1. No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.  
2. When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.  
3. If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.  
4. You can't trust dogs to watch your food.  
5. Puppies still have bad breath, even after eating a Tic-Tac.  
6. Never hold a Dustbuster and a cat at the same time.  
7. You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.  
8. Don't wear polka dot underwear under white shorts.  
 
Great Truths About Life Adults Have Learned:  
 
1. Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree. <<<<<  
2. Families are like fudge; mostly sweet, with a few nuts.  
3. Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.  
4. My mind not only wanders; sometimes it leaves completely.  
5. If you can remain calm while everyone around you loses their head, maybe you just don't understand the problem. 
 
 
 

-- Edited by dj headz at 11:00, 2008-04-21

For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free. Here's an update for you: Now days, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage. Men are like.... 1. Men are like ..Laxatives ...... They irritate the crap out of you. 2. Men are like. Bananas . The older they get, the less firm they are. 3. Men are like Weather . Nothing can be done to change them. 4. Men are like .... Blenders You need One, but you're not quite sure why. 5. Men are like .... Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips. 6. Men are like .... Commercials ....... You can't believe a word they say. 7. Men are like Department Stores ..... Their clothes are always 1/2 off! 8. Men are like ......Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature. 9. Men are like .... .Mascara . They usually run at the first sign of emotion. 10. Men are like Popcorn ..... They satisfy you, but only for a little while. 11. Men are like Snowstorms .... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last. 12. Men are like ........Lava Lamps ... Fun to look at, but not very bright. 13. Men are like Parking Spots All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped. Now send this to all the remarkable women you know, as well as to any understanding good-natured, fun kinda guys you might be lucky enough to know !!!!!!!!!!

WE ALL KNOW IN JAMAICA THAT R.A.S.S IS A ALL PURPOSE WORD...
SEE HOW F.U.C.K CAN BE APPLIED TOO.

Dear Wife,
During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.
I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days.
The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:

54 times the sheets were clean
17 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too hot
15 times you pretended to be asleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
9 times you said weren't in the mood
7 times you were sunburned
6 times you were watching the late show
5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo
3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
9 times you said your mother would hear us

Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:

6 times you just laid there
8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling
4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move

KEEP READING.......!!!!!!!!

========================================

TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:

I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did:

5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
36 times you did not come home at all
21 times you didn't come with energy
33 times you came too soon
19 times you went soft before you got in
38 times you worked too late
10 times you got cramps in your toes
29 times you had to get up early to play golf
2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls
4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
2 times you had a splinter in your finger
20 times you lost the motion after thinking about it all day
6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book
98 times you were too busy watching TV

Of the times we did get together:

The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets.

I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?"

The time you felt me move was because I was trying to breathe!



-- Edited by So_InTriCat3 at 13:44, 2008-04-19

MUM: Didn't I tell you if a stranger touches your breast say 'DON'T'.  And if he touches your p*u**yy say STOP!

GIRL : But mum, he touched both, so I told him  DON'T STOP!!!!'

-- Edited by K_SEXY at 16:08, 2007-10-04

__________________

One day after striking gold in Alaska, a lonesome miner came down from the mountains and walked into a saloon in the nearest town. Im lookin for the meanest, toughest, roughest hooker in the Yukon, he said to the bartender.

We got her, replied the bartender. Shes upstairs in the second room on the right.

The miner handed the bartender a gold nugget to pay for the hooker and two beers. He grabbed the bottles, stomped up the stairs, kicked open the door and yelled, Im looking for the meanest, roughest, toughest hooker in the Yukon.

The woman inside the room looked at the miner and said, Well, you found her. Then she stripped naked, bent over and grabbed her ankles.

How do you know I want that position first? asked the miner.

I dont, replied the hooker, I just thought you might like to open those beers first.

A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.

The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."

So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.

They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain."

They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.

On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.

There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."

 Smiles from the Bible                           

   It doesn't hurt to have a little Biblical humor to start the day.....   

                                                                           

                                                                           

                                                                            

                                                                           

            Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he married Ruth?           

                                A. Ruthless.                                

                                                                           

            Q. What do they call pastors in Germany ?             

                            A. German Shepherds.                            

                                                                           

              Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?              

 A. Noah He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation. 

                                                                            

           Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?          

 A. Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out

                                     a                                      

                              little prophet.                              

                                                                           

              Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?              

 A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury. David's Triumph

                                                                           

    was heard throughout the land. Also, probably a Honda, because the a   

                                  postles                                  

                          were all in one Accord.                          

                                                                           

              Q.. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?              

                   A. Samson. He brought the house down.                   

                                                                           

 Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived 

                                in in Eden ?                               

