Forum: Funny Stuff
Share all jokes here, funny pics etc...(PS...warn members of uncensored/adult jokes)
It's that time of year to take our annual senior citizen test. Exercising your brain is just as important as exercising your muscles. As we grow older, it's important to keep mentally alert. If you don't use it, you lose it! Below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence. Take the test presented here to determine if you're losing it or not. Read each question once (not a hundred times ... the questions arent that hard!) and answer the question. The spaces between the questions and answers are there to stop people with alzheimers from cheating.
OK, relax, clear your mind and begin!
1. What do you put in a toaster?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
No Cheating!!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Answer: "bread." If you said "toast," give up now and do something else.
Try not to hurt yourself.
If you said, bread, go to Question 2.
2. Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk." What do cows drink?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
No Cheating!!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Answer: Cows drink water. If you said "milk," don't attempt the next question. Your brain is over-stressed and may even overheat. Go and watch some cartoons instead.
However, if you said "water", proceed to question 3.
3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
No Cheating Damnit!!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said "green bricks," why are you still reading these???
If you said "glass," go on to Question 4.
4. It's twenty years ago, and a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany (If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into East Germany and West Germany). Anyway, during the flight, two engines fail. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately the engine fails before he can do so and the plane fatally crashes smack in the middle of "no man's land" between East Germany and West Germany. Where would you bury the survivors? East Germany, West Germany or "no man's land"?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
No Peeking!!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Answer: You don't bury survivors silly!
If you said ANYTHING else, you're a dunce and you must stop.
If you said, "You don't bury survivors", proceed to the next question.
5. Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales. In London, 17 people get on the bus. In Reading, 6 people get off the bus and 3 people get on. In Swindon, 2 people get off and 4 get on. In Cardiff, 4 people get off and 6 people get on. In Swansea, 3 people get off and 5 people get on. In Carmathen, 6 people get off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven. What was the name of the bus driver?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Stop Cheating!!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Answer: Oh, for crying out loud!
Don't you remember your own name? It was YOU!!
OK, relax, clear your mind and begin!
1. What do you put in a toaster?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
No Cheating!!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Answer: "bread." If you said "toast," give up now and do something else.
Try not to hurt yourself.
If you said, bread, go to Question 2.
2. Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk." What do cows drink?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
No Cheating!!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Answer: Cows drink water. If you said "milk," don't attempt the next question. Your brain is over-stressed and may even overheat. Go and watch some cartoons instead.
However, if you said "water", proceed to question 3.
3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
No Cheating Damnit!!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said "green bricks," why are you still reading these???
If you said "glass," go on to Question 4.
4. It's twenty years ago, and a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany (If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into East Germany and West Germany). Anyway, during the flight, two engines fail. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately the engine fails before he can do so and the plane fatally crashes smack in the middle of "no man's land" between East Germany and West Germany. Where would you bury the survivors? East Germany, West Germany or "no man's land"?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
No Peeking!!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Answer: You don't bury survivors silly!
If you said ANYTHING else, you're a dunce and you must stop.
If you said, "You don't bury survivors", proceed to the next question.
5. Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales. In London, 17 people get on the bus. In Reading, 6 people get off the bus and 3 people get on. In Swindon, 2 people get off and 4 get on. In Cardiff, 4 people get off and 6 people get on. In Swansea, 3 people get off and 5 people get on. In Carmathen, 6 people get off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven. What was the name of the bus driver?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Stop Cheating!!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Answer: Oh, for crying out loud!
Don't you remember your own name? It was YOU!!
Lesson 1
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you Ł800 to drop that towel." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
After a few seconds, Bob hands her Ł800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbour," she replies. "Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the Ł800 he owes me?"
Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologised "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Lesson 3
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish." "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Puff! She's gone.
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Puff! He's gone.
"Ok, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?" The eagle answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story: Bull sh*t might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out, cleaned him and ate him.
Moral of the story:
(1) Not everyone who sh*t's on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of sh*t is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep sh*t, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
This ends our 3-minute management course. Hope you find it useful.
