Forum: Big People Lounge
THE SEXIEST CELEBRITY BIKINI PICTURES OF 2010----WHICH FEMALE DO U LIKE THE MOST & WHO IS THE SEXIEST??-----------KrYsIs
AMBER ROSE
KATEY PERRY
HOLLY MADISON
RIHANNA
COCO (ICE-T WIFE)
KELLY BROOKE
MEGAN FOX
LIZ PARADA
HALLE BERRY
WILL he or won't he? Many women have been driving themselves crazy wondering if the love of their lives could actually be thinking of cheating. While there are no foolproof ways to tell, the quiz below may help you see just where your man stands when it comes to the cheating game.
1. When he takes you to a restaurant...
a. His eyes follow every attractive woman that walks in
b. He only has eyes for you
c. If she is really looking sexy, his attention strays
2. When you broach the topic of going away for the weekend...
a. He is very supportive
b. He seems reluctant to have you out of his sight
c. He tells you he is going to miss you, and says you should hurry back
3. When he is going to the bathroom...
a. He ensures he has his cellphone with him
b. He leaves it on the bed or in plain view
c. He turns it off and puts it on charge
4. When you want to get close to him in the romance department, he...
a. Tells you he is not in the mood
b. Is just as amorous as you
c. Makes a half-hearted attempt to satisfy you
5. Lately you have been noticing that...
a. He is very keen on the latest styles
b. You have to push him to get with it regarding the latest trends
c. He is constantly checking himself in the mirror
6. When it comes to his job...
a. He keeps getting home later and later
b. He maintains his usual hours, but calls if he going to be late
c. He gets home at varying times
How you score:
Mostly A's:
Watch it, you could have a potential cheater on your hands. Pull in the reins from now, you wouldn't want this to get out of hand, would you?
Mostly B's:
Your man is happy on the home front, but don't get too complacent and take him for granted. You have got one of the good ones baby, so treat him like a king!
Mostly C's:
He is on the borderline. He could break out or pull up his socks. Why don't you swing things completely in your favour by giving him more reasons to stick closer to the home front.
DO you know that there are things you can do to prevent your man from cheating or even thinking about another woman?
Read on:
1. Keep your sex life active: Have a lot of sex. Men love sex and that is one of the main reasons for cheating. If you can't have sex as often, then introduce the 'teaser'. For example, if you are watching a movie together, allow yourself to get a little freaky, rub your palms along his crotch and gently massage. In no time you will have turned him on. Or the next time you're kissing him hello or goodbye, give him a little more than a peck on the lips... give him some tongue.
2. Add variety to your sex life: If you have a timetable as to which days of the week you will have sex, get rid of it! Be spontaneous and willing to suggest and try new styles. Routine makes it boring and less appealing. Do it in a different room or outdoors, buy something naughty to wear, or invest in edibles. Otherwise, he will get bored and seek adventure with someone else.
3. Fulfil his greatest fantasies: Ask him what his deepest fantasies are and if it does not go against your morals, indulge him. This will make him more relaxed with you and give him reasons to trust and stay with you. Also, tell him what yours are and take a shot at it together.
4. Take interest in his life: Without being overbearing, participate in his life -- work, friends, family, sports, etc. If he feels disconnected from you, he may be more likely to find someone he can connect to, which often leads to cheating.
5. Do not nag: Men hate nags! So much so that they will see their homes and don't want to go there. Always remember that a soft answer turneth away wrath. If you constantly accuse him of cheating, even if he may not be, he'll start. He'll figure that if you think he is cheating, even though he isn't, he might as well cheat. Why take the blame and not play the game?
6. Communicate with him: Be sure that you are communicating with him about everything. However, never say "we need to talk"; this will cause him to be anxious and defensive and you won't get anywhere. What you want to do is launch into the conversation by asking him what he thinks about whatever it is that is on your mind, or telling him how you feel about something he may have done. Always maintain open communication.
7. Forgive quickly: Again, 'don't let the sun go down on your wrath', and once you have discussed and forgiven him for whatever he did wrong -- no matter what it is, do not keep repeating it. Guilt can drive him into another woman's arms.
8. Dress for him: While you may feel comfortable after living with him for years, never get slack in the way you dress at home. Those long unattractive T-shirts, hair in rollers or covered with head ties just won't do. Remember what attracted him to you in the first place and maintain that look.
SOURCE: JAMAICAOBSERVER.COM
Disclaimer: Views expressed are that of the author, and do not necessarily reflect my personal opinion
WHILE psychologists can theorise ad nauseam about why men cheat, the men who do it claim they have simple reasons two of which are outlined below.
Lawson S, 30 years old:
When I was about 20, my father looked at me and told me one thing 'one vagina will kill penis unless yuh married'. That was it for me. I believed him because he was my father and I never wanted my penis to die. He also told me that when you're married, you should have sex six days and pause on the seventh day. I really believed it.
I am now married but my wife and I lived together two years before we got married and during that time I used to cheat like crazy, because I always remembered what my father told me.
I was never out of sex partners, never. At one time, I had four women. I don't cheat now still. And I no longer believe what my father told me. I am still a flirter but that is just to see how sharp I am, if the razor is still there, because if you lose you edge outta road, you lose it with you wife. But that is as far as I go now still.
Dave D, 42 years old:
Mi a cheat from mi born man! Me and my baby mother live together for about 19 years and I can't count the number of times I have cheated during that time. From creation man cheat. King cheat on them queen. So it's nothing new.
I am a policeman and girls just see you on the streets and just throw themselves at you and you haffi take it or they will brand you as a gay man. And I don't want anybody to call me gay.
If you check the levels, men just have sex for pleasure while women have sex with emotions. If she don't love you, she won't give you. But men in general just love sex.
My girlfriend catch me a couple of time, yes, so she knows I am a cheater. Nuff time she 'lock shop because she find out that I am cheating. When I am dealing with a girl, I always tell them that I live with my baby mother, straight up. Boy, maybe is some psychology why men cheat. I can't even explain it. They say sin sweet, so I guess is that. But differently still, everyday you see a prettier girl.
IT is a truth universally acknowledged that women are experts when it comes to lying. And when a woman lies, it is near impossible to figure out the truth. It is also generally believed that while men will get caught in a lie easily, many women will not, usually, simply because they know how to cover their tracks.
It all leaves men guessing and wondering what is really the truth when it comes to their women. Counselling psychologist Faith St Catherine said women lie for a number of reasons, but mainly because of fear, and because they see where they can gain something from the lie.
"Fear is the main reason persons lie," St Catherine said. "Especially if they are afraid of the person and what the punishment will be. Adults will lie because of fear of what will happen."
Why do women lie? Below, some women explain.
1. To keep the relationship going. She will lie about whatever she believes will keep the man happy enough to stay with her. "Whether it's minor things like liking sports too, or something major like the number of partners she has had, it's all in an effort to make him believe that she's more of what he's looking for," Tania C said. "By the time he realises that she's been duping him, they may already be married, or be tied together by kids."
2. To spare the man's feelings. "No matter how macho your man acts, deep down he's still a little boy wanting reassurance," Maya said. "So a woman will lie about the effect a man's deed -- like his sexual prowess -- has on her, so he doesn't feel bad." A woman may tell a man that he's good in bed, or is the best lover she ever had, when in fact he isn't.
3. About having an orgasm. "This is one of the most common lies, and one of the ones that men, if smart, should be able to figure out quite easily," Gianna said. "If he's wise he will know that there's little chance that she's going to orgasm by penetrative sex alone, or within seconds of him starting foreplay. So if a man asks 'did you come?' within five minutes of sex, what does he really expect you to say? If you like him you'll say 'sure' and inwardly roll your eyes." Some women will lie about having an orgasm, and faking it to the point where it is impossible for the man to see through the moaning and groaning. In fact, a survey conducted by That's Life magazine in the United States found that nearly half (46 per cent) of women fake orgasms and more than half (55 per cent) claimed they were tired, had a headache, or felt ill to get out of lovemaking.
4. About being in love. Women will lie about being in love with a man if he can make her financially comfortable, knowing full well she is in it for what she can get from him. The affection she showers on him will be the icing on the cake in making him believe she really is madly in love. "This is what you call a convenient lie," Michelle said. "'Cause God forbid, the man has to know that she's most times faking. How dumb could he be? But I know that for many men, perception of devotion is good enough for them, as long as you do their bidding."