                A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.               

                                                                            

                                                                           

   Q. Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?  

              A. Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.              

                                                                           

                                                                           

             Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?             

       A. The area around Jordan . The banks were always overflowing.      

                                                                           

         Q. Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible?         

             A. David. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.             

                                                                           

                  Q. Which Bible character had no parents?                 

                           A. Joshua, son of Nun.                          

                                                                           

                 Q. Why didn't they play cards on the Ark ?                

            A. Because Noah was standing on the deck. ( Groan.)             

                                                                           

         PS... Did you know it's a sin for a woman to make coffee?         

               Yup, it's in the Bible. It says . . 'He-brews'              

                                                                            

          KEEP SMILING!!!! GOD LOVES YO U BUNCHES AND BUNCHES!!!!          

                Friends are God's way of taking care of us.                

                                                                            

        ...Faith, Hope & Love -- but the greatest of these is LOVE.        

                             1Corinthians13:13 

1. Assuming he wants to be kissed. Baby if we just met in the bar and now we are in the alley, best believe there is no kissing.

2. Not giving the panties on or panties off option. Pulling them to the side can be just as erotic.

3. Playing Jaws around the submarine. There is no need to bob around p-p if you aint fittin' ucksay.

4. Running straight from the toilet and trying to set the mood. You best carry that arse to the shower.

5. Acting like you don't want to do it, but mainly running your mouth.

6. Answering your phone during and/or after undressing. You know you can talk with your mouth full, hookers can't even do it.

7. Thinking queefing is cute, granted we men might be laughing on the inside, but dont you think it is cute because it aint.

8. Trying to sneak a fart in between queefs. "It was so good I didn't want to stop." aint a good enough reason.

9. Asking for a warning when you know you are going to put in work on the microphone. If you down there past 12minutts, get a bib.

10. Balls are not extras not even supporting actors, if they aint bothering you, dont bother them.

11. Stop complaining about the noise level because your friend is in the other room. You brought her, either bring her in here, or send her to the car.

12. Releasing a queef all the way, just let it ease out in spurts. We didn't come over there for the Whoopie-Cushion Monologues.

13. Looking for Romance after 3am. You called me after you left the club, and lock that bottom lock when you leave.

14. Looking at me while you are sassifying your oral fixation. This is where I pull my shirt out, enjoy that foggy cotton will ya.

> > A "dread" was living in rural Jamaica in a community that had no
> > electricity
> > supply.
> > One evening he was reading his Bible (Macabee version) and meditating,
> > assisted by lighting from a bedside lamp (Home Sweet Home), but was
> > bothered
> > by the constant nuisance of some mosquitoes.
> >
> > He could bear it no longer so he decided to cover up under his sheet in

> > bed,
> > but it was useless as the mosquitoes keep biting him on his ears
> through
> > the
> > sheet.
> > He got up and blew out the lamp and went back under the sheets, hoping
> that
> > the mosquitoes would not be able to bother him if they cannot see him.
> >
> > The Mosquitoes did not bite him for a few minutes giving the "dread"
> hope
> > that his so-called plan had worked out perfectly. He was only hearing
> the
> > constant "humming' of them flying around in the room.
> > It was getting real hot under the sheets, so the "dread" decided that
> he
> > would take off the sheet now as it was too dark for the mosquitoes to
> see
> > him now.
> >
> > When he removed the sheets, laid on his back and looked up in the
> ceiling,
> > he saw a 'peenie wallie' (Firefly) flying around.
> > The "dread" shout out "*lo** CLAAAT!! DEM CUM BACK WID FLASHLIGHT FI I

> AND
> > I!!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jPBu_nfza7Y

[youtube=http://youtube.com/watch?v=n8XRax8gnno]




this older den most a u pon di zone!!!!  maaad

---

---

Joe Smith starts the day early, having set his alarm clock (made in China),
for 600 A.M.While his coffee pot (made in China) is perking, he puts his blow
dryer (made in Taiwan) to work and shaves with his electric razor (made in
China).He puts on a dress shirt (made in Taiwan), his designer jeans (made in
Singapore), and a pair of tennis shoes (made in Korea).After cooking up some
breakfast in his new electric skillet (made in Philippines), he sits down to
figure out on his calculator (made in Mexico), how much he can spend today.After
setting his watch (made in Switzerland) to the radio (made in China), he goes
out, gets in his car (made in Germany) and goes looking - as he has been for
months - for a good paying American job.At the end of another discouraging and
fruitless day, Joe decides to relax for a while.He puts on a pair of sandals
(made in China), pours himself a glass of wine (made in France), and turns on
his TV (made in Japan)...... and ponders again why he can't find a good paying
American job.