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you Ł800 to drop that towel." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
After a few seconds, Bob hands her Ł800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbour," she replies. "Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the Ł800 he owes me?"
Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologised "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Lesson 3
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish." "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Puff! She's gone.
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Puff! He's gone.
"Ok, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?" The eagle answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story: Bull sh*t might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out, cleaned him and ate him.
Moral of the story:
(1) Not everyone who sh*t's on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of sh*t is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep sh*t, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
This ends our 3-minute management course. Hope you find it useful.
Three prime ministers went to hell, Tony Blair, George Bush,
and Bruce Golding.
Tony asked the devil if he could make a call to England to see if
the country is running ok, he made the call, and he stayed on
the call for 5 minutes. Satan told him that the bill is 5 million
dollars. Bush also asked if he could call the US , he stayed on the
call for 8 minutes; it cost him $8 million dollars. Bruce said he
wanted to call Jamaica , he spent 2 HOURS on the call then he
asked Satan how much was the bill, he replied, $1 dollar; he
asked, how cum, afta mi stay longa dan Blair an Bush. Satan replied,
calling from hell to hell is a local call
[youtube=http://youtube.com/watch?v=1uwOL4rB-go]
This was developed as an age test by an R&D department at Harvard
University. Take your time, and see if you can read each line aloud
without a mistake. The average person over 40 years of age can't do it!
1. This is this cat.
2. This is is cat.
3. This is how cat.
4. This is to cat.
5. This is keep cat.
6. This is an cat.
7. This is ass cat.
8This is busy cat.
9. This is for cat.
10. This is forty cat.
11. This is seconds cat.
Now go back and read aloud the third word in each line from the top down
A guy with leprosy wins tickets to see the world series. But when he gets there, he has trouble finding a seat because pieces of him are peeling and flaking off, and he's very concerned about grossing out the other fans. The leper wanders through the bleachers looking for a seat where his grotesque appearance won't disturb anyone else. Finally he finds an open seat where he might be able to watch the game.
He asks the man in the adjoining seat if it would be okay to sit there. The man answers, "Yeah. Just sit down, shut up, and watch the game."
The leper sits down and adds, "As you can see, I have leprosy. If it disturbs you, I will move."
"It doesn't bother me. Just shut up, and watch the game."
A while later, during the fourth inning, the man suddenly vomits. Frothy beer, hot dogs, and peanuts are splattered everywhere. Seeing this, the leper gets up and says, "Thank you for allowing me to sit next to you, but I can see that my appearance has caused you to get sick. I will find another place to sit."
"It's NOT you. Just sit down, shut up, and watch the game."
So the leper sits back down. But during the sixth inning, the man begins to vomit again. This time it is projectile vomitus. A powerful blast of beer and pretzels shoots out from the man's mouth and nose until his stomach is completely emptied.
Seeing this, the leper gets up and says, "Thank you for allowing me to sit next to you, but I can see that my appearance has caused you to get sick. I will find another place to sit."
"Really, it's NOT you. Just sit down, shut up, and watch the game."
So the leper sits back down. But during the seventh inning, the man begins to vomit again. This time it is the dry heaves. The leper feels absolutely awful at the sight of this man suffering. And once again, the leper offers to leave.
But the man insists, "Really, it's NOT you."
So the leper asks, "Well if it's not me that is making you so sick, then what is it?"
"It's that guy behind you. He keeps dipping his nachos in your back."
He asks the man in the adjoining seat if it would be okay to sit there. The man answers, "Yeah. Just sit down, shut up, and watch the game."
The leper sits down and adds, "As you can see, I have leprosy. If it disturbs you, I will move."
"It doesn't bother me. Just shut up, and watch the game."
A while later, during the fourth inning, the man suddenly vomits. Frothy beer, hot dogs, and peanuts are splattered everywhere. Seeing this, the leper gets up and says, "Thank you for allowing me to sit next to you, but I can see that my appearance has caused you to get sick. I will find another place to sit."
"It's NOT you. Just sit down, shut up, and watch the game."