5. About the number of partners she's had. Women will lie about this, especially if this number goes over five. "And that is why men should never ask," Jheannelle said. "What you don't know won't hurt you. A bit of advice, if she tells you two, and two seems a bit odd to you, especially if she had six serious boyfriends, you do the math!"
REVENGE.
You think it's the only way to get back at him, to let him get a taste of the maddening hurt and betrayal you have been feeling. His male friend, associate or even his cousin are all good candidates to play the part of the 'other guy'.
Is what's good for the goose, good for the gander?
Actually, no. According to counselling psychologist Faith St Catherine, you might be setting yourself up for more trouble than it is worth and rather 'jumping out of the fire and into the frying pan'.
"I am a firm believer that two wrongs do not make a right," St Catherine said. "If there is a problem and you want to correct it, don't correct it in a way that is going to make more problems for you."
She said a woman cheating on her man because he cheated on her will undoubtedly cause repercussions. She noted that there will be other people involved who might get hurt as well, because if there are children, they too might be negatively affected.
"If you have a relationship with someone just to get back at somebody, what happens to the person you are having that relationship with? Is it fair to the person to enter into a relationship because you want to get back at somebody else?" St Catherine said.
She noted that people should get into relationships because they are attracted to each other, and because the relationship will be mutually beneficial to both parties.
Repeatedly, St Catherine reminds women that they cannot solve a problem by creating a problem, emphasising the importance of maintaining one's self-respect.
"When you are in that state, you are upset, you are angry and very vulnerable, so you may jump in the arms of somebody you really don't want to be with and then you have a whole set of problems coming," she said..
Disclaimer: Views expressed are that of the author, and do not necessarily reflect my personal opinion
MEN IN THE ZONE WHICH TYPE OF GIRL U THINK CAN RIDE THE BEST
-- Edited by konvict01 on Sunday 17th of May 2009 12:41:58 PM
FROM THESE PICS WHO DO YOU RATE HER LOOKS NOW?
I GIVE HER A 5/10....
WHAT ABOUT YOU?
-- Edited by t0nisw33tz on Monday 2nd of August 2010 05:07:24 AM
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-- Edited by *~*Linkz Diva Appz*~* on Monday 2nd of August 2010 05:52:05 AM
WHEN All Woman cornered 10 men last week in an effort to find out the most treasured organ on their bodies, we weren't surprised that eight instantly declared this to be their penises. One said his organ was his brain, since if his penis should stop functioning, he wouldn't survive; another was unable to decide, but felt the penis would be high on his 'most important' list.
Many men have declared that if they should suffer from erectile dysfunction, it would be better that they were dead as they would be of no use to themselves or to women.
It was also universally acknowledged that even if their organs were two inches long and functional, it was better than having large ones that were not.
While there is still the unresolved issue of the importance of penis size, Dr Orlando Thomas, general practitioner, said the average penis size is five inches flaccid, six inches erect, and the typical girth or circumference is approximately 4.85 inches when fully erect.
"That is what has been scientifically documented. But the size varies across race," he said. "Example, Chinese men [have been reported to be] on the lower end with black men on the higher end."
A number of women, as well as men, feel that the bigger the penis, the more pleasure it will bring during intercourse, thus men with less-than-average sized organs are left embar****ed and even depressed, while those with large penises will boast about their prowess.
However, an experiment conducted in the United States where a prostitute was blindfolded and allowed to have intercourse with four men, whose organs ranged from two to eight inches found that at the end, the woman could not tell the difference in penis sizes. They all had the same effect.
All about size
Sex therapist Dr Sidney McGill said the size of a man's penis matters only if his partner has had prior experiences with multiple sexual partners of various penis sizes, and if pleasure is associated with size.
"Size is only one aspect of sexual fulfilment and it alone does not guarantee sexual satisfaction," he said. "Vaginal stimulation, via penile thrusting, is only one form of stimulation. Most women reach their orgasm by direct stimulation of the clitoris, in other words, sexual knowledge and performance plays a much greater role than penis size."
According to sex researchers, the most sensitive areas of the female genitals include the vulva, clitoris and the section of the vagina closest to the outside of a woman's body.
We note that the vagina is only about four inches long, and even a small penis can touch every square centimetre within the vagina. The secret to pleasing and impressing a woman sexually has nothing to do with penis size. Instead, concentrate on the movements and rhythms of your thrusts. Most women will agree that penis size is not enough to please them. Men should therefore concentrate on their technique.
The long, short and thin of it
There are many different types of penises some men are long and thin, while others are wide and short, and some are both long and large.
It is generally agreed among women that thicker is better, regardless of length. Those men with very thin ones are advised to employ other techniques.
Then there is the matter of the circumcised and uncircumcised penis.
According to sex therapists, when it comes to intercourse, whether he is circumcised or uncircumcised, does not make a difference. It will only be a factor depending on what his partner is accustomed to seeing. Whether or not the man is circumcised makes very little difference since most of the pleasure women experience during sex is due to three things - the woman's level of sexual arousal; the man's sexual technique and skill; and her emotional connection with the man.
SUMMER has officially started and the days and nights are about to get really hot. If you're to take the advice given by the men below, things will get hot both indoors and outdoors.
The men have spoken, and the overwhelming response is that they're wanting you to do their bidding and turn the heat up a few notches. What will get your man hot this summer? Read on. It's advice straight from the horses' mouths...
1. Tell him exactly what you want. "It doesn't make sense if she is lying there hissing her teeth after you move from one spot to the next, and she's not telling you to continue doing what you were doing because she liked it. We are not mind readers!" one man said.
2. Be more vocal. "While you don't need to yell and use curse words, showing your pleasure with little sounds will give him great pleasure and boost his self confidence," said another.
3. Be adventurous. "Experiment. Tie yourself to the bed in lingerie and wait until I come home," another man said.
4. Be spontaneous. "We should be able to stop at the side of the road and have sex. It should not be something for a particular place or time. I should be able to wake up in the middle of the night and spin her around and she's ready! We don't always want to go through the whole foreplay thing," said one fellow. "Sometimes we want spontaneity."
5. Sex in the water. "Nothing beats sex at the beach or in the pool, especially now that it is summer! Yes man, yes in the water!" one believer declared. "And," said another, "If you're not near the beach or a pool, the bathtub will do just fine."
6. Look sexy for him. Said one man: "Put on something sexy for bed and for wearing in the house. A simple towel will do. Why overdo it? We are only going to strip you naked anyway!"
7. Compromise. "Even if you don't feel like having sex, you should do it anyway, simply because he wants to," one man said.
8. Walk with condoms. "Women should walk with condoms, too; the men may not always have them. This is good especially since, then, we can have sex anywhere at any time!"
9. Learn to put on the condom. "Know how to put on the condom so you, too, can do the pop and roll action. Pop-it-out of the pack and roll it on," one man said. Another agreed, stating that when she helps it makes protection "even more fun".
10. Be as exciting as you want him to be. "With this, there is no chance of anyone crying of boredom," said another man.
11. Love him, too. "Men need foreplay, too. Don't forget that foreplay is just as exciting for men as it is for women," said one sage.
WHEN a relationship ends in divorce, you often hear one partner exclaiming that he/she had no idea things would have turned out that way. Really and truly though, relationships don't just go sour overnight, there are normally tell-tale signs that scream that something is not right. Some people ignore these signs, hoping they will just go away, while others are too busy to even notice them. Couples should take the time to examine what they are doing right and look for ways to improve those things that they are not.
If you ignore the signs, you should never point fingers or blame anyone if things don't work out your way. Here are eight signs to identify a rocky relationship.
Sign # 1 Communication is minimal: If you find that you are only exchanging words about the weather, the children, the house, or if you are just saying hi and bye, or yes and no, then your relationship could be in big trouble. It doesn't matter how long you have been together, you should be engaging in regular communication. You should be talking about your hopes and dreams, your joys and sorrows and everything else in-between.
Sign # 2 When sex is by appointment only: Some may feel that because they are still engaging in sexual activities then all is well; this is not necessarily true. Remember that some people will have sex only out of a sense of duty, no motion, no lotion, or anything of the sort. Mark you, it is a couple's prerogative to choose sex by appointment, but eyebrows should be raised if that's their only method.
Sign # 3 Constant threat of divorce: For those who are married, it is wrong to keep on threatening your spouse with divorce as soon as you are displeased. When you consistently entertain the thoughts of divorce, it will easily become a reality. Constant mention of divorce can suggest that you are unhappy, dissatisfied, or disappointed and you want out. Do not even joke about divorce, because it is a negative word and it can have negative connotations.