These are things people actually said in court, word for word.

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you.
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?

Q: Did he kill you?

Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?

Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?

Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

An elderly couple was on a cruise and it was really stormy.
They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard.

They searched for days and couldn't find her. So the captain sent the old man home with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something.

Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the ship.
It read: "Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife had died in the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck, and found an oyster attached to her butt. Inside it was a pearl worth $50,000.
Please advise?"

The old man faxed back: Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap!

The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, "Hello".

"Mrs. Ward, please."

"Speaking."

"Mrs. Ward, this is Doctor Jones from the hospital.
When your doctor sent your husband's specimen to the lab for
testing yesterday, a specimen from another Mr. Ward arrived as
well, and we are now uncertain which one is your husband's. Frankly
the results are either bad or terrible."

"What do you mean?" Mrs. Ward asks nervously.

"Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the
other one tested positive for AIDS. We can't tell which is your
husband's."

"That's dreadful! Can't you do the test again?" questioned Mrs.
Ward.

"Normally we can, but the hospital will only pay for these expensive
tests one time."

"Well, what am I supposed to do now?"

"The NHS recommend that you drop your husband off
somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't
sleep with him."

A young Jamaican University graduate applied for an engineering position at a Kingston based firm. A Trini Engineer also applied for the job, and both applicants, since they had the same qualifications on paper, were asked by the Department Manager to take a test.

Upon completion of the test, the manager went to the Jamaican and said, "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the man from Trinidad the job."

The Jamaican asked, "Suh why yu do dat? Bote a wi get nine questions rite. And dis is Jamaica,and me is Jamaican, so a me shoulda get de wuk!"

The manager said, "We have made our decision, based not on the correct answers, but rather on the question that you both missed."

The Jamaican asked, "An how in the name of Jesus yu decide sey one wrong answer betta dan de adda ?"

The manager replied, "Simple. The Trini put down "'I don't know" for question
5, and you put "Me nuh know either".

 

Condom says to Stayfree; When you work, I lose seven days of business. Stayfree replies,  If you fail to work once, my business stops for nine months. *************************************************************************   A camel and an elephant met, and the elephant asked: Why do you have your tits on your back?; The camel responded: What a silly question from someone who has a Dyck on his face! **************************************************************************   A black guy and a white girl met at a nite club. She took him to her apartment and said: tie me to the bed and do what black men do best! so he ran off with the TV and DVD... ******************************************************************************** ************************   Wife: ;I wish I were a newspaper, so you can hold me every morning!; Husband: I wish you're a newspaper TOO, my dear so I can have a NEW ONE every morning! ******************************************************************************** *************************   A Chinese couple got married. When baby was born, her eyes were big and blue, hair was curly and blonde, skin was brown. Finally, the father named the baby SUM TING RONG  ******************************************************************************** ************************ A lady visited her doctor one morning. Doc said: You look so weak and exhausted! Are you having your meals 3 times a day as I advised? Lady : Doc, I thought you said "3 MALES a day!" ******************************************************************************** ************************* Phone rings and the chinese maid picks up the phone as her "master is bathing".....   When the caller asked what's he doing, the maid replied:  MASTUR BATING! ["Master-bathing"]...Get It!

---

-- Edited by mz más quería veterano on Wednesday 2nd of June 2010 07:48:48 AM

The Franklin Factor: Early to bed and early to rise means it's time to meet more guys.

The Rat Race: If there's one rat in a room full of nice men, he'll hit on you first.

The Eyeglass Prescription: Don't wear your glasses on a blind date. You'll look better, and he will too.

The Ring Rule: A watched telephone never rings.

The Creep Call: Never pick up the phone on Saturday night. It's a call from a creep you told you were busy.

The Fishing Forecast: They say there are lots of good fish in the sea. But who wants to go out with a fish?

The Psychological Prognosis: Love is a form of temporary insanity curable only by marriage.

The Rope Trick: Give a man enough rope and he'll lasso another woman.

Mind Over Matter: No one ever falls in love with another person's mind at a cocktail party.

The Fault Finder: The faster way to discover all your bad habits is to move in with your lover.

The Unintended Result: 1) Men's desire for sex sometimes results in intimacy. 2) Women's desire for intimacy often results in sex.

The Rabbit Rule: Only newlyweds and liars make love every day.

The Dangle Doctrine: You can't keep a good man down.

Twain's Truth: Familiarity breeds children.

The Fertility Factor: Women are only fertile a few days each month... unless they're single.

The Preparation Predicament: The longer you spend in the bathroom preparing for sex, the more likely he's fallen asleep by the time you're ready.