So the leper sits back down. But during the sixth inning, the man begins to vomit again. This time it is projectile vomitus. A powerful blast of beer and pretzels shoots out from the man's mouth and nose until his stomach is completely emptied.
Seeing this, the leper gets up and says, "Thank you for allowing me to sit next to you, but I can see that my appearance has caused you to get sick. I will find another place to sit."
"Really, it's NOT you. Just sit down, shut up, and watch the game."
So the leper sits back down. But during the seventh inning, the man begins to vomit again. This time it is the dry heaves. The leper feels absolutely awful at the sight of this man suffering. And once again, the leper offers to leave.
But the man insists, "Really, it's NOT you."
So the leper asks, "Well if it's not me that is making you so sick, then what is it?"
"It's that guy behind you. He keeps dipping his nachos in your back."
-- Edited by CALOSS at 21:22, 2007-08-22
<center><embed src="http://www.bigducky.com/videos/gross_extreme_videos/driveby.asf" WIDTH="320" HEIGHT="240" AUTOPLAY="true" ShowStatusBar=1 ShowControls=1 ></embed>
<br />For More Extreme and Funny Videos, visit <a href="http://www.bigducky.com" target="blank">Big Ducky.com Extreme Videos</a></center>
<br />For More Extreme and Funny Videos, visit <a href="http://www.bigducky.com" target="blank">Big Ducky.com Extreme Videos</a></center>
A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"
The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to f**k your brains out, and suck your tits dry."
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"
He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."
One day Bill complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts, I guess I should see a doctor." His friend offered, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker an cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10."
Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks.
Late that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction.
He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:
Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better.
Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks.
Late that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction.
He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:
Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better.
[youtube=http://youtube.com/watch?v=attl6SUeots]
White People lol lol
White People lol lol
[I hope you didn't see this before, this is really sweet 
]
So a young man stands in the waiting room.. smoking frantically like a locomotive. His wife was to give birth. Hours passed and he grew very concerned.
Finally, the doctor came out of the operating room, holding a baby by its leg. He whistles carelessly as he maneuvers the baby as if it were a puppet. Our man was in shock. The doctor drops the baby, and a cracking noise was heard. Blood started dripping from the baby's crushed head. Our man nearly fainted.
The doctor approached him smiling, and said:
"Come on, cheer up, I was only joking!" ..
"He died at birth, just like your wife."
]So a young man stands in the waiting room.. smoking frantically like a locomotive. His wife was to give birth. Hours passed and he grew very concerned.
Finally, the doctor came out of the operating room, holding a baby by its leg. He whistles carelessly as he maneuvers the baby as if it were a puppet. Our man was in shock. The doctor drops the baby, and a cracking noise was heard. Blood started dripping from the baby's crushed head. Our man nearly fainted.
The doctor approached him smiling, and said:
"Come on, cheer up, I was only joking!" ..
"He died at birth, just like your wife."
Everybody has a dog called Rover or Spot. I call my dog "Sex". When I went to city hall to
buy a license I told the clerk I wanted a license for Sex. He said "I'd like one too." But
then I said "This is a dog." He said he didn't care what she looked like. Then I said "You
don't understand I've had Sex since I was nine years old." He said "You must have been quite
a kid." When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the motel
clerk that I wanted a room for my wife, me and a special room for Sex. He said that every
room in the place was for sex. I said "You don't understand Sex keeps me awake at night." The
clerk said "Me too." One day I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began,
the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there looking around.
I told him I had planned to have Sex in the contest. He told me that I should have sold my own
tickets. "But you don't understand," I said. I hoped to have Sex on T.V. He called me a show
off.
When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said "Your
honor, I had Sex before I was married." The judge said "Me too." Then I told him that after I
was married Sex left. He said "Me too."
Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me
and asked "What are you doing in this alley at 4 o'clock in the morning?" I said I'm looking
for Sex. ............ so i've got a case coming up Friday.
buy a license I told the clerk I wanted a license for Sex. He said "I'd like one too." But
then I said "This is a dog." He said he didn't care what she looked like. Then I said "You
don't understand I've had Sex since I was nine years old." He said "You must have been quite
a kid." When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the motel
clerk that I wanted a room for my wife, me and a special room for Sex. He said that every
room in the place was for sex. I said "You don't understand Sex keeps me awake at night." The
clerk said "Me too." One day I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began,
the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there looking around.
