Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Arent they just stale bread to begin with?

Why is it that rain drops but snow falls?

He who laughs last probably didnt get the joke.

A bargain: something you cannot use at a price you cannot resist.

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist?

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

What hair color do they put on the drivers licenses of bald men?

 

come on ppl lets tell stories and keep this thing alive

Husband says; "When I'm gone
you'll never find another man
like me".
Wife replied; "What makes you
think I'd want another man like
you!"

 

HERE IS A CLIP OF HOST 2LIPS GOING OFF ON CALLER FOR CALLING HER UGLY. 2LIPS GIVING CALLER ADVICE ON HOW TO KEEP A MAN!!! MI NO RUN MAN!! (THE 2LIPS SHOW) 
-------------------------------
HER NAME IS 2LIPS, AND HER SHOW WILL BE PREMIERING ON 
http://www.livestream.com/collabouncut and on collabomuzik247radio.com 
the name of the show is the 2lips show and she will be giving advice on 
EVERYTHING 404-567-5831 is the call in number so stay tuned for the TIME 
of her show viewings! thanks for all the support go like fb page to stay updated on show-times www.facebook.com/collabouncut

-- Edited by Cobra93 on Thursday 19th of January 2012 10:27:52 PM

YOW DEH ONE YAH MAD SPOOGY ALL A BAWL

 

DOWNLOAD VIA MEDIAFIRE

Winston, the Jamaican is on 'Who wants to be a Millionaire'; and has reached the $1 million question.

Meredith Veira says, 'Winston, this is for $1 million, and remember, you still have two lifelines left, so please take your time.


Here's your question: What type of animal lives in a Sett?' 'Is it:
A) Badger
B) Ferret
C) Mole
D) Cuckoo?'

Winston ponders for a while and says, 'Backside Meridith, mi not sure; gi mi di 50-50.'


Right, Winston, let's take away two wrong answers and see what you're left with.
"Badger" and"Cuckoo" are the two remaining answers.

Winston has a long think, then scratches his head and says, 'Blouse an' Skirt Meridith, mi still nuh know, mek mi phone mi island bredren.'


'So who are you going to call?' says Meridith.

'Hmmm, Ah tink I'll call Selwyn in Mandeville, Jamaica .'


So Meredith phones Selwyn in Mandeville.
'Selwyn, this is Meredith Veira from "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire". I've got Winston here, and with your help he could win $1 million. The next voice you hear will be Winston.'

'Wha gwaan Selwyn? Weh mi money deh...? Anyway, ansa dis an we quits.
What type ah hanimal mek im yard in a sett? Is a badger or a cuckoo? '
'Is a badger, man.' says Selwyn without hesitation.
'You sure, bwoy?'
'Definite. Wanundred purcent. Abadger. Definitely.'

'Right, tank yu man.'
'I'll go wit di eediat bwoy Selwyn. The answer is a badger.'

'Final answer, Winston?'

'Yeh mon, Meridith, final answer.'

'That's the correct answer. You've won $1 million!'

Wild celebration.........s.

Next morning Winston calls up Selwyn: 'Bredren dat was a sum ansa laas night bwoy, yuh cumgood! How you did know sey badger yard is a sett?'
'Me nevah know', replies Selwyn, 'but everybaddy know cuckoo live inna clock!'

http://youtu.be/YMIw82pX4mA

THANX GOES OUT TO
DJ CHUX-EFFECTS & AUDIO EDIT
ZONE PIRU
KONVICT
GAMEPUN


-- Edited by KrYsIs on Sunday 4th of July 2010 07:54:04 PM

-- Edited by KrYsIs on Sunday 4th of July 2010 07:55:03 PM

WHICH ONE A DEM COVER HERE LOOK THE BEST?????

 

http://i39.tinypic.com/25k2br4.jpg BY: CJ KING

http://i42.tinypic.com/11kuvyc.jpg BY: DJ RUSSIAN

http://i40.tinypic.com/30ljkvd.jpg BY: KEZ876

http://i44.tinypic.com/m7kgn.jpg BY: JWONDER

http://i41.tinypic.com/k523ic.jpg BY: JWONDER

-- Edited by Dj KoolKidd on Friday 9th of December 2011 10:52:55 AM

 

Brad Pitt

 

Tiger Woods

Taylor Swift 

Lady Gaga 

Halle Berry 

 

Rihanna

 

Snooki

Britney Spears

Michelle Obama 

Busta Rhymes 

 

http://youtu.be/k5VGH18JS_4

   

 

 

MAD THING

A stranger was seated next to a little black girl on the airplane when

the stranger turned to her and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that 
flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow 
passenger."

