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Forum: Funny Stuff

Share all jokes here, funny pics etc...(PS...warn members of uncensored/adult jokes)

Chicken Soccer!!!..

April 25, 2008
Started By Gucci5 Comments
Chicken-Soccer.jpg
International Airport Test

A study was conducted recently to determine the average crime rate at international airports around the world. The study made use of an ordinary looking man standing in the airport terminal and reading a newspaper.

He had an empty briefcase next to him, which he would ignore. Observers then recorded how long it took for the briefcase to be snatched.

In Brussels, Belgium the case was stolen within 4 minutes and 20 seconds.

In Washington DC it was stolen within 3 minutes and 16 seconds.

At Heathrow, London the briefcase was snatched in less than 2 minutes.

In New York, the case was stolen within 1 minute and 5 seconds.

In Los Angeles it took only 43 seconds before the case was snatched.

In Kingston, Jamaica, the people conducting the study were robbed on the way to the airport and the briefcase was stolen along with their car!

How was I Born?

April 27, 2008
Started By MonEyBeLLy5 Comments

A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?' The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!

Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said...you got male!lolrororo

"QUIET B*TCH!"..hahaaaa

April 26, 2008
Started By Gucci8 Comments
Funny_Pictures_5852.jpg


Kenny Smith wasn't impressed with Kobe and decided to do his own version.

lol

HOW TO KILL A CHILD

April 26, 2008
Started By Junior_J12 Comments
<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/iy8FLz8bHLw&hl=en"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/iy8FLz8bHLw&hl=en" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>

-- Edited by JuniorJ at 12:42, 2008-06-29

Dammmmmmmnnnnnnn...

April 26, 2008
Started By Gucci20 Comments
Funny_Pictures_5893.jpg

MOUSE SIGHTING

April 26, 2008
Started By GangstaGentleman17 Comments
zzzcatfun-skryt.jpg

Pik: Pimp Slap... to go

April 25, 2008
Started By Gucci12 Comments
Ronald Pimp Hand

Gangsta Bug?.. woii

April 26, 2008
Started By Gucci15 Comments
Funny_Pictures_5859.jpg

Prayer

April 26, 2008
Started By GangstaGentleman5 Comments
praystress.jpg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=21Pbn55I7-c

-- Edited by BABY at 21:49, 2008-04-22

-- Edited by BABY at 21:50, 2008-04-22

-- Edited by BABY at 21:50, 2008-04-22
GO HERE  ====>     waitforever.com

-- Edited by GangstaGentleman at 21:52, 2008-04-23

Car Up A Tree... woii

April 26, 2008
Started By Gucci2 Comments
Funny_Pictures_6823.jpg

 

******************************
 
 
I was at the checkout of a Kmart. The clerk rang up $46.64 charge. I gave her a fifty dollar bill. She gave me back $46.64. I gave it back to her and told her that she had made a mistake in MY favor and gave her the money back. She became indignant and informed me she was educated and knew what she was doing and returned the money again. I gave her the money back again... same scenario! I departed the store with the $46.64. This actually happened to me in Austin at
MoPac Blvd
and
Parmer Lane
.


They Walk Among Us and Many Work Retail.

===================

I walked into a Mickey D's with a buy-one-get-one-free coupon for a sandwich. I handed it to the girl and she looked over at a little chalkboard that said 'buy one-get one free.' "They're already buy-one-get-one-free", she said, "so I guess they're both free". She handed me my free sandwiches and I walked out the door.

They W alk Among Us and Many Work Retail.

===================

One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when one of them shouted, 'Look at that dead bird!' Someone looked up at the sky and said, 'Where?'


They Walk Among Us!

===================

While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the north?" When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, "Oh I don't keep up with that stuff."


They Walk Among Us!!

===================

I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific."


They Walk Among Us!

===================

My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk.


They Walk Among Us!

===================

My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.



They Walk Among Us!

===================

I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area, so I went to the lost lu ggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?


They Walk Among Us!

===================

While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked h im if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding. "Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces."


Yep, They Walk Among Us!



===================



They Walk A mong Us, AND they reproduce!

Golf Ball Hunt

April 25, 2008
Started By bad4life714 Comments
One fine day, Jim and Bob are out golfing. Jim slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. He grabs his 8-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball.

The brush is quite thick, but Jim searches diligently and suddenly he spots something shiny. As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is in fact an 8-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball.

Jim calls out to his golfing partner in an agitated voice, "Hey Bob, come here, I got trouble down here."