I told him I had planned to have Sex in the contest. He told me that I should have sold my own
tickets. "But you don't understand," I said. I hoped to have Sex on T.V. He called me a show
off.
When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said "Your
honor, I had Sex before I was married." The judge said "Me too." Then I told him that after I
was married Sex left. He said "Me too."
Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me
and asked "What are you doing in this alley at 4 o'clock in the morning?" I said I'm looking
for Sex. ............ so i've got a case coming up Friday.
Al Gore and the Clintons are flying on Air Force One.
October 3, 2007
Started By CALOSS — 4 Comments
Bill looks at Al, and chuckles and says, "You know I could throw a $10,000 dollar bill out the window right now and make one person very happy." Al shrugs his stiff shoulders and says, "Well I could throw ten $1,000 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy." Hillary tosses her perfectly sprayed hair and says, "Of course, then, I could throw one hundred $100 bills out the window and make one hundred pepole very happy."
Chelsea rolls her eyes, looks at all of them and says, "I could throw all of you out the window and make the WHOLE COUNTRY HAPPY!"
Young Buck Prank Phone Call (Threatens To Call The Cops! LMFAO) [Exclusive Audio Only
June 24, 2008
Started By Mediazone Badman — 1 Comments
Two men from Texas were sitting at a bar, when a young lady nearby began to choke on a hamburger. She gasped and gagged, and one Texan turned to the other and said, That little gal is havin' a bad time. I'm gonna go over there and help."
He ran over to the young lady, held both sides of her head in his big, Texan hands, and asked, "Kin ya swaller?" Gasping, she shook her head no. He asked, "Kin ya breathe?" Still gasping, she again shook her head no.
With that, he yanked up her skirt, pulled down her panties and licked her on the butt. The young woman was so shocked that she coughed up the piece of hamburger and began to breathe on her own. The Texan sat back down with his friend and said, "Ya know, it's sure amazin' how that hind-lick maneuver always works."
He ran over to the young lady, held both sides of her head in his big, Texan hands, and asked, "Kin ya swaller?" Gasping, she shook her head no. He asked, "Kin ya breathe?" Still gasping, she again shook her head no.
With that, he yanked up her skirt, pulled down her panties and licked her on the butt. The young woman was so shocked that she coughed up the piece of hamburger and began to breathe on her own. The Texan sat back down with his friend and said, "Ya know, it's sure amazin' how that hind-lick maneuver always works."
Four Jamaicans are sitting around a campfire near the
> > beach. They are
> > all 'philosophizing' on what is the fastest thing
> > in the world.
> >
> > Devon says, 'I and I tink de fassest ting eena di
> > world is a 'thought',
> > because before yuh can tink of it, it already
> > thought.'
> >
> > Maisie says, 'G'way man, di fassest ting in di
> > worl' is a 'blink',
> > because before you can tink to blink, yuh dun blink
> > already.'
> >
> > Lucy says, 'No, no, no! Di fassest ting eena di
> > worl' is electricity,
> > because when you turn on di light switch, de 'lectric
> > sinting travel
> > fass-fass and di light cum on before yu done know it.'
> >
> > Leroy says, 'All ah onoo is wrang! The fastesst ting
> > eena di whole
> > worl' is diarrhea.'
> >
> > All the others say, 'Diarrhea?'
> >
> > Leroy says, 'Yeh man, cause las' night, ev'n
> > before mi could tink,
> > blink, or turn on di light dem, mi done shit up meh self![spoiler]
> > beach. They are
> > all 'philosophizing' on what is the fastest thing
> > in the world.
> >
> > Devon says, 'I and I tink de fassest ting eena di
> > world is a 'thought',
> > because before yuh can tink of it, it already
> > thought.'
> >
> > Maisie says, 'G'way man, di fassest ting in di
> > worl' is a 'blink',
> > because before you can tink to blink, yuh dun blink
> > already.'
