Forum: Funny Stuff
Merry Christmas & a Prosperous New Year to the MediaZoneJA Family!
Memba di reason fi di season - JESUS!
Let's continue to lift REGGAE music HIGHER 2008!
Blessings,
-from JamEcho & Family!
http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=1534949126
-- Edited by Jamecho at 10:46, 2007-12-24
to
find her husband in bed with another woman. The woman was asleep but
Puncie's husband was awake and shaking with fear of what Puncie would
do.
Puncie spun around and headed for the kitchen to grab a knife. Her
husband
jumped out of bed to follow her. He grabbed her and said, "Puncie, me
lub,
me sarry". Puncie replied, "yu no sarry yet. Wait til mi done wid har.
Den
yu will sarry!"
Puncie's husband said, "lawd Puncie man, no gwan so. Beg yu please no
hurt
har. Yu see dat nice Maxima wey we drive? A she buy it gi mi. Yu si yu
weddin ban an diaman ring pan yu finga? A fi har money me tek buy it gi
yu.
An a wey yu tink me get de money fi pay di magage dis month?"
Puncie stopped for a few seconds to think then replied, "Den cova har up
no?
We no want har fi ketch cold!!"
Just Jokes....Sorry ladies
Q: How can a woman tell if she is flat chested?
A: She will look down her dress and the two bumps she sees are her knees.
Q: Why are hurricanes normally named after women?
A: When they come they're wild and wet, but when they go they takeyour house and car with the them.
A: How can you trust something that bleeds for five days and doesn't die?
And thats how we got 2 girls 1 cup.
legs,forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an
accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his handup
her leg. The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest
removed his hand. But,changing gears, he let his hand slide up her
leg again. The nun once again said,"Father, remember Psalm 129?" The
priest apologized."Sorry, Sister, but the flesh is weak."Arriving at
the convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrivalat the church,
the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said,"Go forth and seek,
further up, you will find glory."
A Priest has a number of hens and one rooster. One Saturday he goes into the coop to get some eggs, and can't find the rooster... This
bothers him because he knows that some people in the community
engage in cockfighting and may have stolen the cock. The priest figures he can find the culprit at church the next day. On Sunday, he gets up in the pulpit and says, "all of you who have a cock,
stand up"!
ALL THE MEN IN THE CHURCH STOOD UP.
" No, no!" says the priest, "I mean all of you who have seen a cock, please stand up".
ALL THE WOMEN IN THE CHURCH STOOD UP.
No, no!", says the priest. "I mean, all of you who have seen a cock that doesn't belong to you, stand up".
HALF OF THE WOMEN IN THE CHURCH STOOD UP.
"No! You still don't understand. All of you who have seen my cock, stand up".
ALL OF THE NUNS, HALF THE ALTAR BOYS, AND ONE GOAT STOOD UP
Jamaican Girl's Letter to Santa
I know you probably wondering why I writing yuh one day after Christmas but after opening mi present dem yestiday, I just had was to write yuh. Santa, mi was a very good girl all year round. Mi listen to mi madda when she talk to mi and mi help out wid di chores dem round de house. Mi even help di neighba pickney dem do fi dem chores tuh. One day mi all help out di old crasses Mr. George, the blind an cripple one, crass the road when di odda children dem just ah watch him an dida tek gamble pon what kind of cyar did ah go lick him dung. Santa, dem just lef him deh fi dead, but mi help him out.
Santa mi studied real hard in school this year, so hard till mi all come fuss inna di class. Mi mek it mi duty to be nice and not naughty Santa. Mi was so good. Ah real good girl Santa. Santa when mi write mi Christmas list to yuh dis year, mi ask yuh fi a Barbie princess doll, ah Barbie kitchen, ah Dora the Explorer computer game, ah cyabbage patch doll and ah monopoly game.
So Santa, how the *lo** claat after reading mi list yuh leave under di Christmas tree ah phukking light up yo-yo, one plastic tea-cup set and ah phukking no name dolly dat look like she have polio and ah dead from AIDS?
Santa is either yuh blind or yuh cyah *lo** claat read!!! Every year mi say mi woulda stop believing in yuh and like ah dyam fool mi always give yuh ah next chance, but not ah phukking-gain, yuh hear mi Santa? Not a *lo**claat. Yuh hear whe mi sah Santa? Yuh phukking fat red rass yuh.