Sign # 4 Talking down to each other: When you are downright disrespectful, that is one sure sign that your relationship is heading in the wrong direction. Watch your words, and let only the pleasant ones escape your lips. Talking down to each other should be a definite no-no.
Sign # 5 Consistent arguing: Have you ever noticed how some couples are always arguing? Everything that one says offends the other? Couples who secretly resent each other may not verbalise their true feelings but sometimes, unbeknownst to them, it shows up when they are relating one to another.
Sign # 6 Lack of trust: Regardless of what might have happened in the past, couples must find ways to restore the trust factor because it is a foregone conclusion that lack of trust is a root cause of breakdown in many relationships. I can almost hear you saying it is not that easy, but never fail to try and keep on looking on the bright side.
Sign # 7 Plans only for self: Single people tend to think 'I', while married people normally think 'we'. Therefore, when things are not going right in the relationship, one partner may even subconsciously revert to the 'I' way of thinking.
Sign # 8 Your spouse is not your friend: Lots of family therapists will tell you that your partner should be your best friend and I agree that this is the ideal. However, this might be easier said than done. If this is not your case, continue to work at it. If your spouse is not your friend, not even in a minute way, then it will only be a matter of time before your relationship ends.
Remember that your relationship is like a plant, treat it well and it will blossom and flourish to beautify your surroundings, but leave it unattended and uncared for and it withers and dies. A plant that is on the verge of death can be restored to life with proper care. Likewise, a relationship that is on the rocky road can be revived, if you are aware of what to look for and how to make the appropriate amendments.
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-- Edited by dark_law on Wednesday 12th of May 2010 11:04:36 AM
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Are you a b!$%h?
Some friends were sitting at the bar talking about their professions.
The first guy says 'I'm a Y.U.P.P.I.E., you know...
Young, Urban, Professional, Peaceful, Intelligent, Ecologist'
The second guy says 'I'm a D.I.N.K., you know...
Double Income, No Kids.'
The third guy says, 'I'm a R.U.B. you know...
Rich, Urban, Biker.'
They turn to the woman and ask her,
'What are you?''
She replies: 'I'm a W.I.F.E, you know...
Wash, Iron, Fetch, Etc.'
A second gal answers their question before they even ask it, 'B.I.T.C.H.'
What exactly is a b!$%h?!? they ask in unison.
'Babe In Total Control of Herself.'
So ladies, next time somebody calls you a 'b!$%h' smile
and say 'Thank You!'
Age: 28 ----- Measurements: 32-26-38 ----- Birthplace: Alexander City, AL
Location: Atlanta, GA ----- Hair Color: Black ----- Eye Color: Brown ---- Height: 5'6
KSYN More Than Just Fame & Beauty
KSYN pronounced Kay-Sin, is no stranger to the stage. She has been modeling for a little over 4 years, and dancing since the age of 5. Born and raised in the Bronx, this bombshell stands at 5'7",134lbs with measurements of 32-26-39.With piercing eyes, a radiant smile, and legs to die for - Ksyn has surly begun to climb her way to the top.
Ecstasy Model Ms.Foxy on her way to stardom
My model name is Ms.Foxy and I'm from Tuscaloosa Alabama where I was born and raised. At this moment I'm going to school for Early Childhood Education - My main focus for this year is to help make the future brighter for our little ones.
Whenever I have free time, I like to hang out with my friends and hit the hottest spots we can find. I have been modeling for a long time but I'm just now getting the exposure I need. I have a passion for wearing the hottest clothes and looking like the diva I was born to be.
Sexy Vanna Black - AFFECTIONATE
As I am a smooth,elegant and generally relaxed lady. I enjoy going to nice restaurants, going for walks and INDEED shopping, nonetheless I really just love talking and hanging out together with my chosen partner. My love for listening and learning makes me particularly interested in being with a gentleman who has a completely and very different life than my own.. I WAS FEATURED IN KINGS.
FEATURED IN THE OCT AT MODELS@OFFICIALVIXENS.NET
FEATURED IN THE AUG ISSUE OF WWS MAGAZINE.
LOOK FOR ME IN JAN 2008 TO BE FEATURED IN HARDHITTERS ILLUSTRATED MAGAZINE!!.
CHECK ME OUT AT SUMMERBUNNIES.COM.
CHECK ME AT WONDERTESS.NET!!!! CHECK OUT THE SITE CAUSE IT'S HOTTT BABY!!!!
As far as my personality I am a very AFFECTIONATE, strong,aggressive, assertive, AFFECTIONATE, knowledgeable, AFFECTIONATE, kind, considerate, AFFECTIONATE, thoughtful, sincere, honest, caring, emotional, AFFECTIONATE, tender, trustworthy, AFFECTIONATE person. I hope that you understand that affection is VERY important to me. I am not a big fan of rudeness or vulgarity; I like to conduct myself with a certain amount of class and tasteMake way for the sexy Lady Nicole A.K.A. Queen Kong
Make way for the queenQueen Kong that is. Lady Nicole aka Queen Kong was born Lekisha Nicole in Oakland, CA. This multi-talented beauty is the second oldest of four children and the only female child. Being raised in a six person household in Oakland, CA was not an easy task and Lady Nicoles parents struggled together to make ends meet and raise their children. Lady Nicoles father eventually turned to drugs as a way of escape and was absent in most of Lady Nicoles life. Being raised in a now single parent household, Lady Nicole experienced poverty and all the setbacks that come with it. Yet, there was something in Lady Nicole that caused her to persevere against the despair that was around her.
Sexy model Neshelle - doing her thing
Ashley - One of The Gorgeous Morton Sisters Model
Height: 5' 5"
Weight: 110 lbs
Measurements: 34C-24-36
Dress Size: 2
Shoe Size: 7.5
Hair Color: Light Brown
Hair Length: Medium
Eye Color: Brown
Ethnicity: African American
Skin Color: Tan
SOME people believe that for a relationship to work, both parties must have everything in common, and this, for some, also applies to race and colour.
Others are more liberal in their beliefs, and they test the waters outside the race and colour safety zone. Sometimes the experiment works, sometimes it doesn't.
For 19-year-old Tashauna Jones, who's black, the relationship with her 21-year-old Caucasian boyfriend was doomed before it even began.
"For a while it worked out fine," Jones said. She said that he always got along with her friends because he "acted like he was black" and never made them feel inferior.
"But I guess that was one of the problems, he acted that way so he could fit in to make me comfortable, so he wasn't being himself," said Jones, explaining that she did not realise this until her boyfriend decided to introduce her to his mother.
"He was very different around her, and yes, you can say that we act better when we are around our parents, but everything about him just changed. I asked him about it but he just ignored me," Jones said.
The meeting with her boyfriend's mother was the beginning of the end for their relationship, as Jones said that she (the mother) would not leave them alone after that.
"I never understood what she hated about me, until I overheard a conversation between the two of them, with her telling him that he was acting 'ghetto' because he was with me."
They began arguing even more after that comment, Jones telling him that if he loved her he would have stood up for her.
"He laughed and said that the only one that was making it such a big problem was me and that if I didn't like it I should ignore it." Yet she could not ignore it and after constant fights with him, she broke it off.
"I couldn't stay with someone who wouldn't stand up for what I was or who I was, so he had to go. Funny enough, a few months later I saw him one day with a new girl, and would you believe it she was white. I bet his mother is really happy," Jones laughed.
Wendy Phillips, 28, also had an interracial relationship which was put on pause by a third party. Her friends did not approve of her German boyfriend, later turned fiancé, who she met in Jamaica. She said that they would make remarks to him behind her back, or while she was there.
"Some couldn't understand why I would not want to be with a nice Jamaican man, instead of "some white man", while others made comments to him that I was only after his money and that I would leave him as soon as I got tired of him," the black woman said.
She then met opposition when he introduced her to his parents in Germany.
"I swear, as soon as they saw me I could see the look of disgust on their faces. Is like dem write me off then and there. I stayed there for about two weeks and they would never talk to me, then one day there was this big argument between them and him, and that was the end of us."
She found out that his parents had given her fiancé an ultimatum he breaks up with her, or they would cut him out of their will, where he stood to lose a lot of money.
"He chose the money, and kindly bought a plane ticket for me to come back home. To think that I was going to marry him, but I kept the ring though, he never was going to get that back," she said.
But while the relationship did not work out for Jones and Phillips, there are couples who, though they have come under scrutiny, have managed to stay together.
