Uh, er, that's the Body-laptop Interface. The idea is to provide the user "privacy, warmth, and concentration" when using a laptop in public spaces. It's just a concept for now...

[youtube=http://youtube.com/watch?v=0iS1enoKnhU]

Little Johnny was 7 years old and like other boys his age rather
curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about 'courting' from the
older boys, and he wondered what it was and how it was done. One day
he took his question to his mother, who became rather flustered.
Instead of explaining things to Johnny, she told him to hide behind
the curtains one night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend.
This he did. The following morning, Johnny described EVERYTHING to
his mother. "Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for a while, then
he started kissing and hugging her I figured 'Sis must be getting
sick because her face started looking funny. He must have thought so
too, because he put his hand inside her blouse to feel her heart,
just the way the doctor would. Except he's not as smart as the
doctor because he seemed to have trouble finding her heart. I guess
he was getting sick too, because pretty soon both of them started
panting and getting all out of breath. His other hand must have
been cold because he put it under her skirt. About this time 'Sis
got worse and began to moan and sigh and squirm around and slide
down toward the end of the couch. This was when her fever started.
I knew it was a fever, because Sis told him she felt really hot.
Finally, I found out what was making them so sick, a big eel had
gotten inside his pants somehow. It just jumped out of his pants
and stood there, about 10 inches long, honest, anyway he grabbed
it in one hand to keep it from getting away. When Sis saw it, she
got really scared her eyes got big, and her mouth fell open,
and she started calling out to God and stuff like that. She said it
was the biggest one she's ever seen; I should tell her about the
ones down at the lake by our house! Anyway, Sis got brave and
grabbed it with both hands tried to kill the eel by biting its head off. All of a sudden she held it tight while he took a muzzle
out of his pocket and slipped it over the eel's head to keep it
from biting again. Sis lay back and spread her legs so she could
get a scissor-lock on it and he helped by lying on top of the eel.
The eel put up a hell of a fight. Sis started groaning and
squealing and her boyfriend almost upset the couch. I guess they
wanted to kill the eel by squashing it between them. Her boyfriend
got up, and sure enough, they killed the eel. I knew because it just
hung there, limp, and some of its insides were hanging out. Sis and
her boyfriend were a little tired from the battle, but they went
back to courting anyway. He started hugging and kissing her again.
By golly, the eel wasn't dead! It jumped straight up and started to
fight again. I guess eels are like cats they have 9 lives or
something. This time, Sis jumped up and tried to kill it by sitting
on it. After about a 35 minute struggle, they finally killed the
eel. I knew it was dead, because I saw Sis's boyfriend peel its skin
off and flush it down the toilet!!!

[youtube=http://pop.youtube.com/watch?v=-YwoP0thR1k]

                                     





                                       



                                   

[youtube=http://youtube.com/watch?v=m_nqN6LKDEg]

now a days women are having trouble with their husbands, and husbands are having trouble with their wives

because of this problem the government built a 5 story building that was selling husband and wives so that problem within relationship could stop. but this building can only be visited by a person once in their life time

a month after the building was open this women went to buy a husband. on the first floor there were husband that help around the house, the woman liked it and decided to see wats on the second floor   

on the second floor their were husbands that were good looking and help around the house, still amased the woman went on to the third floor

there she saw husbands that was good looking, would help around the house and dont cheet on their wife still amased she went to the fourth floor

there she saw husbands that were good looking, would help around the house, dont sheet on their wife, and was rich still amased she went on to the fift and last floor

there she saw a message displaying that she is the 9,999 visitor and there are no husbands on this floor so the woman had to leave without a husband.

A similar building was build where men could find wives

on the first floor men who visited saw wifes that were good looking,and do all the work around the house

on the second floor men saw wifes that were good looking, do all the work around the house, RICH, and love to have

The third, forth, and fifth floor have never been visited.

1. Ant follow fat, fat drown ant (Shows the negative effect of greed)

2. Bad ting no hab owner (No one ever owns up to a bad deed)

3. You nebber see empty bag tan up (If you are hungry you cannot work)

4. No put youself in a barrel when match-box can hol' you (Do not pretend to be more important than you are)

5. De Lard gib beard a them who no hab chin fe wear i (Some people have advantages that they cannot make use of)

6. Wha sweet a mout sometime hot a belly (First impressions are often wrong)

7. Big blanket mek man sleep late (Luxury encourages idleness)

8. Dry tump a cane-piece no fe laugh when cane piece ketch fire (Don't laugh at others' trouble: you yourself may suffer)