> >
> > Lucy says, 'No, no, no! Di fassest ting eena di
> > worl' is electricity,
> > because when you turn on di light switch, de 'lectric
> > sinting travel
> > fass-fass and di light cum on before yu done know it.'
> >
> > Leroy says, 'All ah onoo is wrang! The fastesst ting
> > eena di whole
> > worl' is diarrhea.'
> >
> > All the others say, 'Diarrhea?'
> >
> > Leroy says, 'Yeh man, cause las' night, ev'n
> > before mi could tink,
> > blink, or turn on di light dem, mi done shit up meh self![spoiler]
A young couple got married. On their honeymoon, they were very anxious about having sex because they were both virgins. Because of their sexual inexperience, they were a bit uncomfortable discussing the subject so they came up with the term "doing the laundry" to use in place of "having sex." This made them both more comfortable with the whole concept. Well, the first night of their honeymoon was wonderful. They "did the laundry" 5 times that first night. In the middle of the night the new husband woke up, and he was ready to do the laundry again. He gently shook his new wife and asked her, "Can we do the laundry again?" But she was very tired. She told him that she just couldn't do it again just yet. Maybe in the morning. A few hours later the new wife awoke feeling very guilty. What he had asked for wasn't unreasonable, and she decided she should go ahead and "do the laundry" with him again. She gently shook him and said, "Honey, I'm sorry I denied you... We can do the laundry again if you want," He replied, "That's ok... It was a small load... I did it by hand.
A farmer rears twenty-five young hens and one old cock. As he feels that the old cock could no longer handle his job efficiently, the farmer bought one young cock from the market.
Old cock to Young cock : "Welcome to join me, we will work together towards productivity.
Young cock : What you mean? As far as I know, you are old and should be retired.
Old cock : Young boy, there are twenty-five hens here, can't I help you with some?
Young cock : No! Not even one, all of them will be mine.
Old cock : In this case, I shall challenge you to a competition and if I win you shall allow me to have one hen and if I lose you will have all.
Young cock : O.K. What kind of competition?
Old cock: 50 meter run. From here to that tree. But due to my age, I hope you allow me to start off the first 10 meters.
Young cock : No problem ! We will compete tomorrow morning.
Confidently, the following morning, the Young cock allows the Old cock to start off and when the Old cock crosses the 10 meters mark the Young cock chases him with all his might.
Soon enough, he was behind the Old cock back in a matter of seconds.
Suddenly, Bang! ...... before he could overtake the old cock, he was shot dead by the farmer, who cursed, "Hell ! This is the fifth GAY chicken I've bought this week !"
Old cock to Young cock : "Welcome to join me, we will work together towards productivity.
Young cock : What you mean? As far as I know, you are old and should be retired.
Old cock : Young boy, there are twenty-five hens here, can't I help you with some?
Young cock : No! Not even one, all of them will be mine.
Old cock : In this case, I shall challenge you to a competition and if I win you shall allow me to have one hen and if I lose you will have all.
Young cock : O.K. What kind of competition?
Old cock: 50 meter run. From here to that tree. But due to my age, I hope you allow me to start off the first 10 meters.
Young cock : No problem ! We will compete tomorrow morning.
Confidently, the following morning, the Young cock allows the Old cock to start off and when the Old cock crosses the 10 meters mark the Young cock chases him with all his might.
Soon enough, he was behind the Old cock back in a matter of seconds.
Suddenly, Bang! ...... before he could overtake the old cock, he was shot dead by the farmer, who cursed, "Hell ! This is the fifth GAY chicken I've bought this week !"
Math's Teacher: If you have 12 Chocolates and you Give 5 to Lela, 3 to Anita and 4 to Julia Then what will u get????
Student: 3 New Girlfriends
Student: 3 New Girlfriends
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour, surgical procedure. A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around.
Then, she takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir !!"
The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but listen very, very closely......
A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k ? "
"Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around.
Then, she takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir !!"
The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but listen very, very closely......
A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k ? "
A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says
that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."
She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams
in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes
her ankle and screams and so it goes on.
