. Confirming her worst fears, the test result is positive. Shouting, swearing and crying, the Mother says, "Which rahtid man do dis to you? Mi need fi know now!" The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a BMW X5 pulls up in front of their house; a dapper looking man dressed in an Armani suit steps out and walks to the house. He sits in the living room with the father, the mother, & the girl and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the situation. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation, but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs & provide for your daughter for the rest of her life. Additionally, if a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa and a $2,000,000 bank account. He continues: "If a boy is born, my legacy will be a factory and a $4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?" At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and very decisively tells him, "You can breed har again ..."

Garage Operator Greases Up To Avoid Arrest

It was high drama and a very greasy situation on Lyndhurst Road in Kingston yesterday (March 30, 2009), as Patrick Marshall - a garage operator - stripped to his underwear and thoroughly covered himself in grease in order to prevent his imminent arrest by policemen who were at his business place.

Marshall took off all his clothes except his boxers, then proceeded to grease every part of his body in order to make it as difficult as possible for the police to hold and arrest him. According to Marshall, the police officers came to help a customer reclaim a vehicle from his garage, a vehicle that Marshall was refusing to release because he claims the customer owes him J$114,000 in storage fees and refuses to pay this sum.

Marshall was at least succesful for the day. The policemen were unable to arrest him and because of the intervention of other police officers, the vehicle was not allowed to be removed from his garage.

Picture Disclaimer

The pictures here are intended solely for entertainment purposes and simply meant to help bring humor and entertainment to Jamaicans and fans of Jamaica all over the World. Ultimately, we mean no disrespect or mis-intent to any one individual or group of individuals.

Rasta Job Application PERSONAL INFORMATION Name - Bobo Dread Amaka Baka Fari Age - I man noh count birtday Date of Birth - Mi sey Rasta noh deal wid dem tings deh man Address - Uppa di Hills a Wesmorlan Tel. No. - I man Doan participate ina di Bablyon system Marital Status & No. of Children - I an I hav nuff comman law wif an 21 likkle soljas a run bout roun di island Occupation: Sell Jelly coknat pan Spanish Town Rd. and weed outta mi Kitchen winda Company Name - I man noh kip company yuh noh seeit Present Position - Mi like di Lizzad lap positian .. but mi open to any adda position, yuh noh seet FINANCIAL INFORMATION Average Monthly Income - Depends pan di season and di demans fi di weed .. some time bizniss slow an ting Credit Reference - More Fyah! I man noh deal wid credit .. strickly up front dallas a do it Unsecured Overdraft Limit - Chat English .. a wha di *lo**baught dat? Secured Overdraft Limit - Mi sey yuh fi chat English!! Personal Loan Amount - Tony owe mi bout 40 gran .. a gwine buss im *lo**Klaat when a buck im up Monthly Payment - Ask Tony cause a monts now mi noh si nat a cent fram im No. of Monthly Payment Outstanding - Yuh def? Mi seh Tony noh gi mi back mi money so all a it outstanding Mortgage Loan Amount - Mi noh pay margage fi mi zinc shed .. is I man build dat Monthly Payment- Yuh com back a ask di same foolishness? No. of Monthly Payment Outstanding - Is wha do dis ooman dowe eeh? MI SEY TONY NOH PAY MI YET!! This is interview is over .. Application for Loan Denied GOH WEH!!! unu hypocrite an Sadomite unu!

-- Edited by Dj Tweety on Tuesday 1st of June 2010 10:16:34 AM

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years.
The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air. Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick.
He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.
The years went by and he continued to rip them out!
Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her.
She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waist band of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.
Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a *lo** curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom.
The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.
About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his *lo** stained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter.
He said, 'Honey, you were right. All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you.'
'What do you mean?' asked his wife.
'Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and two fingers, I think I got most of them back in!!!

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-- Edited by KrYsIs on Friday 4th of June 2010 11:38:16 AM

4 MEN IN A PRISON CELL,
A RAPIST
A MURDERER
A PSYCO
&GAY.
RAPIST SAYS, "IF THERE WAS A CAT HERE I'D **** IT TILL IT WEAK"

THE MURDERER SAYS "ONCE YOUR DONe with it I'd torture it to death. The psycho says, "Oh yeah & once its dead I'd **** it till I die. " The gay in the very corner softly says, "Meow!"

A double entendre is a figure of speech in which a spoken phrase is devised to be understood in either of two ways. Often the first meaning is straightforward, while the second meaning is less so: often risqué, inappropriate, or ironic. The Oxford English Dictionary defines a double entendre as especially being used to convey an indelicate meaning. It is often used to express potentially offensive opinions without the risks of explicitly doing so. A double entendre may exploit puns to convey the second meaning. Double entendres tend to rely more on multiple meanings of words, or different interpretations of the same primary meaning; they often exploit ambiguity and may be used to introduce it deliberately in a text.
All of these photos have double meanings. Enjoy and comment the best photo!

Dress Code:

1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.

2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.

3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year.They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to
allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.


Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the
company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders' category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.


Lunch Break: (Love this one)

* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.

* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.


Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concern s, complaints,
frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.


The Management
Pass this on to all who are employed!


-- Edited by LaDy J on Thursday 27th of May 2010 10:30:45 PM

The Lord ah mi one boss, and mi nuh fi want nutt'n.
Ah Him ah prevent mi from tell off people everyday.
Ah Him ah gimme peace, when so-so madness a gwan roun' mi
Ah Him ah remind mi fi pray and fi do everyting widout complain, murmur or kiss mi teeth.
Ah Him ah remind mi dat ah Him, noh mi job, ah mi source, although lickle more pay woulda nice.
Him ah stap mi from mad a daytime, an' ah guide mi decision dem, so mi can honor Him inna hev'ryting.
Ah Him ah prevent mi from shoot up di whole place, an' tun' all mi supervisor dem inna some duppy so mi no haffi go ah prison, an' live mongst ah bag ah *****man or get heng.
Even though mi get one whole heap of e-mail, fool fool deadline fi work wid, have some co-worker dem whey a chat mi behind mi back, some big heediat fi supervisor, an' ah old body dat kyaan' mek it a morning time, mi nah give up because Him deh wid mi!
Him presence, Him peace, an' Him power ah go si mi through.
Ah Him ah raise mi up, even when di heediat dem nah promote mi hardworking self, though mi have three set a degree an' diploma.
Ah Him claim mi as fi Him own, even when di company ah threaten fi fiah mi, an' me ah threaten fi light wan fiah an' bun di whole place ah grung.
Fi Him faithfulness an' love betta dan any bonus check (but yu simi, a check woulda help out some time).
Fi Him retirement plan betta dan every pension plan outta road, but mek anybady try rob this place yah an yuh see wha 'appen out yah tiday.
When unnu done talk; Ah Him mi ah go wuk fah fi wan long time ... So Tank Yuh Lord.


-- Edited by LaDy J on Saturday 29th of May 2010 09:49:10 PM