9. Bad name nebber kill darg (Never mind the scandal of this world)

10. When six yeye meet 'tory done (The intervention of a third person stops many a story)

11. Black fowl no fe you, you call him John Crow (You belittle what is not yours)

12. When herrin mauger, him bone show (Evil deeds will reveal themselves)

13. Ebery John Crow tink him pickney white (What is one's own is always the best)

14. Me lub pickney but me no nyam wid dem (Familiarity breeds contempt)

1. Crying is blackmail
2. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
3. Don't cut your hair. Ever!
4. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
5. Get rid of the cat.
6. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissable in an argument.
7. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
8. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions and neither do we.
9. You have too many shoes.
10. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us!
11. Learn to work the toilet seat; if it's up put it down.
12. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
13. Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.
14. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
15. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
16. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
17. Sunday = sports!
18. If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
19. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other way.
20. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?
21. Don't rub the lamp, if you don't want the genie to come out.
22. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done - not both.
23. Women wearing Wonder Bras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
24. You have enough clothes.
25. Nothing says "I love you" like sex.

DJ BAD4LIFE TO THE WORLD EVILME no body move, no one will get hurt pure badness is here 

---

-- Edited by owadkelly at 13:15, 2008-04-22

it's obvious he needs a girlfriend...

reserved for drunk drivers...

A Jamaican driving in his brand new BMW Z8 pulls over to take a leak. A truck speeding down the street crashes into his door just as he`s about to come out of his car, sending it flying off the hinges. Enraged, he uses his cell phone to call 911. When the police arrives he explains what happened: "Star, di man jus come lick off de door a mi bimmer!! Mi car write off to ra**!!" The police, after surveying the scene shakes his head in amazement and says, "You Jamaicans are so materialistic. You`re so into the damage of your car door, that you didn`t even realize that your hand is still attached to it!!" The guy, finally realizing this, looks at his amputated hand and screams out , "Blo*o*dclaat!! Mi rolex!!!"

How To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity! At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice. Insist that your email address is: Xena_Warrior_Princess@companyname.com or Elvis_the_King@companyname.com Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN." Develop an unnatural fear of staplers. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso. In the memo field of all your checks, write 'for sexual favors.' Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think." Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophet Jimmy." Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire work area. Insist to others that you like it that way. Don't use any punctuation. As often as possible, skip rather than walk. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go." Sing along at the opera. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. This is especially effective if your boss is of the opposite gender. Send email to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example, "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom, in stall 3." Put mosquito netting around your cubicle. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood. Call 911 and ask if 911 is for emergencies. Call the psychic hotline and don't say anything. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won! I Won! 3rd time this week!" When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling, "Run for your lives, they're loose!" Tell your boss, "It's not the voices in my head that bother me, it's the voices in your head that do." Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go." Every time you see a broom yell, "Honey, your mother is here!"

Yo mama is so fat
Yo mama so fat when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up

Yo mama so fat her nickname is "Lardo"

Yo mama so fat she eats Wheat Thicks.

Yo mama so fat were in her right now

Yo mama so fat people jog around her for exercise

Yo mama so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone

Yo mama so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors

Yo mamma so fat you haveta roll over twice to get off her...

Yo mama so fat she was floating in the ocean and spain claimed her for then new world

Yo mama so fat she lay on the beach and people run around yelling Free Willy

Yo mama so fat when you get on top of her your ears pop!

Yo mama so fat when she has wants someone to shake her hand, she has to give directions!

Yo mama so fat she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says "okay!"

Yo mama so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat, people said "Taxi!"

Yo mama so fat she had to go to Sea World to get baptized

Yo mama so fat she got to iron her pants on the driveway

Yo mama so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller

Yo mama so fat she got to pull down her pants to get into her pockets

Yo mama so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave, she landed on 12th

Yo mama so fat when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too

Yo mama so fat the highway patrol made her wear "Caution! Wide Turn"

Yo mama so fat when she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND THE HOUSE!

Yo mama so fat when she steps on a scale, it read "one at a time, please"

Yo mama so fat when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo.

Yo mama so fat she fell in love and broke it.

Yo mama so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.

Yo mama so fat when she gets on the scale it says we don't do livestock.

Yo mama so fat her neck looks like a pair of hot dogs!

Yo mama so fat she's got her own area code!

Yo mama so fat she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagon!

Yo mama so fat God couldn't light Earth until she moved!

Yo mama so fat NASA has to orbit a satellite around her!

Yo mama so fat whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in!

Yo mama so fat when she plays hopscotch, she goes New York, L.A., Chicago...