The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette are you?
She says "No, I'm really a blonde".
"I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken."
that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."
She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams
in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes
her ankle and screams and so it goes on.
The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette are you?
She says "No, I'm really a blonde".
"I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken."
[youtube=http://youtube.com/watch?v=_pj2Nutu5v8]
A retard (mentally-handicapped; w/e) walks into a store and says, "I wanna fob". The manager isn't quite sure what he wants, "What do you want?", the retard repeats, "I want A Fob". The manager gets that he wants a job, but doesn't want to turn him down because he would feel bad. Instead he instructs the retard to go out into the world, and collect three things, a bucket, a gallon of gas, and a c**cker spaniel.
The retard goes to a hardware store. "I wanna f**k it" The clerk is perplexed because the only other person around is an old lady, so the clerk says, "No you want someone much younger". The retard repeats, "I wanna f**k it". The clerk understands and gives him a bucket, gratis.
Moving on he goes to humane society. "I wanna c**ck and spank it" shcoked the lady tells the retard leave immeadieatly. The retard repeats, "I wanna c**ck and spank it" Calmer the lady give the retard a c**cker spaniel to take with him.
Lastly the retard goes to a gas station and demands for some "ass!" The people here pick up faster and fill his bucket with gas for free. After his bucket is filled, his dog suddenly runs away, he turns to the gas station man and says, "Hold my ass and f**k it, while i go grab my c**ck and spank it"
The retard goes to a hardware store. "I wanna f**k it" The clerk is perplexed because the only other person around is an old lady, so the clerk says, "No you want someone much younger". The retard repeats, "I wanna f**k it". The clerk understands and gives him a bucket, gratis.
Moving on he goes to humane society. "I wanna c**ck and spank it" shcoked the lady tells the retard leave immeadieatly. The retard repeats, "I wanna c**ck and spank it" Calmer the lady give the retard a c**cker spaniel to take with him.
Lastly the retard goes to a gas station and demands for some "ass!" The people here pick up faster and fill his bucket with gas for free. After his bucket is filled, his dog suddenly runs away, he turns to the gas station man and says, "Hold my ass and f**k it, while i go grab my c**ck and spank it"
The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven.
At the pearly gates, St. Peter told Arthur,"Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven." Arthur thought about this for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God." St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room and introduced him to God. God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley Davidson motorcycle?"
Arthur said, "Yep, that's me."
God said, "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road?"
Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally he said, "Excuse me, but aren't you the inventor of woman?"
God said, "Yes."
Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:
1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusions;
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds;
3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much;
4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust;
5. And the maintenance costs are enormous!"
"Hmmmmm, you have some good points there," replied God, "hold on."
God went to His Celestial super computer, typed in some key words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.
"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed,"
God said to Arthur, "but according to these statistics, more men are riding my invention than yours."
At the pearly gates, St. Peter told Arthur,"Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven." Arthur thought about this for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God." St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room and introduced him to God. God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley Davidson motorcycle?"
Arthur said, "Yep, that's me."
God said, "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road?"
Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally he said, "Excuse me, but aren't you the inventor of woman?"
God said, "Yes."
Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:
1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusions;
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds;
3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much;
4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust;
5. And the maintenance costs are enormous!"
"Hmmmmm, you have some good points there," replied God, "hold on."
God went to His Celestial super computer, typed in some key words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.
"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed,"
God said to Arthur, "but according to these statistics, more men are riding my invention than yours."
You can lead a donkey to water but you cannot make him lick your balls
Some Methods Students Have Used To Cheat Through An Exam....
September 18, 2007
Started By CALOSS — 8 Comments
Our physics teacher told us some methods that pupils have tried, to try and cheat their way through exams over the years. Some of these are quite amusing, and yes these DEFINATLY are true!
1). 2 pupils sitting a chemistry exam enter the exam hall with a wireless ear-piece attached to them, concealed by their long hair. They proceed through the exam unnoticed, as they communicate to each other via various coughing, sniffing, scratching and humming noises. All goes to plan for the students, until the end of the exam when they begin to exit the exam hall looking relieved. The 2 pupils came extremely close to each other when exiting the hall, this resulted in defeaning feedback and they were screaming with pain as they ripped out their ear pieces........right in front of the invigilator.