Yuh see all nex year, yuh betta dont try squeeze yuh big fat batty thru mi louvres dem, because Santa mi swear mi going phukk yuh up. It going to be mi, yuh and dis sharp *lo** claat knife, so mi can jukk yuh inna yuh belly.
Yuh hear mi sah? Mi ah go stab up yuh *lo**caat.
Imagine, yuh give that likkle cock eye gyal Sally from crass di road everything that she ax fah. So much so dat she all nuh have nuh room fi walk round har house.
Yuh see all nex year Santa, mi will be back to mi good old self. Dat's right Santa. Mi naar go giv mi madda nuh trouble or cause nuh havoc roun'ere . And Santa, a goin wait pon you patiently ... mi goin wait pon yuh paitently with ah big *lo** claat rock stone fi yuh backside.
And den when yuh and dem blasted reindeer dat favour some dyam oversize goat wid tree branch ah grow otta dem head top, com ho-ho hoing down pon I old rusty zinc nex Christmas ... BOOP!!!!! Is one rass lick inna yuh *lo** claat head.
Santa mi goin' done yuh *lo** claat, Memba dat yuh hear Santa. Try Memba dat!!
Love
Likkle Keisha
Hey Merry Christmas. I got a nice presentation for you. U will enjoy this. Ho Ho "No" lol.
-- Edited by dappa75wifie at 23:12, 2007-12-30
-- Edited by dappa75wifie at 00:00, 2007-12-31
A blonde went into a world wide message center to send a message to her mother overseas.
When the man told her it would cost $300, she exclaimed, 'I don't have any money. But I'd do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother.'
The man arched an eyebrow (as we would expect). 'Anything?' he asked.
'Yes, yes, anything,' the blonde promised.
'Well, then, just follow me,' said the man as he walked towards the next room. The blonde did as she was told and followed him.
'Come in and close the door,' the man said. She did.
He then said, 'Now get on your knees.' She did.
'Now take down my zipper.' She did.
'Now go ahead and take it out.....,' he said.
She reached in and grabbed it with both hands. Then paused.
The man closed his eyes and whispered, 'Well....go ahead.'
The blonde slowly brought her mouth closer to it and while holding it, close to her lips, tentatively said:
'Hello. Mom, can you hear me?'
-- Edited by STAINLESS at 17:01, 2007-12-30
-- Edited by BEN at 11:24, 2008-01-22
http://youtube.com/watch?v=F3WA3npjgcY
-- Edited by RiddimRyder at 09:48, 2007-12-19
-- Edited by Crazypickney at 00:54, 2007-12-20
the couple finished, the doctor said, 'There's nothing wrong with
the way you have sex,' and charged them $50.
'We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house.
The Holiday Inn charges $90. The Hilton charges $108.00 We do it here for $50, .....and I get $43 back from Medicare.'
pengo try fi cook de egg him a lay
RHATID pengo u fi sell not fi cook
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z4pvKQqoguU
sorry i had to do it pengo
LMFAO msvk
BASIC INSTRUCTIONS:
Face your partner, standing with your legs shoulder width apart. Take your left foot and turn it out to the side while keeping your right one facing forward. Have him widen his stance, with his legs about three feet apart, and then ask him to bend his knees ever so slightly. Wrap your arms around his neck and have him put his arms snugly around your lower back. Here's where it gets a little tricky: Pull your right leg up and place your right foot on his left shoulder, keeping your right knee bent. As he slowly enters you, ease into the vertical split by sliding your calf as far up his left shoulder as you comfortably can.
BET YOU'LL LOVE IT:
There's a reason men are drawn to local dancehall moves by flexible Jamaican females. firstly skimplydressed young ladies handle there bodies in was most women wish they could, in short flexibility B-A-D (bad in a good way).
Most men are so stiff, they think a knee bend is an Olympic feat -- so pull this one on him and he'll worship you as a sex goddess who knows how to stretch sexual boundaries. besides moves like this will ensure you stucked in his mind for the rest of the week! if not write back and let me know about it.
TRY THIS!
Pressing your man up against a wall will help both of you keep your balance and force him to relinquish all power over to you. To him, there's no bigger turn-on than a hot gal who's not afraid to take charge and tell him what to do.
Jamaican Position: Bed Wheel Barrow
BASIC INSTRUCTIONS:
Bend over the side of the bed so your stomach and breasts are against the mattress and your feet are on the floor, legs spread comfortably. As your guy penetrates you from behind, he lifts your legs from just above the knees, holds them apart and thrusts.