The little girl, who had just opened her coloring book, closed it 
slowly and said to the stranger, "What would you like to talk about?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the stranger.

"Since you are a Negro, do you think that so-called President Elect Barak Obama is qualified for the job?," and he smiles.

 "OK," she said. 'That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask 
you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same 
stuff - g.r.a.s.s. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns 
out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried g.r.a.s.s. Why do
you suppose that is?"

The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence,
thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea." To which the little 
girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss President Barak
Obama when you don't know s-h-i-t?"

-- Edited by I-CO on Tuesday 8th of November 2011 01:30:22 PM

A bus stopped to pick up an old lady at a bus stop. By the time the bus drove off the conductor saw that she did not get a seat so he shouted .... "grandma u hole tight?" .. the old lady replied..... betta dan u mumma own!!

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters

that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
____________________________________________


ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________


ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you %&%*ting me?
_________________________________________
(My Favorite)
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________
(Another favorite)
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them... The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral...
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________


And last: Well OK, this is the best)
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for *la*hd pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.   

An American Airlines plane crashed and broke in two after landing at the Norman Manley International Airport in Kingston a short while ago. The aircraft carried over 145 passengers and crew most of them Jamaicans returning home. Boardlane TV news was on site to interview some of the passengers that were able to speak to us about the events that took place after the crash.

Boardlane TV: Hi sir could you could you give us a moment and tell us how are you feeling and what happened when you realized your flight crashed?

Lincoln: Lady mi sey a Jah save wi cause a di back mi dey u noh Miss and all of a sudden mi si di miggle a di plane hice up ina di air and a dat time mi si di rahtid sinting bruck ina 2. Mi all si wan suitcase drap outta di ova head bin sinting and lick out wan white man flat a grung. Im mite ina di plane still kunk out an cyan git up cause everybody tep ova im ... man an woman a try cum out before di plane boom up!

Boardlane TV : No one stopped to assist the injured man?

Lincoln: Look yah lady! when plane boom flick pan dry land is all about survival yuh no seeit. Every man fi dem self cause yuh noh know if all a nex suitcase a goh shoot out fram di ova head sinting an lick yuh out.. Trus mi!

Boardlane TV : Ok sir thanks very much and glad you are Ok.. Miss Over here. Can you tell us how you feel and give us some insights on what took place on your flight?

Matilda: Glorry Glorry... I sey Glorrrrrreeeeeeee!! Lady a cyan talk ... Sweeet Jesas. A nearly si di coming of mi Creata an mi nat even a wear desent drawz.. I sey Glorrrrrreeeeeeee!! Alli-jullaaa!!! 

Boardlane TV: Ok Mam thanks. Hi Miss over here Boardlane TV here. Can you tell us what happened on your flight as it was landing?

Millicent: Dat Razzklaat Pilot noh know wey di b**** c**t im a do.. Im nearly kill aff di whole a wi ina di big Chrismus haliday yah ..a fly di Bummbleet plane like im a deh pan Jet Ski pan di tarmac. A waan smaddy buss im c**t an sen im back a Flying school.. Dung to mi lickle 9 yr ole yout cyan lan kite betta dan how dat suckka lan dis big ole b**** c**t plane.. cho *la*hd Kleet .. come outta mi way yah man. 

Boardlane TV: Oookk?? Clearly she is upset with the pilot and understandably so. Let's see .. Little one can you come over here and talk with us..How are you doing? 

Celine: Mi cyan fine mi mummy. Yuh si har fi mi? 

Boardlane TV: No but maybe you can describe her and we can get some help for you.

Celine: Mi mummy have wan big <<soh>> an wear wan Burgundy head weave..an har finga nail dem have Chrismuss tree paint pan dem.. When di plane crash shi tek aff an run wey lef mi... like shi figat sey shi have pickney pan di plane wid har.. Dats how shi behave when har head tek har yuh noh mam ..shi noh memba nutten bout mi. 

Boardlane TV : Oh no. Go to the officer and find some help. Be safe. Let's get one more comment from this gentleman. Hi sir do you care to comment on the incident that just took place?