Tamara and Aaron have been together since high school, and now that they are graduating from university, are looking to get married. Aaron, who was born in Jamaica, but has Chinese parents, said that they are giving him a 'warm time' about being with Tamara, especially when he broached the subject of marriage.
"They are not too happy about it, especially the thought of our children. They have threatened me a lot of times that the will disown me if I do not break up with her, but it does not trouble me," he said.
When asked how she manages under the scrutiny, Tamara said that there are times when she becomes depressed over it, but that Aaron constantly supports her and that gives her strength.
"He loves me and I love him, I'm not saying that it doesn't anger me, but I take comfort in the fact that it angers him too and he will always stand by me," she said.
Counselling Psychologist Lola Allen-Jones said that if persons are going to enter in these types of relationships, they will have to know what they are up against, and be prepared for the consequences that await them.
"Once the love is strong they just have to work with each other... however, they have to ensure that it is genuine love and not lust," she said.
She said that it may take time for persons to accept them, but in the end, when these persons see that they love each other, they will come around. She added that there should also be a certain level of maturity between the couple, where they need to communicate with each other in order to deal with the harsh reality that they may find themselves in.
"These relationships can work, but you have to be mature enough. There might be painful moments... but if they can walk through it and know that they understand what each other is going through and support each other, then nothing can stop them," Allen-Jones said.
SO you are in a relationship but you feel like a prisoner as you are unable to socially interact with friends and associates because your spouse is uncomfortable with such association. He/she accuses you of being in a relationship with every passer-by that smiles with you.
Jealousy in the relationship can run the gamut of mere expression of care, to extreme aggression and paranoia. It is certainly fine for one partner to warn his/her spouse about accepting an invitation from an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend who obviously has ulterior motives. It gets real bad, however, when your spouse forbids you to sit at the lunch table with co-workers of the opposite sex and even worse when physical abuse occurs.
What drives such aggressive behaviour?
1. Sometimes the 'once bitten twice shy' adage applies. The jealous spouse may have been in a situation where they were cheated on and so he/she becomes suspicious of all members of the opposite sex who indicate an interest. The new person would have to prove his trustworthiness or he/she would be 'fried in the same oil' as the one before.
2. The jealous individual may suffer from self- esteem issues and so believe that his/her spouse may not find him/her attractive and may want to leave for someone better looking. This low self-esteem may cause this individual to display aggressive behaviour towards his/her spouse as he/she strives to protect the investment (relationship).
3. In some instances one partner may feel a sense of insecurity, especially if the other partner is more educated or earns more money. Men are usually the ones with this problem. In order to establish who wears the pants in the home, they resort to sinister acts like stalking, checking cell phones, calling the lady 24 hours a day, picking up and dropping off even if he has to drive miles to make the trip, etc. There was even a case where the man's jealousy drove him to proceed to examine his partner's body cavity to convince himself that she was not unfaithful to him after she arrived home late from work.
Suggestions for the victim of jealousy
1. Ensure you remain faithful to your spouse and give him/her no reason to doubt your integrity.
2. Be transparent. Share openly with your spouse most if not all aspects of your life. Be willing to disclose your agenda for the day. If someone has indicated interest in you, feel free to share such information with your spouse. It would certainly clear your conscience as you know and your spouse knows that the feeling is not mutual.
3. If your partner is overly possessive and jealous and you are uncomfortable in such a situation, you may need to speak with him/her about your discomfort. A counsellor may be required to help you both deal with the untenable situation.
YOU look at him, but only from afar. His smile, his presence, his mere existence means everything to you and that is when the decision is made. Slowly you step forward, the excitement mounting in your ears, deafening, as well as blinding your senses. 'I love you' is what you will tell him. Then as he comes close, you notice he is not alone, his arms tightly encircle the waist of the woman beside him and he is smiling and showing his love for her... not you.
There comes a time in life when many of us experience unrequited love.
Loving someone deeply and not having those feelings reciprocated can be tough on anyone, but more especially, women. Some try so hard to get the person they love to be interested in them, to the point where it borders on madness.
How can you deal with this kind of love?
If it's obviously a no-go for example if the object of your affection is married, has a girlfriend or wants nothing to do with you, you should, according to the experts:
Step 1
Accept the fact that he doesn't feel the same way about you. If you continue to believe that there is a chance he will eventually love you, you will never move on.
Step 2
Stay positive. Don't let this situation cause you to have bitter feelings toward finding someone who loves you. It will lead you toward becoming a bitter and unhappy person.
Step 3
Get your mind off of him. Spend more time with friends and family, and surround yourself with those who love and care about you.
Step 4
Remind yourself of your good qualities. Just because one person does not love you does not mean you are not a good person. Remind yourself of that as often as necessary.
Step 5
Go out with someone. It may be difficult at first because your heart may still belong to him, but the worst that could happen is that you meet someone you like to hang out with. You never know, you may meet someone you really like who feels the same way about you.
WHAT YOU SHOULD NEVER DO: THE MEN SPEAK
1. Do not try to solicit the help of the mans family and friends to win him over. That is an instant turn-off.
2. Do not try to push the issue, give the man time to think about whether he really wants a relationship with you. Telling him how much you love him and how good you are together will scare him away and pushy women are annoying.
3. Do not buy presents to win over the persons affection, it may insult them.
4. Do not resort to underhanded schemes in order to get to the person. If you do this, he will not be able to trust you, which makes having a relationship with you out of the question.
5. Do not try to change who you are to be someone you think he would appreciate. Be yourself, you may find that maybe the real you is what he is looking for in the first place.
6. Do not be too desperate. For example, stalking him is a big no-no and he is bound to think that you are more crazy than in love with him.
7. If he is in a relationship already, DO NOT threaten his girlfriend and try to break them apart. You are more likely to make him get turned off from you than into you. Instead, you can bide your time, be their friend and support and if it does not work out for them, then take your chance.
8. Finally, if all else fails, respect that he just does not want to be with you and do your best to try and move on. It might be the best thing for you in the end.
Counselling psychologist Lola Allen Jones says that some women will never be able to move past their unrequited love as they will always try to prove that they are worthy. She says this may cause some women to want to harm themselves, becoming self-destructive. She urges women to spend time looking into themselves and be secure in who they are.
You dont have to seek love, love will find you. Work on yourself, accept who you are and be secure in who you are, says Allen-Jones.
WHEN women meet and have their girl talk, one of the things they usually talk about is the pleasure they receive from oral sex, especially if the provider of the service is an expert on oral treatment. Many times, in that group there is one woman who longs for some bedroom excitement. This woman will listen to her girlfriends talk, while itching to share this new-found knowledge with her spouse.
She may, however, be scared to make the approach for fear of being rebuffed.
On the other hand some men may want to try out new positions and venues, but again the fear factor prevents any such approach.
The man may also want to try sex toys as aids in the bedroom, but is hesitant to share this with the other party.
Below are some dos and don'ts in approaching your spouse about the issue.
* Choose the right time and place to discuss your sexual fantasies and desires with your spouse. Let him/her know that you care about the relationship and you want to restore the pleasure.
* Don't approach him/her in a confrontational manner. The aim is not to engage in finger pointing or a blame game but to arrive at compromise to deal effectively with the situation at hand.
* Don't tell him/her that your friends are doing it so you must do it as well. This may not go down well with your partner, worse if your friends are of the opposite sex.
* Neither of you should put undue pressure on the other. Any kind of change will take time, especially if the change involves attitude and behaviour. Be patient.
* You may need to take the initiative and lead the change. Stop talking and just do.
* Don't place any ultimatum on your partner. The "do or die" approach will not get you the desired outcome. If it works, it would be done under duress.
* Don't worry about the rebuffs and the wounded pride. You may be put off on the first attempt but don't give up, try again.
* Buy him/her a book or DVD that speaks to the matters you are too bashful to talk about.
* Don't have your best friend approach your spouse about the shortcomings in your love life. This is private and personal and ought not be the subject of the girl/man talk.
If you try the above and get no positive results, you may need the intervention of a relationship therapist.
Disclaimer: Views expressed are that of the author, and do not necessarily reflect my personal opinion in any way shape or form.
STRESS is the root cause of anxiety and depression. Women are more likely than men to suffer from anxiety and depression. Almost everyone complains about stress and blames it for all the maladies in the world -- from headaches to cancer.
Stress is actually not a thing, it is a response! It refers to our intellectual, emotional and behavioural response to demands made of us by our internal and external environments. The events to which we respond are known as stressors -- so a spouse, financial or work related situations are (potential) stressors.