BET YOU'LL LOVE IT:
With your body angled slightly downward and your legs apart, he gets deep penetration. And since your gams are in his grip, he can thrust away with total abandon. Plus, he can easily view your sexy rear and watch himself move in and out of you -- an up-close and personal pose guys pine for. So what's in it for you? You feel weightless with your legs lifted off the floor, as if you're floating, while your guy does all the work. And his penis is perfectly angled to stroke your G-spot.
TRY THIS!:
Create sizzling-hot down-there friction by squeezing your PC muscles tight as he thrusts. That, plus the potential for serious depth and the sizzling view of your sexiest parts, is a triple threat that'll hit him hard. Very hard..
-- Edited by j_anthony at 12:33, 2007-12-18
http://youtube.com/watch?v=gvRxfpKey-4&feature=related
the police officer ah real fool ... LOL ...
mi cyaan believe ...
-- Edited by Crazypickney at 14:54, 2007-12-17
jus see the pic...
http://youtube.com/watch?v=nxe9l43UUM8&feature=related
-- Edited by Crazypickney at 10:54, 2007-12-19
Locked Out of Car |
Two blondes lock thier keys in the car. One of the blondes tries to break into the car while the the other one watches. |
Blonde Cops |
A blonde cop stops blonde motorist and asks for her driving license. |
Smart Blondes and UFO'S |
Q: What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common? |
Blonde Inventions |
1.Tricycle kickstand |
Having A Blonde Passenger |
Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger? |
Planning a War |
President Bush and Colin Powell are sitting in a bar. |
Blonde Logic |
January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight. |
NASA Experiment |
A blond, a brunette, and a redhead were trying out for a new NASA experiment on sending women to different planets. First, they called the brunette in and asked her a question. |
One Blonde To Another |
A blonde woman was having financial troubles so she decided to |
Blonde Painting the House |
This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all |
Tell the Joke |
A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?" |
A Brunette, A Redhead, and A Dumb Blonde |
An evil genie captured a brunette, a redhead, and a dumb blonde and banished them all to the desert for a week. The genie allowed them each to bring one thing. |
Game Of Intelligence |
There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted. |
You've got Blonde |
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox and again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went. |
Blonde Guy |
A blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed,sweating and panting. "What's up?" he says. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman. |
http://youtube.com/watch?v=c5pIy5fpnNU
-- Edited by CALOSS at 20:50, 2007-12-15
SORRY, I WON'T BE EMAILING FOR A WHILE, MY CAR NEEDS WASHING AGAIN!
!SO
I WENT TO THE CAR WASH DOWNTOWN AND HAD TO HAVE THEM REWASH THE CAR 3 TIMES. THEY KEPT MISSING SPOTS. SO IF YOU DON'T HEAR FROM ME FOR A WEEK OR SO, YOU'LL KNOW WHERE I AM!
I want a divorce!"
The husband, replies"Wait, Wait a minute!
Before you leave, at least listen to what happened"
"Hmm, I don't know, well,
it'll be the last thing I will hear from you.
But make it fast, you unfaithful pig, you!"
The husband begins to tell his story . . .
"While driving home this young lady asked for a ride.
I saw her so defenseless that I went ahead and allowed her in my car.
I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty.
She mentioned that she had not eaten for 3 days.
With great compassion I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas that
I made for you last night that you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll gain weight;
the poor little thing practically devoured them."
"Since she was very dirty I asked if she wanted to take a shower.
While she was showering, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes
so I threw her clothes away.
Since she needed clothes, I gave her the pair of jeans that you have had for a few years,
that you can no longer wear because they are too tight on you, I also gave her the blouse that I gave you on our anniversary and you don't wear because I don't have good taste."
"I gave her the pullover that my sister gave you for Christmas that you will not wear just to bother my sister and I also gave her the boots that you bought at the expensive boutique that you never wore again after you saw your co-worker wearing the same pair."
The husband continues his story . . . . .
"The young woman was very grateful to me and I walked her to the door.
When we got to the door she turned around and with tears coming out of her eyes,
she asks me:
"Sir, do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?
An Italian grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson
Anthony who is coming to visit with his wife Maria.
"You comma to de front door of the apartmenta.
I am inna apartmenta 301 There issa bigga panel at the front door.
With you elbow pusha button 301. I will Buzza you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with you elbow pusha 3.