Percy: Sure I would loves to comments Miss Lady. I and my mistress was in the bock aff di plane han was very hestinguished when wi realize dot di plane do nat landed good pan di runaway. So I jess tell di mistress to pick up di suitcase dem han faller backa me.

Boardlane TV : You made her carry both suitcases by herself?

Percy : What mek yuh hosk? Yuh noh si how shi strapping an have trang back? A wan cow dis yuh noh lady! Anyways hofta shi falla backs a me, wi truck aff troo di side exit door an landed ina wan whole heapa gravel. Si, hall my helbow chip up fram di rackstone dem an yuh si mi mistress nat even get a scrotch how shi tough. Dats why mi loves her so. A very trong women dis. Wi aroight dowes.. just wont to find a batroom now fi change mi brief. Mi cyan stay ina di pee-pee no longer.

Boardlane TV : Ok Sir God bless you and the mistress. Well ladies and gentlemen there you have it. A very lucky set of passengers given the seriousness of the accident.We will have more comments from passengers as they get sorted out.

Boardlane TV: We are now back on the air speaking with a few more of the passengers from flight 331. Mister can you step over here and have a chat with us. How are you doing.. you look a little shaken up?

Trevor : Bwoy I neva experience anyting like dis ina my life sistren. A lissen mi a lissen to some trune pan mi Ipod an feel di plane a skid wey to blurtnaught. Di betern nex to mi look out a di window an start bawl out sey wi ago drap ina sea wata to birdbeak!. Lady mi start pray unto Jah cause I man cyan swim a lick an plus mi all hear sey nuff Alligator ina di sea.

Boardlane TV: Alligators in the sea sir? Where have you heard such a thing? That's not true.

Trevor : Yuh a fool man .. Alligata ina di sea mi sey. Nuff time mi si dem lie dung pan di banking when mi a fly out.. soh mi noh know wey yuh a chat sey. If wid di crash ina di sea an hear sey Alligata nyam up all a wi wey yuh woulda sey eeh? How unu can behave like a ongle unu wan have educatian soh? Tek man fi fool an illeterate.. GO WEY!!

Boardlane TV: Ok. Clearly that is a very misguided passenger but we are glad he wasn't eaten by Alligators nonetheless. Looks like another shaken passenger heading our way. Over here sir. Can you tell us what this experience was like for you?

Neville: Ioyoo cyooon taalkk naw iss.. mknot a ood hime 

Boardlane TV: Sir what are saying? I'm sorry we can't hear you so good. Repeat that.

Neville's Daughter: Sarry lady.. Papa cyan talk to yah now...im false teet fly outta im mout when im head lick up pan di seat. Nat a soul cyan fine di teet all now. Gad eeh know how dis man a goh nyam im Chrismuss dinna now widout eny o di teet. Lawd a mercy pan wi Pupa Jesas!

Boardlane TV: Ok Sorry to hear that. Well let's hope he will have a Merry Christmas despite his missing teeth. God bless you. Hi Hi young man come and talk to us over here. What's going through you mind after going through what just occurred? 

Rorie: Yuh really waan know what a goh troo my mine sistren? Is a spliff I waan bun yuh noh seeit.. jah rastafari know. Dem kina ting wi mash up yuh nerval system when rasta dey pan plane an it bruck up wid yuh ina it yuh noh seeit . Mi teet dem noh tap rakkle fram mi lef outta di plane. I man need a weefah fi calm I nerves but di *la*hdseed police bway dem a walk roun wid di sniffa daag dem sed speed mek I man cyan draw fi di good herb. **Chaaaaa** Easy yaah mi sistren .. I an I ago get ouuta dis Babylon cage...zeen? More time!

Boardlane TV: Ok we have time for just one more passenger .. Looks like this lady is one of the more injured. Lets see what she has to say.. Sppptttt can you share with Boadlane TV how you got your injuries?

Silvia: Noh wan bway push mi dung a try race mi outta di plane mam. Mi sey dem noh have no mannas unoh lady. Imagine dis American Airlines likle punk fling mi dung ina fuss class an kick mi ina mi side when a jump ova mi.. Mi sey if a neva fi mi artritis ina mi right han ah wudda tump im dung if a eva si im bout yah. Look how mi frack dutty up like mi naah come fram nohweh! 