Everyone experiences stress. However, our individual experiences -- symptoms and coping mechanisms -- will differ. For example, public speaking might completely debilitate one person but be the most empowering activity for another.
Our minds and bodies are intimately connected. When the mind perceives an event as stressful, a cascade of hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline, are released. While this is extremely useful when you need to slam on your brakes to avoid a collision, it can be harmful if these hormones are not "switched off" when the stressful situation is over. Stress hormones flooding the body for days or weeks at a time can wreak havoc on the immune and cardiovascular systems.
Some amount of stress can do us good .Increased stress can result in increased productivity -- up to a point, of course. This is very much like the strings of a violin ---not enough tautness produces a dull, raspy sound. Too much leads to a shrill annoying noise or snapping of the string. Just the right amount, however, produces beautiful music.
Our bodies have a stress response, the "fight or flight" response that is hard-wired into our brains and represents a genetic wisdom designed to protect us from bodily harm. In addition our body is able to calm itself by the release of its own tranquillisers called endorphins.
How women differ from men in their response to stress
Women are socialised to be the caretakers. Many women have a career in addition to traditional household responsibilities. We are often at risk of letting other people's needs determine our limits, while our own needs are ignored. We are more likely to experience physical symptoms of stress than men and often cope with stress in different ways than men.
Women 'tend and befriend', taking care of those closest to them, but also drawing support from friends and family. Men on the other hand, are more likely to have the 'fight or flight' response. They cope by escaping into a relaxing activity or other distraction.
Stress management
The following are some simple ways to manage stress.
* Identify your stressors: Become aware of your reactions to them.
* Don't major in minors: Ask yourself, "In five years, will this matter? Will I even remember this?"
* Control your anger: The next time you find yourself becoming annoyed or angry at something or someone, practice making a conscious choice not to become angry or upset. Respond, do not react.
* Breathe slowly and deeply: Before reacting to the next stressor, take three deep breaths and release them slowly. Inhale through the nostrils, and blow out through the mouth as if you are blowing through a straw.
* Slow down: Whenever you feel overwhelmed by stress, practice speaking more slowly than usual. You will discover that you think more clearly and react more reasonably to stressful situations. Stressed persons tend to speak quickly and breathlessly. By slowing down your speech you will appear less anxious and more in control of any situation.
* Prioritise: Choose one simple thing you have been putting off (eg returning a phone call) and do it immediately. Just taking care of one nagging responsibility can be energising and can improve your attitude.
* Get some fresh air: Get outdoors for a brief break. This can be rejuvenating.
* Avoid hunger and dehydration: Hunger and dehydration can exacerbate feelings of anxiety and stress. Drink plenty of water and eat small, nutritious meals.
* Correct your posture: Bad posture can lead to muscle tension and pain. Hold your head and shoulders upright and avoid stooping or slumping.
* This too shall pass: There are seasons in every life. Your life may be stormy now but storms do not last forever. After a storm, there is calm.
* Take a chill pill: Leisure time must be considered a necessity, not just a reward for doing more work. Personal time for rejuvenation will never be available unless it is planned. Ladies, put aside housework and family concerns for a brief period before bedtime and allow yourself to fully relax.
Remember you can't be all things to all people all of the time. Do not be afraid to ask for help. Avoid taking on too many projects. No is not a bad word.
Demystifying male behaviour - What his body language means
DON'T you just wish there were simple ways that you could tell just what your man is thinking or saying without taking his word for it? Well, since it is believed that people communicate 90 per cent of their intentions through body language, it pays to know a thing or two. We already know that men don't always say what they mean and it is sometimes up to you to figure it out, so this week, All Woman provides some tips on how to demystify that male behaviour and learn just what he's trying to tell you through his body language.
Sex therapist Dr Sidney McGill, who has done studies on body language, while sanctioning the points below, warned however, that differences in body language may mean something different for different persons.
"Many of the tips are actually true most of the time but understanding male behaviour is much more than body language and verbal dialogue. The average Joe Blow who is heterosexist is controlled by his testosterone and socio-cultural views of masculinity. His body language when relating to women is usually predictable. But your own expectations such as "I desperately want a man" or "I'll make him work for his meal" can be communicated to the man who picks up on your subtle energies. Subtle energy seems to contribute to many phenomena not currently explained by conventional science -- phenomena such as heart-based intuition and gut feeling. A friend's advice on his body language, especially if he/she knows him, can help to confirm or disconfirm your ideas on his body language. A wiser, and most times older man can seem very interested in you when he is just being nice."
He said knowing what a person's body language means can be learnt over time. Therefore, get to know your man before judging.
He is flirting with you
It is believed that men do not usually listen to, touch, or look into the eyes of women they are not interested in. So if he looks into your eyes occasionally while you are both engaged in conversation, touches you on the arm or on the small of your back, and appears relaxed while doing it, then he is flirting with you.
He's interested in you
If you are seeing him for the first time and he looks at you, raises an eyebrow, stands up straight, smiles, and faces you head-on, then you definitely have his attention. If he instinctively begins to adjust his appearance -- adjusts his tie, fixes his hair, etc -- when you notice him, he is officially letting you know that he is interested.
He's not interested in you
While a man who is interested will subconsciously position himself in the direction to face you, if his face, legs and feet are pointing away from you, then he is expressing a subconscious desire to keep a distance. This is a sure-fire sign that he's not interested.
He wants you for a friend, not a lover
If he does not hesitate to look at other women while in your presence, and adjusts his body language for them and not for you, then he's telling you that you're not date-worthy and he only wants the two of you to be friends.
He's interested in more than just sex
How much a man is interested in you will definitely come out during and after sex. If he is attentive during sex and takes his time in trying to please you, then rest assured, he is interested in more than just the sex. The same remains true if he is not an experienced lover, so do not make excuses for him. If he is really attracted to you, he will maintain eye contact during sexual intercourse. Men don't engage in foreplay, touch, or stare you straight in the eyes if they're not attracted to you.
He's not attracted to you
If he looks away when you look at him during sex, doesn't want to touch you afterward, or pulls away when you approach him, then there is no future in that relationship. He is not into you.
He's not in the mood to talk
If you are trying to have a conversation with your man and he is looking down or away with crossed arms and legs or his jaws tighten, he is simply not in the mood for conversation. Leave the discussion for some other time when he is open to it.
He wants to commit
If he looks into your eyes while having 'that talk' about where the relationship is going, his chest sticks out, voice doesn't crack and he holds you firmly while remaining relaxed and balancing himself on one foot, then he's embracing the moment and is confident of what he wants -- you.
He is needy and unsure
A slouched posture coupled with twitching, fidgeting, and/or needy embraces says that he is either not sure, afraid of being rejected, or desperate to have you in his life. Is this the type of man you want?
He is intimidated by you.
If he avoids eye contact completely while in a conversation, he is either trying to avoid you or he is feeling intimidated by you.
You turn him on
If his pupils become enlarged while looking at you, that means he's being turned on by you.
IN the general sphere of things, men tend to travel light, while women have no problem tagging along heavy carry-ons. However, when it comes to relationships, both sexes are equally guilty of carrying excess baggage. The structure and nature of this baggage varies, with some having the potential to weaken a relationship even faster than others. The time at which one party decides to offload their extra weight on an unsuspecting partner is also of significance.
Counselling psychologist Joan Rhule believes that persons should begin to open up about problems that might affect the relationship from as early as courtship. By doing so, both parties can decide whether they want to go forward with the relationship.
"Don't wait until you are married until you begin to open up, because it doesn't make sense; that can create a dilemma," Rhule said.
Equipment operator Everal Francis agreed, saying that he prefers when a woman is upfront with him about her issues from as early as the dating stage.
"From the genesis of the story, and that's from when you start dating," he stated emphatically, before lamenting: "When people think about dating, they are thinking about locking up in a room together, but that is not so."
He said there are just some things he is just not going to accept from a woman, and heading the list of things he disapproves of is a woman who is a habitual cheater.
"They say most men say they don't have anybody and when you check it out, they have somebody else, but that is the same thing with women too," he pointed out.
Entertainment publicist, 34-year-old Ralston Barrette said one of the heaviest sources of baggage a woman takes into a relationship is mistrust, which stems from having been hurt by another man in a previous relationship.
"Sometimes you really love somebody and you're willing to do anything for them, but the simplest things happen and they get very suspicious and that is very irritating," he said. "I think it is a very unfair thing, and you can't use what happened to your previous relationship against me."
Barrette, who had to call off his wedding after discovering that his fiancée "wasn't who she had claimed to be", believes that not everything about a person can be revealed at the onset of a relationship.