Bob comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out, "What's the matter Jim?"

Jim shouts back, "Throw me my 7-iron! You can't get out of here with an 8-iron

Don't text and drive!

April 25, 2008
Started By Gucci6 Comments
Funny_Pictures_6440.jpg


.

Gun Mailbox!!!

April 25, 2008
Started By Gucci7 Comments
gun-mailbox.jpg

the perfect husband

April 25, 2008
Started By bad4life712 Comments
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker- function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes."
WOMAN: "I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2007 models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$65,000."
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"
MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.

Then he smiles and asks: "Anyone know whose phone this is?"

Madonna, Britney and Christina

April 25, 2008
Started By bad4life712 Comments
Due to a mixup on Grammy night, Madonna, Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera are forced to share a private jet in order to arrive in time for the ceremony.

Once up in the air, Madonna pulls out a $1000 bill and says, "I'm going to throw this $1000 bill out the window and make someone down below very happy."

Not to be outdone, Britney ripped a $1000 bill in half and threw it out the window, saying, "Look, I just made two people really happy."

Not even noticing Britney's stupid move, Christina bragged, "Look, I'm going to throw 1000 $1 bills and make a lot more people a little happier."

At this point the pilot, who has overheard all this bragging and can't stand it anymore, comes out and says, "I think I'll throw all three of you out of this plane and make 250 million people happy."

  1. It's legal to earn money playing hockey
  2. Many people play hockey even after they're married
  3. The puck's always hard
  4. The protective equipment is reusable
  5. It lasts at least an hour
  6. A two-on-one or a three-on-one is not uncommon
  7. You always know how big the stick is
  8. You can clean your stick in public without anyone minding
  9. You can change players on the fly
  10. You don't have to be embarra**ed if you don't get the puck up
  11. Everyone is finished when the buzzer sounds
  12. Your parents cheer when you score
  13. Periods last only 20 minutes
  14. You're sure to get it at least twice a week
  15. You can tell your friends about it afterwards

 
boxbttm_580w.gif

Hollywood Lessons

April 25, 2008
Started By bad4life711 Comments
1. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts: your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one, dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

2. Honest and hard-working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.

3. All beds have special L-shaped sheets that reach the armpit level of a woman, but only the waist level of the man lying beside her.

4. At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.

5. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.

6. All grocery bags contain at least one stick of French bread.

7. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers, and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least a half-hour to escape.

8. You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

9. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

10. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.

11. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.

12. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.

13. All b****s are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off, but luckily you'll always blindly choose to cut the right wire.

14. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

15. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

Becoming a woman

April 25, 2008
Started By bad4life711 Comments
One day Little Sally got her "monthly bleeding" for the first time in her life. Having failed to understand what was going on and being really frightened, she decided to share her trouble with little Joey.

When she found Joey she told him what was happeing, but he didn't quite understand so she showed him what her problem was.

Joey's face got very serious and he said, "You know, I'm no doctor, but it looks like someone ripped your balls off!"

Two Black Eyes

April 25, 2008
Started By bad4life714 Comments
A man walked into work on Monday with two black eyes. His boss asked what happened.

The man said, "I was sitting behind a big woman at church. When we stood up to sing hymns, I noticed that her dress was caught in her crack, so I pulled it out. She turned around and punched me square in the eye."

"Where did you get the other shiner?" the boss asked.

"Well," the man said, "I figured she didn't want it out, so I pushed it back in."

Rules For Work

April 25, 2008
Started By bad4life711 Comments

1.  Never give me work in the morning.   Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me.  The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.

2.  If it's really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it's going.  That helps.  Or even better, hover behind me, advising me at every keystroke.

3.  Always leave without telling anyone where you're going.  It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.

4.  If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies, don't open the door for me.  I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors with no arms is good training in case I should ever be injured and lose all use of my limbs.

5.  If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which is priority.  I am psychic.

6.  Do your best to keep me late.  I adore this office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do.  I have no life beyond work.

7.  If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret.  If that gets out, it could mean a promotion.

8.  If you don't like my work, tell everyone.  I like my name to be popular in conversations.  I was born to be whipped.

9.  If you have special instructions for a job, don't write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done.  No use confusing me with useful information.

10.  Never introduce me to the people you're with.  I have no right to know anything.  In the corporate food chain, I am plankton.  When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.

11.  Be nice to me only when the job I'm doing for you could really change your life and send you straight to managers' hell.

