http://www.zshare.net/image/8025529ed4bbd6/  

http://www.sendspace.com/file/uah25k

http://youtube.com/watch?v=NhNsp4MDY6U

-- Edited by dappa75wifie at 01:35, 2008-02-24

http://www.sendspace.com/file/pxplb0

Tell mi now a coulda wat shi a think

http://myspacetv.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=27323891

The beautician turned to her girlfriend and said, "Hey Juanita, do me a favor. Follow that woman and see where she goes. She keeps asking how long she has to wait for a wash & curl, but then she doesn't ever come back.'  A little while later, Juanita returned to the salon, laughing hysterically.  The beautician asked, 'So, where does that woman go when she leaves?'  Juanita looked up, wiped the tears from her eyes and said, 'Your man's house!'

http://myspacetv.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=190066


-- Edited by ANDRE_DESIGNS at 20:38, 2008-02-23

Four Jamaicans were sitting around a campfire near the beach. They were
all
"philosophising" on what was the fastest thing in the world.

Seymour said, "I tink de fassess ting in the world is a "thought",
because
before you can tink of it, it already thought."

Mildred said, "No man, the fassest ting in the worl' is a "blink",
because
before you can tink to blink,you dun blink already."

Lucy said, "No, no, the fassess ting in the world is helectricity,
because
when you turn on de light switch, de 'lectric travel fass-fass and the
light
come on before you done know it."

Leroy said, "All ah-onoo wrong!! The fastest ting in the whole worl' is
diarrhea."
Everyone sey, "Diarrhea?"

Leroy said, "Yes man, cause las' night, ev'n before I could tink,
blink, or
turn on de light dem, I done sh!t up mi self." !!!!


Food for thought

"Do not value the things you have in life, Instead, value who you have
in
your life ! "

http://www.sendspace.com/file/8r9lgr

-- Edited by Crazypickney at 04:07, 2007-11-17

mooooore

dis one yuh had mi in tears lmao

-- Edited by STAINLESS at 04:26, 2007-11-17

-- Edited by warhawk at 02:02, 2007-11-17

-- Edited by Crazypickney at 02:12, 2007-11-17

This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries regarding a pond on his property. It was sent by the Pennsylvania Department of Environmental Quality, State of Pennsylvania. This guy's response is hilarious, but read the State's letter before you get to the response letter.



SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County

Dear Mr. DeVries:

It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity: Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond.


A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity. A review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been issued. Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.


The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream locations.


We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted.

The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31, 2006.

Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action.. We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter. Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.

Sincerely,

David L. Price
District Representative and Water Management Division.


Here is the actual response sent back by Mr. DeVries:


Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County

Dear Mr. Price,

Your certified letter dated 12/17/02 has been handed to me to respond to.
I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget Lane, Trout Run, Pennsylvania.

A couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of constructing and maintaining two wood 'debris' dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of natures building materials 'debris.'

I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.

<a href="http://www.funnyjunk.com"><img src="http://newmedia.funnyjunk.com/pictures/learnchinese.jpg" border="0" alt="Funny Pictures"><BR>

[youtube=http://youtube.com/watch?v=e4RfpcGmFS0&feature=related]

-- Edited by shardo at 15:14, 2008-02-03

A cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street when a little girl on
her shiny new bike stopped beside him.
"Nice bike," the cop said. "Did Santa bring it to you?"
"Yep," the little girl said, "he sure did!"
The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $5 ticket for a safety
violation.
The cop said, "Next year, tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back
of it."
The young girl looked up at the cop and said, "Nice horse you've got there
sir. Did Santa bring it to you?"
"Yes, he sure did," chuckled the cop.
The little girl looked up at the cop and said, "Next year, tell Santa the
dick goes underneath the horse, not on top."

>SIPPING VODKA
>
>
>This is too funny - I still have tears in my eyes! Finally, a chain
>letter that I don't mind forwarding.
>It's funny (don't break chain)
>
>A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
>After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
>
>The monsignor replied, " When I am worried about getting nervous on the
>pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to
>get nervous, I take a sip."
>
>So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the
>sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.
>
>He proceeded to talk up a storm.
>
>Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following
>note on the door:
>
>1. Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
>
>2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
>
>3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
>
>4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
>
>5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
>
>6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
>
>7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior
>and the spook.
>
>8. David slew Goliath , he did not kick the sh*t out of him.
>
>9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't
>say he was stoned off his ass.
>
>10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
>
>11. When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take this
>and eat it for it is my body".  He did not say " Eat me".
>
>12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry".
>
>13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for
>the grub, Yeah God.
>
>14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at ST. Peter 's
>not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