Yo mama so fat she's got Amtrak written on her leg.

Yo mama so fat even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction!

Yo mama so fat her legs is like spoiled milk - white & chunky!

Yo mama so fat I had to take a train and two buses just to get on the her good side!

Yo mama so fat she wakes up in sections!

Yo mama so fat when she goes to an amusement park, people try to ride HER!

Yo mama so fat she sat on a quarter and a booger shot out of george washington's nose.

Yo mama so fat she rolled over 4 quarters and it made a dollar!

Yo mama so fat when she lies on the beach no one else gets sun!

Yo mama so fat when she bunje jumps she goes straight to hell!

Yo mama so fat when she jumps up in the air she gets stuck!!!

Yo mama so fat she's got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book!

Yo mama so fat that her senior pictures had to be arial views!

Yo mama so fat she's on both sides of the family!

Yo mama so fat everytime she walks in high heels, she strikes oil!

Yo mama so fat she fell and made the Grand Canyon!

Yo mama so fat she sat on the beach and Greenpeace threw her in!

Yo mama so fat even her clothes have stretch marks!

Yo mama so fat she has a wooden leg with a kickstand!

Yo mama so fat she has to use a VCR as a beeper!

Yo mama so fat she broke her leg, and gravy poured out!

Yo mama so fat when she rides in a hot air balloon, it looks like she's wearin tights!

Yo mama so fat she got hit by a parked car!

Yo mama so fat they have to grease the bath tub to get her out!

Yo mama so fat she has a run in her blue-jeans!

Yo mama so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.

Yo mama so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat people say "Taxi!"

Yo mama so fat she got to iron her pants on the driveway!

Yo mama so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller!

Yo mama so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave she landed on 12th

Yo mama so fat when she bungee jumps she pulls down the bridge too

Yo mama so fat she steps on a scale & it goes one at a time please

Yo mama so fat she fell in love and broke it!

Yo mama so fat she jumped up in the air and got stuck!

Yo mama so fat she fell in love and broke it.

Yo mama so fat when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo.

Yo mama so fat they use the elastic in her underwear for bungee jumping

Yo mama so fat when they used her underwear elastic for bungee jumping, they hit the ground.

Yo mama so fat when she back up she beep.

Yo mama so fat she jumped up in the air and got stuck.

Yo mama so fat she has to buy two airline tickets.

Yo mama so fat when she fell over she rocked herself asleep trying to get up again.

Yo mama so fat she influences the tides.

Yo mama so fat that when I tried to drive around her I ran out of gas.

Yo mama so fat she broke her leg and gravy fell out.

Yo mama so fat the animals at the zoo feed her.

Yo mama so fat she was baptized at Marine World.

Yo mama so fat she's on both sides of the family!

Yo mama so fat when she dances at a concert the whole band skips.

Yo mama so fat the Aids quilt wouldn't cover her

Yo mama so fat she stands in two time zones.

Yo mama so fat I tried to drive around her and I ran out of gas.

Yo mama so fat she left the house in high heels and when she came back she had on flip flops.

Yo mama so fat shes on both sides of the family

Yo mama so fat you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through

Yo mama so fat when she goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps.

Yo mama so fat that she cant tie her own shoes.

Yo mama so fat sets off car alarms when she runs.

Yo mama so fat she cant reach her back pocket.

Yo mama so fat when she wears one of those X jackets, helicopters try to land on her back!

Yo mama so fat her college graduation picture was an airial.

Yo mama so fat she lays on the beach and greenpeace tried to push her back in the water

Yo mama so fat she broke her leg and gravy poured out

Yo mama so fat she uses redwoods to pick her teeth

Yo mama so fat the only pictures you have of her are satellite pictures

Yo mama so fat she jumped in the air and got stuck.

Yo mama so fat she put on some BVD's and by the time they reached her waist they spelled out boulevard.

Yo mama so fat she sat on a dollar and squeezed a booger out George Washington's nose.

Yo mama so fat she stepped on a rainbow and made Skittles.

Yo mama so fat she uses a mattress for a tampon.

Yo mama so fat that when she sits on the beach, Greenpeace shows up and tries to tow her back into the ocean.....

Yo mama so fat that she would have been in E.T., but when she rode the bike across the moon, she caused an eclipse.

Yo mama so fat she hoola-hooped the super bowl.

Yo mama so fat she was baptised in the ocean.

Yo mama so fat she has to iron her clothes in the driveway.

Yo mama so fat they tie a rope around her shoulders and drag her through a tunnel when they want to clean it.