12.  Tell me all your little problems.   No one else has any and it's nice to know someone is less fortunate.  I especially like the story about having to pay so much taxes on the bonus check you received for being such a good manager.

13.  Wait until my yearly review and THEN tell me what my goals SHOULD have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating   with a cost of living increase. I'm not here for the money anyway.

Zambian Roulette

April 25, 2008
Started By bad4life712 Comments
As usual, things were not going well at the United Nations. Thus, many visiting ambassadors had to room together. It just so happend that Vladimir, the Russian Ambassador, and Umballa, the Zambian Ambassador, were sharing a suite. To pass the time, Vladimir introduced his fellow dignitary to the Russian game of roulette. He produced an antique Soviet revolver, and a single bullet. It took a while, but he was finally able to explain the gist of the game to Umballa. Intrigued and excited, Umballa loved the game. By the time the U.N. meeting was over, the two had become fast friends. As they parted company at the airport, Umballa told Vladimir, ''One day, you must visit my country, and try our version of your roulette.''
A year later, Vladimir was in Zambia, and looked up his old friend. Umballa remembered him, and welcomed him with open arms.
''I have come, my comrade, to try your game.''
''Very well. Come with me.'' Umballa took his friend before six, buck-naked bush women. ''Pick one. Any one. And she will give you a blowjob.''
''But my friend, where is the danger in this?''
Umballa replied with a toothy smile, ''One of them is a cannibal.''

Free Barber

April 26, 2008
Started By steppz7 Comments
One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies: I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a community service. The florist is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there is a 'Thank You' card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.

A cop goes for a haircut, and he also goes to pay the barber and the barber replies: I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a community service. The cop is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there is a 'Thank You' card and a dozen donuts waiting at his door.

A Jamaican goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber and the barber replies: I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a community service. The Jamaican is, of course, very happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, guess what he finds there????

(You know it!!!) A dozen Jamaicans waiting for a free haircut...

Young Hooker vs. Old Hooker

April 25, 2008
Started By bad4life7110 Comments
What's the difference between a young hooker and an old hooker?
 

The young hooker uses Vaseline and an old hooker uses Poli-Grip.

Final Confession

April 25, 2008
Started By bad4life715 Comments
Brittany was on her deathbed, with her husband Adam at her side.

She kept trying to tell him something, but he kept saying, "Shhhh, don't worry now darling, just rest."

"But honey," she whispered, "I need to make a confession before I die... I slept with your brother, your best friend, and your father."

"Don't worry about it, sweetie," replied Adam as he wiped the tears from Brittany's cheek, "I know. Why do you think I poisoned you?"

If you ever feel  a little bit stupid, just dig this up and read it again; you'll begin to think  you're a genius  

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(On  September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America  1995.)
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would  not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were  supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live  forever, which is why I would not live forever,"
--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA  contest.
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"Whenever  I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but  cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and  death and stuff."
--Mariah  Carey
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"Smoking  kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your  life,"
--Brooke Shields, during an  interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign  .
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"I've  never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"
--Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball  forward.
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"Outside  of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"  
--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington,  DC.  ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,



"That  lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the  one to do it,"
--A congressional  candidate in  Texas.
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"Half  this game is ninety percent mental."
--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny  Ozark    

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"It  isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air  and water that are doing it."
--Al Gore,  Vice  President
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"I  love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
--Dan  Quayle
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"We've  got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need ?"
--Lee  Iacocca
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"The  word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman  Einstein."     

--Joe  Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.  
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"We  don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of  people."
--Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC  Instrutor.
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"Your  food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that  you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your  circumstances."
--Department  of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
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"Traditionally,  most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
--Keppel  Enderbery
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"If  somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed  and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when  they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
--Mark S. Fowler, FCC  Chairman
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Feeling  smarter yet?    

Kadeems lookalike

April 26, 2008
Started By scuppo7 Comments
Anyone eva seen the movie Menace ii Society? Well i have and i keep tellng Kadeem that he looks like the main Character...

Why women cannot work in I.T

November 8, 2007
Started By CALOSS18 Comments
Image

New post Keeping it in the family!

October 14, 2007
Started By CALOSS6 Comments
A couple were invited to a swanky family masked fancy dress Halloween party. The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going.

So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, woke without pain and as it was still early, decided go to the party.

As her husband didn't know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him. So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband in his costume,cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice "chick" he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to her. She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband.

After more drinks he finally whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had passionate intercourse in the back seat. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make up for his outrageous behavior.

She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked what kind of time he had. "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there. " Then she asked, "Did you dance much?" He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the spare room and played poker all evening.