"It would be nice if you could know from the get-go, but that is highly impossible, because it is going to take sometime for you to know them," he said.
Rhule agreed that not everything should be divulged, as some things will not have any bearing on the relationship and are therefore better left unsaid. She pointed to a case where a wife disclosed to her husband that she had been molested by her father, only to have her husband taunt and belittle her using the information she had divulged.
"It should not be disclosed if it will not do any good to the relationship. You have to weigh the pros and the cons before you start to open up about everything. If it does not interfere at all emotionally psychologically and in any way, then you don't have to say anything, because not everybody can handle it," she said.
For Francis, there are just some personal issues that he would never expect a woman to reveal to him, especially if there is no chance of him finding it out in the future.
"You have some things that you can leave in the closet. Especially if you know that it is not going to affect the relationship, then you keep it," he said.
But seeing the dilemma some couples face in not knowing enough about a prospective partner before getting deeper, controversial talk-show host Jerry Springer came up with a dating show known as Baggage which is aired on the Game Show Network nightly. The show allows a contestant to go through nine suitcases, each hiding the deepest secrets of three prospective daters. Based on the revelations, the contestant chooses who he or she wishes to date.
The show has no doubt highlighted the fact that people have various acceptance levels when it comes on to just what they are willing to compromise on when it comes to a relationship.
It has also exposed a range of issues that people consider too heavy a burden to bear when settling down with someone. Some women refuse to accept men with too much debt, serial cheaters, men who are already married, ex-convicts, alcoholics, cross dressers and even men with small penises or men with children.
On the other hand, men refuse to accept women with too many male friends, those who had an aversion to sex, those who never want to have a child, those who only want them for sex and those who don't believe in working, among other issues.
Francis believes both parties will always have issues when entering a relationship, but not all of them have the potential to destroy it.
"You have baggage that people can bind together and reason it out and there are others that you just can't get over," he said.
TOO often break-ups get nasty, as one or both partners find problems with making a smooth transition from couplehood to being single. It's even worse when the break-up is sudden and unexpected; when there was cheating; or when one partner isn't a willing party to the proceedings.
While it's possible, despite the above, for some persons to go quietly back to the single life, others do some things -- often considered crazy -- as they try to get back at the ex lover who they believe has scorned them. Below we present some stories of break-ups gone wrong, as told by you, our readers.
Panty hustler
I told my live-in ex to move out when I realised that we were no longer compatible. I gave him time to leave, months actually. The deadline came and went and he still looked like he had no intention of going, and he would constantly make references to trying to work things out. I finally told him that I was with someone else and within a couple days he said he had found an apartment. I saw him take up a pair of panties he had bought me, which I didn't have a chance to wear. He put them in his bag and said he was taking it back since I didn't wear it. That was low. I hope he doesn't plan on giving it to someone else. I can't believe I wasted years of my life with someone who would take back panties he bought.
-- Ellie
Constant stalker
A year after our break-up, my ex was still calling and texting. At first I had encouraged it because I thought he needed to vent, and I provided a listening ear for him to talk. The situation got old quickly though, and by three months I was worn out. I couldn't understand why he was taking so long to get over a relationship which had lasted less than a year. So after a year of listening and playing counsellor, I told him that we had to cut all ties. He didn't take it well, needless to say to this day, a year and a half later, he still calls, and prevents me from having another boyfriend by showing up constantly on my dates and even showing up at my office sometimes. I had to take out a protection order.
-- Patrice
He snooped
I was intimate with this man for just a few months when we broke up. It was an amicable break-up, no hard feelings on either of our parts. We acknowledged that we would still be friends, and we continued as friends for a while. We would still go out whenever I was bored and I could call on him to do things around my house. One day though, I was outside and he was supposed to be in my bedroom fixing a shelf that I had broken. I came in to find him going through my drawers, and taking out some of my underwear to stuff in his pockets. When I asked what he was doing, he tried to joke it off, but I was so creeped out, that I stopped talking to him after that.
-- Jada
He crashed the car
I always knew my ex boyfriend was a little high-strung -- he would do things like punch the walls and smash plates when he was angry. He cheated on me so I broke up with him, and I imagined that he would be fine, since I assumed that in cheating, he was giving me a message that he was tired of me. He seemed to accept it at first, and a few weeks later I was in a plaza with a male friend from work when my ex drove his car up. He came so fast, that he hit a median with his car, and totally destroyed some of his front end. Then to make matters worse, even while there was oil and coolant spilling all over the place, all he did was get out, slam the door and proceeded to call me all kinds of names in front of my co-worker. I've never been so embar****ed in my life, but I took much pleasure in the fact that he mashed up his car bad, bad.
-- Natasha
Cry, cry baby
My boyfriend was always super emotional so when we were breaking up I expected him to want to do a lot of soul searching. But I didn't expect him to cry real tears when I told him, which was inside a restaurant in the middle of the lunch crowd. There we were sitting and when I told him I needed space he burst out crying. Few people started snickering, some of the men laughed, but my ex did nothing but continue wailing, even getting down on his knees and proposing. It was so embar****ing, especially since it was a place that I always ate at and there was snot and all that kinda stuff. After that experience, I found a new lunch spot.
-- Lisa
MAINTAINING AN ERECTION AND ERECTILE DISFUNCTION MEN THIS ONE IS FOR U!!!
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When a man is sexually stimulated by sight, thought, or touch, the brain sends signals that relax the smooth muscles around the arteries that supply *lo** to the spongy and cavernous bodies. The veins draining the bodies can't keep up, resulting in swelling. As the swelling reaches the limit of the penile skin, the penis becomes firm. The pressure of the spongy and cavernous bodies against the skin partially closes the veins, helping to maintain the erection. Erection continues until the signals from the brain stop, but erections are not consistent; waking and waning are normal, even during intercourse.
Erection can occur throughout life, happening before birth and into the 90's in healthy men. Nocturnal erections occur during all male dreams (regardless of what the dream is about), unless the man has physical problems (this is the easiest way to determine if impotence is physical or emotional in nature). The so called "morning erection" is the result of being wakened during, or just after a dream; and it can be a very persistent erection. While a morning erection is not a sign of arousal, it's presents and the pleasurable sensations it can create may result in arousal.
Men have only very limited control over their erections. During puberty the young man is often embar****ed by erection in public settings, but he gradually becomes able to suppress erections when the stimulation is mild. Likewise, it is impossible to "will" an erection, although sexual thoughts can cause erection. During prolonged foreplay a man's erection may go away; this is normal, and is not a sign of lessening interest.
General health and physical exhaustion can affect erection; when very tired, a man may be able to have only a partial erection, but still be able to climax. Erection is lost in two stages; the initial stage is very quick, but usually leaves the penis firm enough to continue intercourse. The second stage is somewhat slower and is effected by a variety of things including age (which tends to speed it), and arousal level before climax, with higher (or longer) pre-climax arousal generally resulting in slower lose of erection
Although the head (or glands) of the penis is very sensitive to touch, touch alone does not bring about an erection. The epicenter responsible for such essential arousal is actually within the brain. Only after the brain receives visual, audio or mentally stimulating input will it transmit (via the central nervous system) instructions to the smooth muscles along the penis to relax. 
Specifically the release of nitric oxide in the corpora cavernosa relaxes the smooth muscles. At the same time, the artery to the penis widen to twice its diameter, increasing the *lo** flow sixteen-fold, and the veins which carry *lo** away from the penis are blocked. As a result, the two spongy-tissue chambers in the shaft of the penis fill with *lo** and the penis becomes firm. The corpora cavernosa, acting like a sponge, fill with *lo**. 
In fact, the corpora absorb up to eight times more *lo** than when the penis is flaccid. As your penis swells and lengthens, the filled corpora cavernosa press against the veins. The veins surrounding the chambers are squeezed almost completely shut by this pressure. The veins are unable to drain *lo** out of the penis and so the penis becomes rigid and erect. This condition normally keeps this erection firm enough for intercourse.
At this most basic level this function is considered to be normal if a man is able to maintain his erection sufficiently long to engage in satisfying intercourse and the subsequent ejaculation. The length of time a man might stay continuously erect can be on the average be about 30 - 45 minutes. Of course the duration of his erection vary greatly, in which case it may be a shorter or a great deal longer. After ejaculation or cessation of further stimulation to the penis itself or to the brain excess *lo** will be allowed to drain away, while the level of *lo** flow into the penis returns to normal. The penis once again becomes flaccid as it loses the built up pressure.