Yo mama so fat when she got hit by a bus, she said, "Who threw that rock?"

Yo mama so fat when she stands in a left-turn lane it gives her the green arrow!

Yo mama so fat that when whe was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks.

Yo mama so fat we went to the drive-in and didn't have to pay because we dressed her as a Chevrolet.

> > To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity
>
>
> 1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair
> Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
>
>
> 2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't DisguiseYour Voice !
>
>
> 3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with
> that.
>
>
> 5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten
> Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
>
>
> 6. In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write ' For Marijuana'
>
>
> 7. Finish All Your sentences with 'In Accordance With The Prophecy.'
>
>
> 9. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get.
>
>
> 10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
>
>
> 11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'
>
>
> 12. Sing Along At The Opera.
>
>
> 14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All
> Day.
>
>
> 15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party
> Because You have a headache.
>
>
> 17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream 'I Won! I Won!'
>
>
> 18. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling
> 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'
>
>
> 19 Tell Your Children Over Dinner, 'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To
> Have To Let One Of You Go.'
>
>
> 20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity:
> Send This Message To Someone To Make Them Smile.
> It 's Called .. THERAPY

Four Jamaicans got into a taxi in Trinidad.
 
The taxi driver looks at them and says "I can only take three, the ugliest one has to get out!"
 
One of the Jamaicans replied, "Den boss is who going to drive den!?!"

A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out. So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened. So she blew a little harder, and still nothing happened. Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?" The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out. The roommate rolled her eyes and said, "Duh, like hello! You need to roll up the windows first.

...............kaaabooom it madddddddddddd

-- Edited by Crazypickney at 03:56, 2008-04-23

I, P.



Niss, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

I do physical labor.





I work at great depths.





I plunge headfirst into everything I do.





I do not get weekends or public holidays off.





I work in a damp environment.





I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.





I work in high temperatures.





My work exposes me to contagious diseases.









Sincerely,
P.



Niss

---------------------The Response:--------------

Dear P.



Niss,

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

You do not work 8 hours straight.





You fall asleep after brief work periods.





You do not always follow the orders of the management team.





You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.





You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.





You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.





You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.





You will retire well before you are 65.





You are unable to work double shifts.





You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed your assigned task.





And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.









Sincerely,
V. Gina.

Herbert A. Millington
Chair - Search Committee
412A Clarkson Hall, Whitson University
College Hill, MA  34109

Dear Professor Millington,

Thank you for your letter of March 16.  After careful consideration, I
regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me
an assistant professor position in your department. 

This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually
large number of rejection letters.  With such a varied and promising field
of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals. 

Despite Whitson's outstanding qualifications and previous experience in
rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at
this time.  Therefore, I will assume the position of assistant professor
in your department this August.  I look forward to seeing you then. 

Best of luck in rejecting future applicants.

Sincerely,
Chris L. Jensen

During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:
"Michael, if you were on a date, having dinner with a nice young lady,
How would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"
Michael said, "Just a minute, I have to go pee."
The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite.
"What about you Peter, how would you say it?" Peter said, "I'm sorry,
but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."
"That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table."
And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?"
I would say, "Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to
shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get to meet after dinner."
The teacher fainted

http://www.zshare.net/download/107164502e7f90cc/

-- Edited by BABY at 23:34, 2008-04-22

[youtube=http://youtube.com/watch?v=npTRXr4Sgxg]

[youtube=http://youtube.com/watch?v=Bxr7ySffiOQ]

no wonder they lost the war!

[youtube=http://youtube.com/watch?v=wDiBiqw_yVs]

http://www.mediafire.com/?jnijc5pzxej

http://www.funnyjunk.com/movies/1335/Like+Mother+Like+Daughter/

-- Edited by DJ JeRmIrE at 22:03, 2008-07-31

http://www.mediafire.com/?2ila31z1wt0

April 20, 2008. Talk about irony. MediaTakeOut.com has learned that rap legend KRS-One was injured a few days ago when an angry fan hit him in the hand and face with a Heineken bottle/

Apparently the fan got angry when security tried to throw him out. And in protest he launched the bottle on stage - hitting KRS One. KRS One was rushed by ambulance to Yale-New Haven hospital where he was treated for a fractured hand, and dehydration.

Why is this so ironic. Well because MediaTakeOut.com discovered that the New Haven performance was done as part of KRS One's Stop the Violence Movement.

Sometimes you just gotta shake your head...

[youtube=http://youtube.com/watch?v=ptGFGGivPCA]

-- Edited by dj headz at 11:15, 2008-04-21