Boardlane TV: Wait a minute you said he was an American Airline person?

Silvia: Yes lady! A wan a di Hair hostess bway do mi soh .. All yuh hear dem a chat bout lef plane ardaly in case of emergency dem a di fuss wan a bulldoza yuh when plane crash. Dem is jus like dem dam hooligan yuh si a stage show. Dam set a viragro dem ..Lady dem only ina di stoosh unifarm like dem desent but dem noh betta dan di hag dem yuh si ina pig style. Dutty Jankro dem!

Boardlane TV: Very interesting. Well there you have it folks. A very traumatic day for the passengers as you have you heard. We wish all a pleasant evening and thanks for tuning in to Boardlane TV.

One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me.

I was maybe 2 1/2 years old and had just recovered from an accident.

Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a get-well gift and it was one of my favorite toys.

Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea', which was just water.
After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home.

My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!' My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up.

Then she says, (as only a mother would know... )

'Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?

  MAD

I'M NOT SURE IF THIS IS IN THE RITE PLACE BUT I JUS HAD TO SHARE THIS.........CAN'T BELVE THIS IS REAL.....

 

 

 

SO LEAVE YOU PPL WITH A LITTLE INSIGHT.............

[video=]

-- Edited by THUGG on hursday 28th of July 2011 10:08:30 PM

-- Edited by THUGG on Thursday 28th of July 2011 10:11:07 PM

One night, a drunk comes stumbling into a bar and says to the bartender: Drinks for all on me including you, bartender. So the bartender follows the mans orders and says: That will be $36.50 please. The drunk says he has no money so the bartender slaps him around and throws him out.

The next night the same drunk comes in again and orders a drink for everyone in the bar including the bartender. Again the bartender follows instructions and again the drunk says he has no money. So the bartender slaps him around and throws him out.

On the third night he comes in, the drunk orders drinks for all except the bartender. What, no drink for me? replies the bartender. Oh, no. You get violent when you drink.

ANNU HIM SAY "WHEN SHOTTA GO AH JAIL, WE NUH EMPTY NO ****. PAIL"??? HIM HAFFI GUH EMPTY DI ****. PAIL NOW!!!!! LOL!!

-- Edited by djgemini31 on Tuesday 4th of October 2011 11:58:10 AM

WORST TATTOO CUSTOMER EVER REMIX

http://adf.ly/34YQl

There was a man who worked all of his life and saved all of his money. He was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved money more than just about anything, and just before he died, he said to his wife, "Now listen, when I die, I want you to take all my money and place it in the casket with me. I wanna take my money to the afterlife."
So he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died, she would put all the money in the casket with him.
Well, one day he died. He was stretched out in the casket, the wife was sitting there in black next to her closest friend. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said "Wait just a minute!"
She had a shoe box with her, she came over with the box and placed it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down and rolled it away. Her friend said, "I hope you weren't crazy enough to put all that money in the casket."
"Yes," the wife said, "I promised. I'm a good Christian, I can't lie. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him."
"You mean to tell me you put every cent of his money in the casket with him?"
"I sure did. I got it all together, put it into my account and I wrote him a check."

 

Movies Online
download movies
download animation

-- Edited by I-CO on Saturday 24th of September 2011 10:59:33 PM

I HAD A PIC BUT DEM SEH WAT HAPPEN IN MZJA BBM STAYS IN MZJA BBM :)

JST GWAAN PRE VID

 

-- Edited by Dj Stewie on Tuesday 20th of September 2011 09:29:00 PM

Johnny's Mother looked out the window and noticed him "playing church" with their cat.

He had the cat sitting quietly and he was preaching to it. She smiled and went about her work. A while later she heard loud meowing and hissing and ran back To the open window to see Johnny baptizing the cat in a tub of water.

She called out, "Johnny, stop that! The cat is afraid of water!"

Johnny looked up at her and said, "He should have thought about that before he joined my church."

 

  me woulda kill him ****:

One day, a man was sitting in his office on the 19th floor of a building when a man came running in to his office and shouted, "John, your daughter, Anna just died in an accident right opposite this building". The gentleman was in panic. Not knowing what to do, he jumped out through his office window. While coming down, when he was near the 14th floor, he remembered he does not have a daughter named Anna. When he was near the 7th floor, he remembered he was not married yet. When he was about to hit the ground, he remembered he was not John!