There once was a blonde who had always heard about ice fishing, so one day she tried it. She went to an icy area, cut a hole, and started fishing. All of a sudden, she hears a voice. THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"

She ignores it and moves to another area, cutting a hole, and beginning to fish again. Again she hears the booming voice. "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!!"

She is starting to get freaked out now. "Lord? Is that you?" she asks. In reply she hears, "NO, THIS IS THE RINK MANAGER!"

ME NO KNOW IF UNU SEE DIS ALREADY BUT ME HAVE TO SHARE IT...LOL

[youtube=http://youtube.com/watch?v=U5wq0SuQeSo]

[youtube=http://youtube.com/watch?v=Qe7ALb0642A]

TOTAL MADNESS!

you have one eye you can not see with. A head you can not think with. You hang out with a couple of nuts.your closest neighbor is an asshole and your best friend is a p*u**yy.

---

---

http://www.yourdailymedia.com/media/1206709417/A_Monkey_And_His_Mini_Bike

NO RAMP WID JAMAICAN, WE WILL DO ALMOST ANYTHING Fe SURVIVE::: A Jamaican living in the States was down on his luck. Out of work and broke, he started going around to various companies in the city begging for a job, any job. Finally he got one at the zoo. The zookeeper looked stressed out. 'The monkey escaped last night', the zoo-keeper said,' if you are willing to put on a monkey suit and stand in the monkey's cage for a couple days, I'll pay you' The Jamaican immediately accepted. The pay was OK and the work wasn't hard. He swung from the tree, and the kids fed him fruits and nuts. He actually started enjoying himself. He even started adding a few acrobatic moves that he had seen on TV. Later in the afternoon he swung a bit too vigorously, lost his grip and flew clean out of the monkey cage and landed in the lion cage next door. The lion let out a huge roar and our friend in the monkey suit bawled out, 'LAWD GOD, MI DEAD NOW'. The huge lion immediately pounced on him, grabbed him by the throat and whispered, 'Man shut yuh ra**, if yuh evah mek mi lose di likkle wuk yuh si...A bite up u ra**

One morning a man was leaving to go to work. He kissed his wife and headed out the door. On his way to work he noticed that he had forgotten his lunch, so he went back to get it.

While at home, he decided to kiss his wife goodbye again, but he couldn't find her. He went to the bedroom to see if she went back to bed, and he caught her in bed with his best friend.

He was so mad that he told his wife to pack her bags and get out.

His wife replied, ''What are you going to say to your best friend''.

The man replied ''BAD DOG!"

JUDGE: Clifford Harris, in the streets people call you T.

T.I.: (interrupts judge)Yeah you know they call me T.I., but You Dont Know Me!!

JUDGE: According to your past and these new charges, Id say I know you very well Mr. Harris. What other aliass do you have?

T.I.: Rubber Band Man, shawty

JUDGE: DO NOT call me shorty Mr. Harris!!

T.I.: "Aaight, bruh"

JUDGE: So they call you Rubber band man, huh! Why is that?

T.I.: "Cuz Im wild as the Taliban, 9 in my right, 45 in my other hand"

JUDGE: You sound like trouble man.

T.I.: "Call me trouble man, im always in trouble man. Worth a couple hundred grand and my Chevys all colors man!"

JUDGE: (Pauses)Is that right! Your charged with two felonies possession of three unregistered machine guns and two silencers, and possession of firearms by a convicted felon.

T.I.: Whatchu know bout dat!!!

JUDGE: Mr. Harris, these are serious charges that could land you in jail for 10 years. I saw the weapons you are accused of trying to purc

T.I.: (interrupts the judge) Well BRING EM OUT, BRING EM OUT!!

JUDGE: MR. HARRISone more outburst like that and Ill have you thrown in jail for contempt!! This blatant show of disrespect & type of behavior will not be tolerated in my court room! Ok, since youre a tough guy, I will bring them out!

T.I.: Hey, hey , hey why you wanna go and do dat judge, huh! HEY, hey why you wanna go and do dat, dat, dat!

JUDGE: In addition to the weapons, you also had a half pound of some good ol sticky icky icky..oops I didnt mean to say that last part out loud! Please remove that comment from the court transcript.

How many weapons do you think were in your home Mr. Harris?

T.I.: "24 you knowudimsayin"

JUDGE: Wow! Thats alot of guns

T.I. "Well besides blowin Dro, thats how ALL my niggaz roll"

JUDGE: Thats some serious fire power, what were you planning on doing with that arsenal?