When you get out, I'mma on the left. With you elbow, hit my doorbell."
"Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?"
"What, You coming empty handed?"
A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home.
He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:
"Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife
merely stays at home.
I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to
switch with mine for a day. Amen.
God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.
The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman He arose,
cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids,
set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their
lunches, drove them to school,
came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and
stopped at the bank to make a deposit,
went grocery shopping, then drove home to put away the groceries,
paid the bills and balanced the checkbook.
He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog. Then it was already 1 P.M.
and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and
sweep and mop the kitchen floor.
Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with
them on the way home.
Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their
homework, then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did
the ironing.
At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad,
breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.
After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the
dishwasher, folded laundry,
bathed the kids, and put them to bed.
At 9 P.M. he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished,
he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to
get through without complaint.
The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said:
Lord, I don't know what I was thinking.
I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day.
Please, oh please, let us trade back."
The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied: "My son,
I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change
things back to the way they were.
You'll just have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last night."
Chris_Rock-Cheese_And_Crackers_The_Greatest_Bits-2007-CHRiSROCK
1. Tossed Salad Man 3:04
BEEF IN STRATFORD (no smoking) JAMAICAN IN THE UK LMAO
mi nieces favorite music video
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vgMgLjMghuk&feature=related
husbands' constant demands for sex, decides to make a schedule for
him, to cut down on the amount of times that they will have to make
love for the rest of their marriage.
While getting ready for work, she writes on a piece of paper, "Honey
you know I love you, but your never ending requests for sex are
leaving me drained and really tired.
So I propose that we only have sex on days that start with the
Letter 'T', to minimize the frequency of our lovemaking sessions.
Don't be mad at me honey, just understand where I am coming from,
and let me know if my request is too demanding of you."
On her way out the door, she uses a refrigerator magnet and sticks
The note to the fridge door, hoping that her sex craved husband will be
understanding and accepting of her proposal when he reads it.
Upon returning home, she glances at the refrigerator and notices
That her note has-been replaced with a note from her husband that reads,
"Baby, I didn't' realize that I was putting you under so much
Pressure and I'm sorry. I accept your proposal and have even taken the
extra step of listing at the bottom of this letter, those days starting
with the letter 'T' to make sure that we are on the same page.
1. TUESDAY
2. THURSDAY
3. TODAY
4. TONIGHT
5. TOMORROW
6. TATURDAY
7. TUNDAY
8. Every Tucking Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
P.S. I love you too, and it's still TODAY, I'm waiting for you upstairs."
Coming to your local golf course on November 28th
'final interview' with the golfers.
Click on the site below to see her. You might have to roll your mouse over her knees to learn why they are hiring her.
http://humour25.free.fr/telechargement/flash/jj1/vz01.swf
-- Edited by Garrick at 08:43, 2008-06-06
-- Edited by Garrick at 08:44, 2008-06-06
Back on the phone, the hunter says, "OK, now what?"
The New nokia TSG-1000(talk n shoot glock),ideal phone used by Jamaican gangsters
"To My Dear Wife,
You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 54 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18-year-old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don't be upset. I shall be back home before midnight"
When the man came home late that night he found the following letter on the dining room table:
"To My Dear Husband,
I received your letter and thank you for you honesty about my being 54 years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old. As you know, I am a mathematics professor at our local college. I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Ritz Carlton with Michael, one of my students, who is also the assistant tennis coach. He is young, virile, and like your secretary is 18 years old. As a succesful businessman with an excellent knowledge of math, you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference; 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Therefore I will not be home until sometime tomorrow."
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night."
She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"
John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."
"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner.
The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."
She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."
While in there, I noticed Bill Gates sitting comfortably in the corner, enjoying a drink. I was meeting a very important client who was also flying to Seattle, but she was running a little bit late.
Well, being a straightforward kind of guy, I approached the Microsoft chairman, introduced myself, and said, "Mr. Gates, I wonder if you would do me a favor."
"Yes?"
"I'm sitting right over there," pointing to my seat at the bar, and I'm waiting for a very important client. Would you be so kind when she arrives as to come, walk by and just say "Hi suresh?"
"Sure."
I shook his hand and thanked him and went back to my seat. About ten minutes later, my client showed up. We ordered a drink and started to talk business. A couple of minutes later, I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was Bill Gates.
"Hi, suresh," he said.
I replied, "Shut up, Bill, I'm in a meeting
I see why you named the company Micrsoft.
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