"You must have looked really silly wearing that costume playing poker all night!" she said with unashamed sarcasm. To which the husband replied, "Actually, I gave my costume to your Dad, apparently he had the time of his life."

The story starts (I'm shortcutting here) with an [Please control your cussing] insulting everyone on the IRC channel. Most people there believed it was rather funny, but it got even more funny. For information: The dangerous hacker is called b*t*hchecker and the one being hacked and original author of the comments, who is talking here, is known as Elch.

Code:
* b*t*hchecker (~java@euirc-a97f9137.dip.t-dialin.net) Quit (Ping timeout#)
* b*t*hchecker (~java@euirc-61a2169c.dip.t-dialin.net) has joined #stopHipHop
<b*t*hchecker> why do you kick me
<b*t*hchecker> can't you discus normally
<b*t*hchecker> answer!
<Elch> we didn't kick you
<Elch> you had a ping timeout: * b*t*hchecker (~java@euirc-a97f9137.dip.t-dialin.net) Quit (Ping timeout#)
<b*t*hchecker> what ping man
<b*t*hchecker> the timing of my pc is right
<b*t*hchecker> i even have dst
<b*t*hchecker> you banned me
<b*t*hchecker> amit it you son of a b*t*h
<HopperHunter|afk> LOL
<HopperHunter|afk> things you're stupid, DST^^
<b*t*hchecker> shut your mouth WE HAVE DST!
<b*t*hchecker> for two weaks already
<b*t*hchecker> when you start your pc there is a message from windows that DST is applied.
<Elch> You're a real computer expert
<b*t*hchecker> shut up i hack you
<Elch> ok, i'm quiet, hope you don't show us how good a hacker you are ^^
<b*t*hchecker> tell me your network number man then you're dead
<Elch> Eh, it's 129.0.0.1
<Elch> or maybe 127.0.0.1
<Elch> yes exactly that's it: 127.0.0.1 I'm waiting for you great attack
<b*t*hchecker> in five minutes your hard drive is deleted
<Elch> Now I'm frightened
<b*t*hchecker> shut up you'll be gone
<b*t*hchecker> i have a program where i enter your ip and you're dead
<b*t*hchecker> say goodbye
<Elch> to whom?
<b*t*hchecker> to you man
<b*t*hchecker> buy buy
<Elch> I'm shivering thinking about such great Hack0rs like you
* b*t*hchecker (~java@euirc-61a2169c.dip.t-dialin.net) Quit (Ping timeout#)


What happened is clear: That guy entered his own IP-Adress in his mighty Hack-Tool and crashed his own PC. This way, the attack on my PC was a failure. I was already starting to think that I did not have to worry, but a good hacker never calls it a day. Two minutes later he returned.

Code:
* b*t*hchecker (~java@euirc-b5cd558e.dip.t-dialin.net) has joined #stopHipHop
<b*t*hchecker> dude be happy my pc crashed otherwise you'd be gone
<Metanot> lol
<Elch> b*t*hchecker: Then try hacking me again... I still have the same IP: 127.0.0.1
<b*t*hchecker> you're so stupid man
<b*t*hchecker> say buy buy
<Metanot> ah, [Please control your cussing] off
<b*t*hchecker> buy buy elch
* b*t*hchecker (~java@euirc-b5cd558e.dip.t-dialin.net) Quit (Ping timeout#)


There was a tension in the room... Would he manage, after these two failures, to crash my PC? I waited. Nothing happened. I felt relieve... Six minutes passed by until he prepared the next wave of attack. Being a Hacker, who usually cracks whole data centers, he knew what his problem was now.