2). The next story is about a gang of pupils sitting a biology multiple choice exam. Concealed in their pants were vibrators, also hidden in their pockets was a remote control where they would activate another person's vibrator with a succession of clicks depending on the answer. 1 buzz for answer A, 2 for B and so forth. During the exam the invigilators noticed an intriguing chain of events. When a student activated another's vibrator, the invigilators noticed a succession of strange noises across the exam hall.
Strangely enough they happened straight after each other, where they were trying to communicate the answers to each other, sure enough they were caught by the invigilators after question 30.
3). A pupil sitting a physics exam always forgot his formulae and equations, so he decided to get them tattooed onto his arm.
4). Although this is not really cheating, I still find it funny. My teacher said around 15 years ago, a student was taking a German written exam, he hadn't revised at all a week before the exam and decided to pack it all into one night of revision. With a good helping of diet Pepsi, coffee and 'brain foods' such as bananas and castor oil, he managed to complete his revision and was confident he was going to pass with flying colours.
Before the exam, he was fatigued with having virtually no sleep but he still rode it through. He proceeded through the exam with confidence, but whilst he was writing, all of the ingredients: the castor oil and caffeen combined in his bowels and produced a laxative effect. Sure enough, a strange scent could be smelled, he had literally shat his pants. LOL.
Some of these may sound incredibly idiotic, but I can assure these are true, we were in disbelief at first, but another teacher confirmed the stories!
Theres a lesson to be learned here: Castor oil and caffeen do not mix!
Shep.
1). 2 pupils sitting a chemistry exam enter the exam hall with a wireless ear-piece attached to them, concealed by their long hair. They proceed through the exam unnoticed, as they communicate to each other via various coughing, sniffing, scratching and humming noises. All goes to plan for the students, until the end of the exam when they begin to exit the exam hall looking relieved. The 2 pupils came extremely close to each other when exiting the hall, this resulted in defeaning feedback and they were screaming with pain as they ripped out their ear pieces........right in front of the invigilator.
2). The next story is about a gang of pupils sitting a biology multiple choice exam. Concealed in their pants were vibrators, also hidden in their pockets was a remote control where they would activate another person's vibrator with a succession of clicks depending on the answer. 1 buzz for answer A, 2 for B and so forth. During the exam the invigilators noticed an intriguing chain of events. When a student activated another's vibrator, the invigilators noticed a succession of strange noises across the exam hall.
Strangely enough they happened straight after each other, where they were trying to communicate the answers to each other, sure enough they were caught by the invigilators after question 30.
3). A pupil sitting a physics exam always forgot his formulae and equations, so he decided to get them tattooed onto his arm.
4). Although this is not really cheating, I still find it funny. My teacher said around 15 years ago, a student was taking a German written exam, he hadn't revised at all a week before the exam and decided to pack it all into one night of revision. With a good helping of diet Pepsi, coffee and 'brain foods' such as bananas and castor oil, he managed to complete his revision and was confident he was going to pass with flying colours.
Before the exam, he was fatigued with having virtually no sleep but he still rode it through. He proceeded through the exam with confidence, but whilst he was writing, all of the ingredients: the castor oil and caffeen combined in his bowels and produced a laxative effect. Sure enough, a strange scent could be smelled, he had literally shat his pants. LOL.
Some of these may sound incredibly idiotic, but I can assure these are true, we were in disbelief at first, but another teacher confirmed the stories!
Theres a lesson to be learned here: Castor oil and caffeen do not mix!
Shep.
A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, says she'll see him later and walks away.
His wife glares at him and says, "Who the hell was that?"
"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."
"Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce."
"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it means that you don't get any more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Ferrari's and Lexus's in the garage and no more yacht club.But the decision is yours."
Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.
"Who's that woman with Jim?" asks the wife.
"That's his mistress," says her husband.
"Ours is prettier," she replies.