Erectile quality or intensity may depend on the nature in which the brain is stimulated. Acts as simple as kissing or "petting" are at times sufficiently arousing to bring about an erection. Viewing a sexually titillating movie or photographs will arouse most men to erection. Beyond this the particular nature of erotic images will have varying effects, as men tend to have a broad range of sexual tastes and desires. While some men may become highly aroused by mundane stimulation, others thrive on fetishes.
The male libido is often receptive to a great variety of stimulation. To consider a man sexually dysfunctional solely by measuring his arousal during intercourse, with a long term partner, is simply too limited as well as illogical. Certainly there are men who are not only fulfilled, but thrive in life-long monogamous relationships. This confirms the notion that there is great variation between the needs and sensibilities among men. It would be a mistake however to insist that all men can achieve the same purpose, blissfully maintaining a long-term relationship, which is both sexually and emotionally satisfying.
What if things aren't quite working that way. There are a number of conditions which may diminish or otherwise influence this process, these are known and considered under one very general catch all term: Erectile Dysfunction, which is technically defined as "the inability to achieve or maintain an erection sufficient for sexual intercourse". This is one of the most common sexual ailments in men. Although erectile dysfunction can be primarily psychological in origin, for most men it's more likely a physical disorder, often with some psychological overlay. While some men assume that erectile failure is a natural part of the aging process and tolerate it; others find it devastating. Withdrawal from sexual intimacy because of fear of failure can damage relationships and have a profound effect on overall well being for the couple.
The Massachusetts Male Aging Study measured several health related variables in 1290 men aged 40 to 70 years. Erectile dysfunction was very common. Fifty two per cent of the men reported some degree of impotence-mild in 17.1%, moderate in 25.2%, and complete in 9.6%. Complete impotence was reported by 5% of men at 40 years of age and 15% at 70 years of age.
Over the past decades, the medical perspective on the causes of impotence has shifted. Common wisdom used to attribute almost all cases of impotence to psychological factors. Now investigators estimate that between 70% and 80% of impotence cases are caused by medical problems. It is often difficult to determine if the cause of erectile dysfunction is physical or psychological, or even some combination. The following may be helpful in understanding the difference.
- Psychological impotence tends to be abrupt and related to a recent situation. The invidual may be able to have an erection in some circumstances but not in others. The inability to experience or maintain an erection upon waking up in the morning suggests that the problem is physical rather than psychological.
- Physical impotence occurs gradually but continuously over a period of time. If impotence persists over a three-month period and is not due to a stressful event, drug use, alcohol, or medical conditions, the individual may needs to seek medical attention from a urologist specializing in impotence.
In virtually every case of impotence, there are emotional issues that can seriously affect the man's self-esteem and relationships, and may even cause or perpetuate erectile dysfunction. Many men tend to fault themselves for their impotence even if it is clearly caused by physical problems over which they have little control.
Anxiety has both emotional and physical consequences that can affect erectile function. It is among the most frequently cited contributors to psychological impotence. Anxiety over sexual performance is often referred to as performance anxiety and may provoke an intense fear of failure and self-doubt. It can sometimes set off a cycle of chronic impotence. In response to anxiety, the brain releases chemicals known as neurotransmitters that constrict the smooth muscles of the penis and its arteries. This constriction reduces the *lo** flow into and increases the *lo** flow out of the penis. Simple stress may even promote the release of brain chemicals that negatively affect potency in a similar way.
Depression is strongly associated with erectile dysfunction. In one study, 82% of men who reported moderate to severe erectile dysfunction also had symptoms of depression. Depression can certainly reduce sexual desire, but it is often not clear which condition came first.
Problems in Relationships often have a direct impact on sexual functioning. Partners of men with erectile dysfunction may feel rejected and resentful, particularly if the affected man does not confide his own anxieties or depression. Both partners commonly experience guilt for what they each perceive as a personal failure. Tension and anger frequently arise between people who are unable to discuss sexual or emotional issues with each other. It can be very difficult for the man to perform sexually when both partners harbor negative feelings.
Socioeconomic Issueslike losing a job or having lower income or education increases the risk for impotence.
Smoking (particularly heavy) is frequently cited as a contributory factor in the development of impotence.
Alcohol has also been implicated in causing impotence. In small doses, alcohol releases inhibitions, but in doses larger than one drink, it can depress the central nervous system and impair sexual function.
Lack of Frequent Erections deprive the penis of oxygen-rich *lo**. Without daily erections, collagen production increases and eventually may form a tough tissue that interferes with *lo** flow. The spontaneous erection men experience while sleeping or awake may be a natural protection against this process.
The Physical causes of Erectile Dysfunction
Blockage of *lo** Vessels The primary cause of oxygen deprivation is ischemia, the blockage of *lo** vessels. The same conditions that cause blockage in the *lo** vessels leading to heart problems may also contribute to erectile dysfunction. For example, when cholesterol and other factors are imbalanced, a fatty substance called plaque forms on artery walls. As the plaque builds up, the arterial walls slowly constrict, reducing *lo** flow. This process, known as arteriosclerosis, is the major contributor to the development of coronary heart disease.
Diabetes may contribute to as many as 40% of impotence cases . Between one third and one half of all diabetic men report some form of sexual difficulty.
High *lo** Pressure Erectile dysfunction is more common and more severe in men with hypertension than it is in the general population. Many of the drugs used to treat hypertension are thought to cause impotence as a side effect; in these cases, it is reversible when the drugs are stopped.
Parkinson's Disease As a risk factor for impotence, Parkinson's disease (PD) is an under-appreciated problem. It is estimated that about one-third of men with PD experience impotence.
Multiple Sclerosis affects the central nervous system, also precipitates sexual dysfunction in as many as 78% of males suffering for MS.
Prostate Cancer and its Treatments can damage nerves needed for erectile function.
Radiation the side effects of radiation therapy include most of those of surgery, but the risks for impotence and incontinence are considerably lower.
Medications about a quarter of all cases of impotence can be attributed to medications. Many drugs pose a risk for erectile dysfunction. Among the drugs that are common causes of impotence are the following:
- Drugs used in chemotherapy.
- Many drugs taken for high *lo** pressure, particularly diuretics and beta blockers.
- Most drugs used for psychological disorders, including anti-anxiety drugs, anti-psychotic drugs, and antidepressants.
Physical Trauma, Stress or Injury
Injury : spinal cord injury and pelvic trauma, such as a pelvic fracture, can cause nerve damage that results in impotence.
Bicycling : studies have indicated that regular bicycling may pose a risk for erectile dysfunction by reducing *lo** flow to the penis.
Vasectomy : does not cause erectile dysfunction. When impotence occurs after this procedure, it is often in men whose female partners were unable to accept the operation.
Hormonal Abnormalities : Hypogonadism in men is a deficiency in male hormones, usually due to an abnormality in the testicles, which secrete these hormones. It affects 4 to 5 million men in the United States.
Low Testosterone Levels : only about 5% of men who see a physician about erectile dysfunction have low levels of testosterone, the primary male hormone. In general, lower testosterone levels appear to reduce sexual interest, not cause impotence. A 1999 study, however, suggests that testosterone levels are not an accurate reflection of sexual drive.
Lifestyle changes to help prevent Erectile Dysfunction
Maintain General Health : Because many cases of impotence are due to reduced *lo** flow from blocked arteries, it is important to maintain the same lifestyle habits as those who face an increased risk for heart disease.
Diet : Everyone should eat a diet rich in fresh fruits and vegetables, whole grains, and fiber and low in saturated fats and sodium. Because erectile dysfunction is often related to circulation problems, diets that benefit the heart are especially important.
Exercise : A regular exercise program is extremely important. One study reported that older men who ran 40 miles a week boosted their testosterone levels by 25% compared to their inactive peers. Another study found that men who burned 200 calories or more a day in physical activity (which can be achieved by two miles of brisk walking) cut their risk of erectile dysfunction by half compared to men who did not exercise.
Limit Alcohol and Quitting Smoking : Men who drink alcohol should do so in moderation. Quitting smoking is essential.
Stay Sexually Active: Staying sexually active can help prevent impotence. Frequent erections stimulate *lo** flow to the penis. It may be helpful to note that erections are firmest during deep sleep right before waking up. Autumn is the time of the year when male hormone levels are highest and sexual activity is most frequent.