Code:
* b*t*hchecker (~java@euirc-9ff3c180.dip.t-dialin.net) has joined #stopHipHop
<b*t*hchecker> elch you son of a b*t*h
<Metanot> b*t*hchecker how old are you?
<Elch> What's up b*t*hchecker?
<b*t*hchecker> you have a frie wal
<b*t*hchecker> fire wall
<Elch> maybe, i don't know
<b*t*hchecker> i'm 26
<Metanot> such behaviour with 26?
<Elch> how did you find out that I have a firewall?
<Metanot> tststs this is not very nice missy
<b*t*hchecker> because your gay fire wall directed my turn off signal back to me
<b*t*hchecker> be a man turn that things off
<Elch> cool, didn't know this was possible.
<b*t*hchecker> thn my virus destroys your pc man
<Metanot> are you hacking yourselves?
<Elch> yes b*t*hchecker is trying to hack me
<Metanot> he b*t*hchecker if you're a hacker you have to get around a firewall even i can do that
<b*t*hchecker> yes man i hack the elch but the sucker has a fire wall the
<Metanot> what firewall do you have?
<b*t*hchecker> like a girl
<Metanot> firewall is normal a normal hacker has to be able to get past it...you girl^^
<He> b*t*h give yourself a jackson and chill you're letting them provoce you and give those little girls new material all the time
<b*t*hchecker> turn the firewall off then i send you a virus [Please control your cussing]er
<Elch> Noo
<Metanot> he b*t*hchecker why turn it off, you should turn it off
<b*t*hchecker> you're afraid
<b*t*hchecker> i don't wanna hack like this if he hides like a girl behind a fire wall
<b*t*hchecker> elch turn off your things wall!
<Metanot> i wanted to say something about this, do you know the definition of hacking??? if he turns of the firewall that's an invitation and that has nothing to do with hacking
<b*t*hchecker> shut up
<Metanot> lol
<b*t*hchecker> my grandma surfs with fire wall
<b*t*hchecker> and you suckers think you're cool and don't dare going into the internet without a fire wall


He calls me girly and says only his grandma would use a firewall. I know that elder people are much more intelligent then younger, but I couldn't let that rest. To see whether he really is a good hacker I lie and let everything as it is. I don't have a firewall at all, only my router.

Code:
<Elch> b*t*hchecker, a collegue showed me how to turn the firewall off. Now you can try again
<Metanot> b*t*hhacker can't hack
<Black<TdV>> nice play on words ^^
<b*t*hchecker> wort man
<Elch> b*t*hchecker: I'm still waiting for your attack!
<Metanot> how many times again he is no hacker
<b*t*hchecker> man do you want a virus
<b*t*hchecker> tell me your ip and it deletes your hard drive
<Metanot> lol ne give it up i'm a hacker myself and i know how hackers behave and i can tell you 100.00% you're no hacker..^^
<Elch> 127.0.0.1
<Elch> it's easy
<b*t*hchecker> lolololol you so stupid man you'll be gone
<b*t*hchecker> and are the first files being deleted
<Elch> mom...
<Elch> i'll take a look


In panic I started the Windows Explorer, my heart beating faster. Had I under-estimated him?

Code:
<b*t*hchecker> don't need to rescue you can't son of a b*t*h
<Elch> that's bad
<b*t*hchecker> elch you idiout your hard drive g: is deleted
<Elch> yes, there's nothing i can do about it
<b*t*hchecker> and in 20 seconds f: is gone


Yes, true, G: and F: were gone. Did I ever have them? Doesn't matter, I did not have time to think, I was scared. b*t*hchecker was comforting me with a music tip.

Code:
<b*t*hchecker> tupac rules
<b*t*hchecker> elch you son of a b*t*h your f: is gone and e: too


Drive E:? Oh my god... All the games are there! And the vacation pictures! I instantly take a look. Everything still there. But the hacker said it was deleted....

Or isn't it happening on my computer?

Code:
<b*t*hchecker> and d: is at 45% you idiot lolololol
<He> why doesn't meta say anything
<Elch> he's probably rolling on the floor laughing
<Black<TdV>> ^^
<b*t*hchecker> your d: is gone
<He> go on b*t*h


The guy is good: My CD-drive is allegedly deleted! b*t*hchecker turned my ancient disk sucker into a burner! But how did he do this? I'll have to ask him. Some encourage him. He himself is giving advice how to avoid the disaster on my hard drives.

Code:
<b*t*hchecker> elch man you're so stupid never give your ip on the internet
<b*t*hchecker> i'm already at c: 30 percent


Should I tell him he's not attacking my computer?

Code:
* b*t*hchecker (~java@euirc-9ff3c180.dip.t-dialin.net) Quit (Ping timeout#)


Too late... It's 20:22 when we get the last message of our hacker with the alias "b*t*hchecker". We see that he has a "Ping timeout". We haven't seen him since then... must be the Daylight Saving Time.


I want to meet this hacker. His 1337 h4x0r5 skills might rub on me. /sarcasm
:shock:<img src=" title="Laughing" />

note: 127.0.0.1 is always the IP-adress of the computer you're currently using, any request there will return to your computer.

Priest & Girl - Really good one

November 25, 2007
Started By CALOSS7 Comments


Girl: Forgive me father for I have sinned.

Priest: What have you done my child?

Girl: I called a man a son of a bit**.