T.I.: A nigga try to play me, Ima blow em off the map ASAP

JUDGE: So what youre saying Mr. Harris is that you have total disregard for human life. Were you planning on using them because of the reported incident between you and another group at the Body Tap strip club? Were you in fear for your life?

T.I.: Your honor, sucka niggaz cant make me suffer, just make me stronger and tougher (its Motivation)

JUDGE: Well maybe this will motivate you to be a better citizen and not a threat to society10years!

T.I.: What!?

JUDGE: 10 years!

T.I.: What!!

JUDGE: 10 years Mr. Harris!!

T.I.: WHAT!!!!

JUDGE: (Judge looses his composure) 10 mutaf**kin years Mr. Harris!! What part of 10 years dont you understand!

T.I.: WHAT.AWW HELL NAWW!! It wasnt me shawty..."Im Serious", it was Tip! f**k it Im snitchin, I aint bout to do no 10 years for that nigga! I aint gone lie, I had a pistol but it was jus some lil s**t. Tip manipulated me and told be that Big s**t was Poppin, and that I all my lil s**t was stoppin. Your honor what was I supposed to do, Tip is violent and looses his temper! You heard what he did to Shaka from DTP the last time I let the light shine on him shawty!

JUDGE: Mr. Harris, I am NOT your shorty or whatever you call it! You will address me as your honor! Bailiff, please escort Mr. Harris out of the court room.

Bailiff: (Grabs T.I. on the shoulder) Come buddy!

T.I.: "Get ya hands off me shawty, you dontknowme"

((bailiff then clubs T.I. over the head with baton))

T.I.: (falls to the ground)Oww, that Hurt

Bailiff: (while smirking)Well thenWatch What You Say To Me!!

T.I.: "f**k that shawty, it wuz Tip! Tip set me up so he can get at TinyIm da King of da souf knowudimsayin! Yall just want me to die in jail so I can (Live In The Sky)"

Hey, hey, hey

((And those was the last wordz uttered from the King before gettin his ass hauled off))

There were three boys. one named zip, one named willy and one named pee. they ran away from school but they were chased by the headteacher so zip hid on top of a wardrobe, willy hid inside it and pee stood next to it. soon enough, the headteacher saw the cupboard and at that moment it was break time so all the kids were coming out of class. the headteacher was unaware of this and shouted ZIP DOWN! WILLY OUT! PEE IN THE CORNER!

A blonde was swerving all over the road and driving very badly, so she got pulled over by a cop.

The cop walked up to her window and asked, "Miss, why are you driving so recklessly?"

The blonde said, "I'm sorry sir, but wherever I go, there's always a tree in front of me and I can't seem to get away from it!"

The cop looked at her and said, "Lady, that's your air freshener!"

http://www.funnyjunk.com/movies/1335/Like+Mother+Like+Daughter/

Dear Pastor,

I am seeking your fatherly advice. When I was 14, my mother sent me to live with a wealthy, older man. He paid the bills for her and my other siblings. We were dirt poor at the time and frankly, I think I saved the family from a really bad situation. It has been ten years now since that time when I went to live with my boyfriend. He sent me to high school and then, university. I am now finishing up my master's degree. I will graduate later this year. He is really wealthy, so I am not pressed to work after I am finished. I have every material thing I can think of, but I do not have as much respect for him as I should because I have been sleeping with him from a young age. He wants to marry me, but for a while now, I have been taking it for a joke to delay the inevitable discussion as to why I am not interested.

Probably if we had just met or if we didn't have the history of his taking me from age 14, things would have been different. Now that I am older and wiser and more exposed to the world, I know that society would think that he was wrong in taking someone my age for a partner. He is loving and kind and faithful, but I am afraid that people will find out how we began together. Sometimes, I feel guilty, as if I am betraying him with my thoughts.

Pastor, what should I do?

K.H., Kingston, Jamaica

Dear K.H.,

I regret you have not mentioned this man's age, but I do understand the dilemma you face. People may look at you as this man's daughter and you would find it very difficult to explain the situation to your friends, neighbours, etc.

Yes, he took advantage of the situation because you were 14 and under the law, you could not have given consent. Your mother, on the other hand, should not have sent you to be this man's lover. I understand that you were poor and this man rescued your entire family. But looking back, you regret the life that you were forced to live at a tender age.

I observe that you did not say that you do not love him. Your concern is that you were going to bed with him since you were very young and you believe that he should have known better.

I believe that you should meet with a psychologist, but I would suggest that for the first few sessions, you go alone, then both of you go together. You cannot continue to ignore this man's proposal to marry you. So, pray much about your situation. Give God thanks for allowing you to get a good education and make that appointment to see a psychologist.

Pastor