Kegel Exercises : The Kegel exercise is a simple exercise commonly used by people who have urinary incontinence and by pregnant women. It may also be helpful for men whose erectile dysfunction is caused by impaired *lo** circulation. The exercises consist of tightening and releasing the pelvic muscle that controls urination
Changing or Reducing Medications : If medications are causing impotence, the patient and physician should discuss alternatives or reduced dosages.
Psychotherapy and Behavioral Therapy Interpersonal, supportive, or behavioral therapy can be of help to a patient during all phases of the decision-making process regarding possible methods of treatment. Therapy may also ease the adjustment period after the initiation or completion of treatment. It is beneficial to have the partner involved in this process. The value of sex therapy is questionable. In one study, 12 out of 20 men whose dysfunction had a psychological basis and who were advised to enter a sex clinic resisted sex therapy out of embar****ment or because they felt it wouldn't help. Of the eight who entered therapy, only one actually achieved satisfactory sex.
Treatment with medication
Viagra : is now prescribed in over 90% of erectile dysfunction cases. Studies indicate that it helps 70% of patients achieve sexual function. In one 1999 study, overall male satisfaction was 65%. Not surprisingly, the best results occurred in men who had the fewest sexual problems before treatment, but even men with severe erectile dysfunction had a 41% satisfaction rate. A 2000 study of men who had responded well initially to sildenafil found that 96% of them were satisfied with the treatment after two to three years.
Administration and Effect Sildenafil is effective within 20 to 40 minutes. The drug works only when the man experiences some sexual arousal.
Mechanism of Actions Sildenafil was originally developed for heart disease, but was found to have a unique mechanism of action that targeted only factors in the penis. The drug blocks the enzyme phosphodiesterase. This action maintains persistent levels of cyclic GMP, a chemical that is produced in the penis during sexual arousal and which is the primary chemical that relaxes smooth muscles and increases *lo** flow.
Common Side Effects Common side effects include the following:
- Flushing.
- Muscle aches.
- Gastrointestinal distress.
- Headache.
- Nasal congestion.
Cialis : is a potent and highly-selective PDE5 inhibitor and may not affect other parts of the body, including the brain, heart, kidney and eyes. Clinical trials are reporting significant success rates in up to 88% of patients. It appears to take effect in 15 minutes and the effects last up to 24 hours. Improved results were reported in men suffering from erectile dysfunction of varying severity and causes. Common side effects include headache, muscle pain, stomach upset following meals, and back pain.
Vardenafil : is another PDE5 inhibitor currently being investigated. A small study concluded that it increased penile rigidity and tumescence. Further evaluation is warranted.
Testosterone Replacement Therapy
Testosterone replacement therapy may be effective in inducing puberty in adolescent boys with hypogonadism and may also be helpful for some adult patients with the condition. Some experts believe testosterone replacement therapy also may be helpful for older men whose testosterone levels are deficient.
Other procedures and devices
Vacuum Devices : Vacuum devices, or external management systems, are effective, safe, and simple to use for all forms of impotence except when severe scarring has occurred from Peyronie's disease.
Using the Device
- The man places the penis inside a plastic cylinder.
- A vacuum is created, which causes *lo** to flow into the penis, thereby creating an erection.
- A band is tightly secured around the base of the penis, which retains the erection, and the cylinder is removed.
- It takes about three to five minutes to produce an erection.
Drawback: Lack of spontaneity is this method's only major drawback. The erection involves only part of the penis shaft, and the process will certainly seem peculiar in the beginning. When these psychological obstacles are overcome, many couples find the result highly satisfactory.
Success rate: Studies have found that success with the vacuum device is equal to other methods. Between 56% and 67% of men using it reported the device to be effective. In one study of men who had used the vacuum device for many years, almost 79% reported improvement in their relationships with their sexual partners, and 83.5% said they had intercourse whenever they chose. Nevertheless, drop out rates are high. In one 1999 study, for example, the overall drop out rate was 65%.
Side effects: include blocked ejaculation and some discomfort during pumping and from use of the band. Minor bruising may occur, although infrequently. It is very important to use a medically approved pump.
Venous Flow Controllers (c**k rings) :
Vacuumless devices that trap *lo** within the penis are also available. They are called venous flow controllers or simple constricting devices. These devices are typically rubber or silicone rings or tubes that are placed at the base of the erect penis to trap the erection. They can be used by men who can achieve erections but lose them easily. These devices should not be used for longer than 30 minutes or lack of oxygen can damage the penis.
Penile Implants
Three types of surgical implants are currently being used for the treatment of erectile dysfunction:
- A hydraulic implant consists of two cylinders placed within the erection chambers of the penis and a pump. The pump releases a saline solution into the chambers to cause an erection, and removes the solution to deflate the erection.
- A penile prosthesis is composed of two semi-rigid but bendable rods that are placed inside the erection chambers of the penis. The penis can then be manipulated to an erect or non-erect position.
- A third implant uses interlocking soft plastic blocks that can be inflated or deflated using a cable that passes through them.
Other alternative treatments
Many alternative agents are marketed for impotence. Very few have been studied and some can be harmful.
Yohimbine (Yocon, Yohimex) has been used as folk medicine for years. It appears to improve *lo** flow. Studies have been inconclusive about its benefits.
Aphrodisiacs Aphrodisiacs are substances that are supposed to increase sexual drive, performance, or desire. Some examples include the following:
- Viramax is a well-marketed product that contains Yohimbine and three herbal aphrodisiacs: Catuaba, Muira puama, and Maca. It has not been proven to be either effective or safe and interactions with medications are unknown.
- Foods that some people claim have aphrodisiacal qualities include chilies, chocolate, licorice, lard, scallops, oysters, olives, and anchovies. No evidence exists for these claims and certainly no one would ever advocate eating large amounts of such foods, which in cases such as licorice and lard, can be dangerous.
- Spanish fly, or cantharides, which is made from dried beetles, is the most widely-touted aphrodisiac and is particularly harmful. It irritates the urinary and genital tract and can cause infection, scarring, and burning of the mouth and throat. In some cases, it can be life threatening.
No one should try any aphrodisiac without consulting a physician.
Still other alternative remedies
In one small study, 78% of men who had impotence caused by impaired *lo** flow regained erections after taking ginkgo. More research is needed.
Ginseng root is a traditional Asian remedy for stimulating sexual function, although no studies have been conducted on its effectiveness.
MEN YOU ALL NEED TO SEE THIS.....MOUNT EVEREST!! MAAAAAAAAAD!!!!!!!!!
-- Edited by PATRICK on Thursday 14th of May 2009 05:01:32 AM
FEMALE sexual dysfunction can involve a decrease in sexual arousal or in rare cases, an increase in sexual responsiveness. Many physical and psychological factors can lead to sexual dysfunction in women. Physical causes can include certain medicines (such as oral contraceptives and chemotherapy drugs), diseases (such as diabetes or high *lo** pressure), excessive alcohol use or vaginal infections.
Psychological factors include depression, relationship problems, abuse (current or past abuse), and everyday stresses of life.
Some women may have less sexual desire during pregnancy, right after childbirth or when they are breastfeeding. It has also been shown that after menopause, many women feel less sexual desire, have vaginal dryness or have pain during intercourse. This is due to a decrease in oestrogen.
There are five major categories of decreased responsiveness and one of increased responsiveness (persistent genital arousal disorder):
1. Desire disorder: This occurs when women are not interested in having sex or have less sexual desire than they are used to. It is the absence of, or a decrease in sexual interest, desire and an absence of responsiveness.
2. Arousal disorder: This is when women don't feel a sexual response in their body or when they cannot stay sexually aroused. It is a lack of subjective or genital arousal or both.
3. Orgasmic disorder: This is when you can't have an orgasm despite high levels of stimulation, or you have pain during orgasm.
4. Vaginismus: This is reflexive tightening around the vagina when vaginal entry is attempted or completed. Gynaecologist Dr Errol Daley explained that approximately one in every 5,000 Jamaican women are affected by this disorder.
5. Dyspareunia: This is pain during attempted or completed vaginal penetration or intercourse.
6. Persistent genital arousal disorder: This involves excessive genital arousal.
Fortunately, these conditions can be treated with the help of therapy and support.
"[A problem like] vaginismus is treatable and requires that the therapist work with the woman and her partner where possible, to help overcome the psychological fears associated with intercourse. The process is a gradual one but results are usually rewarding and the couple can be helped to enjoy the benefits of a healthy and satisfying sex life," clinical sexologist Dr Karen Carpenter said.
Some women may not be distressed or bothered by decreased or absent sexual desire, interest, arousal, or orgasm, and so the situation is not a problem for them.
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