Priest: Why did you call him a son of a bit**?

Girl: Because he touched my hand.

Priest: Like this? (as he touches her hand)

Girl: Yes father.

Priest: Thats no reason to call a man a son of a bit**.

Girl: Then he touched my breast.

Priest: Like this? (as he touched her breast)

Girl: Yes father.

Priest: Thats no reason to call him a son of a bit**.

Girl: Then he took off my clothes, father.

Priest: Like this? (as he takes off her clothes)

Girl: Yes father.

Priest: Thats no reason to call him a son of a bit**.

Girl: Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where.

Priest: Like this? (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)

Girl: YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!

Priest: (after a few minutes): Thats no reason to call him a son of a bit**.

Girl: But father he had AIDS!

Priest: THAT SON OF A BIT**!!!

Story of a Woman who just turned 47

November 25, 2007
Started By CALOSS5 Comments



When I was 16, I hoped that one day I would have a boyfriend.

When I was 18, I got a boyfriend, but there was no passion. So I decided I needed a passionate guy with a zest for life.

In college I dated a passionate guy, but he was too emotional. Everything was an emergency, he was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a guy with stability.

When I was 25, I found a very stable guy but he was boring. He was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided I needed a guy with some excitement.

When I was 28, I found an exciting guy, but I couldn't keep up with him.

He rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. He did mad, impetuous things and flirted with everyone he met. He made me miserable as often as happy. He was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a guy with some ambition.

When I turned 31, I found a smart ambitious guy with his feet planted firmly on the ground and married him. He was so ambitious that he divorced me, took everything I owned, and ran off with my best friend.

I am now 47 and am looking for a guy with a big dick.

11 PEOPLE ON A ROPE

Eleven people were hanging on a rope, under a helicopter.

10 men and 1 woman.

The rope was not strong enough to carry them

all, so they decided that 1 had to leave,

because otherwise they were all going to fall.

They weren't able to choose that person,

until the woman gave a very touching speech.

She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because,

as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for her

husband and kids or for men in general, and was

used to always making sacrifices with little in return.

As soon as she finished her speech,

all the men started clapping .......

lmao stand up comedy

October 9, 2007
Started By CALOSS4 Comments
[youtube=http://youtube.com/watch?v=1jdeqKte98g]

Buff Dog...

April 25, 2008
Started By Gucci5 Comments
Buff-Dog.jpg

"Where does poo come from?"

November 8, 2007
Started By CALOSS3 Comments
A little girl walks in to the lounge one Sunday morning while her Dad is
reading the paper.

"Where does poo come from?" she asks.

The father feeling a little perturbed that his 5 year old daughter is
already asking difficult questions thinks for a moment and says:

"Well you know we just ate breakfast?"

"Yes," answers the girl.

"Well the food goes into our tummies and our bodies take out all the
good stuff, and then whatever is left over comes out of our bums when we go to the toilet, and that is poo."

The little girl looks shocked, and stares, at him with watery eyes in
stunned silence for a few seconds and asks:








"And Tigger?"

40 Fun things to do in an elevator

November 21, 2007
Started By bLaCkBeatZ6 Comments
40 Fun things to do in an elevator 1. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, 'Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!' 2. Whistle the first seven notes of 'It's a Small World' incessantly. 3. Sell Girl Scout cookies. 4. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator. 5. Shave. 6. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: 'Got enough air in there?' 7. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down. 8. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off. 9. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves. 10. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral. 11. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go 'plink' at the bottom. 12. Do Tai Chi exercises. 13. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: 'I've got new socks on!' 14. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back, 'Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!' 15. Meow occasionally. 18. Frown and mutter 'gotta go, gotta go' then sigh and say 'oops!' 19. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected. 20. Sing 'Mary had a little lamb' while continually pushing buttons. 21. Holler 'Chutes away!' whenever the elevator descends. 22. Leave a box between the doors. 23. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them. 24. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers 'through' it. 25. Start a sing-along. 26. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask 'is that your beeper?' 27. Play the harmonica. 28. Say 'Ding!' at each floor. 29. Lean against the button panel. 30. Say 'I wonder what all these do' and push the red buttons. 31. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope. 32. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your 'personal space.' 33. Bring a chair along. 34. Blow spit bubbles. 35. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings. 36. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively. 37. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button. 38. Wear 'X-Ray Specs' and leer suggestively at other passengers. 39. Stare at your thumb and say 'I think it's getting larger.' 40. If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler 'Bad touch!'
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