His wife glares at him and says, "Who the hell was that?"
"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."
"Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce."
"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it means that you don't get any more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Ferrari's and Lexus's in the garage and no more yacht club.But the decision is yours."
Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.
"Who's that woman with Jim?" asks the wife.
"That's his mistress," says her husband.
"Ours is prettier," she replies.
X-Rated Movie> >> >Judi decides to do something wild she hasn't done before,> >so she sets out to rent her first X-rated adult video.> >She goes to the video store and, after looking around for a while, selects > >a title that sounds very stimulating.> >She drives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable, and > >puts the tape in the VCR.> >To her disappointment, there's nothing but static on the screen, so she > >calls the video store to complain.> >> >Judi: "I just rented an adult movie from you and there's nothing on the > >tape, but static."> >Store Clerk: "Sorry about that. We've had problems with some of those > >tapes. Which title did you rent?"> >Judi: "It's called 'Head Cleaner'> >>
Three girls all worked in the same office with the same female boss.
Each day, they noticed that the boss left work early.
One day, the girls decided that, when the boss left, they would leave right
Behind her. After all, she never called or came back to work, so how would
She know they went home early?
The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening,
Spent playtime with her son, and went to bed early.
The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the spa
Before meeting a dinner- date.
The blonde was happy to get home early and surprise her husband but, when
She got to her bedroom, she heard muffled noise inside. Slowly and quietly,
She cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with
Her boss! Gently she closed the door and crept out of her house.
The next day, at their coffee break, the brunette and redhead planned to
Leave early again, and they asked the blonde if she was going to go with
Them.
"No way," the blonde exclaimed. "I almost got caught yesterday"
Each day, they noticed that the boss left work early.
One day, the girls decided that, when the boss left, they would leave right
Behind her. After all, she never called or came back to work, so how would
She know they went home early?
The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening,
Spent playtime with her son, and went to bed early.
The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the spa
Before meeting a dinner- date.
The blonde was happy to get home early and surprise her husband but, when
She got to her bedroom, she heard muffled noise inside. Slowly and quietly,
She cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with
Her boss! Gently she closed the door and crept out of her house.
The next day, at their coffee break, the brunette and redhead planned to
Leave early again, and they asked the blonde if she was going to go with
Them.
"No way," the blonde exclaimed. "I almost got caught yesterday"
Kids Are Quick
____________________________________
TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.
____________________________________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
____________________________________________
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
__________________________________
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
_________________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
______________________________________
TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________________________
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his? CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
___________________________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
Get da one ya in an email....lmao
heaven
Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. On this particular day, the teacher wanted to ask her class which part of the body went to heaven first.
One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think your mind goes to heaven first because you have to have a mind in order to believe in God."
The teacher praises the little girl as a little boy raises his hand. He says, "I think your heart goes to heaven first because God is all about love."
"Very good," said the teacher. The teacher looked up and saw Little Johnny's hand up. "Oh no," she thought, "I'm not gonna like this. "Little Johnny, which part of the body do you think goes to heaven first?" Little Johnny thinks for a minute and says, "Your feet." The teacher asked him why he thought your feet go to heaven first.
He replied, "Well, I was walking past my parents' bedroom last night and my mom had her feet up in the air and she said, 'Oh God, I'm coming!', but fortunately Dad was on top of her holding her down.
One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think your mind goes to heaven first because you have to have a mind in order to believe in God."
The teacher praises the little girl as a little boy raises his hand. He says, "I think your heart goes to heaven first because God is all about love."
"Very good," said the teacher. The teacher looked up and saw Little Johnny's hand up. "Oh no," she thought, "I'm not gonna like this. "Little Johnny, which part of the body do you think goes to heaven first?" Little Johnny thinks for a minute and says, "Your feet." The teacher asked him why he thought your feet go to heaven first.
He replied, "Well, I was walking past my parents' bedroom last night and my mom had her feet up in the air and she said, 'Oh God, I'm coming!', but fortunately Dad was on top of her holding her down.
|
No New Posts | 
|
New Posts |
|
Topic is Closed | 
|
Sticky |