1. Turn signals will give away your next move. A real Kingston driver never uses them. 2. Under no circumstance should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, or the space will be filled in by somebody else, putting you in an even more dangerous situation. 3. The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit. 4. Never, ever come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No one expects it and it will result in you being rear-ended. 5. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork. The other guy doesn't have anything to lose. 6. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs. 7. Never pass on the right when you can pass on the left. It's a good way to scare people for a laugh. 8. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as a suggestion and are apparently not enforceable in Kingston. 9. Just because you're in the right lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that a Kingston driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot. 10. Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tire. 11. Learn to swerve abruptly. Kingston is the home of the high-speed 'dally' , thanks to the KSAC, which puts pot-holes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes. 12. It is traditional in Kingston to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light turns green. 13. Remember that the goal of every Kingston driver is to get there first --by whatever means necessary.

Little Johnny comes home from catholic school
wit a black eye.
His father see's it and says "Johnny, how
many times do I have to
tell
you
not to fight with the other boys?"
But Dad, it wasn't my fault. We were all in
church saying our
prayers.
We
all stood up and my teacher in front of me
had her dress in the crack
of
her
butt. I reached over and pulled it out.
That's when she hit me!"
"Johnny", the father said. You don't do those
kind of things to
women.

Sure
enough, the very next day Johnny came home
with the other eye black
and
blue.
Johnny's fathersaid, "Johnny, I thought we
had a talk!"
"But Dad" Johnny said. "It wasn't my fault.
There we were in church
saying
our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher
in front of us had her
dress
in
the crack of her butt. Then max who was
sitting next to me saw it
and he
reached over and pulled it out. Now I know
she doesn't like this, so
I

pushed it back in!"

A woman was unhappy with the way her laundry was done at
>the local Chinese Laundry, so she wrote a note and put it in the bag with 
>the next collection of soiled clothes:
>'USE MORE SOAP ON PANTIES!'
>
>She got the clean laundry back, and was still dissatisfied with the 
>results, so the following week she enclosed another note:
>'USE MORE SOAP ON PANTIES!'
>
>The Chinese laundryman became very annoyed, and when her clean laundry was 
>delivered, it contained a note from HIM:
>
>'I USE PLENTY SOAP ON PANTIES!!! USE MORE PAPER ON ASS!!'
>

-- Edited by pengo at 12:39, 2008-02-22

him swallow sh*t

http://myspacetv.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=28124736

Make Up: $ 40
Hair Stylist: $75
Body Waxing: $110
Custom Tattoo: $150
Sexy Designer Outfit: $225
Collagen Lip Enhancement: $400
Boob Job: $6 ,000




Forgetting To Tuck In Your Nuts.. Priceless

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son.



They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.



The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.



The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.



He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.



He told his wife, "There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?"



The wife smiled sweetly and replied, "Not this time!"

[youtube=http://youtube.com/watch?v=4NW8gu47THA]

ultrasoundofdevelopingbaby.pps - 0.47MB

TAKE A LOOK AT THIS PICTURE: WHAT DO YOU SEE? CHECK THE EXPLANATION BELOW!

You saw a couple in an intimate pose, right?
Interestingly, research has shown that young children cannot identify the intimate couple because they do not have prior memory associated with such a scenario.
What they will see is nine dolphins!
We've already proven you're not a young innocent child.


Now, if it's hard for you to find the dolphins within 6 seconds, your mind is SO corrupted that you probably need help!

OK, here's help: Look at the space between her right arm and her head, the tail is on her neck, follow it up. Look at her left hip, follow the shaded part down, it's another one, and on his shoulder...
OH, S U R E , you see them NOW !!!!!!

-- Edited by miggskills at 22:26, 2008-02-21

Tony's wife thought it was very romantic when he vowed to have a picture of her tattooed on his arm.

A man takes his wife to the stock show. They start heading down the alley that had the bulls. They come up to the first bull and his sign stated: "This bull mated 50 times last year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "He mated 50 times in a year, you could learn from him."

They proceed to the next bull and his sign stated: "This bull mated 65 times last year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "This one mated 65 times last year. That is over 5 times a month. You can learn from this one, also."

They proceeded to the last bull and his sign said: "This bull mated 365 times last year." The wife's mouth drops open and says, "WOW! He mated 365 times last year. That is ONCE A DAY!!! You could really learn from this one.
" The man turns to his wife and says, "Go up and see if it was 365 times with the same cow."

http://www.sendspace.com/file/bh8028