A woman was in a coma, she had been in it for months.

Nurses were inher room giving her a blanket bath.

One of them was washing her privatearea and noticed a slight response on the monitor when she touchedher.
They tried it again and sure enough there was a small, recognizablemovement.
They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, 'Ascrazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick andbring her out of the coma.'
The husband was skeptical, but they assured him that they'd close thecurtains for privacy.

The husband finally agreed and went into hiswife's room.
After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate.The nurses run back into the room. 'What happened!?' they cried.
The husband said, 'I'm not sure ......... maybe she choked'.

SIPPING VODKA

chain letter that I dont mind forwarding.

Its funny (dont break chain)

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could

hardly speak.

After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.

The monsignor replied, When I am worried about getting

nervous On the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the

water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.

So next Sunday he took the monsignors advice.

At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a

drink.

He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the

following note on the door:

1) Sip the vodka, dont gulp.

2)There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3)There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4)Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5)Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6)We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7)The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as

Daddy, Junior and the spook.

8)David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh*t out of him.

9)When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his

donkey, dont say he was stoned off his ass.

10)We do not refer to the cross as the Big T.

11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said,

take this and eat it for it is my body. He did not say

Eat me .

12)The Virgin Mary is not called Mary with the Cherry,.

13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-ADub-

Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.

14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at

ST.Peters not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffys.

Little Johnny rushes home from school. He invades the fridge and is scooping out some cherry vanilla ice cream when his mother enters the kitchen. She says, Put that away Johnny! You cant have ice cream now. Its too close to supper time. Go outside and play.

Johnny whimpers and says, Theres no one to play with. Trying to placate him, she says, OK, Ill play with you. What do you want to play? He says, I wanna play Mommie and Daddy.

Trying not to register surprise, and to further appease him, she says, Fine, Ill play. What do I do? Johnny says, You go up to the bedroom and lie down. Figuring that she can easily control the situation, she goes upstairs.

Johnny, feeling a bit cocky, swaggers down the hall and opens the utility closet. He dons his fathers old fishing hat. As he starts up the stairs he notices a cigarette butt in the ashtray on the end table. He picks it up and slips it in the corner of his mouth. At the top of the stairs he moves to the bedroom doorway.

His mother raises up and says, What do I do now? In a gruff manner, Johnny says, Get your butt downstairs and get that kid some ice cream

Pumping Hamster